Vic's POV

I left Kellin. I know I shouldn't have without explaining my thoughts fully but I just can't. I want to make things right for him, I owe him that much.

I took a cab and went home, a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I texted Tay telling her that I need to talk to her tomorrow not long after she replied saying she's having a sleep over with Jenna so we could talk when l get home. I didn't want to ruin her mood but I kinda needed to do it, the sooner the better right?

I thought back to what happened earlier when Kellin told me what we were, I felt a mix of emotions surge inside me. I felt happy, I was glad to find out that we were more than friends. Sure I was afraid but nevertheless still happy. The moment we talked I knew he was special to me and he still is. Sure I may have forgotten him, but would it be weird if I said that the feelings I have for him were never forgotten? Maybe it was locked away in the back of my mind but they were always there. And then there's sadness, Sad that I don't remember any of it. Well, I do recall it but not clearly, I'm not so sure if it really happened and the feelings that came along with it, whatever emotions I had during those times we were together.. I don't remember them.. I want to remember what it felt like, holding him close, cuddling with him, kissing him, hugging him, spending those times with him, everything we did together. And then anger, I'm angry at the world, for doing this to me. I mean, why me? of all people that could have amnesia, why me? I'm angry at Kellin, for not telling me this part of my life. I don't know his reasons why but that doesn't change the fact the he still didn't tell me. I'm angry at myself for not trying hard enough, but I Am doing everything I can maybe it's not enough cause if it is then I wouldn't be in this situation right now. I hate myself for not remembering. And all in all I just feel shitty. Shitty is a feeling now. It's a feeling I've grown accustomed of. Shitty can't even describe the amount of feelings I have right now but I guess it kinda sums it up. I just feel Shitty.

I took the key from under the mat and opened the door placing the key back to its original place before going inside. I walk up to the living room, plopping myself down at the couch.
Today is a lot to take in. I feel like I want to cry. I brought my hands to my face and just let it all out. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've lost who I am and I can't understand why my heart is so broken. I just want to be with Kellin right now, but judging on how I reacted earlier he might think I'm rejecting his love. I hear footsteps going down the stairs.

"Oh hey Vic miss you the whole day, Since when did you got here?" Jenna greeted. I look up at her with tears still running on my cheeks.

"what's wrong? What happened?"

"Jenna I need a hug." I opened my arms at her and she walks up to me and hugs me.

"you wanna talk about it?" the hug made me feel a bit better now and I somehow stop crying.

"I fucked up Jen. I just.. I feel so lost." I admitted.

"Hey Vic. What did you wanted to talk about?" Tay appeared. I didn't even notice her come down here.

"you guys talk. I'm up stairs when you need me." Jenna said and return to her room up stairs. Tay walk up to me and sat beside me.

"Hey what's wrong?" she said.

"Everything is wrong Tay and I- I want to fix things." she looked at me a little concern and a bit curious as to what I was saying.


"ok I don't know how to say this so I'm just gonna.. go right ahead and say it." she nodded at this.

"Tay I- I want to break up."

"Oh." she look surprise.

"Have I done something?" but I guess she's handling it well.

"no. No you didn't do shit Tay it's all me." I said. She still looked confuse so I should probably explain the situation to her.

"I just.. I have a somebody out there.. I didn't know I belong to someone and I- I'm really sorry and I--god I hate myself right now."

"hey. It's okay. I understand. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know." she said rubbing my back comfortingly.

That is the problem. I didn't know. I wish I had known. Shit I- I just need my memories back.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"don't apologize to me. You should be apologizing to her"

"yeah about that, she's a he."

"oh." she look surprised.

"that's great, awesome." she continued.

"really?" I said. I guess I just wanted to know if she's okay with it.

"yes. " she said. I nodded. There was a short silence.

"You're so lucky, you don't have to go to that stage where you're questioning, you know? Just.. memories and all. I mean you are questioning but you have the right to.. I mean... I don't know what I mean."

"Tay, are you.. questioning?"

"Kind of.. Yeah. I mean, I might have a slightest bit of crush on Jenna." I smiled and gave her a 'really?' look on my face.

"Okay maybe a lot. I don't know."

"well I think you should go for it"

"Okay maybe I will." she smiled shyly.

"so are we cool with each other or..?" I asked cause well, I just need to know.

"yeah. We're definitely cool." and we hugged it out. This really doesn't feel awkward at all. I think Tay and I will be great friends.

"So may I know who your boyfriend is?" she asked when we pulled away.

"Oh. uhmm it's.. uhh.. Kellin"

"no way. Why didn't he say so? Now I just feel kind of bad."

"I don't know. I feel like the biggest dick on the planet. I just left him after he told me cause I panicked and shit."

"yeah you are. Go call him or something. I'll go talk to Jenna, maybe you could join us after. We can have a slumber party or whatever." she giggled at the last part.

"just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to do girly shit with you guys."

I'm gay. I still need to let that sink in but I don't think I'm scared anymore knowing that I'm not alone and that people still accepts me.

I called Kellin. I need to tell him that we were okay, I'd tell him that I'd come back cause that's where I belong. I belong to him. I'd tell him not to think to much and that we'll sort this out in the morning but he wasn't answering. I call him again just to make sure

Still nothing..

Third time's the charm so I call him again.. But I think he turned his phone off. So I fall asleep that night thinking maybe he was asleep. I mean, he was drunk but I still need to talk to him. Tomorrow, maybe.

Kellin's POV

Tay.

He said he needed Tay.. And then he left. He just left me there to think about what just happened. I felt so stupid. I didn't even tried to stop him. What was I suppose to do? He didn't want me, it was over. Slowly, I fell to the ground on my knees as I watch the love of my life walk away I watch him leave to go to his precious Tay.

After that incident the guys practically had to carry me home last night. I really didn't care though. They could have left me there at the bar I wouldn't even mind.

Today I lock myself in my room, sitting at the far corner knees to my chest, facing the wall. Oh and Vic called me last night I just couldn't find it in myself to answer. I know what he'll say. He'll say 'I'm sorry' or I can't or somewhere along the lines of that. Today he called me again, five times actually. I just sat there watching as his name appeared on the screen. I don't want to answer his calls. I don't want to talk to him cause I know he'll tell me it's over. There's a knock on my door pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Kellin. Sweetie, we're going to go see Vic, do you want to come with?" Mama Fuentes asked.

"Nah. It's okay. I hope you guys have fun."

"Alright. Sweetie, are you okay?"

"yeah. I'm fine... just hangover I think."

"Okay. feel better soon okay?" and then she left.

It's kind of true, I still don't feel good due to my drunken state last night. Yes, I know I was drunk then but my emotions were so high and the events last night just hurt so much that I can still remember even now that I'm sober. A couple of minutes later, I'm being pulled out of my thoughts again by a knock on the door and a jiggling in the knob. ugh. thank god it's locked.

"Kells, can we talk?"

"Go away Mike."

"Okay. I'm really sorry about last night?" he said kind of unsure.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." and really it wasn't.

"Okay. I really wish you'd come out of that room, have breakfast or something... we're concerned about you Kells.. we don't want you getting all depress again or whatever."

When I didn't reply I heard him sigh and then left. Good I just wanted to be alone. I'll just lay here on the floor and cry myself till I fall asleep. It just hurts so much that I want to just shut down for today. I'll try to sleep.

---

When I woke up, I got up to check the clock from my bed side table. Huh, it's already quarter to twelve in the afternoon. I need to sleep again. I laid back down on the floor. Somehow I find it much more comfortable than the bed. I close my eyes preparing for sleep to take over when I heard the knock on my door. Ugh. Can't I just be alone for once?

"Leave me Alone."

"Kells, it's Vic.. open up."

"Oh. What do 'you' want?" I said emphasizing the 'you' part

"I just want to talk. Can we please talk?"

"no." I mumbled but he heard.

"C'mon. Pleeeaase?"

"I thought they came to see you?" I asked, Even though it's been 3 hours but whatever.

"yeah. They're having lunch with Jenna and her dad, say thank you and stuff. Mike and Jenna told me to go talk to you and I really want to. So can we please talk?"

"Alright. Whatever." I got up and walk to the door opening it for him.

"What?" I asked. He let himself in and took a sit at the foot of the bed. He motioned for me to sit next to him and so I did.

"So." he said awkwardly.

"So?" I said with a bit of attitude cause well, he hurt me.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I don't know. I want to but I can't.." I said looking down at my hands on my lap.

"ok. That's good." he mumbled to himself.

"listen, I uhmm.. I'm sorry." and there he goes.. I knew it.

"yeah Okay. Whatever.. Just.. Forget it okay? You can go now."

"Kellin." he said taking out a deep breath.

He grab my left hand, rubbing it with both of his thumb, an action that told me he was either nervous or feeling awkward.

he sighed, "please don't be so difficult."

"I'm not being difficult. I just... I hate you right now." I said looking at his hands on mine.

"yeah and I hate you too." this made me look up at him

"...for not telling me but I hate myself more.. for not knowing" he continued. I just kept silent cause well, I don't know what to say.

"So I talked to Tay last night.." I nodded for him to go on.

"we broke up, I told her I belong to you"

"you didnt have to, I don't... own you." well not anymore I guess.

"but I want you to and she understood.

" He said interlacing our fingers together with his other hand.

"o-okay" and we were silent for a minute.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Vic said with a hurt look on his face.

"Cause.. I don't know. You had a girlfriend and I didn't know how you'll react guess I was just scared." he nodded at this. He brought my hand to his lips and kiss it while saying,

"I'm sorry Kellin. I'm so so sorry, sorry."

"it's ok, It's not your fault you forgot about me. Im sorry too."

Silence filled the room. I think we were to busy with our thoughts. I wonder what he's thinking right now. My thoughts have been answered when he spoke again.

"can I kiss you?"

Notes