Nix…

My eyes flashed open and darted all around my surroundings. I was surrounded by an array of different shades of grey and white. I noticed a girl wearing an oversized shirt and grimy skin. Shadows were strategically covering her face as she made her way towards me. My eyes widened as she came closer.

She…she looks like me.

What’s going on?!

“Calm down. You blacked out,” the figure spoke. Her voice was gentle and melodic, it made me feel slightly at ease.

W-Who are you?

She giggled, “What was it you called me? Phe?”

I looked her over. She was wearing a huge tee-shirt and headphones around her neck. Her hair was messy and her skin was dirtied- though she didn't smell. Suddenly, a jolt of recognition ringed clear.

That day- I drew you. No…you made me draw you or- ugh…

My head was pounding and I felt my floating body slowly lower to a ground I couldn’t see. My feet landed on invisible ground and I immediately crouched defensivly, my hands up.
I have no idea what the hell is going on but I’m not getting a good vibe from this place.

“You’re in your mind, my home,” Phe informed casually. “You have total control over everything. You could even banish me if you wanted to…”

I found it quite ironic that I was so uneasy in my own head. I instinctively put up a defense in my own head- that’s saying a lot. I was scared and felt the invisible floor lose its solidarity and I fell back into nothing. I crossed my arms in front of my face and squinted my eyes, doing everything in my power not to scream. Phe slowly made her way to the edge I fell from and shook her head, staring at my descending body.

“You control everything,” Phe repeated with a bored tone. “If you feel scared or unsure, so does your surroundings; that’s why your falling. You are obviously confused and hesitant that the ground dissolved.”

I clenched my eyes shut and tried to think of something to save me.

I’m scared…I’m so scared.

I was scrambling for anything to catch me or at least break my fall. It’s just so hard to focus when I feel like I’m falling to my death. I let out a terrified scream and felt myself land into a pair of arms. I opened my watery eyes and saw Vic, his eyes looking back at me and a gentle smile on his lips. I went to hug his neck when his face blurred and his form changed to Tony. I gasped and immediately jerked back.

Phe laughed, “Of all the things…”

What is this?!

“You were scared and imagined one of them catching you. I must say, you’re quite indecisive when it comes to your desires,” she chuckled.

Phe seemed to be enjoying this all too much. I guess having the upper hand and understanding what the hell is going on was getting to her head. She leaped down with ease and stared at me. Tony looked at me with secret desire flooding the pools of brown in his eyes. He then faded into Vic again, that comforting smile and obvious adoration on his features.

“Those…visions of Tony and Vic are extremes of your reality.”

What…?

The romantic look on both Tony and Vic’s face stuck in my head.

They don’t like me like that, I quickly dismissed with certainty. Phe shook her head at me but maintained her confident grin.

Vic lowered me to the ground and turned into small particles, drifting along the wasteland of my mind.

“The ‘vision’ of Vic and Tony dissolved seeing as how you’re more ‘comfortable’. You no longer required them since they sprung from the desire of ‘not falling’. In short, you no longer feel in danger so they dissolved into nothingness since they’ve served their purpose.”

It was a lot to take in but I gave a curt nod and did my best to not seem to miss them.

Phe leaped up at least 50 feet into the air and landed on yet another invisible but solid ground. She looked at me challengingly.

“Well are you coming?” she cooed.

I snarled at her and felt myself gracefully float upward towards her.

“Impressive.”

I’m not named Phoenix for nothing…

She smirked at me.

All jokes aside, I focused on the task at hand; waking up.

How the hell do I get out of here?

She cocked her head to the side, “Ouch, already getting bored with me?”
Tell me, I whispered. I had to get back; so much yet so little was said. I needed to fix this- everything. The memories of what happened before I blacked out threw off my train of thought and the walls of my mind flashed red. I clenched my head and whimpered.

“Stop that,” Phe whispered, putting her arm around me comfortingly.

I grabbed onto my chest and tried catching my breath. The thought of everything that happened hurt so bad. Everything was beginning to flash red even faster and Phe’s grip on me tightened.

“Nix, get your shit together before you throw yourself into a comma,” Nix warned with urgency, suddenly appearing in front of me.

I began to regain control of myself and looked at her, taking in shallow breaths.

“You’re in the hospital. The guys got worried once you suddenly passed out and took you. You’ve been sleeping for two days. Word spread and I’m sure you’ll hear about it Monday.”

I have to wake up. I can’t take worrying them any longer, I pleaded.

“Its not that simple!” Phe snapped.

I flinched and backed away slowly. I then remembered that I controlled everything- this was my mind. I squared my shoulder and clenched my fists at my sides. I looked at her with cold eyes and she suddenly flew into a wall. Her bangs caged her eyes and her body slumped. I realized I had just hurt her and felt bad, until I realized that this was serious and I needed answers.

You’re the only thing keeping me from waking up…

Her head shot up and revealed fierce, swollen, bloodshot eyes. My mouth fell open.

“What the hell Nix?!” she seethed.

Y-Your eyes…

She cocked her head to the side, “Yeah…I’m your pain Pheonix. You don’t see it but… your mind is a huge wasteland – a hell. I bear all your morbid, subconscious thoughts and emotional agony. You’re quite…troubled.”

My eyes softened and my temporary backbone dissolved instantly.

I-I’m sorry.

“Its fine. I choose to do so. You’d have committed suicide by now if I didn’t take some of the weight off of you.”

“S-So, y-your like an entirely different entity- you can take some of the weight of my own emotions?” I asked, quickly putting the pieces together.

“Yes and no. I’m not a part of you but I am. To put it plainly, my existence stemmed from your bodies natural desire to survive- or your Jiminy Cricket. I’m your conscience but your mind is much more unstable and traumatized than the average person’s, therefore I’m much stronger.”
I stared at her for a while.

Thank you Phe…I’d be dead without you.

Phe gave a small smile and returned the tiny gesture. I need to get back to Vic- and Jaime and Mike... I’m sure they’re blaming everything on themselves…I just know it. I need to wake up.

I’m in charge here, so how do I wake up? I needed to make it clear that my word is law and not give her room to beat around the bush any longer.

I saw a bit of fear cross her features before she clenched her jaw.

“You have to focus on everything you felt those last few minutes before you blacked out…”

But I did that last time and felt like I was dying…you said I might throw myself into a comma!

“Because you were doing it wrong!” she mumbled with annoyance. “You have to be at peace with it all, you have to come to terms with everything…”

I sighed and flicked my wrist, putting her on her feet. She scowled at my display of power. I sat down Indian style.

The pain in all of their eyes and the pity in their tone.

Everything flashed red and Phe warned me I was doing it wrong once again.

Vic pointing out how unfair I was with them. I snatched away Jaime’s infamous smile.

I clenched my jaw and forced away the negative thoughts. I thought back to all the beautiful things they were trying to do for me. My mind ran over that entire conversation, my breakdown. That wasn’t pain in their eyes, it was honest to god concern. Their tone was sincere and soothing- not pity.

The love in their actions, the sincerity in their words…

Things went from flashing red to a gentle pink color. Phe remained silent.

Vic and Mike’s gentle touch, Jaime’s comforting words…

Things began to lighten to a white and flash even quicker. I imagined Vic, Mike and Jaime’s figures standing in front of me with encouraging smiles. A tear slipped down my cheek and I focused even harder. For once, I’m going to fight for the things I want… no more begging. I clenched my eyes shut, unintentionally squeezing out more tears.

The irreplaceable bond I share with them, the love I feel for those boys.

The white flashing was so fast that it was hardly flashing. The walls of my mind were a solid white.

I was silently crying but I maintained my concentration till I felt someone’s hand hovering near me.

I opened my eyes halfway and saw a grinning Vic, holding out his hand with Jaime and Mike by his side smiling. I noticed Phe smile at me one last time before retreating a shadowed corner, tucking her knees to her chest and looking away. I slowly rose to my feet and took his hand, everything flashing white one last time.

---

“Ph-Phoenix?!” a voice gasped. I slowly opened my eyes, the afternoon sun shining through the hospital blinds and into my eyes. I squinted till I made out the figure hovering near me.
“Oh my god…” Vic sighed, hugging me. “You…you scared us so fucking much Nix…So much.”
I realized I was already crying from the troublesome act of awaking, Vic’s words just made me cry more.

“The doctors said your heart just stopped! That it was true medical mystery how you fucking died for two minutes and just- just came back to life. Your body went through a deadly amount of shock and attacked itself- your body was literally confused. When your heart restarted, so your body….God we were so scared.”

My mind was buzzing with the new information.

I died?

My grip on Vic tightened. He seemed shaken up. I noticed his shadowed eyes before he he hugged me. I knew he'd take all this really hard. He proably thinks him talking to me about my silence made me faint when in actuality I've been unstable for years.

“It’s okay Vic, everything’s okay,” I whispered in his ear. His body stiffened for a moment as he realized that I’d just talked. He hugged me even tighter, his arms a welcomed vice around my stiff body.

“I promise you won’t regret speaking…I swear ,” Vic whispered with determination into my ear.

I cracked a small smile- even if he couldn’t see it, “I don’t think you’ll have to try very hard.”

He chuckled lightly and pulled back just enough to stare down at me. He seemed to have been in deep concentration before his face flushed quite suddenly and backed away just a bit more, still slightly hugging me.

“You’re awake!” Jaime’s voice shouted from the door, an excited Mike right next to him. I smiled at them, what a sight for sore eyes.

Mike and Jaime rushed towards the bed and practically threw Vic aside, crushing me in a two-man hug.

“Hey guys,” I smiled. They immediately pulled away and stared at me in awe.

“You talked!” Mike cheered.

“Yeah,” Vic smiled, “She did.”

Jaime pretty much went on some excited rant in Spanish, Vic whispering translations in my ear and Mike smiling like the goofball he is.

---

I returned from the hospital Sunday night. I was disappointed that I slept through my weekend but Mike and Vic came and watched movies with Jaime and I till about midnight. Their eyes shined every time I spoke and they always readily responded. No one has said anything about my scars or asked me why I was silent for so long; I was just glad they weren’t being pushy and quite pleased they were giving me time. I changed into a sports bra and black boxers. I climbed into bed with a slight smile on my face, ready to face the world tomorrow with my boys by my side.

Notes

Soooo, I had a hard time writing this :\ I wanted everything to make sense and explain Phe without it being boring and I think I failed x) I'll edit it later c:
Hope this chapter wasn't a let down and that you guys continue to read :3 Comment, Vote, Subscribe, Rate and all that Jazz~

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Topic of the Day: Did this chapter make any fucking sense xD
I'm so scared I confused you guys since my idea is a bit...different than other fanfics .-.