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The Fault in Her Scars .

numero cinco.

I awoke to the smell of bacon wafting into my room. I sat up and checked the time, it was only 9:37, but it was still surprisingly dark inside. I walked over to my curtain and opened it, seeing the storm clouds building in the distance.

It was gonna be one of those days.

I walked over to my vanity and brushed my hair, throwing into a ponytail on top of my head and decided on what to wear. I finally picked out my new Hollister jeans and a plain black tee, quickly throwing it on over my bra and underwear and walking downstairs. I followed the smell of bacon into the kitchen and saw Tony standing there.
He had on his black pajama pants and his glasses, and he was trying to read what looked like pancake mix. It took me a minute to register that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Uh, Tone?" I asked, and he turned to look at me almost instantly, dropping the mix.
"Shit! Hi Taylor, you literally gave me a heart attack. Good morning, how'd you sleep? Any better?" He asked, rushing it all out in one breath.
"Yeah, I slept better." I mumbled, remembering what happened with Kyle. "Where'd the boys go?" I asked him, picking up the pancake mix and grabbing a owl.
"Out grocery shopping, why?"
"I need to talk to you about Kyle." I said, sighing.
"Jaime told me you'd want to talk, that's why I volunteered to stay back. What happened?" He asked, turning off the stove top and removing the bacon.
"We broke up last night. I told him about Jaime kissing me, but he wasn't mad. He told me he wanted to move on and I was too young. I didn't think it would hurt, especially after all his lying and cheating, but it does." I said, breaking down in tears once again.
Tony took the spatula from my hand and set it down next to the half-way mixed pancakes and pulled me into a hug. "I know it hurts Taylor, it hurts because you loved him. But you know, he was too old for you and you know that, that's why you wouldn't tell your brothers. I know you, and somewhere deep down, there's a sense of relief. Plus, you had feelings for someone else and that's when you know you need to let go." He rubbed my shoulders and then let go of me. "Now let's make some kick ass pancakes."

I sighed and giggled, finishing mixing up the batter. I knew Tony was right, he always was.
I picked up the chocolate chips off the counter and mixed them into the pancakes, making sure there was just enough before I poured the batter into the griddle to cook.

I stared at the leftover batter and grinned widely. I picked some up and threw it at Tony, it smacking him right on the back. "That's for not wearing a shirt, Antonio!" I yelled, snorting with laughter at his face as he turned around.
"You are so in for it Taylor Nicole!" He yelled, smirking and picking up the batter.
"You wouldn't," I said, staring at him.
"But I would." He lifted his hand and threw it, it landing right on my chest. I screamed so loud I barely heard the car door slamming.
"That is so gross!" I yelled, pulling off my shirt and throwing it on the floor. I didn't care about only wearing a bra in front of Tony, he'd seen so much worse and was the only one I didn't feel self-conscious around.
Tony grabbed another handful and threw it on me, it hitting my chest. I immeditely wiped it off, and froze as I felt my hand run over the scars.
Tony looked down and his face fell just as the front door swung open, revealing Vic, Mike, and Jaime, all with shocked faces, and Tony looked as if he may cry.
"What is actually going on in here?" Vic asked, covering his eyes. "I don't wanna see my baby sister half naked."
Mike pulled off his shirt and handed it to me, not looking at me in the process and Tony handed me a wet towel to wipe off the batter.
I put on the shirt and giggled. "You're all good now." I said, handing Tony the towel.

"What did you two do in here Taylor?" Mike asked, sticking his tongue out.
I shrugged and smiled. "I had left over pancake batter so I threw it at Tony and he was relentless. I got one hit in and he just kept going." I said, shoulder checking Tony as I went to get out my pancakes.

I finished up with breakfast and listened to the conversation as Jaime and Vic put the groceries away and sat down at the table, never breaking their conversation.
I brought the food out and sat it down, and turned to walk back in the kitchen.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" Vic asked, grabbing my hand.
"I'm not hungry, but thanks Vicky."
He opened his mouth to object, but I walked in the kitchen and washed the few dishes I had left in the sink.
I walked back out the the table and sat down, thankful for the paper plates and plastic silverware everyone was eating off of.

"I hate to be the one to bring this up, but we still need to talk about last night Tay." Mike said, handing me a piece of bacon.
"I know. I guess I should start with me and Kyle broke up. It was bound to happen. He was too old for me anyways."
"How old was he?" Vic asked, his eyes narrowed.
"24." I answered truthfully, and Tony smiled at me, nodding his head in a way of saying I'd done the right thing.
"Seriously? That's way too old." Mike half-shouted, staring at me.
I didn't answer him, just stared blankly at my bacon.
"I'm sorry Tay, I didn't mean to yell at you for something so silly. But I do have one question, why did you keep the self-harm from me for so long? From us? What did you do?"
"I cut myself. I kept it for so long because I didn't know what to say or how to ask for help, Mikey. I was really sad and I didn't want to upset anyone. I didn't want the help, either. I just wanted to die." I said, looking at my brothers and Jaime.
Tony placed his hand on top of mine and I saw the tears that welled up in his eyes. I looked at him and smiled, not even noticing when Vic jumped up from his seat and wrapped his arms around me.

I felt my brother's body shaking and his tears hit my shoulder, his sobs filling the entire room. "Taylor I really meant what I said last night, I cannot imagine living without you. I couldn't wake up everyday knowing you weren't here with me anymore. You are my baby sister, you're my entire world, and I wouldn't give you up for anything. If you di-, if you weren't living anymore, I don't think I could live anymore. I'd die of a broken heart." Vic said, still holding me.
"I'd drink myself to death." Mike said, tears now rolling down his face.
"I'd just end it." Jaime said, looking at me with watery eyes.
"Same," Tony whispered, squeezing my hand.
I moved back and looked at my brother. "Vic, I'm not going anywhere. You're home now, and everything's okay. I'm okay." I said, kissing his cheek and wiping the tears from his eyes.

We all sat in silence as Vic cried it out on my shoulder, until Mike spoke out.
"How long has it been since you, uh, hurt yourself? He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Two weeks tomorrow," I said, trying to force a smile.
"Are there any boo boo's still left?" he asked.
"No, all healed. I'm telling you Mikey, things are different now that you guys are home."
Mike nodded his head, and Vic leaned onto my shoulder. He'd stopped crying, but I knew he was still hurting.
"Let's watch a movie or something, just like old times. I just want my brothers and my bestfriends to be around me, but preferably once my adorable Antonio puts his shirt on." I said, laughing.
Tony's cheeks flushed red and he jogged upstairs, while the rest of us sat down on the couch.
"I love you guys, so much." I mumbled as Mike picked out a movie.

I felt at home.
I felt safe.
But I knew that wouldn't last forever.