I'm Sorry

I woke up in a hospital with someone beside me. Oh how I hate hospitals. Hate them, hate them, HATE THEM! I looked towards the figure " Austin? " I asked " hazel? " he looked towards me " I wanna go back " He frowned " what? " he asked, confused. I started to cry " please take me back to my band and the venue...please Aust please! " he sighed " okay, okay, I'll get you signed out and we can go " I leaned back and relaxed into the pillow. I could feel him hesitate before he left the room. I looked down at my ugly appearance. I had my shorts on and my OMAM shirt on. I picked up my bracelets off the bedside table and slipped them on right before Austin and Alan came in to take me back to the venue. Alan let me lean on his shoulder as we walked towards the car. I got in the back seat and started to fall asleep. Alan ended up carrying me into their bus and laying me down in a bedroom. I fell asleep to the sound of the door closing.

* Austin's POV *

" I don't get it Alan, I don't get it! How could an innocent like her cut herself? I just don't get it "
I yelled angrily " Austin, don't yell...you'll wake her up " Alan whispered. I sighed and sat down at the table " I just don't understand it Alan! How could she do that to herself? She's innocent. She's perfect. She doesn't need to do this to herself. " Alan patted my shoulder " everyone has their problems " he said and went into his room to sleep. I sighed and set up my bed at the couch since I had given Hazel my room. I laid down on the couch and fell asleep.

* morning, back to Hazel's POV *

I woke up in a bedroom. It seemed strange. I looked around at all the posters and items in the room. Slipknot posters and CDs littered the floor and walls. " is this Austin's room? " I asked myself. I got up and noticed that I was still in the clothes from last night. I went into the main room to see Austin asleep on the couch. He was cuddled up with squidgy and practically falling off the couch. I giggled and shook him awake. " w–what? What? Oh hi hazel " he said. " I could've slept on the couch " I said. He smiled " it doesn't bother me that you slept in my room. Don't worry. " I huffed. " hey guess what? " austin whispered to me. I smiled " what? " I whispered back " we are having a New Years party in three days and your invited with your band! We're gonna have truth or dare and we're gonna do things that we've always wanted to do! " he said excitedly " well, of course I'll go " I said happily. He hugged me and jumped up and down. I giggled. " you know, you are the most amazing person in the whole entire world! " Austin yelled. I blushed and became completely fascinated with my shoes. " it's true you know " he said. My face burned. He grabbed my face gently with his hands and had me look towards him. He let go and I stayed there staring at him." Hazel....I want to tell you something... " he started but just then the door opened and Alan came in " hey, haze your band is here " I went to the door where my band was " hey guys " I said. Danny came right up to me and hugged me tightly " I'm sorry " he said. I started to tear up " c'mon guys...lets get back to the bus "and we left...and I completely forgot about what Austin was gonna tell me.

––/––/ three days later \––\––

" YAY!!! NEW YEARS PARTY HERE I COME! " I yelled out. I got dressed in my old worn out All Time Low shirt and my super distressed black skinny jeans. I put on my black plugs and I slipped on my washed out blue converse. I ran out the door with my hair in a messy bun. I went into the OMAM bus to see that Austin, Alan, Phil, and Tino already set up the bus for the get together. " hey guys! " I said happily " hey Haze " Austin said happily. " do you have your list ready? " he asked me " of course I do...AND IM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!! " I yelled. Everyone laughed. I sat down on the couch and looked over my list: dye hair blue, get another tattoo ( in private ), go skinny dipping..... The list went on. I smiled to myself and laughed. " what's so funny Hazel? " I just smiled sweetly at him " none of your business! " I giggled. He smiled back at me. Everyone else arrived and we decided to start this party! " okay Haze, truth or dare? " Alan asked me. " why truth of course! " I giggled " ugh, your no fun! " I laughed again " okay, is it true that you want to go skinny dipping? " I gasped " YOU SNEAKED A PEAK AT MY LIST!!! CHEATER!!! " I got up and started to chase him around the bus " BAD KITTEN, BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!! " he yelled as I jumped on his back and smacked his head repeatedly. He pushed me off of him and on to my place on the ground. " sniff sniff...meanie " I cried. He stuck his tongue out at me and I giggled. " not so innocent now, are ya? " Alan giggled through his words. I gave him a confused laugh. What the hell is he talking about with innocence? I smiled and we continued the game " okay...Austin...truth or dare? " I asked. He smiled at me deviously " dare " he said. I chuckled " I dare you to give Alan a blowjob! " Austin screamed and hid behind the couch " no no no no no no!!!! Never ever ever ever!!! " I smiled. I knew he wouldn't do it. " alright then come here " I took out a sharpie as he approached. I took his face in my hand and wrote ' I love dicks. I suck dicks and masturbate all the time. ' in small print on his cheek. Everybody laughed. " what did you write! " I smiled " oh....nothin " he frowned and I smiled sweetly at him. The game went on with laughter and writing. When the game finally finished, we decided to start on our New Years lists. " OKAY OKAY ME FIRST! " I yelled. Everyone laughed as I searched for my list " AUSTIN!!!!! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY LIST YOU ASSHOLE. " he giggled " it's in there " He pointed to where Tino had gone earlier to sleep. I walked in and found my list immediately. Then I looked up " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! " I screamed, running out of the room. " oh...what's the matter hazel? " Austin asked sarcastically. " scarred for life, scarred for life, scarred for life. " I mumbled over and over and over again. " oh, it's okay " Alan said taking me in his arms " YOUR SO MEAN AUSTIN!! " I yelled angrily. He laughed and I glared at him. He's not getting away with a mean trick like that so easily. " oh, come off it Haze, it was just Tino! " I glared at him again " yeah! Tino naked! " he laughed again and I sighed. I grabbed my list and looked it over " okay! I want to dye my hair blue! " I said happily " BLUE!? " everyone said together. I cringed " yeah blue... " I whispered " none of you guys are my parents so I can do what I want. You don't have to treat me like a child! " I stormed off into the first extra room. " hazel? " Austin asked, coming into the room "what do you want? " I asked, sniffling a bit. " oh, hazel " he took me in his arms and kissed my cheek " I'm sorry....c'mon, be happy...lets go get your hair dyed " I smiled " okay! "

-/-/-/ the next day \-\-\-

I looked in the mirror at my beautifully dyed hair. Austin had helped me dye it last night and I'm so thankful that he did. It came out perfect. " okay...time to go get my third tattoo " I said to myself. I walked to the tattoo parlor and talked to the guy up front " hello, I'd like retouching to be done on two of my tattoos and I want a new one. " I said happily. The guy smiled. " sure thing " he said in an Oklahoma accent. " do I know you? You sound very familiar " I asked, smiling. He laughed and said " I don't know do ya? " I examined him for a while then I smiled " SAMMY LUCK! I should have known you'd be doing this for a living " he blanched " and look at you girl! Look what's happened to that accent of yours!! " I giggled " oh, come on Sammy. I need my tattoos done. " he laughed and we went into the back room to get me a new tattoo.

<><><><><><><>

Soon enough I was finished with my new dream catcher tattoo on my right shoulder. I also had my flower tattoo on my left shoulder touched up and the heart with an infinity sign through it on the back of my neck was touched up as well. " thanks a ton Sammy! " I said happily. He gave me his phone number so we could keep in touch and I decided to walk back to the bus. I walked in and Alan was there, obviously looking for me " god dammit do you know how hard I've been looking for you? " I giggled and he sighed " so..what's up? " I asked " nothing besides that fact that you've been missing all morning! " I sighed " oh, calm down I was just gettin' me another tattoo! " I said angrily, letting my okie accent leak through the barrier I had created at a young age. Alan giggled " what are you laughin' at ya asshole! " he giggled again " what a cute accent you have Haze! " I grumbled and went to get changed. No one but Alan knows about my tattoos. I had told him the other day when he caught a glimpse of one of them. I keep the in discreet places. I'm almost positive that my brother would be mad as a...well I just know he'd be mad if he found out about them. I sighed. Why does my life have to be a secret? I changed into my galaxy shorts and my ' will work for concert tickets ' sweater. I put on my galaxy vans and changed my black plugs for blue ones. I put on some bracelets and my necklace. I grabbed my phone and my earbuds and walked into the main room. I self consciously looked down at my fat thighs. " yuck " I whispered to myself. I pulled down my shorts a little to make sure they were covering any cuts. I looked at the lines on my pale skin that were barely visible. I sighed " c'mon Hazel " Alan prompted me. " okay okay " I said. And I let him lead me away to the stages. We got to the stages and all time low was playing. I smiled to myself. " time to crash this party " I said. Alan laughed as I picked up an extra mic. He was singing Stella next and I decided to make my presence known just about then. The music started and I ran onstage " 3 p.m., on my feet and staggering. Through misplaced words, And a sinking feeling, I got carried away. Sick, sick of sleeping on the floor. Another night, another score, I'm jaded, bottles breaking. You're only happy when I'm wasted. I point my finger but I just can't place it. Feels like I'm falling in love, When I'm falling to the bathroom floor " I finished then ran offstage as the crowd cheered. I giggled as Alex looked at me in surprise. I shrugged and went into my dressing room.

|_|_|_|_after the show_|_|_|_|

I returned to my bus where everyone else already was. " c'mon Hazel, were going out to lunch! " Ryan said, distracting me from my horrible thoughts. " huh? Oh...ok " and I let my friends lead me to the restaurant. When we got to the restaurant we sat down. Austin was to my right and Alan was to my left. I felt so out of pace which was strange. I was surrounded by boys. But then again, I've always been surrounded by boys. I'm the tomboy of the group. And I guess I hate that. I hate not having friends who are girls to rely on. Then I remembered. I have Jess! What am I worrying myself about! " Haze...Hazel!! Hello, anybody in there? " Alan knocked on my head " huh? " I asked. I hadn't been listening to the conversation at all. " what's up with you? " Danny asked me. I shrugged. " c'mon, lets order " Kyle said hungrily. I rolled my eyes at him and said " hey I'm not really hungry " everyone stared at me. " but your always hungry! " Jess stated. My cheeks reddened and I looked down at my hands " I'm just not hungry. 'Kay? " I asked. She nodded. I took out my headphones and started to play my music. I snuggled into my sweater and smiled happily as my music started. Music always makes me happy. Austin pulled out one of my headphones and put it in his ear. He giggled as he listened to my music. " what? " I asked him. He smiled " you listen to such intense music for such a sweet little girl. I pouted " I'm not sweet or little. " he held back his laughter. " well just because your señor gigante! " I glared at him and he smiled sweetly at me. My cheeks reddened again and I looked away. Austin's brow furrowed. His hand rested on my thigh and I tensed up immediately. He gave me a confused look and I returned it with my own. Why was he being so nice to me. Why was he acting as if we were....I gasped. " what? " everybody asked " nothing nothing " I said, shaking off their strange glances. He's acting as if we're...well, to put it blankly, courting. But I don't want this. Or do I? I mean, I like the feel of Austin's hands on mine but I don't want to get to attached to him or I'm gonna spill all my secrets. I shook his hand off and cringed in on myself " haze? " Alan addressed me, throwing me a confused look and touching my shoulder. I cringed again and brought my knees up to my face. I ignored everyone as they all stared at me. " hazel what's the matter? " Austin asked. I ignored him and nudged Alan to tell him to get out. He got up and I left through the door. Austin followed me out. " will ya just leave me alone? " I asked angrily, my accent mixing in with my voice. " Hazel are you mad at me? " I sighed " no, I ain't mad at ya! I just wanna be left alone! " I practically growled at him. He smiled a bit as he went back into the restaurant. I sat down on the ground and sighed. Do I really like Austin? Yes....no...I...I don't know. Ugh this is so confusing! I got up and started to walk back to the bus. When I got to the venue it had already begun to get dark. I put the pass code in for my bus and locked the door behind me. I went into my bedroom and lay down on my bed. " g'night world " I whispered, falling asleep.

Notes

Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I just finished this chapter today so....yeah. I trying to make them as awesome as possible. So I won't be updating as much because I'm going back to school on Tuesday ( btw: MY BIRTHDAY IS ON WEDNESDAY OMFG IM SO EXCITED CAUSE IM TURNING 14 ) okay. Just had to get that out of my system :p! I love you all my cupcakes!!!

- alex