She was sitting there, crying, barely breathing because she was crying so hard. She was on the edge of the chair, rocking back and forth, covering her face with her hands one second and then peeking through them at me the next. She was crumbling before my eyes and I couldn’t do anything about it. Tony came in the room next but every time he tried to console his sister, she just shrugged him off of her.

Alyssa shot up, hearing her phone ring. She didn’t take her eyes off of me once as she picked it up to answer.

I could hear and see everything. I could even hear Mrs. Perry on the other end of the phone. The only problem was that I could see myself, too. There my body was, laying peacefully on the hospital bed, IV’s in my arms, tubes hooked in my nose and down my throat, and heart monitor stickers pressed into my chest and wrists. I didn’t really know where I was. I guess I wasn’t dead yet because I could clearly see myself still in the hospital bed, I could clearly hear the heart monitor beeping at a dragging pace. All I knew was that my eyes were open but my eyes weren’t really open.

“Alyssa Perry! I just got a call from the school, saying you aren’t there anymore! I told you I would ground you if you missed again and don’t think I’m kidding!” she scolded. Alyssa couldn’t answer her mother right away. She let out a heavy sob and choked it into her hand, continuing to rock back and forth. I just stared at her, my heart breaking but I knew it was my fault she was like that. There wasn’t anything I could do except watch and wait. “Alyssa? What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked, her demeanor immediately softening.

“M-Mommy…” Alyssa whimpered. “Vic’s in the—in the hospital,” she choked out, sobbing immediately after.

“The hospital?” Mrs. Perry asked, alarmed. Alyssa nodded and sniffed into the phone. She held her hand to her chest and breathed heavily.

“What happened? Was there an accident? Are you alone? Are you okay?” she panicked.

Alyssa hiccuped and took a deep breath. “N-Not an accident,” she said weakly. Mrs. Perry gasped. “Tone is here. And his brother and friend… Mommy…” she started to cry again—this time, more hysterically. Her entire body shook.

“I will be there in less than ten minutes,” her mom rushed.

The ten minutes were long. I was still laying there, completely unmoving. Alyssa was still sobbing, shaking. I couldn’t peel my eyes off of her. They only darted to my body once but looking at it made me want to be sick—but so did looking at Alyssa, seeing her so upset.

“Alyssa,” she breathed upon entering the room, slowly and shyly as if she was afraid to disturb someone—me. Alyssa stood up and immediately fell into her mother’s arms.

“What happened?” she asked worriedly. Lissy just shook her head.

“Bad…bad…” she mumbled. “So bad…”

“Honey,” Mrs. Perry sighed. She glanced over at Tony who was standing like a statue in the corner, his eyes wide and red and very vacant. Mike was standing in another corner, both of them were as far away from me as physically possible.

“He can’t go,” she cried. “I love him, mom.”

“I know you do, sweetie.”

“No, mom. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with him… I love him so much…” she cried, continuing to mumble the words into her mom’s hair.

“I know, darling. I know.”

“Y-You know?” Mrs. Perry nodded.

“Of course I do, baby. And I know he loves you too.”

Alyssa sobbed into Mrs. Perry’s shoulder, shaking her head. “It wasn’t enough…” she whimpered. My heart sunk, because she was right. I wanted it to be, but it wasn’t. I was too gone for it to matter.

“Fuck!” I yelled, waking up in a panic. My hands were shaking and my face was dripping with sweat. I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair while trying to control my breathing. I hunched over and took a deep breath. I haven’t had a dream like that in years. I felt like I was going to be sick.

And I was. I rolled out of bed quickly and booked it towards my bathroom. I slid across the tile and just barely made it, throwing up into the toilet. It felt so real. I threw up again. It took me back to one of the worst times of my life, and it felt so real. I coughed a few times, spitting the left over nastiness out of my mouth. I flushed the toilet and put the lid down, and then I wiped my face with a nearby towel. “Jesus Christ,” I muttered, applying a hefty amount of toothpaste to the brush and then scrubbing my teeth thoroughly.

My head was pounding. I pressed the heel of my palm into my forehead, lowly growling to myself because I felt like absolute shit. I shouldn't have taken those fucking pills...

Without even thinking, I grabbed my phone and searched for her name in my contacts. I didn’t know what was getting into me, but everything was becoming too much to handle. I needed her right now. I haven’t needed her—or anyone—in a long time.

“Vic?” she answered on the fourth ring.

“Lissy,” I replied weakly.

“Hey… are you okay?”

“I haven’t had a bad day in a really, really long time,” I said. Did this make me selfish to say to her? That I needed her just because I was feeling bad? To be fair, her return was what was making me feel physically sick, brutally reminding me of the past, forcing me back to a time that used to feel long forgotten. I didn’t blame her though; it wasn’t really her fault. It was my fault for bottling it all up, expecting that the pressure would go down even though the cap was closed. It was my fault. I didn’t know how to properly deal with all of it. “I’m having a bad day.”

“Why? What’s wrong, Vic?” she asked with concern.

“I just…” my voice trailed off. I didn’t know if I should say it or not. “I need you,” I said quietly. “I-I… I need you Alyssa. I just need to hold you and t-tell you that…” I choked on my words. I started crying to myself. “I need to t-tell you that it’s enough…”

“That what’s enough?” she asked quietly. “I’m coming over,” she declared.

“That you’re enough… that you were enough! You were always enough,” I cried, sinking down the bathroom wall and onto the floor.

“…Vic…” she murmured.

I put the phone down and buried my head into my folded arms, which were resting on top of my tucked in legs. I haven’t felt this weak in years. But knowing Alyssa was only a few miles away and I couldn’t have her as my own was gut wrenching—enough to make me physically ill. I could handle it before, when she was in New York and there was no way we could be together, but now that she was back I couldn’t handle it. How selfish did that make me?

“You’re not selfish, Vic,” I heard her say. Her voice flowed like velvet through my ears. I felt like I was going to be sick again. I lurched forward and hunched over the toilet, throwing up. I weakly slumped to the side and held my hand to my head. Alyssa touched her arm to my shoulder. “Come on,” she said gently. She helped me up and I carefully walked to the sink, digging out a fresh toothbrush. She held her hand at the small of my back as I brushed my teeth.

“Are you going to be sick again?” she asked softly. I shook my head, but, with that, I coughed and dry heaved into the sink. Nothing came out though. “Shh, shh, you’re getting yourself worked up,” she said, rubbing my back. She comforted me for another moment until I settled down. She truly was the only one who could. Nobody has been around long enough to see me at my worst, to comfort me on a bad day. Alyssa has, though. Kayla has been around for a while but she’s only really seen me when I was my busiest, when I was the most distracted. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and she tenderly grabbed my arm. She led me out of the bathroom and back into my room.

“Here,” she said quietly, guiding me back down to my bed. I sat up, afraid to lay horizontal if I was going to get sick again. “What’s the matter?” she frowned, standing next to me and gently stroking my cheek with her thumb.

I shook my head. I wasn't about to tell her that I mixed my meds with too many sleeping pills. But this was more than that, though--I was upset. “It was bound to happen eventually,” I said quietly.

“What was?”

“Me freaking out. I haven’t freaked out in so long. It was bound to happen. I’m glad you’re here,” I rushed out, and then I pulled her into a hug. She was shocked at first and stood tensely but then she relaxed, looping her arms around me and running her fingers through my hair soothingly.

“You can’t be so dumb, Vic,” she said gently. I smiled a little and sniffed. “You’re so damn stupid.”

I pulled away from her and stared at her sheepishly. “I know. I can’t help it. I’m a boy, remember?”

She chuckled a little and nodded. “Yeah, I remember,” she said softly.

“I don’t know why I thought I would be able to last without you…” I murmured. Her eyes glistened and she nodded.

“I don’t know why I thought I would be able to last without you, either,” she whispered back.

I paused and bit my lip, gazing at her. If I hadn’t have gotten sick, I probably would go ahead and kiss her. Now that she was here, all I could think about was her--her soothing eyes, her soft cheek, her lips… "I want to kiss you," I mumbled, staring at her, I couldn't peel my eyes away from her. She was here. My Alyssa.

“Y’know,” she said with a small smile. She tucked some of my hair behind my ears. She was the only person who did that. “I like this more confident Vic.”

“I just expressed weakness to you and you think I’m confident?” I chuckled, raising an eyebrow at her. It was amazing how quickly I could go from despair to lightheartedness as a result of her company.

“You’re not weak, Vic. You never have been,” she said lowly. She sat down on the edge of the bed, close next to me, turning so she was facing me. “But I disagree with you,” she frowned.

“About?”

She bit her lip and sighed. “Move over,” she said. I raised an eyebrow at her and then she looked at me.

“Oh,” I said quickly, scooting over. She shyly crawled into the bed, keeping a fair distance but sitting next to me, with her legs crossed.

“I disagree, Vic. I know it’s not something you want to hear, but I don’t think it was enough,” she said evenly.

“Lissy, I loved you so much—”

“But look at us now, Vic. It wasn’t enough,” she said, ducking her head. I saw a tear slip out of her eye and onto her cheek.

“Alyssa,” I said quietly. She looked up at me shyly. Her eyes were reddening from tears. “Maybe it didn’t feel like enough back then… but all I feel right now is love for you. Fuck, I love you so much it hurts, and I wish I didn’t give up so easily. I literally threw up because I love you too much, and I just…” my breath caught in my throat and I looked away, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Vic, you know how when either of us were upset, we would always just sleep it off?” she asked quietly. I nodded.

“I haven’t done that or felt the need to do that in years…”

“Sometimes you just have to do that. Lay down,” she said softly. I looked up at her and she gently nudged my shoulders. I curled up on my side so I was facing her. I felt so vulnerable. But I didn’t care. This was Alyssa.

She extended her hand and placed it on the side of my face, her thumb brushing against my cheek. I turned my head into her hand and closed my eyes. I felt like I was nineteen years old again--but the good part of that year, the Alyssa part. “Lis,” I started.

“Mhm?”

“It’s not the same without you,” I murmured. I opened my eyes and looked up at her. “Sleeping. And life…”

She smiled gently and lifted her hand up. I thought she was going to leave but, instead, she kicked off her shoes and scooted closer to me, laying down. I couldn’t breathe but this time it was an amazing sensation. Tentatively, I lifted my right arm and draped it over her body. She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to me. We both needed this moment, just to feel it a little again.

I closed my eyes, and I swear to God this was the best, although short, sleep I’ve had in several years.

When I opened them again she was still with me. I was in complete awe, staring at her sleeping peacefully. Her hand was on my chest and her breaths were on the lower half of my face. “I love you,” I murmured quietly.

I jumped a little when her eyes fluttered open, which caused her to giggle. “Vic,” she said. “I love you, too. I never stopped—”

I cut her off, leaning forward and kissing her lips gently. A shiver ran through my body. I felt completely at home here, my eyes closed and my mouth against hers; I never wanted to go. My lips were slightly chapped so they seemed to stick to hers a little as we pulled away from each other slowly. Alyssa giggled a little and I smiled at her. I lifted my exposed arm and brushed my thumb across her cheek lovingly. Her eyes fluttered closed at the contact and her lips remained curved in a small smile. I’ve been waiting to do that since the day she came home.

Notes

Hiiii

I hope you liked this chapter. It's on the shorter side I think but YAY :)
Let me know what you think! Surely happy things, hahah :P

Could you guys do me a solid and please read my friend's newest story, Wasted Nights. It's so good I don't know how to describe it into words so just yeah, go and read for yourself (please) :)

Thanks for reading! Until next time xoxo