Break the Barricade

It felt like everything was crumbling around me. After all the progress I had made and after all the work I had put in everything was slowly descending. I'm on a roller coaster that is speeding through darkness. Everything was going so well. I was happy. I was getting experience for the thing I wanted to do more than anything. Jay didn't matter to me anymore. I had my Vic. My beautiful Vic.
But I've thrown it all away. Vic won't want me now. I'm going back to the hospital. I have such horrible memories from my time there. There was no filter with who they helped at the hospital. You could hear peoples screams. But going back isn't what really scares me. It's the thought of Vic moving on.
Today I'm leaving for San Diego. I have to fly back home in a few hours. But I don't feel ready. I'm pretending I want the help but I don't. Perhaps part of me does, but a stronger part of me feels like I'm being forced.
Vic is still in his bunk. I think he's asleep. The past few days have been so exhausting. I'm scared he'll hurt himself, but after last night I know he doesn't have any fresh cuts. I got up from where I was in the front lounge and felt Jaime watching me.
"What?" I snapped.
"Are you okay, Thea?" he asked anxiously.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"You're not."
"Maybe I'm not. What does it matter? I'll be gone soon."
"I . . . Don't want you to go."
"But I need to?" I asked and he nodded.
"If you want to talk to anyone I'm here."
"Don't be silly, Hime," a smile tugged the corner of my lips. "If I open up to you then I'll have nothing to tell my psychiatrist."
Jaime frowned at me deeply before he replied. "I want you to talk to me. Just like you used to."
"I'm sorry." I told him.
"What for?"
"For becoming the person I used to be again."
"There's nothing wrong with that." he sighed.
"Maybe," I shrugged. "I'm going to wake Vic up."
"Let him sleep." Jaime tried.
"Are you going to be the one that tells him I only have ten minutes with him?" I asked. Jaime didn't reply so I walked through to the bunks. I opened Vic's curtain and saw he was still sleeping. But he was stirring, only in a very light sleep. I climbed up into his bunk and drew the curtain. I got inside the covers and lifted his arm, wrapped it around me. Vic stirred and woke just as I snuggled into his side.
"What time is it?" Vic asked sleepily.
"I have an hour." I explained.
"I'll come with you to the airport."
"Thanks," I mumbled against his skin. "Last night was good."
"Yeah, it was nice." he agreed. I sat up and narrowed my eyes at him.
"Just nice? Come on, Vic. Nice is how you describe your first kiss."
"Sorry," he laughed. "It was great. I don't know..."
"What?" I asked.
"I don't want it to be the last time."
"It won't be," I frowned. I entwined my hand with his and started to draw patterns in his bicep. "Unless you cheat on me and we break up."
"I guess so." he laughed.
"Don't cheat on me." I said seriously.
"I'd never cheat on you." he replied.
I smiled and leant in to kiss him. Vic's lips met mine and I kissed him desperately. Two weeks I'll be gone for depending on how I do. Two weeks without his lips. The tip of Vic's tongue swiped across my bottom lip and I opened my lips. The tips of our tongues swirled around one another. My fingers were tanged in Vic's hair while my other hand was pushing on Vic's warm, tanned chest. Vic pulled me closer to him and our legs got tangled together.
We eventually pulled away. I rested my head on Vic's chest and was breathing roughly. Vic kissed my hair gently and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. But now I wasn't tied up in the euphoria of kissing Vic I had a bad feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.
"Vic, I'm scared." I admitted.
"It's okay." he eventually reassured me.
"It's not," I countered. "I'm horrible. I can't stop it."
"They're going to make you better. You're only there for two short weeks then you'll be able to come back to us and finish the tour. Then they can help you over the phone. You don't need to live there for months and months." he soothed me.
"But I know what it's like there and that terrifies me."
"What's it like?" he suddenly asked.
"You're always watched. You can't do anything. I'm not even allowed to leave for the two weeks. I'll be all on my own."
"You can phone me anytime you want."
I can't, I silently thought. They don't let you.
"I'm going to miss you." I told him.
"I'll miss you too." he smiled.
"Guys!" Jaime called.
"Time to go." I sighed.
I untangled myself from the covers and jumped down. Vic pulled on some clothes. Then he took my hand. We walked out into the front lounge. I found Jaime waiting with Mike and Tony. I let go of Vic's hand and walked over to them.
"I'll take your bag into the cab." Jaime said. I nodded and he went outside. I walked over to Tony and he opened his arms to hug me. He squeezed me and I smiled.
"I'll send you a care package." he told me.
"Can it have Key Street stickers in it?" I asked.
"It can."
"Can it have Reese's peanut butter cups?" I asked.
"Of course." he grinned.
I pulled away and went to Mike. Mike and I weren't the best of friends. We clashed greatly. I think we were too alike. But he still opened his arms for me. I hugged him and reached up to whisper in his ear.
"Look after him for me." I whispered.
"I will." Mike promised.
"No, I mean it. Someone needs to be with him. He needs a hug every night even if he tries denying it. If he doesn't want a hug make him have one."
"Okay," Mike nodded. "Look after yourself." he told me.
"I will." I nodded. I walked back to Vic and took his hand. "Bye guys." I waved a little.
We walked outside and to the waiting cab. I got inside with Vic and saw Jaime sat in the front. The driver started to head for the airport and I rested my head against Vic.
When he arrived Jaime paid him and I got out. We walked inside and I went to check in. I handed my bag over and walked to my gate. We sat down for a little while but then they announced that they were boarding. I stood up and hugged Jaime. He picked me up and set me back down, kissing my cheek.
"Watch him." I said.
"I will," Jaime smiled. "I'll even kiss him goodnight for you."
"Thanks." I said dryly.
"Phone me, please."
"Okay." I promised. I went to Vic and threw my arms around his neck. He held my waist and I crushed my lips down onto his. I kissed Vic desperately, his own lips mimicking my own urgency. "Don't be too sad," I said before I kissed him again.
"Okay."
"Vic, please don't hurt yourself. Please."
"Thea." Vic muttered.
"For me, please." I begged and saw him reluctantly nodded. I hugged my body and Vic sighed.
"Here." Vic said and took his hoodie off. He put it around my shoulders and smiled. I kissed him one last time before I pulled away.
"Vic, I love you!" I blurted out.
Shit. Did I just say that? I mean, I meant it. I do love Vic, with everything I have. I am so in love with him it's frightening. But why did I say it? He's never said it before.
I looked at Vic waiting for his reaction. His eyes were glazed over and a airy smile was on his lips. But he wasn't saying it back. Why wasn't he saying it back?
"I need to go!" I rushed. I turned and practically ran. I showed them my boarding pass and ran down the corridor. Oh fuck.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? Who's shocked? What will happen? What do you want to happen? Why didn't Vic say I love you back? Will he? Who's excited for Simone's chapter? I am! So many questions this time guys. We have such good plans. Something very dramatic coming up!
- Kelci x