A Match Into Water

~A few days later~

Things between me and Vic have been okay we've had our moments where we have argued and I had cut...without telling him but things seemed to be getting better he keeps asking who I was but I can't tell him, it's for his own good.

I was no longer staying at Vic's house I had returned home as I go back to school tomorrow...I don't want to go back to that hell hole.

I don't want the bullshit of Jade and him I have had enough of them both, I know I deserve it but still.

I walked home, it was a lovely walk and the pathway was illuminated by the moon along side with the yellow street lights the walk didn't take that long as I picked up the pace as there was someone behind me and I began to panic. I was over the road from my house when I remembered the fact me and Vic was hit by a car here.

I ran over the road, shivering due to the thought of seeing Vic's body fly across the air.

I opened the door and threw my keys on the side after I locked the door behind me, I took a slow walk up the stairs as this was the first time since I attempted suicide that I was alone in the house, I presume my mother was out drinking again and would come home with another man.

I slowly walked up the stairs realising that my room hadn't been cleaned at all, I thought about the blood that I was about to see. I slowly pushed open my door flicking my light switch as I entered.

I looked at my room that was now filled with light I saw the empty pill bottles along side with the vodka bottle with blood stains over the carpet where I laid when I nearly died. I can't believe my mum didn't clean it up but then again I suppose she doesn't really care.

I rolled up my rug after placing my bag on my bed and dragged it down the stairs and placed it in the bin I ran back up the stairs to get the empty bottles to recycle. I locked the after I came back inside.

I walked back into my room and just laid on my bed. I never realised how much Vic helped me stay sane. When he was with me my demons didn't seem to come find me that often and when they did they would leave fairly quickly.

I sat in my bedroom in silence my mind overpowering me the demons coming for me and I can't cope. I ran into my bathroom and looked at my body in the mirror, I ran the bath and the steam caused the mirror to fog up leaving me unable to see my fat, vulgar body. I placed my Ipod on the side and decided to play some music I got out my razor blades and placed them on the side also while I removed all my clothes until I was left standing in my bra and underwear I unclipped my bra and relaxed my arms causing it to slide off gracefully.

I have every part of my body especially my chest it looks horrible I don't see why Vic likes my boobs and bum so much they are revolting. I picked up my razor and sat myself in the bath tub, I held my razor in my hand and began to cut....I kept cutting until I felt relieved of my problems.

I cut from wrist to shoulder on both arms, my stomach, legs, hips and boobs....I fucking hate my body.

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