A Match Into Water

I opened my eyes to see myself stood out side the waiting room door.

How did we get here so fast? Only a second ago we was walking out of Vic's house....

Suddenly it came to me, I must have blacked out for the whole journey.

My grasp was still firm, entangling my fingers with Vic's soft hands.

We walked through the door and I released my grasp of Vic's hand and told him to sit down while I went to go sign in to see if my counsellor was ready to see me. I gave the women at the desk my name and she told me my counsellor should be ready soon and to take a seat.

My heart was still pounding and I took a seat next to Vic. There was other people of various ages sat amongst the seats in the waiting room, their beady eyes were looking at me, inspecting me. Their eyes looked straight into mine it was as if they were looking into my soul and could see the things I have done and the things I dream of doing and quickly look away in horror and didn't engage contact with me again.

I looked around the room examining everything around me, the room was painted cream decorated with bright colourful frames that hung on the walls, they had posters on the walls saying to think positive and that nothing is forever to stick it out and that things will get better.....What a load of bullshit.

I was startled as Vic placed his hand on my thigh, I was on edge and my heart was about to give up on me as it was beating too fast it's like someone was beating on a drum and they were soon going to break it from beating too hard on it.

"Darling are you okay?" Vic spoke softly and quietly as he knows I don't like people listening to me.

"I....I'm scarred" I couldn't speak I was that worried, I mean I don't know what they will do to me or anything....I began to panic even more.

I jumped as the door to the office opened and a tall, tanned man walked through the door and spoke loud and clear "Alisha" I gave him a soft smile and he asked me to follow him through the door he seemed confused when he saw Vic following me.

"Excuse me sir, what are you doing?" He wasn't rude however quite polite.

"It's alright he's my boyfriend and he's coming to support me" I was still nervous therefore was fairly quiet.

"Oh alright then" He smiled at me and placed his hand on my shoulder guiding me into the room there was a lounge bed sort of thing in the middle of the room and 2 arm chairs.

"Alisha would you be able to just sit on the bed for me?" His voice was soft and welcoming.

I nodded agreeing and hoped up on the bed while Vic took the seat closest to me.

"I understand we had a chat over the phone where I got all the details and everything out the way in paperwork form then didn't we so we could dive straight into counselling" He opened up his notepad clicking his pen ready to write.

"Yeah that's correct" I replied fairly fast hoping that the faster we do this the less time I would be in there. I looked at Vic with worried eyes and I saw him look he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"Okay what I am wanting you to do for me is lay down and get comfy for me then what I would like to do is put you into a trace so you don't hold anything back and to hopefully minimalize trauma for you. Is that okay?"

I was surprised as I didn't think my counselling would be like this....

"Erm yeah that's okay...Would I be able to lay with Vic?" I shuffled myself on the bed and laid on my side. I wanted him to be close so I know I'm not alone.

"Of course, it's whatever will make you feel comfortable" He smiled at me, he was a very smiley person I could tell that just from the short amount of time I had been around him.

"Okay well I am going to start now"

I felt Vic wrap his arms around me so that I was little spoon so that I was safe, he knows that I like that. I squeezed his hand tight letting him know I was scarred without saying it out loud.

"Darling everything is going to be okay nothing is going to happen while I am here, okay?" Vic whispered in my ear and peaked me on the cheek.

I sighed as my counsellor began to talk and I fell into a deep trance, it was nice and strangely calming.

I fluttered my eyelashes as I began to awake. I turned my head to see a red eyed Vic behind me, I was so confused why he had been crying. Vic jumped off the bed after giving me a quick kiss. I sat up and looked at Daniel my counsellor.

"Thank you Alisha for today it's been very helpful for me, we do still have that appointment for next week don't forget! Can I speak to you for a moment in private?"

"Yes I remember, of course you can. Vic do you mind waiting outside for me?" I smiled at him letting him know that I will be okay.

"Yes sweetie that's fine" He sniffled and walked out.

Daniel looked me in the eye and spoke softly "That was a good session thank you for agreeing to let me place you in the trace, could I ask that from now on I see you alone though? By all means he can wait in the waiting room it's just usually I work 1 to 1"

"Oh right, I understand....that's fine" I sighed and walked out the room to see Vic waiting for me, he gave me a smile.

I ran up to Vic and gave him a hug taking in his embrace, he didn't seem as enthusiastic as I did....I was so confused I didn't understand why he was being like this.

We walked to the bus stop and caught the next bus up to his house, the journey was silent.

I rushed ahead of Vic and ran into his bedroom not fully understanding what had gone off in counselling and why Vic was acting so cold towards me.

I heard Vic sigh and slowly walk up the stairs after me.

He pushed open the door and saw me sat on the bed with my face in my hands.

"Alisha I think it's time for a chat" Vic sounded sad.

"Yeah we do. Why are you acting so cold towards me?" I snapped without meaning to but I wanted answers.

"Because you never told me" Vic shouted and Mike come knocking at the door.

"Are you guys okay?" Mike sounded confused and worried.

"Mike we are fine can you do me a favour and go to the shop and buy the shopping, the list and money is on the kitchen table" Vic picked up his tone and sounded reasonably happy.

"Of course I will go now" We heard Mike run down the stairs and the front door slam shut.

"What do you mean I never told you" I didn't understand.

"Alisha, you only told me that you got raped....you, you didn't tell me about the others and about your eating disorder" Vic began to cry.

"Wait what? Oh my, what did I say at my counselling? Please baby don't cry, come here" My heart sunk however I held out my arm for him to come so I could comfort him.

"While you was in that trance you told him everything, I now know everything...why didn't you tell me before though?" Vic sat beside me and I pulled him down with me so we was in each others arms.

"I caused you so much pain with what I have already told you and I didn't want to worry you anymore with me not eating or well purging" My tone was sad as I realised that I had kept things from him and it was bad that I didn't.

"Baby I want you to tell me everything from now on okay?" Vic cupped my face in his hands.

"Okay sweetie I will" I know that its horrible when you are left out from something and especially when you have secrets in relationships.

"You told Daniel that you knew the other 2 accounts of sexual abuse and you told him one you see everyday at school and the other you shouldn't see again and you still don't know your rapist....please tell me who the lad at school is?" Vic was careful with his words as he knows its hard for me.

"Vic, I...I can't I'm so sorry" I began to cry as I remembered the face of him, how I trusted him.

Vic wont forgive me for this I just know it....what am I going to do?

Notes

Sorry its a bit slow :/

I am going to try and update at least once a week again!

Feedback please :)