A Match Into Water

It was time for Vic to go home.

I wish I could lay in his arms forever and never move because I then know I am safe and always will be.

I was thinking about the possibility of me being pregnant....it was terrifying.

I put on a brave face and smiled as I didn't want him to think I was hurting anymore when in reality he would never know my pain.

It's unbearable the pain and I can't live with the guilt.

I gave him a hug and a kiss as he left, I locked the door as soon as he started walking away from the house.

I sprinted up the stairs and darted into my room.

I stood in the door way looking at the pile of clothes I was assaulted in, what do I do?

I was debating whether to bag them up so if I ever pluck up the courage to report it I have evidence but on the other hand I wear these clothes everyday.

It will look a bit weird if I stop wearing them.

I decided to shove them into a bag while I thought of what to do.

I laid on my bed over thinking, I need to stop over thinking. It sends me to a dark place where I'm cornered by my demons.

I burst into tears as I thought about what he did to me. I was crippled with this overpowering worry.

David knows everything about me. He could come to my house and do it again.

The adrenaline was pumping around my body, I tried to steady my breathing however my panicked stated was too much for me to handle.

Fuck I needed Vic here.

I cried to my pillow as I remembered his reaction when I told him, it crushed him inside.

It crushed me to know I've hurt him so much.

I can't believe I cheated on my boyfriend. That's basically what I've done.

I hadn't even done anything like that with Vic the person I trusted most because of the memories before.

I sat up on my bed and then walked to the bathroom.

I purged the pizza Vic made me eat, I don't deserve to eat.

I walked over to my bag and pulled out my razor yet again.

My body was covered in cuts, it's never been this bad, I was sore everywhere but I didn't care I needed to do more.

I need to do more from hurting Vic, I made him cry and I've upset him. I have to do this as a punishment for my revolting actions.

I found a patch on my stomach that I missed and coloured with the silver to create crimson red.

The blood dripped of my fat figure and dripped onto the floor, the splattered pattern mesmerised me as I collapsed to the floor in floods of tears.

How can I carry on? What the fuck am I going to do if I am pregnant, I mean fuck me I'm only 18

Notes

I'm really into the flow of writing at the minuet!

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Feel free to check out my boyfriends story called "My life from the beginning to....well now"

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