A Fool's Revenge.

It’s been two weeks and I have been avoiding everybody, even Priscilla. I only go to work, hiding if one of the boys comes in, and going home. I felt ripped apart inside. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. It was my day off and being the lonely person I am, I stayed in bed and watched TV only leaving to use the bathroom or get something to eat.

I was trying to ignore the persistent ringing of my phone but I finally got pissed off enough to answer it.

“What?!” I screamed at whoever has been calling me for the past hour non-stop.

“OH, Feisty. I like it.” I calmed down a little when I checked to see who was calling and Danny’s name scrawled across my screen.

“What do you want Danny?” I sighed. I didn’t want to be mean to him, he didn’t do anything to me. Nobody really did but I knew Danny wouldn’t bug me about all of my shit.

“I heard that you were a photographer and ours just quit. We’re about to go on warped tour and need one so I guess I was just wondering if you’re up for it.” he offered. Warped starts in about two months, this isn’t as last minute but I wasn’t sure if I would be totally up for it.

“I’d have to talk to my boss because I’d like to have a job when I get back.” I sighed and rationalized this situation; going around seeing the country and doing something I really enjoyed along with being able to listen to bands I really liked would be really amazing.

“Dave will give you your job back no matter what!” he argued and I chuckled. First time I’ve laughed in two weeks.

“I know but just let me talk to him tomorrow at work and I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Nope. I’ll call him right now.” He hung up and I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. a few minutes later my phone rang again and it was Danny.

“You’re good to go, love. When we get closer to kick off, I’ll call you to let you know where you gotta go.” I could hear the happiness flowing from his voice and it made me smile. I was so nervous too. I would spending two months, give or take, in places I wasn’t familiar with and with people I didn’t know that well.

“Okay, I guess I’ll talk to you then.” I mumbled and planted my face to my pillow.

“What’s wrong, Jayme?” oh that dreaded fucking question.

“Nothing Danny, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” With my semi-good mood now gone, I hung up the phone and tossed it somewhere on my bed.


I must have fallen asleep because I woke up and it was around five thirty. The only reason I woke up is I could hear banging coming from downstairs. I stumbled out of my bed and groggily answered the door. I saw James and Danny standing before me as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. They pushed their way in and sat down on my couch.

“What?” I griped, not being in the mood for visitors. They looked at me with concerned eyes. I’m sure they saw what I did when I looked in the mirror; I was thinner and definitely paler from the last time I saw them and then I realized I was wearing very short pajama shorts with a tee shirt. I instantly slap myself in the forehead at how stupid I was.

“Jayme…” James sighed as his stare stayed fixed on my scarred thighs. The only one who knew was Mike, I doubt Ben even noticed. Priscilla doesn’t even know.

“Don’t. I, I’m sorry.” I apologized as I ran up to my room and locked the door, sliding down and pulling my knees up. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to wear shorts and invite people into my house. They saw and now all they will see of me is a cutter with serious people issues.

“Jayme, please let me in.” James knocked lightly on my door. I reluctantly unlocked my door and scooted to the end of my bed, still curled up thinking of how bad this is. I could see him walk in, shut the door behind him and lock it before sitting next to me. He pulled me close and I cried into his shirt.

I let out everything I had been holding in for two weeks into the comfort of James’ embrace.

“Shh, Don’t cry, love. It’s gonna be okay.” he cooed and tried to calm my shaking body.

“No, it’s not going to be okay. I’m a terrible person.” I sobbed out.

“You’re a wonderful person, don’t you dare think that about yourself” he rubbed little circles on my arm causing Goosebumps to rise.

“I am though. I’m the most toxic person. I ruin people.” I snapped. I needed this; I need to just vent it out.

“I broke a guy’s heart. He’s love me since high school! Fuck, he still loves me and I didn’t have the balls to tell him I liked him because I’m not even sure of my feelings anymore. I have single handedly become a whore overnight basically and a back stabbing one nonetheless. My bestfriend probably hates me right now!” I punched the footer of my bed, probably breaking my hand but I didn’t feel it. “My life is one big fucking joke.” I mumbled and he looked at me sadly.

“You are not a whore; I doubt you ever have been. You need to clear things up with that dude, clearly but I think what you need to do is focus on getting yourself better because you are on hell of a person. I think you’re the only female my band has ever been around that we actually fucking like as a person and not as an object to put our dicks in. you’re amazing whether you care to believe it or not.” He raised his voice to get the point across and it just brought more tears to my eyes. I don’t think I have ever hugged someone so tightly before.

“Thank you.” I whispered as I calmed myself down. There was no more that needed to be said, he knew that. We both walked out of my room, him still holding me close as we got to the kitchen where Danny was making food. I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest so they couldn’t stare at the scars.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Danny said as he placed some pasta with white sauce in front of
me and James.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled as I twirled the pasta around my fork and pulled it into my mouth.

“I think you should. We’re probably the only people out of everyone you’re gonna get to know that are totally trust worthy with anything.” James chuckled and I cracked a smile.

“It’s just such a long overdrawn story.”

“So, this is about Mike then?’ Danny cocked his eyebrow but didn’t look at me.

“Yeah but there’s more to it I guess.” I chewed on the inside of my lip and thought about it all. It had been so much more than just feelings for each other.

“We can stay all night. We’re here to hear you out after all. I mean, everyone is worrying about you and I’d rather go back and say you’re fine and not to worry than you not tell us anything.” Danny sighed and looked at me through clouded eyes.

I explained everything, minus most of the high school stuff. They sat back in shock as I wiped the few tears that found their way out.

“It’s gonna be fine. I’m sure Mike’s just a little hurt, he’ll get over it.” Danny assured but I knew I eventually had to face Mike. I don’t when but I had to.

“Yeah, Mike’s a big boy. You really need to tell him how you feel though.” James added and I looked at him like I was shooting daggers.

“If it was that fucking easy don’t you think I would have done it by now?” I snipped and continued to eat the almost-fettuccini Alfredo. I finished it quickly and out my dish in the sink before sitting back with the two boys.

“Obviously but at some point you both need to talk about this.” Danny said like he was know-all.

“I know that but I have to figure out my feelings because there’s parts of me that really like Mike then there’s parts of me that really like someone else.” I muttered and drew circles on the wood surface of my kitchen table.

“Who is the other person?” James asked with an intent look on his face. I blushed because in reality, it was two people that I also liked.

“Well, it’s really two people. I know one is probably nothing more than just sexual tensions but like my mind is so confused.” I sighed and looked deep into James’ eyes.

“So then who are they?” Danny pushed.

“James and Ben.” I mumbled as quietly as I could. I knew me liking Ben was probably just about the sex but James; there was just something so sweet about him. He treated me better than anyone even during the foursome he was gentler than Ben and Mike.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” I muttered under my breath and dropped my head onto the table causing a loud thus to sound through the silence.

“I get it.” James muttered and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it ever so softly.

“There’s no hard feelings for whomever you pick but at some point you’re gonna have to choose.” He smiled sweetly at me. I was glad he wasn’t pissed off or made it all awkward because I don’t think I can lose another friend.

“Mind giving us a minute, mate?” Danny said to James and he walked out the back door. I looked up at him and it was like he was looking into my head, trying to figure out what was going on up there.

“Okay. I’m gonna ask you to sort it all out now. Explain why you like each one of them.” I looked at him like he was crazy but he made a motion for me to start explaining so I thought and figured I’d start with Ben.

“Well, I think the reason I’m so drawn to Ben is because he’s just, I don’t know, bad..? there’s something so alluring about it, you know?” he nodded. I could tell he was just gonna let me explain it all before he put his two cents in.

“I like James because, well, he’s nice to me. I mean he literally told me I was a beautiful person upstairs and I want someone like that. And he was so nice during the… never mind.” I stopped myself from revealing that night and Danny rolled his eyes.

“We all know that you, Ben, James and Mike slept together. We heard you all.” He smiled and I blushed hard.

“Well, he was just gentler than Mike and Ben. I don’t think he would hurt me like Mike would or Ben might.” I sighed. He just nodded his head for me to continue.

“As for Mike, it’s kind of the same as Ben, he’s so alluring but with all of our past, I know we’re no good for each other. It’s a vicious cycle between us. We sleep with each other, get hurt then fight. It’s how it’s always been but we always seem to come back to each other.” I rubbed my face and he studied me before clearing his throat to speak.

“It seems as though maybe you just need to screw Ben to get it out of your system then kick him to the curb, he’s a player anyways. As for James, he is a really good guy and would definitely treat you right, might be an asshole sometimes but he’s good at heart. And well, Mike is sort of like Ben, he’s a player too but the kid told you he loved you!” he paused and searched my eyes for something but the only thing he would find was conflicted sadness. “Just talk to him. you two need to sort things out the proper way instead of you ignoring him and making everyone worry.” He chuckled lightly before getting up. he let James back in and we sat for a little longer just talking before they both left, saying they would call tomorrow to check up on me.

I let them go with a nice goodbye hug, quietly thanking Danny for helping me sort some things out and thanking James for making me feel better.
Seeing as I had slept all day, I made some more food because I was still a little hungry and went back up to my room to watch some movies until I eventually fell asleep.

I thought about all that Danny said and I think he was right; Ben was just lust and I needed to get it out of my system so I would do that first, James is sweet so I think I’ll just feel him out for a little bit then I’ll talk to Mike. I’m not going to force anything, I’m just gonna let it all happen.

Now I just need to work on me and getting myself in check, feelings and issues alike.

Notes

So much going on! I know, yell at me but it'll all be worth it, I promise!

Let me know what you think about Jayme's little love triangle she has going.

Thanks for reading/commenting/subscribing<3