Time-Bomb-

"Kellin, honey... Wake up," a gentle woman's voice called from besides me.
"Mom?" I asked.
"No, Hun, it's Lisa," she said as she brushed my sweaty hair away from my face.
I've only gotten worse and worse every day. Vic's death has really taken a toll on me. Not that I didn't expect that.
"Please let me sleep," I said with a croaky morning voice. Only, it wasn't morning, it was late afternoon.
"Kellin... You've been in bed for days... You're scaring me," she said concernedly.
"It's fine Lisa. I'm just a little under the weather."
"Kellin the doctor said you were fine," she frowned.
"Y-yeah, well people make mistakes. Big ones," I said, thinking about Vic, trying to hold back my tears.
"The accident wasn't your fault," she said while taking hold of my hand.
It's been a little less than a month since the accident. Seems like every passing day brought my spirits down even more. Everyone said it would get better, they were just lying to me.
"Please, Lisa, I'm tired."
"Kellin, you're going to have to go to school on Monday. I can't let you fall beh-"
"You don't care about me!" I yelled, "all you care about is keeping your stupid job! No one cares!"
"Kellin you know I care about you... You're like a... Like a son to me."
"Bullshit."
"Why don't you trust me?"
"You try losing your parents and then losing your damn boyfriend. Then ask me that again."
I was being really cruel to her. I know. When she heard of my accident she dropped her whole social life just for me. She came here to work as a constant now. She spent every single day here. No switching out. Of course, there were other people on the job, they needed their pay. She was here just for me. I respected that, but I wanted her to leave me alone.
I was on suicide watch. I'd been taken out of school two weeks ago after ditching three days in a row and disappearing for hours on end.
"Please, if you'd just try to get better maybe.."
"No."
"Kellin please, come on."
"It's a Saturday, Lisa. Leave me alone," I groaned and turned around so she wouldn't be able to see me.
I heard my phone buzz from on top of the table next to me.
"Look. It's Josh. He's been trying to contact you for like a week now. Kellin you can't just leave him hanging. You aren't supposed to do that to your friends."
"I don't have friends. I can't trust anyone."
"He says," she picked up my phone, "Thanks a bunch, but I'm worried about you. Call it text ASAP," Lisa said, trying to get me to find some sort of interest in anything at all.
"Good for him."
"You're so difficult!" She groaned, gave up and shut the entrance on her way out.
The sensible part of me wanted to go back and apologize but the sad part of me outweighed that decision. I had nothing better to do now that I was awake so I picked up my phone.
After I told Oli I'd help him out with Josh, I called Josh up and gave him a heads up, that he should give Oli a chance. He was a little dumbfounded when I told him. Turns out, he had his eyes on Oli too. Who knew the guy dating such a pretty girl would've turned out to like guys too. Always happens.
Anyway, the two of them got together. It was a nice distraction for me, to see them happy. Oli sure was a hell of a lot happy. Josh is still a little awkward about it, just coming out and all.
I opened another text from a number I didn't recognize.
'This is Mike. Stay strong. Hope we can work out our differences some time in the future.'
I deleted the text. He was stupid. There was no future for me. I was done. As soon as Lisa let her guard down I'd slip out and disappear forever. I'd join Vic in whatever afterlife there was, because that's where I wanted to be.
I had no other messages, but I didn't really mind. It's not like I expected any. Vic was the only one I ever talked to...

Sunday night rolled around and Lisa tried to get me to go to school again.
"Please, Kellin. I don't want you to miss school I-"
"You aren't my mom," I sneered.
She looked down, and hurt, I guess. I wouldn't know why because she really wasn't my mom. She doesn't deserve this sort of relationship with me.
"I know, Kellin. That doesn't mean I don't care."
"It doesn't. But I know you don't anyway."
"We could have a movie night afterward," she suggested.
"I'm not going."
"Why?"
"Because there's no point. I don't see any point in life. Everything good gets torn away," I said unhappily.
"Sorry that I wasn't something good enough for you," she frowned.
I looked down at my hands. I was really messing with her. I know she cares about me. Somewhere deep down I truly knows she cares for me like a mother, and she really was so great for me. That's why I didn't want to give her the time of day. I knew I'd just end up losing her in the end. It's like I'm a different person now, though. I'm insensitive. I don't care about anyone and I most certainly don't care about myself. But what if I pretended? That would get me off suicide watch, wouldn't it?
I shifted in bed so I could look directly at Lisa.
"Okay."
"What?"
"Okay, I'll go to school."
"You will?" She smiled.
"Yup," I said, popping my p.
"Oh my gosh this is great Kellin! You're finally taking the next step to dealing with this!"
"Guesso," I said, and plastered on a fake smile.
She exited the room and left me to sit in silence.
Lately, I think I've overcome my insomnia and night terrors.
I haven't had a single nightmare since the accident and I have most definitely been sleeping a lot. Maybe it's because the real nightmare now was my actual life.
It took me a few minutes but I fell asleep.

I looked around my empty room. For what, I don't know.
"Hey," a soft, familiar voice said.
"Vic?"
"Yeah," he smiled.
He looked bright. Happy, angelic, even.
"Wh- am I in heaven?"
"No," he chuckled softly.
"You're dreaming, Kellin. But I have something to tell you."
"What...?"
"Move on."
"Vic? No! I love you... Or, loved you. Don't you get it...?"
"I do, Kells. I really do. But I need you to understand that killing yourself is not the answer. I don't want that for you. I want you to be happy."
"I-uh... I can't."
"Acceptance," he said.
"Learn to accept the fact that I'm gone."
"Why? I could just join you... Everything would be fine."
"No, Kellin. Continue on. I want you to live a full, happy life. Please do that, for me."
I sighed, "Okay."
So there I was making promises to my subconscious about not taking my life.
My alarm clock blared, 6 AM. I woke up thinking about the first day of school, how scared I was. I guess I could say I'm scared like that again, but just like the first day of school, I'm determined to start anew.

I walked through the front doors with my head held high. I smiled at people as I passed by them. Something was different today. I was happy.
I made my way past hundreds of students in order to get to my locker, inconveniently located in a busy area, but I didn't mind much.
I switched out some books from my backpack with the books for my first few classes and shut my locker.
I walked into my calculus classroom and sat in my normal spot.
Tay and I exchanged smiles while I pulled out my textbook. I smirked at Mike who gave me a little wave when I snuck a glance at him.
The bell rang and our teacher stood in front of the classroom ready to give us our lecture. She flashed me a little welcome back smile.
"Well, class, hope you had a great weekend, nice to see you all today. I-"
I watched as a young man confidently strode through the classroom door. His gorgeous golden brown locks flowed around his face and just below his shoulders. I gasped when his honey colored eyes latched onto mine as if they were enchanting me into his spell. His tan, full, lips stretched up at the sides showing me that oh-so-familiar cocky little smile that I loved so much.
"Vic."

Notes

I finally updated! c: