Unseen Love

~Tina’s POV~



“You worthless piece of shit! Why don’t you just cut yourself some more?! Here let me help you!” Connor offered as I was cornered in the corner of my old bathroom. He grabbed my hand and started cutting my arm. I did not try to stop him, because I knew that after he left I would have done it anyway. I might as well let him cut me. Maybe the pain will go away faster with him cutting deeper cuts.

I threw my head back and closed my eyes at the satisfying feeling I felt. After a few long minutes I began to feel dizzy, so I brought my head back up and realized that I was now in mine and Austin’s old room. I felt my chest get tighter at the sight of it. I turned around to run away again, but stopped at the sound of a women moan. It wasn’t me because my voice had a higher pitch. I turned around and saw Austin on top of a girl riding her the way he would ride me. He threw his head back and began to let out loud and infuriating moans. I made my way closer to the bed to see who he was fucking. But once I made it to the bed side I let out an ear-curling scream.



I jolted up from another nightmare. It has been about a month since I have seen Austin, and every morning I am woken up by the same haunting dream. I saw Austin at my doctors’ appointments and on Skype, but it was never the same. The only thing we ever talked about was about the babies and his tour. He has been trying really hard to make this right between us, but I just can’t ever get that image out of my head. I don’t know what else to do about all of this.

I really want to be with Austin and be happy together with our children, but every time I think about my thoughts get interrupted by Gielle. Or any girl for that matter. I love Austin with all of my heart and I always will love him, but I need proof that everything I am imagining isn’t true.

Austin and I haven’t told the fans for the reason that we aren’t really together anymore. Gielle has been posting pictures of Austin and her on twitter and captioned: “@austincarlile I am glad we are going to try and work things out”. The fans have been going all rampage on Gielle. I am glad that they were sticking up for me, but I am still very skeptical about telling a lot of people that I am pregnant for the reason that I could lose the baby.

Austin and I told his band mates and our families about the pregnancy, along with the fact that we are taking a break. His dad was not pleased to find out the reason behind it, but he still Skypes me once a week to check on the baby and I. I appreciate everything that man is doing for the babies and I. Knowing that Austin’s family is still supportive of me and the babies helps a lot. My brothers are very happy about finally being an uncle and promises to come down as soon as they can. But their tour might get extended a little longer.

My parents are bust travelling around the world, but they are so ecited to be grandparents again. I really can’t wait to see how they react to twins. Hell I can wait to see what my little preciouses look like.

Tori stayed home with me to make sure that I stay safe and the pregnancy stays good. I know she misses Alan like crazy, but I am glad she stayed with me. My sister and I are getting to experience something that most people cannot. We are just a week apart and our hormones seem to be in sync. It has its ups and downs, but still a very fun and exciting adventure.

I was online looking at pictures and videos that they have posted from tour when I got a call on Skype from Austin. I hesitantly answered the call. Not knowing what will be said.

“Hey Austin…” I trailed off in agony. I just want to be all mushy and gushy with him. I wish I was there with him holding his hand every step of the way. Just like he should be with me every step of the way.

“And I want to be there every step of the way.” Austin said with remorse. His eyes showed truth and pain. I know whatever the reason for Gielle to be in our room Austin did not have it planned, but the fact that she was there to begin with is what haunts my thoughts.

“I know, but the fact she was there Austin. I can’t get it out of my head. Every time I see you I also she her naked self with you….” I trailed off feeling tears fall from my eyes as I replay my nightmare.

“But you have to believe me that I would never do anything like that to hurt you Val. I earned your trust. Do you really think I would break it over some ex?” I shook my head in response.

“But it is me that can’t trust. I trust you Austin, but I don’t trust other people. Girls in particular. And now that everyone knows about our split doesn’t help either. What if your fans found out about the twins? The girls would definitely be all over you then. I want you Austin, but I am just scared. And my nightmares don’t help….” I mumbled the last sentence.

“Val, the nightmares are exactly that just nightmares. None of that is true nor will it ever be true.” Austin sighed in frustration. I know I am not helping him with all of this extra stress, but I can’t help it.

“I am sorry for stressing you out. But you have to see it from my point of view Austin. What if you walked in on me and one of my ex’s naked in our room together? What would you do? Concentering your previous trust issues, I am pretty sure you would do the same exact thing I am doing.” I snapped in frustration. “The way you are treating me is not fair. You are acting as if I am the one in the wrong. I am just trying to save our relationship.” I yelled now completely pissed off.

“That is not the case and you know it! I never said you were in the wrong, but come on! A whole fucking month of being separated is a long fucking time Val, don’t you think?!” Austin yelled back. I couldn’t help but feel my eyes begin to brim with tears.

“Well the fans still think that you and Gielle are together, and have you done anything to try and change their minds…? No you haven’t. That is why it has been a fucking month! You fucking don’t take up for me or yourself! You did not grab Gielle and physically throw her out the fucking house! You didn’t reply back or post something to tell them that what she said was false! You’re being a fucking coward and look at what you are losing in the process Austin!” I threw my hands up in frustration. I hate not being there with him to tell him these things in person. “I love you. I want you to be here for the baby and I. I want to be there for you supporting you. But until your fucking grow and pair of balls and take up for the ones you are losing, we are going to be separated.” I have not told Austin that I loved him since the day I got in my car and drove off from his house. He tells me every day when we Skype, but I never respond back. Today was different though. I am really tired of these silly games. I am almost two months pregnant for Christ sakes. Thing need to change.

“I am sorry Val. I never realized what you really wanted because you never really told me. I was always left in the dark. But now that I know what you want things will change. I swear.” Austin promised, but I couldn’t help but take it with a grain of salt.

“We will see Austin. Don’t promise things you can’t make happen.” I told a bit calmer now. I am done yelling at him and telling him what needs to be changed. “So how is tour?” I asked wanted to change the subject.

“Freaking amazing! The fans are beyond amazing. Sick as always! How is our little ones? When do you find out what gender our twinkies are?” Austin beamed talking about our babies. I couldn’t help but shed a tear at how ridiculous all of this is. But I can’t give in this easy. He needs to know that I am worth fighting for. If not for me then our babies.

“They are good! Throwing my hormones around like a football, but I am not complaining. I love the feeling. Tori is good too. Our hormones are in sync so it is a trip to see us both getting pissed off then laughing about it a minute later. Or both of us crying and holding each other while watching The Notebook.” I laughed at how goofy we really are.

“I wish I was there to witness it.” Austin said with his cheeky smile. I frowned and looked down not able to see it without want to cry. “I am sor…” Austin was cut off by someone screaming.

“What is that?” I asked curious to what was going on.

“Get off the bus now! You are not welcome here!” I heard Aaron yell.

“Who is it?” I asked wanting to be included into what’s going on.

“Hi baby!” I heard the one voice I never wanted to hear again.

“Don’t call me that! And why are you here? I told you to stay away. Haven’t you done enough? What else do you want?” Austin roared. I sat there speechless. Everything was happening so fast. I wanted to log off, but I couldn’t get myself to move.

“I want you Austin! Don’t you get that?! We aren’t meant to be!” She said while charging at him. Then out of disrespect jumped on him and kissed him. I could see the he didn’t kiss her back, but I was still very hurt.

I began silently crying. At the sight. It wasn’t long it seemed like as soon as their lips touched Austin shoved her off.

But the damage was still done.


“This is why I don’t trust.” I said. Just as I clicked the end button Austin looked at me.

Notes