the fear in my heart is enough to make me cold

(PATRICK'S POV)
As we walked down to the barbeque there was a comfortable silence. I couldn't help but think that this girl was perfect, this girl that I have only known for a mere 20 minutes, is perfect. We reached the barbeque area in a matter of 5 minutes. There was yelling coming from by the tables and two men, one tall and one not much taller than Liv came running past in a blur knocking Liv over "SORRY JELLY BEAN!" the tall one shouted before running over and helping her up. I was then able to realize that they were Mike and Vic. "Hey, Patrick what's up? I see you've met Liv" exclaimed Vic. "Yeah, i was just showing her the way here before things got too crazy". We all chatted for a bit as the usual dinner time flood started to wash in. The guys and Liv had gone off to get some food so i decided to attempt to not look like a complete loner and socialize with some of the other bands.

(MIKE'S POV)

Me, Vic, and Liv were going up to get our plates and i noticed that Liv looked really nervous, she was even shaking a bit."Hey jellybean, you okay?" "What? oh, yeah I'm fine, there's just a lot of people here." she put on the best smile she could, but I could tell that that wasn't it. As usual me and Vic filled our plates with so much crap that it practically looked like the leaning tower of Pisa was about to invade our colons, but Liv's plate was barely even half full, but i just brushed it off. we decided to take our food to the bus because the rain was fucking up our hair...i know what you're thinking "oh my god you guys are such girls" but let me tell you, the amount of time that goes into this hair is ridiculous. anyhow, we get back to the bus and we're all talking and laughing and being assholes except for Liv. She was in a corner by herself moving the food around on her plate, which wasn't usually like her. "You feeling okay jelly bean?" "Are you gonna keep asking me that all night loser?" she said playfully
"Well, you just seem a bit off and you didn't eat anything all day today and now you've barely touched your food except to push it from one side of the plate to the other" "what do you know Mike? I'm just not hungry okay so can you please just leave it alone, it's not that big of a deal!" Tears started to stream down her face and i was so angry because i hadn't noticed this earlier "THAT'S BULLSHIT LIV AND YOU KNOW IT! YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVEN'T EATEN IN WEEKS AND I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU DESTROY YOURSELF LIKE THIS!" by now the whole bus was staring at us but she had already stormed off the bus but not before screaming a very loud "fuck you".

(LIV'S POV)

I just wanted to sit in the bus unnoticed with my plate of food but no, Mike had to come and fuck it up. i should've just stayed at catering, i didn't even care about the rain and I was talking to Patrick and OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT PATRICK! I was supposed to meet him back at the Of Mice & Men bus like half an hour ago.

I hurried over back to the OM&M bus completely forgetting that i had spent the last 15 minutes crying and my eyes were all red and puffy and still slightly filled with tears. I knocked on the door and was greeted by Austin "Hey, what's up Li- what's the matter? why are you crying, come in." he said with concern in his voice. "yeah um, yeah I'm okay just, I'm okay." i didn't mean to sound like an idiot who didn't know how to talk but i couldn't tell them what happened. "um, is Patrick here?" i asked a little worried because i practically stood him up "yeah, he's in the back lounge". I made my way to the the back lounge to find Patrick huddled up in the corner listening to his iPod. I tapped his arm gently in attempt to not startle him, but my efforts failed seeing as he jumped nearly half way to the moon "Oh god Liv, you scared me, hey" i giggled "sorry Pat, and sorry I'm late some stuff happened" "it's fine, but are you okay? you look like you've been crying." it took me a second to answer, i didn't want to lie to him, but of course i simply said "I'm fine." "Well" he said "you don't look fine, but I'll let you tell me when you're ready. but for now, let's fucking party!" he pulled his headphones out of his iPod and he started dancing like a complete goofball, and as did I.

(PATRICK'S POV)
I knew i had to do something to do something to cheer her up, she just looked so sad, so tired, so drained, so.......broken. But, i did manage to get her to smile so that was a fantastic start. we were dancing around like idiots and i guess we tripped over each other or something because we both ended up on the floor. I was reaching to help her up when i noticed her shirt had lifted up a bit, it had lifted up just enough for me to see the white lines tracing up her sides, god, there were so many. So many old ones ones overlapped by the new. All i could say was "Oh my god". I didn't think she could hear me but she must've because she shot up and pulled down her shirt. "Liv" i said "Patrick, please, I am begging you please don't" her voice small. cracking the entire way through. the pain in her eyes at that moment, could make even the strongest of hearts die. "Liv,i-i'm sorry i, i want to help you, just, let me help you" " I'm sorry i have to go" she was full on sobbing now and running out the door.

(LIV'S POV)
"Liv, I'm sorry i want to help you, just, let me help you" I could hear the hurt in is voice, it broke my heart but I can't let him in. I can't let someone in like that again, not after what happened, it's an impossibility. i remember running past Austin, Alan, and Tino and i remember hearing them all scream after me but I couldn't stop, I couldn't stay. I ended up back at our bus...oh grand, now i can get yelled at by Mike and Vic.

(VIC'S POV)

"MIKE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?!"
"Vic, she wasn't eating what the fuck did you want me to do!"
"Not yell at her what good did you think that was going to do? Now she's run off to god knows where! You need to fucking fix this, NOW!"
Mike knows how she gets, that's why we all try our best not to yell at her, it freaks her out way more than it does the normal person.
Now Mike's freaking out cause Liv is gone, she's been gone for over 2 hours and we've looked everywhere. The Of Mice & Men boys said she ran off upset about half an hour ago but no one has seen her since. We went back to the bus and thank god she was there
"Liv where the hell have you been?" i said trying to stay as calm as possible
"Out."
"Out where Liv!" my voice raising slightly
"None of your damn business god, i just went out why can't you all just leave me alone!" she slammed the bathroom door, which was quite impressive considering the fact that the bathroom door was technically un-slammable
we all sat in silence listening to her cry when Jaime stood up
"Liv, can i come in? Please."
"Why so yo can yell at me like everybody else?"
"No, i just want to talk, please just let me in" i heard the door open and close, and I heard talking but i couldn't make out anything being said. after about 10 minutes they both walked out Liv went to her bunk and Jaime just sat down on the couch and let out a continuous sigh.

Notes

Feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks guys! :)

also i know Patrick's parts aren't very long but he will be in the story a lot more later on!