Wonderless

Its been half an hour now since Kellin left me with this question in my head. What did he wanted to tell me? I actually asked Justin about it but he just shrugged it off. He closed that conversation half an hour ago but I still cant stop wondering about it.

"Justin" I called him to get his attention. He look at me with a questioning look on his face.

"Please." I begged. I know he knows what it is and I wanted to know it too.

Everybody seems to be keeping a secret from me and I wanted to know what that secret is. Earlier when they were telling me about the past I could tell they were holding back, choosing their words carefully so that they wouldn't slip. Jack almost did. He said something about Kellin and I living together but I didn't put too much thought about it because I think its only normal. I mean, Mike and Kellin are sharing an apartment right now so...Yeah like I said normal.

I actually feel kinda shitty right now because why would'nt they tell me? I feel like they dont want me to remember a part of me. I mean, they shouldn't keep my past away from me because I have lived that life. That is my life and just because I couldn't remember doesn't mean I dont want to. Of course I want to. I feel so lost. I dont even know myself at all.

"Kellin is drunk" he simply stated. What does that got to do with anything? By the look I was giving him I could tell he knows that I dont know what he is hinting at.

"You know Vic, there are two kinds of drunk Kellin. There is a horny Kellin and the other one is a very emotional Kellin" Im still not catching up. I'm so stupid. The confusion was still etched on my face, Justin just rolled his eyes at me.

"emotional Kellin is also an honest Kellin, so why dont you go to him and try your luck" aaah I see now. I smiled at that but that's kinda mean but I really wanted to know.. so bad.

"Thanks." with that I left to go and find Kellin. He was just sitting there at the counter several bottles infront of him.

"Hey Kellin. What's up?... You look.. pretty drunk." I said. Justin was right Kellin is drunk but I didnt know he would be this drunk, I mean, he looks like shit. Really.
His gaze shifted to the bottle that he was holding to me. I notice his cheeks were wet and his eyes were red and puffy, has he been crying?

"What's wrong Kells?" I ask him. I'm a little concern about how he's acting, the thought of asking him the question completely left my head as soon as he looked at me. I thought about what Justin told me earlier about drunk Kellin, I'm guessing this one is the latter.

"What's wrong? Seriously, you're asking me 'what's wrong?' " he said a bit harshly putting up air quotes emphasizing the last part.

"Everything is wrong. What's wrong is that I hate you Vic." okay... I wasn't expecting that.

"Just... leave me.. alone. I-I think I need to be alone.. for a while.." he stammered out.

He was about to put the bottle to his lips when I quickly grab it away from him. He just stared at me like, he couldn't believe I just did that hell, I couldn't even believe it myself. Almost like I acted out of impulse. I wanted to put thought and try and understand why I just did that but I suddenly felt the need to not be around him I didn't like this sight of him and so I put the bottle back at the counter top.

"Call me when you need me." I said, and left him to go get some air outside. I probably shouldn't have but my mind is fucking with me right now and I'm not even that drunk.

After I had enough of air, I went back inside and decided to check on Kellin. He wasn't there where I left him anymore. I look over to my right and saw my friends dancing like idiots on the dance floor, I look a little bit further at the back and saw Kellin and Mike... making out. I felt my fist clench tightly. My heart fell at the sight. I felt the liquid running down my cheeks I quickly wipe them away. I was crying. I didn't understand any of this. Why was I hurting? Why do I feel so.. so betrayed?

I wasn't thinking straight. I don't even know if I was thinking at all, my body just kinda took control over me.. again and before I knew it.. I was infront of them.

"Kellin" I stood my ground as I called him I tried not to make my voice break. They both pulled away from each other as they both turn to look at me. Kellin's eyes went wide, like he got caught doing something he shouldn't. Well, I guess that was really something he shouldn't do at all. Ever.

"Vic I-- I uhh.." he was at a lost for words.

"wha I.. V- vic, I-I'm sorry.. didn't mean -" Mike slurred. I notice he was completely wasted.

"How did you not mean to?" I didn't understand what was happening to me but all I know is that I'm angry and I can't help what was coming out of my mouth it was like, there's this completely different person taking over me and before I could even process it I swung a fist at Mike. He dropped to the ground passing out and it was only then when I just realized what I had done. I just punch my brother. I didnt know what to do so I just panicked.

"Oh My God I just did that" I said putting my hands into my head before dropping to the ground. What is going on with me?

"Oh My God I didnt know what happened.. What just happened? God Damn it what did I just do I- I" and now I'm hyperventilating. Kellin sat beside me.

"Hey, Relax Vic just breathe. You need to breathe" he rub my back for comfort and I did what he told me which made me calm a little bit.

"Hey what just happened?" Jesse asked. The guys were all here now and they check up on Mike.

"What happened to Mike?" Gabe asked.

"uhmm. Mike and I we're makin' out-"

"you guys were making out?" Justin asked in disbelief.

"shut up. and then Vic came and punched him. " Kellin continued.

"I-I can't.. I'm sorry.. I don't understand what is happening to me I'm going home at Jenna's.. Let's just talk this out tomorrow" and with that I got up and practically run out of there but I didn't get far because Kellin called me and I turned around to look at him.

"I think I could tell you why you're acting like this." he said. I nodded for him to go on.

"Earlier when you took the beer bottle away from me.. I could tell, you didn't know why you just did that and when you punch Mike.. It's because you care Vic.. You care about what I do because..I lied to you, I am not your best friend. I'm your boyfriend Vic." and so that's when I realized those dreams, they all suddenly seem to click, but I shook my head no; still not believing, still not accepting. I was afraid. Afraid I'd be different, Afraid that I didn't know myself like I thought I did.

"Please say something." he breathed out. I could tell he was trying so hard not to cry.

"No." was all I could say but it was enough to make him cry.. hard.

"We've been together for three years and just... No?" he said. I hated seeing him like this it was like the time when we bumped into each other at the mall and I pushed him away.

"I'm sorry. I'm going home." I turn around ready to leave.

"you promised." he said, he sounded broken I just stood there. I didn't want to leave him like this.

"you promised me that you were never ever gonna let me go. You said that you love me. You said you'd love me forever no matter what happens we'd be together. You said that I was yours, only yours and that you were mine." he was sobbing. I turn around to look at him..

"Y-you s-said.. You said that I was your Kelly-bear and that the next time someone flirts with me, you'd change my name to Mine so that when they asked me what my name is you'd say 'He's Mine'" Kellin was still sobbing hard. He was heavily breathing. I look over to the guys and I could tell they were trying so hard not to laugh at his little outburst.

"you promised me 'forever' Vic... And this is so unfair... I'm the only one who's still holding on to it." he said in between sobs. He then, wipe the tears in his eyes furiously. Seeing him like that made my heart break even more than when I saw him with Mike. I wanted to make him stop hurting. I wanted to comfort him right now, so that's what I did. I made my way infront of him and wrap my arms around him, rubbing his back to make him stop crying. He was still sobbing but I could tell he was trying to stop.

"I.. Love.. you.. Vic"

"Sssh. Its okay, I love you too Kellin... I love you too.."
Holding him close made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I've longed for that feeling. He just cried his heart out to me and I wanted nothing more but to return it, but I can't. Not right now. Not like this.

So when we pulled away from each other I knew exactly what I needed. I needed to make things right. I needed..

"Tay... I need Tay."

Notes

I laugh because Mike.. haha.. I'm sorry about this chapter, I think its a bit random?