A Match Into Water

"Alisha......I.....I.."

The tears fell from my eyes, they were tightly shut so I didn't have see his face the shock and horror in his eyes. The tears burned as they fell down my cheeks, one drop fell on Vic's cheek I opened my eyes to see him looking up at me with tears in his eyes. What have I done I made him cry with the sight of my vile body. We were silent for a few seconds but it felt like eternity.

"Alisha you've got an open fracture on your rib you need to go to hospital!" Vic said as the tears ran down his cheeks also he was crying because of what Jade had done to me.

I didn't understand why he didn't say anything.....I panicked almost instantly at what Vic said, I cant go to hospital they would see them all and report me to C.A.M.H.S (child and adolescent mental health service) I don't want to go there ever. To sit down and tell this stranger about how I'm feeling and what I've done, what I've been through. It would kill me and anyone else who knew.

"Vic, I....I cant go. I will be ok just let me push it back in and dress it and it will be good as new" I said as I stopped crying.

"Alisha don't be so stupid it will get infected or you could puncher your lung and possibly die!" he said so in a calm manor but had a slight sound of annoyance in his tone of voice personally it didn't bother me that I might die it would be a beautiful incident. He looked at me as if I was insane at the thought of me doing it.

"But I cant because.....because of all this" I pointed down at my stomach ripping off my dressings exposing the engravings on me, they began to bleed.

"Sweetie look you've made yourself bleed, you've re-opened them" he began to dab the cuts with the tissue and dried them off afterwards.....he didn't cower and look away, that was something new "Did you fetch any make up with you today?" Vic said as if a light bulb had just illuminated in his head.

"Yeah I always carry it with me for when this happens, why ?" I asked slightly confused why my cuts made him think of make up. I handed my make up bag to him and he looked through to find my foundation, concealer , powder and various other bits.

"Can I cover them up then so you can go to hospital, please?" he looked at me pulling these puppy dog eyes I gently nodded my head to say he was ok to do so.....I don't know why I let him I never let anyone get close to me but I feel safe near Vic.......almost normal.

"Thank you" he began to apply the make up he was doing it for a good 5-10 minuets he smiled at me and said "got any on your arms or anywhere they might want to do a full body examination because of the state your in?" I nodded again and showed him, he did the same applied all the make up stood up and helped me up and gave me a gentle hug.

He took me to the infirmary where many doctors rushed to my aid and Vic was pushed away I panicked. Where's he gone I need him next to me he had saved me from Jade I need him. I was crying uncontrollably by then. Suddenly Vic burst through the emergency doors and fled to my side reassuring me that I was going to be ok. It felt like a movie, Vic was pushed out as they said he couldn't be there. A couple of hours later I awoke with Vic at my side waiting for me to wake up, a huge smile was spread across my face...it was an genuine smile, what was this boy doing to me that hadn't happened in years. I asked him what happened to me and what is wrong with me too he explained everything in so much detail but the most important words were "They didn't notice any scars and you can go home in 2 hours" he said that with a big smile on his face reassuring me.

* 3 hours later *

I returned home and barricaded myself into my room straight away, I ran the bath till it nearly over flowed and walked into the bathroom with a bottle of vodka and laid in the luke warm water I cried at the pain that there was as soon as the pain wearied off a bit I opened the top to the vodka and downed half a bottle of the bitter tasting vodka it made me cough as it hit me hard. I lay there with my head underwater holding my breath thinking about the day I had it seemed surreal.

Notes