Numb, it was the only word that seemed to even come remotely close to describing how I felt. Everything about the meeting with Vic’s uncle shook me to my very soul. Devastated, undeniably devastated. I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling with my arms to my side. I could feel Vic’s eyes boring into my face, patiently waiting for me to say something, anything. We were just two lumps, sitting palpable silence.

“Vic,” I choked out. My voice was as weak as my spirit. Slowly, I turned my head to catch his gaze. “I’m…I’m s-cared.”

Heartbreak immediately clouded his eyes and I tangled my legs with his, both of us now laying on our sides facing each-other. He gently placed his hand on my head, stroking my disheveled brown locks.

“You don’t have to be scared,” he comforted.

“But I am,” I insisted. Vic noticed my eyes glance out the prescription pills sitting on my dresser, taunting me.

“I will be right here, every step of the way,” he whispered.

“I don’t want Phe to go,” I sniffled.

“You’re attached to…her?” he asked gently.

I nodded, “She was there before anyone else. Those will make her go away.”

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he declared softly. “But…I owe it to you to make it known that I think that we should consider being safe rather than sorry.”
I went to defend Phe, but he continued to speak over my already feeble voice.

“—And I think that we don’t know if it could get worse. I’d like for you at least try…but it won’t change anything between us if choose not to.”

Mute and unsure, I pondered what he was saying.

‘…Just do it, yeah?’

My eyes widened.

W-What? No!

‘I can’t say for sure that I won’t…change. I agree with Vic on this one.’

But you were there before Vic!

‘And now that you have someone to care of you, I’m unnecessary.’ Phe said flatly but I could still hear the small smile in her voice. I hated that she wrote off her existence as pointless so casually, she was so much more than that. I closed my eyes, pushing her to the forefront of my mind to see her while remaining conscience– a feat I learned to do a few days ago.

Instead of the familiar white and grey surroundings, it was just her surrounded by a blinding darkness. Phe was sitting there, cross-legged and earphones laying lazily on her chest. Her oversized teeshirt looked a bit cleaner but her eyes were still blood-shot.

I’m not ready to let you go.

‘And you never will be. Somebody has to push you out of your comfort zone.’

Why would you want me to get rid of you?

‘Look…I’m tired Nix,’ she said sadly, bowing her head and allowing long strands of brown hair to tumble down. I suddenly saw her in a different light. She suddenly looked sickly and the bags under her eyes heavier. An unexplainable anger swallowed me.

What if that shit makes me like my dad, hm? Tireless one day, half-dead the next?—

‘Vic , Jaime, Mike—Hell!—even Tony has you and will help you in my absence. And trust me, if I come back because you come off your meds I’m giving you hell,’ she smirked.

I attempted to smile back but it was weak.

“What did she say?” Vic whispered.

I inhaled a sharp breath, my eyes snapping open, “How did you—”

“You always get this far away look in your eyes,” he mused. "But this time you closed them like you were concentrating really hard."

“I just feel so alone…”

I immediately cringed once the words left my lips. I should be glad that he even believes there is a voice! Here Vic was, treating me like I was the most delicate flower and I had the nerve to say that? Seriously?

Vic instantly sat up, he face devoid of any hints as to what he was thinking. I sat up as well and looked at him, scared of what he’d say next. He captured my gaze and slowly rolled up his sleeves.

My eyes widened and the familiar itch of tears resonated.

“You are far from alone Nix.”

His scars were neat lines extremely close to each other. They looked old and healed over similar to welts, meaning they were deep. He had at least fifteen on each arm and its not uncommon to have cuts on legs as well.

My slim fingers reached out to touch the scars and a single tear fell. The jagged feel of his healed over cuts against the pad of my shaking fingers just about stopped my heart.

“You…why?”

Vic never looked away from me, “I started freshman year. I was bullied and when things became unbearable, it became harder to hide my self-harm and my parent caught me and moved us immediately.”

“I feared Mike would be upset with me since he had to leave his friends but I found out he suggested it. He helped me stop…I had to be a big brother, you know..? You’re far from alone. And I…”

My heart thudded, filling the silence his pause caused. I waited anxiously for him to continue.

“The last thing I want you to feel is loneliness, especially if I’m right here. Phoenix Aileen Slade, I love you and I’m going to do whatever I can to help you.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to respond right now,” he babbled, “I mean, I get it if--”

“I love you too, Vic,” I smiled. Vic smiled like the goof he is and tackled me, making me giggle at his childish display of affection.

‘See, you don’t need me,’ a faint but cleary cheerful voice pointed out.

I stared up at the gorgeous man smiling above me, his hair hanging around his face. Then, I thought of his brother, Mikey and smiled. Jaime’s large grin then came to mind and my smile broadened. Tony’s stern but soft eyes then made an appearance in my thoughts. I cocked my head to the side and stared up at my boyfriend. Yeah…my boyfriend. Vic, his brother and our friends could feel the void I needed Phe to distract me from noticing.

“…Vic?”

“Yeah?”

“…Could you pass me my medicine please?”

Notes

I AM SO SORRY, these AP classes are kicking my ass but I am determined to finish this story, I will never just discontinue, I refuse.

I HAVE A NEW STORY UP! Its called THE JOURNALS OF YEAH BOY AND DOLLFACE, you should totes check it out ;D

Sorry for any errors. ;-; Reveiw, Rate, Comment, Vote, Subscribe and all that jazz~

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Question of the Day: Thoughts on Nix's decision considering the meds? What would you have done? Are you gonna check out my other story?! Comment!