“If I don’t call you in a few days, it’s because I’m grounded,” I said with a roll of my eyes. I stretched out my limbs and yawned. Kayla chuckled a little and shook her head.

“Take care of your shit,” she encouraged, nudging me back. I smiled and leaned forward, kissing the corner of her mouth.

“See ya,” I said, turning away and exiting her apartment.

I cringed at myself. I haven’t told Kayla that I loved her in a while. She seemed to not notice, but I noticed. I could tell that she wasn’t saying it because I wasn’t saying it. I didn’t know why, I couldn’t get the words out. I loved her but I felt like when I openly said it, the entire world—Alyssa—could hear.

“Two weeks away to deal with this shit and I’m still confused,” I admitted to myself in a mutter. I felt better but, fuck, what did I expect? That if I ran away, disappeared for a little while, all of my problems and feelings would go away? That everything would go back to normal upon my return? I felt like an idiot because, honestly, I did expect that, hence my being with Kayla last night. But now here I was, a new day pounding into my brain, reprimanding me for thinking that things could be that easy. I guess last night I just needed to pretend that it was—that I could be with Kayla while Alyssa was a few miles away. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t spit a simple “I love you” to Kayla, without feeling like I was betraying them both. I could physically be with her, obviously, but now I guess it didn’t mean as much to me as I thought it did, considering I wasn’t really emotionally there.

I growled to myself, over my thoughts. I needed to stop rationalizing things. I couldn’t stop though—thinking, thinking, thinking. I was always thinking. I was always trying to make things make sense in my head but sometimes that just couldn’t do the trick. Sometimes it made things even more jumbled up than before.

I sighed and fought the urge to drive back to Big Bear to seclude myself for a few years, driving back home instead. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the Perry’s to be there or not. I didn’t exactly want to face Alyssa but maybe if they were there Mike would be a little nicer. I guess I would just have to find out.

When I arrived, I walked in sneakily just like last night. I inhaled deeply, opening up the door. I half expected Mike to pounce on me right as I came in, but that didn’t happen. I stood in the doorway for a few seconds, looking around but I didn’t see anyone. I frowned a little and closed the door, walking further into the house. I couldn't’ see or hear Mike anywhere, so I walked to the back door and peered through the glass.

He was sitting on a chair by our pool, his feet propped up on another and his head back, dark shades sitting on his face. His arm was draped out, a cigarette hanging loosely between his fingers, and he was holding a phone up to his ear with his other hand. I sighed and decided to face him. I slid open the back door, squinting a little at the bright sun.

Mike looked up at the sound of the door opening and closing. He nodded at me and then spoke into his phone for a second, then he hung up. He sat up just as I got to him, and I sat in a neighboring chair.

“Hey,” I said. Mike glanced at me and picked up his beer from the ground, taking a sip while keeping eye contact with me. I shifted a little uncomfortably and looked away. I stared at the rippling pool water, zoning out a little.

“Hey,” Mike said. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Good.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you write a lot of stuff?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Good.”

“Mhm.”

“Does your head feel better?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Yeah.” These were the best and worst kinds of conversations—one word conversations. This was when I really knew Mike was mad, but at least I didn’t have to respond as much.

“You’re serious about Kayla?”

“Uh, yeah,” I mumbled, furrowing my eyebrows. That’s what I tell myself anyway. I blinked, shutting my thoughts off before they could unravel again.

Mike pursed his lips. He was up to something and I didn't like that. “Okay then. You need to invite her over.”

“That’s not a problem…” I said, confused.

“…and Alyssa too,” he added.

I laughed out loud. But it wasn’t a happy, amused laugh; it was sardonic. “What are you trying to do?” I demanded.

“Help you.”

“Help me?!”

“Yes. You’re unbalanced. Getting them together will balance your life out. And then you’ll know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Know what?” I asked, but he just shook his head. “…It will turn everything to shit!” I argued. I didn’t want these two lives to collide, I didn’t think I was ready for that.

“Listen, Alyssa is here and she’s not going anywhere. Things will be worse if you let them discover each other on accident,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but—”

“No, Vic,” Mike cut me off. “It’s not just you who is affected by all this. How do you think Alyssa feels? How do you think Kayla will feel when she finds out Alyssa’s been here? How do you think Tony, or Mrs. Perry, or I feel?”

“Mike, please don’t—”

“Vic!”

I sighed in defeat. This wasn’t all about me. The past two weeks I’ve been selfish; I needed to fix things more openly. He was right, I couldn’t just shut down like that. I needed to deal with the problem. I was just so bad at doing that. “Okay, Mike. You’re right,” I sighed again.

“I know I am,” he said smugly. I rolled my eyes and stood up. “You’re going to call now?”

“Do I have to?” I bit my lip.

“Of course you have to. Go,” he urged. I sighed and took my phone out, waving it at him sarcastically.

I took a deep breath—I didn’t let it out. I held the air compact in my lungs as I dialed Alyssa’s number. I wanted to make sure she was available before I called Kayla.

“Hi, Vic,” she answered a few rings later. I slowly let the air out, letting her voice ring in my ears. She was quiet, almost shy sounding.

“Hey,” I said into the phone.

“What’s up?”

“I was wondering, are you and Tony available…” my voice trailed off. I turned around and looked at Mike for help. He mouthed the word “tonight” and I groaned. “Uh, tonight?” I asked. I sat back down on a chair next to Mike, waiting her response.

“Yeah, I think so, sure. Why?” she replied after a moment.

“Uh…” Mike pointed to the outdoor grill. “We’re having a barbeque tonight.” Mike nodded approvingly and gave me a thumbs up. “Um, all the guys plus you, y’know, just to catch up, hang by the pool, have some drinks, something fun,” I rambled a little.

“That sounds really fun, Vic!” she said happily. I smiled a little and Mike smirked at me.

“Great!” I exclaimed. Before I could close up the conversation, Mike kicked me in the leg. I snapped my head towards his and glared at him, giving him a “what the fuck” look.

“Tell her,” he mouthed. I cringed and my face twisted. Mike didn’t look sympathetic. But why should I feel bad for having a girlfriend after all this time? Why do I feel so bad about it?

“Um, also, I, uh, wanted you to maybe meet… someone…” I bit my lip. I couldn't do it; it hurt too much. It wasn’t right. I shouldn’t be introducing Alyssa to another girl! Mike kicked my shin again and I hissed at him. “Er, Kayla, the, uh, girl I’m seeing…” I said quietly.

“Oh, okay,” she said. “That fine. Sure, Vic,” she said. Her voice sounded a little passive but I chose to ignore it. This wasn’t easy for me but it definitely couldn’t be easy for her, too.

“Okay, um, could you tell Tony? We were thinking seven o’clock tonight. How’s that?” I asked.

“Sounds good. We’ll see you later, then,” she said.

“Yeah, see you later, Lissy,” I said as cheerfully as possible.

“Bye, Vic,” she said, hanging up. I sighed, setting my phone down in my lap. I tilted my head back and covered my face with my hands.

“Now was that that hard?” Mike asked. I dropped my hands and turned my head to face him.

“Yes.”

He chuckled but I didn’t find it remotely funny. “Now go call Kayla,” he said, his voice a tad mocking when he said her name but, just like Alyssa’s passiveness, I chose to ignore it.

I stood up and gripped my phone in my hand. “Yeah, good, go in another room. I don’t want to hear you guys fight,” he sneered.

“Shut the fuck up,” I squinted my eyes at him and then walked away, into the house. I popped open a beer and sat down on my couch, taking a swig before I dialed her number.

She answered quickly.

“Vic!” she cheered.

“Hey, Kay,” I said.

“What’s up, baby?” she asked. I cringed a little at the pet name this time for some reason.

“Um,” I scratched the back of my neck. I decided to jump right into the serious business, get it over it. “Kay, Tony’s sister is in town,” I started. I cursed at myself, for not even having the decency to say her name to Kayla.

“Oh, really?” she said slowly.

“Yeah!” I said enthusiastically, to hide my nerves. Trying to be as mature and strong with this as possible, I continued. “I’m excited to catch up with her. But I want you to meet her, Kayla,” I said.

“Oh, you do?” she sounded hesitant.

“Of course I do, babe. You’re important to me and I want you to know about her, so things don’t get twisted,” I explained. My eyes were closed, shut tightly the entire time of saying that.

“Aw, okay, Vic.”

“I’m having everyone over tonight, at seven. Does that sound good?” I kind of wished she would say no, maybe so I could postpone this meeting for a while or maybe because I wanted Alyssa to myself…

“Yeah, I think I can pencil you in,” she teased. I rolled my eyes with a small laugh.

“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” I said, keeping back a sigh.

“Bye, Vic!” she said, hanging up the phone.

I sighed in relief. Now I didn’t have to hide around Kayla anymore—I guess Mike was right. Although, I wasn’t excited about the fact that they had to meet each other.

----

“Hey, guys,” I smiled at Tony and Alyssa, opening the door for them. I accidently took in too sharp of a breath and Tony eyed me curiously. I still wasn’t sure how to act around Alyssa.

I wished that Kayla had gotten here first, though, so I wasn’t stuck having to greet her in front of Alyssa. Because Kayla would definitely notice if I held back, and that wouldn’t end well.

“Uh, come on in,” I said, stepping out of the way as I realized that I had been standing there zoned out for too long. They both smiled politely and stepped inside. Tony was holding hot dog and hamburger buns that Mike and I had forgot at the store, Alyssa had her arms at her side, her fingers picking nervously on the ends of her sleeves.

We walked inside and Tony handed the bread off to Mike, who was busy cooking on the grill, his sun glasses perched on his nose and he was sort of dancing around like a fool with Jaime, classic rock playing in the background. Mike invited some other people over, who were floating around in the back, drinking, smoking, doing cannon balls into the pool. I was kind of glad he did because it made the atmosphere less stuffy.

“Do you guys want a drink or something?” I asked. I grabbed a beer from the counter and handed it to Tony because I already knew he’d want one; he grinned at me and nodded off, going outside. I heard him greet a group of people and my heart thumped in my chest—I was alone with Alyssa. There were twenty people here yet somehow I ended up alone with her.

“No thank you,” she said softly.

“Okay,” I smiled. I bit my lip and sighed. Instinctively, I stepped forward and wrapped her into a hug. It was well needed, probably not well deserved on my part but it felt good when she carefully hugged me back.

“Hi,” she laughed a little.

“Hey,” I said, shooting her a toothy grin when we pulled away. I gazed at her for a moment—she was wearing light washed jean shorts that frayed at the ends, a floral printed tank top and a knitted sweater over it. Her skin was perfectly tanned and her hair was in its, from what I remember, natural form, down her back and framing her beautiful face. Her eyes were still the calming, soft brown, but they sparkled and made my heart jump. “You look beautiful,” I found myself murmured. Her cheeks turned into a rose color and I smiled at her. She laughed a little and shook her head, sticking her hand out and playfully hitting my shoulder back.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Fuentes,” she rolled her eyes and smiled at me. I bit my lip a little and found myself in a trance. Now that she was here I couldn’t imagine ever letting her go again. A knot formed in my throat and I blinked. “You okay?” she asked softly. I raised my eyebrows and then nodded quickly.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great,” I smiled. My smiled faltered when I heard the doorbell ring, though. Here we go, I thought. Alyssa must have noticed too, because her face looked a little glum. I fought the intense urge to brush my thumb across her cheek reassuringly and just smiled a little, excusing myself to get the door. She nodded politely and stood back, biting her lip and looking at the floor. I wished she wouldn’t look so nervous; it hurt my heart seeing her like that.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hi, babe,” Kayla smiled happily.

I smiled softly back, murmuring a small hello. She stepped forward and, like always, went in for one of those familiar kisses, but this time I smoothly dodged it, giving her a hug instead. I knew it was a bad move but I couldn’t bring myself to kiss her when I knew Alyssa was right there…

Except I knew Alyssa was behind me, and unfortunately she had the pleasure of making eye contact with Kayla for the first time with me stuck in the middle, completely oblivious to what their first reactions would be.

Notes

I have a lot of this written so I figured I'd give you guys another update real fast!!

WE THE KINGS TONIGHT I"M SUPER PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!!
MUCHO LOVE!!<3