A Match Into Water

I can't believe I am doing this to him I'm poisoning him slowly.

Slowly I am going to kill him.

"Vic please, it's alright I'm fine" I held his hand and squeezed it trying to reassure him.

"Don't lie to me Alisha, I can see it in your eyes and have been able to for days I just didn't know what was wrong...but now I do and I'm going to be here for you through everything" More tears escaped his eyes.

"You've got enough on your plate without my shit. You don't need it" I looked done ashamed and annoyed that I had let myself fall asleep.

"Hey, your my girlfriend and I am always going to be here to guide you through the dark. I love you so much" Vic pressed his lips against my forehead with caution.

"I love you too Vic. You don't understand though"

I know he means well but he doesn't know what its like for every time you close your eyes for their faces and the memories of being sexually abused does to a person.

I close my eyes and remember everything from being dragged into those woods t pulling up my clothing and running home. It kills me every single day and I can't escape my own mind can I, I am stuck with it.

"Darling I know I don't see what you see when you close your eyes and I can't even possibly imagine. But I'm here to listen to you if you want to talk or just need a cuddle....okay?" He looked hurt by what I had said but I knew he'd understand.

"Okay baby, I'm sorry" I sniffled as I finished my sentence.

"You have nothing to be sorry about sweetie, nothing at all" Gently Vic held my face and pulled me into a gentle kiss.

I felt so guilty for being the source of his poison.

I want to stop lying to him and tell him everything but I know it would kill him to hear.

The door bell rang and it was a letter that Amber had fetched round addressed to me from the NHS Mike kindly fetched it up for me......what could this be for?

I examined the envelope puzzled at what it could be.

I turned my back to Vic and opened the letter, my heart sunk.

It was my counselling session that had been set up, fucking great.

Vic peered over my shoulder and read the letter.

"Want me to come too?"

"What? You want to come with me?" I was stunned. It was so sweet that he wanted to be there for me especially when I need him but I want to spare him the pain.

"If you want me to be yes" Vic smiled at me as he spoke causing butterflies in my stomach.

"Please baby I can't do this alone"

I gave him a hug and we spooned for a while blissfully however my mind was in over drive.

Why am I insane?

Notes

HEY GUYS!!

I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long but I've had a lot on and I had a massive writers block :/

Sorry it's short

Feedback please?