Believe You Me

I sat on the stool in front of my drum set. My sticks were on the floor, broken and I was catching my breath. Julie and I got in an argument and I closed my eyes, holding my face in my hands.

She began having pain in her side and we got her checked up. Turns out, it was nothing bad, just minor cramps from the babies. I spoke with Dr. Evans; he told me that it was safer for her to have surgery after the babies were born to make sure she was fine. I told him that I would talk to Julie and that was what I did. But she began yelling, saying she was fine and that I didn’t believe in her. I yelled back, telling her that it was for my sake and the kids. I finally got fed up and left, going to the venue and played. And this is where I am now. Out of breath, tired, and lonely.

The door opened, Julie stepping in and I looked up at her, looking back down. She walked up to me, straddling my lap and holding my face in her hands. “I’m sorry for yelling, I’m really sorry.” She whispered. “I’m fine, the doctors said I’m fine. Why won’t you believe them?” She whispered.

“I don’t want to believe, I want to know for a fact that you are fine.” I answered, kissing her neck.

“And I am.” She pulled away, making me look at her. “I promise.” I nodded, going back to her neck when the door opened.

“What?” I snapped, seeing Casey standing there.

“Sorry!” He chuckled. “The guys and I are going for a few drinks.Want to join?” He asked me. I looked at Julie and she smiled at me.

“No thanks, I’ll stay here with her and go out to dinner.” Casey nodded and left.

“Dinner?” Julie asked.

“Do you want me to tell your brother that I’m going to have sex with you?” I asked. “Casey!” I called but she playfully hit my arm and I laughed, kissing her cheek. “Alright, I won’t tell.” I whispered, having her smile at me and shake her head.

“Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I didn’t go on tour with you guys.” She spoke, looking down. I picked her up, her legs still wrapped around my waist until I set her down on the table, my hands on either side of her.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Julie looked down, sighing a bit.

“I had originally declined Casey’s offer to go on tour. But when I realized that I could die at any moment, I thought that it would be a good idea to just live life. Now look at me. I’m married to an amazing guy, I’m expecting, and I have to world’s greatest friends. What more could I ask for?” She asked. I smiled at her, kissing her a bit until I pulled away.

“Alright then, darling. Let’s get ourselves to the bus, shall we?” I asked. Julie nodded, following me and we spent the rest of the afternoon together.

(February 21st)

Julie and I spent our time together. When I was performing, she was backstage with Casey, bobbing their heads and singing along. We spent Valentine’s Day out and about, laughing bout corny things and just talking. We took a flight back to LA, Dr. Evans saying that it was safe to fly back and by the 19th we were home. I took her out for breakfast, we walked around. If she felt bad, we stayed in and listened to music.

I woke up to whispers of my name and someone shaking me. “Mike, Mike please wake up! Mike!” I groaned, turning around and seeing Julie awake.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, rubbing my eye.

“Mike, I’m bleeding.” I woke up fully, looking down at the sheets which were all bloody.

“Shit.” I got up, grabbing my phone and speed dialing Dr. Evans.

‘Mike?’ He answered.

“Julie’s bleeding, there’s a lot of blood. What do I do?” I spoke, frantically.

‘I’m sending an ambulance right now. Don’t move her; make sure your downstairs to show the paramedics where she is.’ I nodded, hanging up and assuring Julie that everything was fine. I heard the sirens getting closer and I ran down the stairs, putting a T-shirt on and opening the door.

“Up the stairs, last door on your right.” I spoke, seeing the paramedics nod and run up with the stretcher. I stayed where I was, looking down and running my hands through my hair. Everything was going to be fine. She was fine, the babies were fine. My two unborn children were going to be fine. They came back down, taking her out to the ambulance and I got on with them, allowing them to help her. She was staring at me, her eyes begging for answers and I held her hand in mine tightly and oxygen mask over her mouth and nose.

“You’ll be fine. The babies are going to be fine. You’re not leaving me yet, baby.” I assured her. She closed her eyes, tears falling down and we made it to the hospital. They rushed her in, leaving me in the waiting room and making calls. The four guys got here quick and Casey was a nervous wreck.

“Where is she?” He asked.

“In the back. Dr. Evans is looking into her.”

“What happened?” Tony spoke up.

“She woke me up, telling me she was bleeding and next thing I know, the sheets are covered in blood and I called the doctor.” We waited for five hours. Not one nurse knew what was happening. Soon, Dr. Evans came out and I rushed over. “How is she?” I asked.

Dr. Evans stayed quiet, looking at us and he pointed to the back. “She’s in room 246, go see her, Mike.” I nodded, going to the back and rushing into the room. She laid there on the bed, her eyes staring into the ceiling. She was hooked to tubes and the heart monitor was beeping softly.

“Julie?” I spoke, walking in. Her head turned to me and she stretched her hand out.

“Mike.” She spoke, barely over a whisper. I walked over, holding her hand and sitting when Dr. Evans walked in. “Dr. Evans, how are the babies?” Julie asked right away. He looked down, taking his thin glasses off his face and sighed heavily.

“Julie, the amount of blood lost hurt the two children. We had to abort the two boys. I’m sorry.” I stared at him. Julie letting out a cry and letting my hand go. She held her stomach, crying and begging Dr. Evans to be lying. I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. My two children were gone. I felt my world crumble and I shook my head. I looked at Julie, crying and holding herself. I got on the bed, holding her in my arms as she cried, begging for our kids to come back. Dr. Evans excused himself, letting us be. I don’t know how long Julie cried for, but I felt her pain.

We would never be able to hold our children, hug them, kiss them, read them stories, or anything. My two boys were gone. Tears fell down my face, I held Julie in my arms as she cried in my chest, her tears wetting my shirt. “What did I do wrong?” She cried. “I couldn’t even protect them inside me, let alone when they were born. I’m such a horrible mother.” She cried.

“Look at me.” I told her, forcing her face up. “You are not a horrible mother. You would’ve protected our children like the amazing mother you would’ve been. Don’t blame yourself for this, it wasn’t your fault.” Julie cried again, hugging me tightly while I smoothed her hair down. “Everything will be fine now. I promise you. We’ll get over this together.” I assured her, wiping my eyes and holding her tightly.

After a few hours, Dr. Evans came back in and disconnected Julie, helping her in a wheelchair. I pushed her out, while she just stared at the floor, her eyes puffy and full of sadness. When we got to the waiting area, Casey walked to her and he carefully pulled her up before hugging her tightly. Julie cried again, Casey holding her tightly while Vic just held me and patted my back.

“Hermano, you and Julie will get out of this. I have full faith in both of you.” He whispered. I nodded, allowing him to continue hugging me. I stood by the wheelchair, Julie getting hugs from all the guys until she turned to me.

“Can we go home now?” She whispered. I nodded, letting the wheelchair go and helping her to Casey’s car. He drove us home, giving Julie a kiss on the cheek and me a hug. I carefully took her in the house, closing the door behind us. She stood in front of the door, just looking around and she soon began silently crying. I walked over, carefully picking her up in my arms and took her up to our bedroom. I carefully set her down on the bed getting the bloody sheets off. I sat by her feet as I watched her wipe the tears away.

“Julie, do you want me to stay with you, or do you want some time alone?” I asked her. She stayed quiet, looking at her lap.

“I just want quietness.” She whispered. I nodded, softly kissing her cheek. I stood up, grabbing the sheets and walking out of the room. I walked downstairs, opening the laundry room door and began putting the sheets to wash with bleach. I closed the door of the washing machine and I could hear Julie’s cries over the sound of the machine. I made my way up, grabbing a blanket from the hall closet and walked in the room. She was curled up in the bed, her body shaking because of her crying. I put the blanket over her body, getting under it next to her and she immediately laid on my chest, holding me tightly.

“I want our kids back.” She whispered. More tears escaped my eyes and I nodded, having her sit up and look at me. “Maybe we just weren’t meant to be parents right now. You’re band is getting popular, I’m not getting anymore sick.” I stared at her and she sniffed a bit, wiping her face.

“Maybe.” I whispered. Julie rested on my chest, causing me to lie back down and sooth her until we both fell asleep.

Notes

Holy crap this was a long chapter. Hope you guys forgive me. Something had to happen. :( It hurts though....