Change The World

The week was awkward. Everyone was upset with me. I spent a lot of time writing by myself. In a few months we had to go to Long Island to start the recording process, so I tried to focus my time on that. Alyssa finally told Tony about what happened to her in New York, so she didn’t need me much with that anymore. He took her to counseling so she could talk about what happened. Whenever I saw her, she seemed okay. But I didn’t see her much.

It was my fault, though. She had forgiven me. It wasn’t like we were officially together. It still felt like cheating, though. Alyssa has always been so forgiving—too forgiving. I remember when I was once completely off the rails, I had physically pushed her away. I wanted her to be mad at me for that. I wanted her to hold a grudge. I wanted her to hate me.

Alyssa just wasn’t like that, though. She was forgiving. She understood. She kept her distance from me, but really I was the one keeping my distance from her. I wished she would hate me. It would make everything easier.

“Just try and enjoy yourself tonight, okay? You need to release some inhibitions,” Mike said, nudging me a little with a small, supportive smile. Out of everyone, he was the least angry with me. Probably only because he was my brother. He also understood the temptations, not that it made it okay. Mike went through something similar before. He used to mess around with girls a lot, but on purpose. The difference with our situations was that I didn’t want to mess around with Alyssa’s feelings. It was Alyssa, for god’s sake. I wanted to settle down with her. Apparently my subconscious wasn’t ready for that.

The day was hazy. I just wanted to be back with Alyssa already. I knew we would be able to start again soon. Even though I had betrayed her once, we both wanted this relationship to work. That was key. I wanted her and she wanted me. We just had to figure out how to move past my mistake.

Soon enough it wasn’t just my mind that was hazy. Normally I’d be angry with Mike for letting people smoke inside, but I was a little too intoxicated to care. I started to feel uneasy. I couldn’t remember meeting Mike’s now apparent girlfriend. I couldn’t even remember her name. I couldn’t remember the names of anyone in my house.

Starting to feel overwhelmed and craving Alyssa more than ever—she hadn’t come to the party—I snuck out of the house for some air. I didn’t realize I had Tony’s car keys in my hands until I was sitting in the driver’s seat. I didn’t know what I was doing but I let it happen.

Walking through the hallway was like walking through a vortex. The ceiling was the floor and the floor was the wall. I stopped short and abruptly, slapping my hand against the wall to steady myself before I stumbled forward. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to at least carry the appearance that I was sober. I didn’t think it would work though. When I somehow managed to get to the door—and I truly had no clue where I was—I knocked hard once, then lightly a few more times.

There was no answer for a few minutes—or maybe it was seconds, I was just too drunk to really pay any attention. I leaned my forward and rested my forehead on the door, heaving another sigh.

And then, suddenly, I was falling to the ground.

“Vic!” someone gasped, and then she groaned, holding me up from face planting into the ground. “What are you doing here, Vic?” she asked, her voice strained as she straightened my out. I leaned against the frame of the door to support myself and laughed a little.

“Hi, Kayla,” I slurred, smirking weakly at her.

“Are you drunk?” I heard. I opened my eyes that I didn’t realize I had closed to see a blurry Kayla, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised.

“Hi, Kayla.”

“Ugh, Vic,” she sighed and shook her head. She outstretched her arms and pulled me in by my shoulders. “Come in…”

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her waist. She stepped closer to me to shut the door behind me and I rested my head on her shoulder. Before she could move much I ran my lips up her neck until I was behind her ear. “Vic,” she gasped again. I pressed a firm kiss to her skin as a response. I flattened my hands on her back and then skated them down lower. “What are you doing?” she asked breathlessly as I sucked on her skin all over her neck. I just shook my head and pulled my hands back and then slipped them under her shirt. She shrugged away from me and I looked up at her, my eyes feeling glossy and I wobbled on my feet now that she wasn’t completely supporting me. “You’re so drunk,” she declared. I just shrugged my shoulders. “How did you get here?” she asked. I shrugged my shoulders again. I honestly couldn’t even remember. Everything was blurry. I remember being at the party and now I was here, but I couldn’t remember the process of getting here. “Oh my God, Vic! Did you drive like this?” she exclaimed.

“I think so,” I laughed. I stumbled forward and wrapped my arms around her again.

“Vic,” she muttered but before she could object our mouths were tangling together in a sloppy mess. My hands made there way back under her shirt and I ran them up her side and across her chest. She moaned a little into my mouth.

“Oh, la la!” I heard. Kayla turned her head and attention to the voice, while I kept my mouth at her jaw.

“He’s completely smashed!” I heard Kayla whisper yell.

“Oh, good,” Jen laughed. I stopped kissing Kayla’s skin to look up at Jen. She was walking over to us, her eyebrow raised and an amused smirk across her face. I leaned forward against Kayla and she quickly gripped my upper arms, keeping me from falling forward.

“Help me?” Kayla grunted while I completely slumped against her. I could walk myself but I decided that if they were willing, I would let them. Moments later, Jen was on my other side, hooking her arm through my left while Kayla held my right. They walked me forward to their living room couch, turning me and pushing me down.

I slumped into the cushion and sighed. “Kay,” I mumbled, opening my arms for her. She raised her eyebrow and glanced at Jen. I blinked. She knelt closer to me and I leaned forward so I could reach her.

“Why are you so drunk, Vic?” she asked.

“Don’t try and talk sense into him, Kayla. It’s not going to work,” Jen laughed. Impatiently I leaned forward again, trying to pull Kayla to me.

“What, Vic?” she whispered, leaning across so her lips were at my ear. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her onto my lap, causing her to gasp a little.

“Baby, I want you,” I said lowly into her ear. I could feel her shiver and I laughed.

“I thought you said he was crazy,” I heard Jen say. There conversation sounded like it was happening in another room completely. All I could think about was Kayla and the exposed skin on her neck and shoulder, and how I wanted to expose more.

Kayla looked at me and furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head. “He’s not… he really isn’t… he is healthy, Jen,” she said softly. “Although really, really drunk,” she laughed a little.

“Thanks,” I said. “Now that we’ve gotten all that out, c’mon.” I tugged on her shirt.

“Either way, he’s still hot as fuck,” Jen commented lowly.

I lifted my head over Kayla’s shoulder and looked at Jen. “I’m flattered,” I smirked. I gazed at her for a moment—she had long black hair, pale skin, and striking green eyes. Her lips were as red as the devil. I had never paid close attention to her, but now that I was drunk and my mind was elsewhere I noticed how attractive she was. And since I technically didn’t “belong” to anyone—or, maybe I did, I just couldn’t remember—I felt like I could look at her now.

“I knew you’d come back,” Kayla said lowly, gripping my shoulders and biting her lip. I went to stand up and she slid off of my lap. She held my hand tightly and glanced at her friend as she pulled me towards her room. I stopped her, though, as we passed the kitchen. I smiled goofily and swung her arms around.

“Don’t you want a drink, first?” I asked. She bit her lip and nodded, going to her counter. I came up behind her as she poured straight shots of vodka into glasses. I held my hands on her waist and kissed her neck. She sighed, her breath shaky, and tilted her head back on my shoulder as my lips moved more firmly against her skin.

“Mm, Vic…” she straightened her head out and grabbed a glass, tossing the clear liquid back. I pulled her closer into me, stumbling a little but she steadied us. Kayla took another shot and then suddenly I felt a hand glide across my back. It lingered for a moment, and then reached around us, grabbing another glass that Kayla was holding up.

“Hm?” I questioned, wondering what was going on even though I kind of knew. I didn’t really care though—the more the merrier.

I blinked again and we were already in Kayla’s room. She pushed me back against her bed, my body felt like mush and I was too dizzy to move—not that I wanted too. I appreciated the view of the two girls slowly undressing in front of me. Kayla crawled closer to me and straddled my waist. She leaned down and lightly kissed my lips, while unbuttoning my shirt. I lifted my hands to run them through her hair or touch her or something, but they were heavy so I let them flop down. Kayla leaned over and started to kiss on my neck, and I tilted my head to the side to give her better access. I blinked and there was another face in front of mine. I didn’t think twice before our mouths collided. And then I didn’t think at all.

And then everything went black.

Notes