Excessive tapping and uncontrollable clenching; Vic’s hand was my own personal stress ball as my leg subconsciously bounced. My appointment would start any moment and the suspense was killing me. Everything that would commence in the next few minutes would be new, uncharted—the unexpected could leave me speechless and change my thoughts on myself entirely. These off-white walls, tacky blue chairs and the sound of faint crying was driving me insane. The office was in on the 16th floor of a large building that houses various businesses. There was currently someone in the office that sounded like a woman weeping. The secretary sitting to our left behind an oval tabled tapped efficiently on her keyboard, her glassed resting at the tip of her nose, shirt buttoned all the way up and blonde hair slicked back. She looked like she was late-twenties. She caught my frightened and anxious gaze and offered a compassionate smile just as I looked away.

I can’t take this, I muttered internally.

‘I can’t believe you’re going to talk about me, nobody but Miss. Riley knows about me.’

“Hey,” Vic nudged gently, pulling me from my thoughts. “You looked spaced-out…were you…were you talking to that voice?”

I gulped and stared at my feet, “Y-yes.”

He nodded, looking away with a worried expression. The unlatching of the door made me jump and shift my eyes in it’s direction. There was a girl about my age with reddend eyes and short black hair, a tissue pressed to her nose. She was sickly thin; her cheek bones way too prominent and fingers skeleton-like. The state of her body was hidden behind an extremely baggy shirt and loose sweats.

“Thank you, Mr.Fuentes,” she sniffled, a hint of a smile on her flushed face.

“You’re more than welcome Tanya. Remember to come-back next week, alright?” he called.

She nodded and we accidently caught each other’s stare. I searched desperately for any relief, or happiness from being in there so long but all I could see was unleashed pain. Sluggishly, she went towards the elevator and took her leave.

The secretary looked at Vic and I, “You may enter Mr. Fuentes’s office.”

Vic was the first to stand and looked expectantly at me, gently tugging at my hand.
Shakily and with weak knees, I rose from the ugly chair and slowly trudged to the office with Vic leading me. There were three leather chairs next to each other right infront of Mr.Fuentes who was seated in a large, black rolley chair. There he was khakis, button up shirt, notepad and all. Reluctant and scared out of my mind I took my seat.

“Hello Vic, hello Miss. Slade,” he greeted. Mr. Fuentes turned to me, “ I’d like for you to call me
Ruben, Mr. Fuentes make me feel old,” he stated light-heartedly.

He looked to be well in the middle age era of his life. Grey streaked his short, lightly gelled black hair.

“I’d like to start with the basic questions concerning identifying schizophrenia,” he droned with a
comforting smile.
I felt my hand twitch and my body temperature rise. Vic grasped my hand and let out a breath.

“I assure you that the questions will get a little deeper and I strongly suggest you don’t hold back on details. There are numerous symptoms of schizophrenia. Based on what Vic told me about the voice you’re hearing, it’s very possible that you do have it.”

He pulled out a pen and held it against his pad.

“Vic, could you leave the room?” he asked gently.

“No,” I blurted. “If I’m going to do this, I need him.”

“As long as you don’t hold back when answering my questions,” Ruben nodded while writing something on the paper. “Do you have hallucinations?”

The question hit me harder than it should have.

“Elaborate, please,” I asked weakly.

“Do you ever see, hear, taste, smell or feel things that aren’t there?”

“I hear a voice.”

“Only one?”

“Yes, only one.”

His pen scratched against the paper.

“Do you care to make friends at all?—do you lack interest or ability to socialize with other people?” he inquired.

“I made my first friend about two years ago, and he approached me first,” I explained. “Does that count?”

“We’re you at all troubled with not talking to others or socializing.”

“No, I preferred being alone.”

“Then yes, it counts. Based on your previous statement, is it okay if I assume you partook in social isoloation; Spending all your time alone or with close family?”

I nodded.

Miss. Riley and Jaime…

“The voice you hear--”

“Phe,” I interrupted.

“Yes…Phe, does she ever make you do things?”

There was a small pause.

“Elaborate,” I voiced meekly.

“Does it seem like she physically forces you to do things? Do you call upon her for advice and or comfort? Do you view her as a source of strength?” he questioned in greater detail.

“Y-Yes.”

“Care to share an example?” Mr. Fuentes nudged gently, scribbling something down.

**
“Hey, why are you in Nix’s locker?”

I turned around, confusion clearly etched into my face. Vic’s jaw hit the floor and my confusion only grew.

Oh yeah. The change in appearance…

“W-Wow. I mean, y-you a-always look good but today- I-I mean…um…” Vic stumbled and scratched the back of his neck, a blush coloring his tan cheeks.

I smiled and gently guided his open mouth closed with my pointer-finger and winked. I nearly winced at the jagged pain that I immediately registered following the strange, flirty act.

What the hell?! There is no way that was me!

‘Holy shit!’ Inner squealed, ‘That was all me! I did that!’

W-What?!

‘I really wanted you to flirt with him! He’s practically at your feet and you’re just changing colors!’ she sighed in frustration.

…No more of this possession bull-shit. Clear?
**
Vic gently put me into the bed. After a bit of shuffling, my shoes were softly pulled from my feet and he dug my phone out of my pocket and place it on the headboard.
His footfalls appeared to be going in the direction of my door when I suddenly called out.

“Stay with me.”

I opened my eyes and that familiar, sharp pain ripped through my head.

What the hell, Phe?!

‘Thank me later,’ she sang, disappearing from my conscience.

**
“A few times but…” my voice drifted.

Vic turned to me, eyes widened, “Did she ever force you to cut yourself? To…to love me?”

“No! no…she…Phe was upset when I said I couldn’t be with you and she always tries to talk me
out of cutting.”

“So your voice isn’t violent or dangerous?” Vic asked optimistically.

“It could easily change,” Rueben rebutted, suddenly very stoic.

‘I’d never hurt Nix,’ she growned

“I usually arrange more appointments for further analysis but if your voice already has so much control over you--”

“She doesn’t control me!” I defended.

“I’m going to have to ask Vic to leave for this next question,” he informed, disregarding my outburst.

“He stays,” I snarled. This assessment was beginning to tick me off.

“Fine. Have you experienced anything traumatic in your younger years?”

“I don’t understand…”

“Have you been a victim of domestic abuse? Have you lost someone close to you? If you have,
I’m afraid I’d have to ask you about your experience and it’s after effects.”

My parents.

“No.”

“If we want to find the best course for treatment, we have to discover the origins of—”

“I said no, dammit!” I snapped.

“Phoenix,” Vic pleaded with his eyes. “Just talk to him.”

I bit my lip as the corners of my eyes began to sting.

‘You have to’, Phe whispered.

I can’t revisit that memory, please…

I left the air rush through my lungs and I exhaled heavily.


**


“Phoenix Aileen Slade! Get down here so we can go,” my mother called from the stair case, a smile in her voice. I waddled down the steps in the puffy, thick snow suit in tears.

“I don’t want to wear this mommy!” I complained, running into her leg and grasping it. I remember looking at my beautiful mother with teary eyes. Her long hair was right at her shoulders and curled under with her bangs swiped to the side. Her full lips were pulled in a small smile as her big hazel eyes stared back into my own.

She hurriedly put my hair in a high ponytail and scooped me up, “It’s much too cold for the dress you want to wear, my little birdie. We have to make sure you’re little feathers are nice and warm.”

I sniffled to show my understanding and allowed her to carry me out to the car my dad was waiting in.

“Did you take you medicine hun?” my mom asked my dad as she settled me into the car seat, struggling with the seatbelt.

“When do I get to taste Daddy’s medicine? I interrupted noisily, peaking over my mom and staring at my dad for an answer.

“Hopefully never, Phe-Phe,” he sighed. He scratched at his brown hair and wrinkled up his pointy nose, “It’s gross!”

“Ew!” I cried dramatically.

“Damn this thing,” my mother swore, finally buckling it up.

“Just sit back, okay sweetie?”
I nodded and picked at the patterned material on the seat as my mom settled into the passenger’s side and my dad drove down the snow covered street.
My young, naive eyes stared out the window at the winter wonderland that the snow had created as my parents talked about adult-natured things. There was a part of the conversation that actually caught my attention though…

“Ashley I told you, I took my medicine, I haven’t heard anything since I started therapy,” my dad insisted.

“Then how come I never see you take it? Or the pill bottle itself? What if that thing comes back again?”
I listened but simply didn’t understand the subject matter. Regardless, I continued to look between the two as my mother looked concernedly at my stubborn father.

“Robert, I’m worried and—”

“I’ve taken care of this damn illness since I was 19, I know how to handle myself,” he droned with a slight edge.
My mother slammed her back into the seat and crossed her arms.

“You haven’t been taking your pills Robert,” she accused confidently. “This isn’t you!”

I glanced past their bickering heads and noticed a large semi truck swerve on the ice. Words left me and everything seemed to go silent but their lips continued to move; my mother gesticulating wildly and my father not paying attention to the white road. My throat closed and fear engulfed me entirely. We were heading straight for the truck slipping into our car’s path.
My father glanced up a second too late and a blood curdling scream emanated from my mother.

Daddy attempted stomping on the gas to get past the wild truck since there was no escaping it but couldn’t quite make it. Everything moved slowly after that. The truck slammed into the tail of the car, tail spinning us until we toppled off the road. Nothing but screaming could be fully registered. The sound of the metal bunching up and grinding against the ground as the hellish ride finally stopped.

Both of my parents called my name as I stared around the upside down car, wide eyed and unmoving. My mother crawled on her elbows to me, her face bloodied and hands shaking.

“Be still Phe,” she ordered weakly.

She shushed me just as I began to whimper. Her shaky hands undid the latch on my carseat and I fell out.

“Crawl through that window,” she instructed.

“Come with me,” I cried, lips quivering.

“I’m afraid I can’t, that broken window is only big enough for baby birds.”

“I don’t want to go without you!”

“Me and daddy are always going to be with you, you just won’t see us from now on… okay?”

I shook my head.

“Listen to me Phe…Please understand I don’t want to do this. There’s so much I want to teach you, so much I want to experience with you but… I can’t. Daddy and I are going to live in your heart from now on.”

I saw my Dad stir, “A-Ashley… I hear the gas tank leaking.”

My mom looked at me with teary eyes.

“You have to get out now and run, Phe-Phe,” he called franticlly.

“Get out of the car!” my mother begged.

I still don’t know what made me do it but I squeezed through the broken glass, slightly protected by the puffy snow suit. I got free and looked back at them, still crying.

“Phoenix, hurry!” they cried in unision.

I took off, the cold nipping at my face and freezing my fingers. I was trying to climb back up the road we had slid down when the car blew and a metal bar knocked in the back of my head, knocking me out.


**


“I was in and out for days f-from a se-severe concussion,” I hiccupped, Vic’s are enveloping me as I wept. Rueben wiped at his eyes and I felt a tear fall from Vic’s face to my cheek.

“They told me my parents died instantly and that I’d enter t-the system. I-I bounced around because m-my adoptive parents c-couldn’t handle my nightmares…then.”

“The voice appeared,” Rueban nodded.

**


Here I was again, reliving the moment my mom begged me to get out of the car.

‘Why all the screaming?’ a voice strikingly similar to mine grumbled, dispelling the dream and leaving me surrounded by darkness.

I didn’t think that.

‘No shit,’ the voice giggled, making me jump.

What is that voice?!

‘Not important,’ the voice said easily.

What happened--?

‘To that played out dream? I ended that. The trauma is too much for you so voila, the reason for
my existence. Now get out!’ she shouted forcefully.

I remember the first time she talked to me. The quiet relief that followed the revelation of her
presence triggered peaceful nights for years…

**


I was visibly shaking from forcing myself to recall everything.

“Please calm down,” Vic whispered into my hair.

I took a deep breathe and looked at Mr. Fuentes with exhausted eyes. Nothing would do me greater joy than to leave with the bit of sanity I have left.

“Do you think it’s possible your father had it? Based on the argument you described the night of the crash--”

“I’ve thought it over a couple of times but I didn’t want to admit I’m mentally ill…I don’t think
anyone wants that for themselves. To come to the revelation on your own is just too much.”


“Can you describe your father to me? Behavioral type things.”

“Well…I remember asking him why his mouth or his eyes twitched a lot and why my face didn’t do that. When I’d imitate him—being the daddy’s girl I was—he’d get really upset with me. Sometime he’d stay in his room for days, other times he’d be restless. Um--”

“That’s more than enough, thank you,” he interrupted smoothly, running the pen across the
paper.

I peeked up at Vic and saw that he was staring down at me with so much compassion and love and in his eyes. He desperately wanted to understand and comfort me and he made it clear simply through his gaze.

I turned back to Rueban feeling slightly better. He looked up at Vic and I with a subtle frown, “I’d say it’s pretty safe to say that you are in fact schizophrenic.”

Notes

Topic of the Day: ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS POSSIBLY CONFUSING AND WELL OVER-DUE CHAPTER? ASK IN THE COMMENTS SO I CAN ADDRESS IT PUBLICLY!~

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Before you guys snap my neck, please understand I had to move from SOUTH KOREA to HAWAII. Life has been rough xD But I'm moving into my new house tuesday and get wifi wednesday so updates will come a lot faster and this story will be finished before you know it! Like comment, rate, vote, subscribe and all that jazz~