A Match Into Water

I managed to calm myself just in time as there was a knock at the door.....Vic was here.

I clambered up off the floor and ran down the stairs after I changed my underwear and pulled on some clothes.

"Hey baby" Vic had a big smile spread across his face as he walked through the door. He went to give me a hug and a kiss but I stepped back then ran up the stairs into my room.

I love him but I don't want him to touch me. I know if I don't it will look weird though, fuck sake.

I jumped onto my bed and curled up into a ball holding back the tears.

Vic entered shortly after.

"Okay what's wrong" Vic sounded fair angry I didn't understand why.

"Nothing" I mumbled.

He sat down next to me and looked straight into my eyes.

"Darling I know there's something wrong or you wouldn't be acting like this. Especially towards me" Vic sounded sad, I felt so guilty.

i couldn't contain my tears anymore. I pushed myself up and ran into my bathroom locking to door behind me.

"Alisha, please just talk to me....I'm worried about you" it sounded like Vic was crying.

"Don't....don't be worried about me I'm fine" I sniffled as I pulled my razor blades out the draw causing more noise.

"Alisha put it away and come out here so I can comfort you" Vic was banging on the bathroom door trying to get my attention as he rattled the handle.

"I can't I deserve this, I can't tell you why but I deserve this" I sobbed loud as I carved the words whore, slag and cheat into my arm. Causing the new cuts to overlap the old.

I wiped up the blood and pulled down my sleeve, I them opened the door to see Vic collapsed in a heap on the floor resembling a pile of dirty washing.

Vic stood up as he saw me pulling me close to him, I didn't want him to touch me I feel dirty and he doesn't deserve to have to touch this.

I began to cry once again.

"Please tell me what's wrong" Vic pulled his puppy eyes on my causing me to give in.

"Your going to hate me" I looked to the floor as I watched my tears splash onto the wooden floor.

"I will never hate you, come on tell me" Vic pulled me over to the bed laying down as I laid next to him in his arms.

What am I going to say? How am I going to say it?

Notes

So many times thought this story I have wrote in Glen instead of Vic and had to go through and delete it is unreal. Glen is my boyfriend for those that didn't know. I can say for sure I would be 6ft under if it wasn't for him. We've been together for nearly a 3 months now and I love him will all my heart. He's stuck by me when I needed it, he looks after me and tries to makes sure I don't do anything stupid. He's helped me with my past sexual abuses and he's helping me through this one too. He's amazing and to be honest I'm surprised he hasn't broken up with me and hates me for what I've put him through. I hope this puts a smile on your face baby...I love you so much