The Fault in Her Scars .

I sat in my bed and played with the hem of my shirt and waited for Jaime to come back with my brothers and Tony. I wondered what they'd think of me after I told them what had been going on with me and that I'd been lying to them this whole time.
I shook myself out of my thoughts just as Jaime slid the door open and flicked on the light. Vic and Mike filed in and sat down on the futon with Jaime, and Tony sat on the fold-out chair.
"So Jaime told us you were having a pretty bad nightmare and it seemed like somethings going on and that we all need to talk. We're all here for you Tay." Mike said, giving me a small smile.
I sat in silence as I tried to find a way to say everything.
"I had some things happen while you guys were away, not even mom knows and I think you should know now that we're gonna be living together for awhile." I put my head down and started to play with my hands. "Mike, I know you've always had your suspicions about me self-harming ever since I was 15, and I want you to know that you were wrong about that." I looked at Mike, who breathed in a sigh of relief, and I almost broke down knowing I was going to break his heart.
"I started self-harming when I was 13, in freshman year. I was being bullied in school really badly, and I used that as a way to cope with everything. After dad left us, things got really bad but that was when your band really was doing great. You'd just released your third album and were always busy, and I never talked to you guys because you were all so happy and I couldn't take that away. Around the time you guys went on that tour in Asia and South America, mom started working two jobs in order to support the both of us while she was trying to find dad to get child support and stuff. She was never home, so I started skipping school to avoid the bullying. She eventually found out and decided to home school me for half of my sophomore year and my entire junior year, but things only got worse. I was alone all the time, and when mom was home, she was asleep. I would always finish so much school work and be done with classes a few months early. I started going out to parties and I made a fake ID to get into clubs, which is how I met Ryan, if you guys remember him." I watched Vic grimace, he never liked Ryan from the few times he met him. "He introduced me to drinking and drugs. We would party all the time, and I made a lot of friends, or at least I thought I did. Ryan was actually cheating on me with all these friends I had made, and when I confronted him about it, he beat me. After that, he beat me almost everyday and um, he started making me do things I didn't want to do. He raped me almost everyday, and he told me he'd kill me if I ever left him, which he really tried to do when I left him. He choked me and tried to drown me in his bathtub, but his friends walked in and got him off me. We broke up and I met Kyle, and we've been together since January, so almost six months now. He takes me out to drink a lot, and uses drugs with me. He's um, he's actually 24. He's constantly cheating on me, but I guess we're even after truth or dare earlier, but he's been distant lately so I know he's doing it again. Kyle's the reason I've been self-harming so much lately and why I... why I tried to kill myself a few weeks ago. We got into a fight because we went to a party and I was drugged and raped by his friends, and Kyle got mad at me for taking the drink. We ended up getting into a fist fight and I tried to OD because I was so done with everything." I finished, the tears pouring out of my eyes. I looked up and saw Mike had his head in his hands, and Vic was crying. Tony was shaking with anger, and Jaime was just staring blankly.
"I'm so sorry that you had to hear this, but someone needed to know," I said, starting to shake and sob uncontrollably. Mike jumped up from his place on the futon and wrapped his arms around me, and we both cried.
"No Tay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you, I'm sorry I didn't notice all those hot summer days when you wore jeans and a jacket, I'm sorry I didn't follow you up to your room after you would throw away your entire plate of food at dinner. I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls right away, or text you first, because I was so caught up in myself I didn't realize my sister was hurting. I saw fans who told me stories everyday and I knew what to look for, but I was too oblivious too see you were dying inside. I love you more than anything in this world, I'd die for you and it kills me to know you've been hurting for this long." Mike said, kissing my forehead and holding me tightly in his arms.
Vic came over and sat by Mike and I and took my hands. "I love you sissy, I can't imagine this life without you, I really couldn't live if you-" Vic choked on his own words and started crying, and I squeezed his hands to let him know that I wasn't going anywhere.
"I know this has been really emotional, but can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really sleepy, and I just want to rest." I said, smiling weakly.
"Of course, we'll all be ready for you in the morning sis. I love you so much." Mike said, hugging me again. Vic kissed my cheek and they both stood up and walked towards the door. Tony stood up and walked over to me and wrapped me in a tight hug.
"I know we aren't blood related, but you're still my sister and I'm only a phone call away." He said, rubbing my back gently. I shook my head as he got up and left. Jaime followed them out and held up a finger telling me he'd be right back.
I heard Vic say, "Mike and I can't thank you enough for getting her to tell us this, I don't know what we'd do without you in this situation."
Jaime walked back into the bedroom and shut the door, flicking the light off as he did so.
"You ready to go back to sleep beautiful?" Jaime asked, laying down on the futon.
I shook my head and laid down, pulling the covers up over me.
"Goodnight Taylor, I'm right here if you need me," he said, turning over and facing the wall.
"Goodnight Jaime, I'll see you in the morning."
I laid there in silence until I heard Jaime's soft snores and I knew he was asleep. I turned to and closed my eyes, but my phone screen lit up. Kyle was calling me. I picked it up and slid out of bed, and walked out of room quietly. I went into my bathroom and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi Taylor, it's Kyle. We need to talk."
"Yeah, I have something to tell you first. I kissed Jaime earlier when we were playing truth or dare. I didn't mean to, I just did and I'm really sorry." I said, rushing all of it out.
Kyle took a deep breath. "It's okay, really. All is forgiven, I'm not mad."
"Oh thank God", I said, relief washing over me.
"But the reason I'm not mad is I've moved on Taylor, I can't be with you anymore. You're just too young and I need to be with someone older. I've found somebody else and I'm so so sorry. I'll miss you and I hope we can be okay with each other in time. I'm so sorry, but this is goodbye Taylor." He said, hanging up.
My phone beeped, signaling he had hung up on me. I felt strange. I felt relief, but I was also hurt. I knew this was coming, I knew it when he texted me earlier and said we'd talk tonight about some things. I was surprised when I began to sob rather loudly, so I went back into my room, completely forgetting Jaime was in there. I opened the door and threw my phone, my sobs getting louder as I shut my door and I slid down onto the floor and let out small screams.
"Taylor?!" Jaime asked, shooting up in bed.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry I woke you up, I forgot you were in here for a second, I'm really sorry." I said, getting up and going to my bed. Jaime reached out and pulled me onto the futon and sat up next to me.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Kyle called and I told him about the kiss, and he said it was okay and that he wasn't mad, but that he found somebody else and that we were over. And he just hung up," I said, crying harder. "It hurts a lot Jaime," I said. leaning into his chest.
He opened his arms for me. "Want me to get Vic or someone?" He asked, wiping my tears away.
"No, no, I'll talk to Tony tomorrow, he's already asleep but he knows about all of it." I said, sitting up straight and looking at Jaime. "I know this might sound really weird, but can I please sleep here with you tonight? If it's too weird I get it," I asked.
"No, hey, it's okay. Come here," Jaime said, moving over and laying down against the wall. I climbed onto the futon and laid down, and faced Jaime.
"Just go to sleep, I'm right here" he mumbled, and I turned over to face the other direction.
"Goodnight Jaime, for real this time," I said. I heard Jaime laugh and turn over. I laid there staring into the dark, and within minutes, Jaime was sound asleep.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep immediately, exhaustion taking over.

Notes

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