Time-Bomb-

I squeezed my eyes as right as I could and I heard the gun fire, but didn't feel a thing.
I was dead, I had to be dead. I could still feel myself shutting my eyes as tight as I possibly could but when I heard sounds coming from around me curiosity got the best of me.
The first thing I saw was Andy, his hands were shaking and they were still pointed upwards, only the gun wasn't even pointing my direction.
It felt like time was going in slow-motion as my eyes followed the direction of where Andy was pointing and I saw the horror unravel before my eyes.
"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"No! No! Vic?!? Vic can you hear me?"
I could already feel my voice getting shot. I struggled to escape the chair but I was still restricted by the tape.
I knocked myself on my side and tried to make my way towards Vic.
He was on the ground with his hand to his rib cage, making that ever so family sound of choking on his own speech.
"Vic!" I cried, "please, no, please this isn't happening!"
I was breathing short and heavy breaths. My whole body was shaking as I watched the love of my life slowly die in front of me.
"Please don't leave me," I said softly with tears streaming down my face.
His honey brown eyes moved to meet mine. He took one of his blood-covered hands and gently brushed it down my face.
"I... L-ove you..." He choked. Blood was streaming down the side of his mouth, probably from puncturing an organ.
"I love you too, Vic," I whimpered.
"We're going to get you some help," I said softly.
"Everything will be fine... Don't... Just hold on, okay? We'll fix everything."
"p-please don't leave me."
His eyes rolled back in his head and his whole body slumped against the floor.
"I... Killed him," I heard a croaky voice say from behind me.
"I'm... A murderer..."
"Fuck you!" I screamed.
"Fuck you for ruining my life! I will never love you. Do me a favor and fucking kill me now!"
"I killed him...."
I sobbed breathlessly and watched the blurry image of my boyfriend as tears streamed down my face.

"Police!" And man yelled as he ran into the room with a gun already held up.
Another man knelt down to Vic, felt his neck for a pulse and lifted his limp body over his shoulder.
"Wait... Vic..." I croaked.
The man with the gun caught Andy trying to sneak around him and acted quickly with his cuffs.
"You can't arrest me!" He screamed.
"No! No! I didn't do it!"
Someone was cutting the duct tape from my body and slowly ripping it off me.
"I don't want to live," I cried.
"It's okay, son. You're alright," the man said.
"I'm not okay."

The police man took me in his car and drove me back to the group home. He informed the caretaker, Michelle, of the situation I was in. She looked to me with sympathy and let me go to my room, no questions asked.
I sat in the silence of my room and waited for myself to fall asleep. It never happened, of course. I couldn't believe Vic was dead... I wanted to deny it but he was there, he died right in front of my eyes. In some ways I liked to think this was better for him. He died successfully saving me, he could actually save me. On the other hand, he never lived his life to love anyone. He died deprived of so many things. Marriage... Just... Everything. He was too young to die, was all I was thinking. He had a whole life ahead of himself but he gave it all up to me. I didn't matter. I couldn't do anything good. I never had the intentions to save someone's life. I wasn't like him, I wasn't a good person. Before him all I cared about was showing the world I could be popular.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. They were cold, like death.
"It should've been me," I whimpered to myself with tears streaming down my face.

The next day I was forced to go to school being told "it would be good for you to delve right into your normal life."
"Hey, Kellin," Tay waved from next to me in calculus.
"Hi," I said emotionlessly.
"Grumpy today, aren't you?"
I looked down at my desk.
I heard Mike whisper her name so I secretly peeked at him and saw him signal for her not to talk to me like that. At least no today. I wouldn't get over it so quickly. I lost my boyfriend...
I looked at Mike curiously. He couldn't be over it already. He slightly smiled at me and I squinted my eyes at him. Could he really already be over it?
"Hey, Kellin, about yesterday.."
"No," I said bluntly and turned away from him.
"I'm sorry that it happened," he said from the back of me.
"Sorry doesn't change that fact that it did," I said quietly.
"Kellin are you okay?" Taylor asked.
"No."
"What happened, hun?" She asked sweetly.
"Ask Mike."
She looked at Mike angrily. I think she got the idea that he did something to me. I'd let her think that, I didn't really care at this point.
When second period rolled around I took a seat in my normal spot. The seat that Andy would sit in was vacant. I blinked my eyes rapidly to try to stop any tears threatening to fall.
Soon enough it was lunch and I found myself a nice, secluded spot in the parking lot.
"Kellin?" An unfamiliar voice asked.
I peeked up from where my arms where hidden in my knees.
"Yes?"
"Are you... Crying?" A boy who I didn't recognize asked.
I pouted before answering, "uh, yeah."
"Why?" He asked and took a seat next to me.
"No offense, I don't share personal things with strangers..."
"Oh..." He said awkwardly.
"I'm Oli... I'm in your Latin class, I sit next to you."
I felt like an obnoxious jerk for not realizing I sat right next to the guy. These past few weeks I've been so distracted by Andy that I never even took the chance to talk to anyone else.
"I'm sorry, Oli."
"It's fine," he said lightly and put his hand on my shoulder.
"So, something bad happened?"
"Y-yeah," I stuttered and hid my face on his shoulder.
"What, love?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Alright. Just know that whatever it is, it will pass. You will move on and everything will be better," he smiled.
I breathed unevenly. If only that were the case. Thing is, I can't magically bring Vic back so no, it want going to pass.
"Where's Vic?" He asked.
"Gone," I moped, trying to avoid saying Vic was dead and making it seem like he and I just broke up.
"Oh," he said.
"I'm really sorry, Kellin."
"Thank you."
"If you need a friend, I'm here for you..."
I thought about it. I really did. But, ever since the whole situation with Andy it struck me as a bad idea to trust anyone at this time.
"Thanks, Oli," I said and I wiped the tears from my face.
I looked at his light hazel eyes in amazement. He was so sweet looking. Innocent, even.
"I actually should be thanking you," he said while awkwardly avoiding eye contact with me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Well, since you came out, I found the courage to do it too..."
"Really?" I asked hopefully.
"Yeah... I've had my eye out for a certain boy... He hasn't really noticed me but... And I think he's straight... I just..."
"Who is it?"
"Uh," he cleared his throat.
"D-do you know Josh Franceschi?"
I grinned a little bit.
"I do."
"Do you think I have a chance?" He asked softly. It was so cute. I imagined Oli and Josh together. Frankly, I think they'd make a good couple. Josh wasn't homophobic so I didn't see why it wasn't a bad idea to try to get them together.
"I'll put in a good word for you," I smiled.
I hadn't even realized at that point Oli had managed to completely distract me from my sadness and got me to think about something else.
"Thank you," he smiled and gave me an awkward hug. I could feel how skinny he was and it almost surprised me but I realized I wasn't really one to talk.
He and I stayed in the parking lot until the end of lunch when he walked me to art class. He wasn't so bad. I had the feeling he wasn't a raging psychopath like Andy was, which was good.
I walked into art with a small smile and waited for Vic to come in.
Once the whole class was present and the bell rang I realized he wouldn't be coming in. It hit me again that he was gone.
I didn't even get to say goodbye, either. It just... Ended. It goes to show how something good can just be torn from your life.
"Hey," Jaime said as he took a seat next to me.
"Hi..."
"I, uh, I heard about what happened to you," he said.
"Well I mean, sort of... Not really," he half-smiled.
Why didn't anyone seem so upset that Vic was torn away from them. Did they even know? Maybe they shouldn't know...
"Yeah," I choked down the lump in my throat.
"I, uh, almost died," I said.
"Good thing Vic was there to save you," he smiled softly.
"Yeah..." I said.
"Hey," he nudged my shoulder, "don't let yourself get so sad, in about a month everything will be fine again."
How could he say that?
I looked down at the table in front of me.
"I guess so.."
He patted my back and walked back to his normal seat.

When I got back to the group home I finished all of my homework quickly and tried to get to sleep without eating a single thing. I hadn't eaten since yesterday but I couldn't care less. I kept my eyes closed but I could never fall asleep.
"Fuck everything," I said to myself and turned to my phone.
I wanted to look up 'forms of suicide' but I knew that it wouldn't be the right decision. What was the point of Vic giving up his life to save me if I wasn't even going to live it.
"Vic, I hope you're happy, wherever you are," I said in hopes that maybe he could hear me.
Just then I felt a strange comfort enclose my body and I fell fast asleep.

Notes