“Hey,” I said softly, pulling her close into me. I wrapped my arms around her and I rubbed my thumbs soothingly up and down on her shoulders. I ducked my head and kissed her forehead. She smiled a little and buried her head into my chest, squeezing me tightly.

“Hi,” she mumbled into my chest. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” I sighed. I squeezed her tighter and I never wanted to let her go. I pulled her up onto the bed with me and held her in my lap. It was similar to the way I held her for the very first time, before we were even together, when she was upset and I was trying to console her—she had her hands on my shoulders and her head curled into my chest. Her knees were tucked in while she laid on my lap, and I kept an arm wrapped around her back and a hand protectively on the back of her leg, just above her knee.

“How’s school?” I asked quietly. She just shook her head and snuggled into me more—she didn’t want to talk about it. Neither did I, really. I didn’t want to talk about her having to attend college in Southern California while the guys and I toured around the country, passing out demos and following our “older brother” bands. I didn’t want to talk about how well we were each individually doing because that only meant that we were becoming okay without each other. The pain that truth caused made it hard to breathe.

“I love you,” I said into her hair.

“I know. I love you more,” she said. She lifted her head up but instead of kissing my lips like I desired she kissed my cheek. It was then when I knew for sure. I had a feeling for a while now that this would happen eventually. We, as a band, were slowly getting better and better—we had several demos out and we were opening for bands all over the place, our own first album due to come out in a year or so after we worked things out with an interested label—and if we were going to work out, things were only going to get more difficult. Alyssa was in her second year of college and she had a bright future ahead of her, and even though the band was still a baby we definitely had a promising future as well. But the closer and closer we got to that future, the more we realized that our futures were in two different worlds, going in different directions.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said quietly.

“Me too,” I said. “I’ll always love you, though.”

I opened my eyes and felt that my cheeks were damp. I didn’t think about that night six years ago often, but it always tore me up when I did. We tried to stay in contact as much as possible—it was easy at first because she was still Tony’s sister no matter what—but even they became distant over time. I think trying to stay in contact hurt us more than not being in contact at all, as it constantly reminded us how things could have been, dangling our potential right in front of our faces except there was a bullet proof glass in between us. So over time we both turned our backs, moving on completely. It didn’t hurt all of the time—only at first, and not that often now, especially because I had Kayla. After Alyssa and I broke up I wouldn’t look at another girl for two entire years; then, I went three years—living the life of being in a band, a combination of working your ass off and attending the rewarding after parties—just fucking around and having a good time, not worrying about anything serious other than the music of course. That was nice and all, but I was glad I eventually decided to calm down. In the case of my relationship with Kayla, I was still fucking around at that point of just meeting her—we just eventually decided to carry our relationship further than a one-night stand.

I didn’t realize I was ready to settle down with someone until Kayla came along un-expectantly.

I looked over at her and jumped to see that she was already looking up at me. “Hey,” I said, chuckling a little.

She frowned. “You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?” The way she said ‘her’, didn’t sit well with me. She said it with an ounce of annoyance and it made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t show it.

I just shrugged my shoulders. “Just a little bit. It doesn’t matter,” I said, sliding out of bed. My face burned at my own words but I didn’t let it show, either.

Kayla hmphed and followed me out of the room. “I don’t know why you’re so concerned about it,” I laughed, shaking my head.

“You were crying,” she said softly. She gently wrapped her arms around my neck from behind, standing up on her toes and kissing my cheek.

I frowned a little but nodded. “It’s okay,” I said.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” she said, sliding her arms off and walking around to face me.

“I am,” I said.

She touched her palm to my cheek. “Can I ask what happened?” I sighed and closed my eyes. “Okay,” she said softly, knowing that that was my way of saying no.

“But, if she’s Tony sister, why haven’t you seen her in so long?” she asked. I opened my eyes and saw that she was genuinely confused. Kayla was the type of girl who would ask questions if she needed to. She didn’t mean any harm. She just didn’t understand. And who’s fault was it that she didn’t understand? Mine.

“She lives in New York,” I said. “It just didn’t work,” I said simply.

“Oh, I understand,” she nodded. “I’m sorry for asking and digging up old wounds,” she frowned little.

“It’s okay. I just don’t think about it often. I’ve been over it for a long time,” I said with a reassuring smile. Although, the more I thought about her—the more Kayla brought her up—the tighter my throat would feel and the more I wanted to hear Alyssa’s voice. I shook my head, though; that was a silly desire. I couldn’t just randomly decide to be involved with her life again—that wasn’t fair to her or me.

“Let’s stop talking about it,” I requested. “Besides, I have you now,” I smiled at her.

“That’s right,” she smiled back. “But, if she meant so much to you, why didn’t she come up in conversation at least once this entire year?” she asked.

“Kayla,” I groaned in annoyance, closing my eyes, sagging my shoulders, and tilting my head back.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said quickly.

I reopened my eyes and straightened out, sighing. “This is like you asking about an old high school flame. Imagine if I asked you about guys you used to date,” I said. Even though it wasn’t like it at all, it was the only reasoning I could think of that would get her to stop prying. I wasn’t trying to hide Alyssa—I just didn’t want to share that part of my life with Kayla yet.

She took in my words thoughtfully and nodded. “You’re right. That makes sense. Sorry, Vic,” she said. I shook my head and smiled, leaning down to gently kiss her lips. As much as thinking about Alyssa upset me, I couldn’t dwell on it too much. We were both happy where we were. Granted, we wouldn’t be where we were without each other, but that was the bittersweet part.

“Come on,” I said warmly. “Let’s do something fun today.” She smiled and nodded, taking my hand.

“Vic.”

I turned my head to see Mike leaning against the frame of the sliding door, which led to our small back yard.

“Morning Mike,” I greeted him with a smile, trying to ignore the serious look plastered on his face. Kayla squeezed my hand, feeling the tension in the air although we were both equally clueless as to why it existed.

“Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” he asked. His eyes flickered to Kayla and then our intertwined hands. “Alone.”

“Uh, sure,” I said. I released her hand and subconsciously rubbed the back of my neck with my now free hand, walking towards him. “What’s up?” I asked. He turned and went outside, sitting on the cheap patio furniture that we bought for outdoor party purposes.

Mike pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows. “Close the door?” he requested. I nodded and turned around, sliding the door shut. Kayla was standing a few feet away, staring curiously. I shot her a reassuring grin and she smiled back, disappearing inside the house somewhere. I returned to Mike and sat in a neighboring chair. I raised my eyebrows for him to begin.

He sighed loudly. “I’m not trying to be on your case, Vic, but I heard you guys arguing last night,” he started.

“It wasn’t really an argument,” I quickly defended.

Mike sighed again. “I heard you discussing things. Alyssa came up,” he said.

I froze up a little at the mention of her name—I hadn’t heard it in so long but now it seemed like she was everywhere.

“Yeah,” I said placidly.

“Don’t act like it doesn’t bother you,” he said. He stuffed his hand in his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He took one out and lit it, sucking in the smoke for a moment and then patiently exhaling.

“I’m not acting,” I said. “Maybe it did a little because it caught me off guard, but I’m fine.”

“I don’t think it’s healthy—”

“You don’t get to decide what is and what is not healthy for me,” I interjected. “Thinking about Alyssa is unhealthy when I know I can’t have her. Not thinking about her, and not giving myself false hope, is healthy for me. Okay?”

Mike frowned and took another drag of his cigarette. He turned to me more directly. “Do you ever get hope? I just want to know what you’re thinking.”

“Mike, it’s over,” I said softly. “It’s been over for a long time. I don’t like all of this talk about her, it’s making me uncomfortable because I have Kayla now. It would be wrong for me to ‘hope’. I don’t hope for her anymore,” I explained. Mike nodded.

“I understand. You’re both mature adults now, it’s different. It’s okay,” Mike said while nodding. “But, moving past that… I still don’t think Kayla—”

“God, Mike! Seriously?” I bellowed, frowning severely.

“What?” he raised his arms in surrender. “I’m allowed to have an opinion.”

“Keep it to yourself, then. I don’t see why you have such a problem—”

“It’s not safe and you know it,” he said, his tone angering. I shot up on my feet and glared at him.

“You know that’s not my life anymore,” I growled.

“But she doesn’t.”

“Just fuck off Mike. Literally, fuck off,” I shook my head. “I don’t understand why everyone is bringing her and that up so much lately.”

“Lately? It’s just today,” he said while shrugging his shoulders and taking another indifferent puff.

“You know what I mean, Mike,” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t understand why Alyssa popped up on the fans radar all of a sudden. It wouldn’t have bothered me, but now since it’s bothering Kayla—”

“I’m sure it doesn’t bother you,” he rolled his eyes. I gritted my teeth. “Fans are weird, okay? You honestly didn’t expect this to happen eventually?” I frowned and bit my lip—I guess he was right about that. It was kind of inevitable; I just didn’t want to admit it. “And if you say you don’t care about it anymore than you shouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“You’re the one who brought me out here in the first place!” I exclaimed, raising my hands in exasperation.

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay, Vic.”

“You’re impossible.” I shook my head and turned away with a large sigh. I slid open the door and walked into the house, shivering a little because the air conditioning was on and it contrasted with the warmth of the San Diego late morning sun.

“You okay, Vic?” I heard Kayla ask. I turned my head to follow her voice and smiled convincingly at her. She was busy making pancake mix on the island counter in the kitchen.

“I’m good,” I said. I walked over to the windowsill and popped my pills into my mouth, sticking my head under the sink to wash them down with faucet run tap water.

“Victor!” Kayla scolded. I chuckled a little and dried my face with my sleeve. I walked over to her and put my arms around her waist from behind, my head resting on her shoulder.

“Looks delicious,” I approved.

“It’s not cooked yet,” she rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at me. I laughed and quickly kissed her cheek before separating myself from her. As she started to pour the batter onto the griddle, I hopped up onto the counter. “Sometimes I think you’re four,” she laughed, shaking her head. I grinned.

“Come here,” I opened my arms for her. She bit her lip a little and jumped over to me, standing in the space between my legs. She wrapped her arms around my middle and leaned forward, burying her face into my stomach. I laughed a little and the vibrations of my stomach caused her to laugh, too.

She slid her hands around my sides and then slipped them under my shirt. Her hands were cold compared to my warm skin, and they made me shiver. She moved her hands all the way up my chest and then back down and around to my back, as if she was just simply taking in the feeling of my skin against her palms.

Kayla was being especially sweet today—maybe because she thought I was upset, but really I was okay. She closed her eyes and rested her head against my chest, her arms still under my shirt. I smiled and scratched her back gently with both of my hands. We were just sort of standing slash sitting there, leaning against each other quietly. It was peaceful and I was really beginning to enjoy the sensitive moments we have been sharing lately—like cuddling and holding hands. At the start of our relationship, we were both lust-driven, and, frankly, we were animals. But it was nice to see us both calm, not always in the need for hot-sex, where a simply kiss and hug was satisfying enough.

I turned my head, hearing someone grunt. I made eye contact with an annoyed looking Mike. He rolled his eyes and continued on to wherever he was going. I stared at the spot where he had just been standing, feeling guilty for giving him a lot of attitude. But before I could think about it too much, I felt Kayla touch the side of my face gently and pull my back into a different reality—the reality with her and not the shit with everyone else.

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled down at her. Her right hand still under my shirt and around my back, she rested her left loosely on my chest, leaning up on her toes to press a kiss to my lips.

Notes

Another chapter for ya!
A lot of you hate me for this, sorry :P
Buuuut I'm really excited for the rest of this and I hope you are too!
Thanks for all of the comments and stuff, I really love hearing your reactions!!
And of course thank you for reading!

Have a lovely day
xoxo