Compromise.

I loathed that word. Honestly, I didn’t want to talk about that evening or my time spent in the hospital. I didn’t want to go in specific detail of how I felt but I knew it was necessary if I wanted answers as well; it wouldn’t be fair of me to take without giving a little. I’ll be the first to admit the thought of not compromising wasn’t the least bit fair but not every decision we make is the one we want to make. It was all a part of this deadly game we call life.

With every crunch of the frosted grass, I drew closer to Mike and Vic’s house. I’m sure they’re all already there since I went home immediately after school to change and shower. I decided on a thick, patterned hoodie-sweater, ripped blue jeans and red Uggs. I didn’t care too much for my appearance at the moment so I threw my hair in a pony tail and went on my way to talk.
The one thing I don’t want to come out of this is more conflict. I want everyone to get something positive out of this and lay a few things to rest so we can all get back on track and be seniors in high school. We were becoming much too old to not know how to reconcile like adults.

‘We’re here,’ Phe announced with over-dramatic dread. I took in a deep breath and before I could know the door swung open.

“Hey,” Jaime greeted awkwardly.

I nodded at him and stepped inside once he moved out of the way. All I could hear was the soft ramblings of the big TV in the living room. I walked into the living room and all eyes were immediately on me. Slowly, I took a seat on the lone chair farthest from everyone.

“Can we speak alone, Phoenix?” Tony asked coolly.

“Hell no,” I answered flatly.

His tense expression thawed, “…Please.”

I tugged on my bottom lip and looked down, “Fine.”

Tony nodded at me and then looked expectantly at Vic, Mike and Jaime.

Mike stared back, confused and then realized what Tony was silently asking. “You’re seriously kicking me out of my own living room?”

Tony looked at Mike with annoyance.

“Unbelievable,” Mike scoffed like a man-diva. He stood to his feet and dragged Jaime up the
stairs- most likely to play video games with him.

“I-I’ll go up to and uh…write I guess,” Vic smiled weakly.

I nodded, “See you soon.”

He looked at me and hesitated before going up the steps and into the room Mike and Jaime went into moments before.

Once the squeak of Mike's door sounded and it shut, I turned my attention back to Tony.

“Why did you slap me?”

Well then! I guess we’re just going to cut right to the chase then, huh?

I felt a tinge of annoyance rip me and I scoffed, “I told you,-”

“I want a straight answer, no cryptic bullshit.”

I sat up, “You want a straight answer? Fine.” I felt my blood pumping a hell of a lot faster quite suddenly. “I slapped your ass because you didn’t bother visiting me and then decided to act all concerned once your girlfriend, whom you didn’t break up with till this morning, left in tears.”

“My relationship had nothing to do with her messing with you. Why is me visiting you that damn important anyway?” he sighed, leaning forward as well. 'Frustrated' may as well have been written on his damn forehead.

I stared into his eyes. They weren’t as rich a brown as Vic’s; they were gorgeous, but not the innocent, hopeful and youthful kind of gorgeous. They were mysterious and steely, they didn’t glint as purely. There was just something attractive about not being able to tell what he was feeling. I felt myself exploring every ridge and line in his eyes and he stared back just as intensely. Forcing myself to continue this tedious conversation, I looked down at the ground for a moment before looking back up with a much softer gaze.

“You should know how the girl with your fucking blood pumping through her veins is doing,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. I could tell I looked extremely hurt as soon as I uttered those words. I felt exposed and insecure, I layed everything out there and it was up to him to pick it up- the ball was in his court.

He was silent, staring at me with softened eyes.

“Imagine this,” I began, wiping at my face, “You’re sitting in a hospital bed with beeping machines all around you. Everyone’s telling you you’re lucky and that your attempt at killing yourself was damn-near successful. You see everyone but one person and that one person so happened to be the one that physically saved your life. You’re up and…and no one has any clue why they aren’t there. And get this- that person is still dating the one that made your life hell for years. Without any answers, you begin to fill in the blanks. You’re head goes ape-shit and you assume the worst- that that person hates you or simply doesn’t care enough to drive down to the hospital where you nearly died.”

“That’s not true!- I cared! I called Vic everyday for updates and-”

“That’s not the same as seeing me face-to-face. Even if you did call, why didn’t you ask to speak to me?”

I looked up at a baffled Tony. His eyes seemed to be screaming sorry a thousand times over.

“I…I didn’t know I meant so much to you. I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” I whispered.

“Because…Because I told Vic not to go after you.”

My eyes widened tremendously, “What?”

“It’s true. When you ran off, he wanted to go after you immediately but I said all you needed was space to think and I reminded him you guys were still on bad terms. After almost an hour and you didn’t come back, he got worried, ditched class and went to your house. I didn’t know he left early till a few girls from Tinsley’s click were mumbling about him just up and leaving class…”

“It’s not like you knew I would go home and try to kill myself.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty…really, really guilty.”

“Tony-”

“If I hadn’t delayed Vic, you wouldn’t have lost so much blood and been unconscious for so long,” he stated matter-of-factly. I paused.

How am I supposed to prove to this obviously guilt stricken guy that he’s not at fault for my actions?

“Tony,” I tried again, “You didn’t know about my depression, you didn’t know about my self harm- you didn’t know I was capable of such a thing. Vic’s judgment was probably clouded by confusion as to whether it’d be appropriate for him to chase me down after I waved him off. It was his decision as well as mine.”

Tony seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“But if you felt so guilty, why didn’t you break up with Tinley?” I questioned carefully.

“I wanted to love her,” Tony stated flatly. “She cared so much for me in her own twisted way and a part of me wanted to feel the same about her. My reputation may be I’m a heart-breaker but in actuality, I’m not into that kind of thing. She wasn’t a total bitch when it was just us but this morning I decided I can’t be with a girl that treats other people like shit.”

“O-Oh,” I stuttered. Sometimes his straight-forward approach to things caught me off guard.

“…Why’d you bring up Tinsley and I’s break-up when I asked about the slap?”

Damn it- did I?

‘Yup,’ Phe confirmed, popping the ‘p’.

I pondered how exactly I wanted to answer this. There were so many things I could say but only one could be the absolute best answer. Sighing, I went to the loveseat and sat next to Tony. I reached for his hand and softly held it, “You do realize your relationship had everything to do with the way she treated me, right?”

Tony looked confused and I sighed.

I guess this is as good a time as any to fess up.

‘You- You’re going to tell him! He just went through a break-up Phoenix. I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ Phe warned.

Tony deserved to know why his girlfriend hated me so passionately seeing as how her attitude towards me sort of broke them up.

Taking a deep breath, I captured Tony’s puzzled stare.

“She knew I liked you, Tone,” I sighed. “Tinsley knew that I was the only girl that you ever even spared a glance at and she didn’t like the thought of there ever being a possibility. So, she bashed and embarrassed me in front of you every chance she got.”

I, myself, hadn’t noticed the connection till she pretty much shouted for the world to know the
day I changed my look.

“I don’t know why the hell guys are whispering about you- nor do I care. Stay in your place. If I
catch you making googly-eyes at Tony again I’ll fucking ruin you.”

At the time, I saw it as a mere threat but she left an unintentional clue as to why she hated me so much. She was aware of my school-girl crush on her boyfriend and- like any protective girlfriend would do- she put herself on the offensive. However, her offensive was much more extreme than the average broad in love. Instead of sharp glances and intimidating body language, she made sure Tony was around when she ruined my mornings and afternoons.
Everything seemed to fall into place for Tony since he looked from our interlaced fingers to my face.

“…It all makes sense,” he mumbled. He gently tugged his hand from my loose grip and put his head in his hands, “I’m such an idiot.”

“Hm?”

He peeked from behind his hands, “Walking her to only her first and fifth period classes, making out on that bench in front of that damn tree- oh god.”

‘Smart, but a total bitch,’ Phe chirped.

“So…” he whistled, “…You like me?”

His smile was smug and he leaned towards me.

“It’s not- I mean I can’t say I didn’t but I knew you had a girlfriend so I backed off! You guys were always all over each other so I figured you were happy. I didn’t think I had a chance anyway so I kinda just stayed in the background- praying I could just graduate high school and be gone! I was scared you’d think I was some loser-stranger-freak. You just seemed so untouchable, so-”

His soft, warm lips effectively cut off my rant and my eyes widened. His lids were closed over his eyes and his hand grazed my chin provocatively. I felt the gentle urge to kiss back- and I nearly did! But then I remembered everything I shared and felt with Vic. I couldn’t just throw that away for a boy I barely knew. He was a childish crush, my feelings for Vic ran too deep. I pulled away from a frustrated Tony and stood up.

“Well then!- Um…” I stuttered stupidly.

I was rubbing my hands together nervously and pacing.

I glanced up at him and noticed his annoyed expression.

“What?” I asked, mid-pace.

“Why are you acting like this? I thought you liked me.”

“I did!”

“Did?”

“Yes, did!”

“So,” he sighed, walking towards me. “You’re saying you don’t have the same feelings for me anymore..?” he asked softly, tracing his fingers up and down my arm. His touch felt almost like a tickling sensation and I involuntarily shivered.

He leaned in slowly and put his lips next to my ear, “…Right?”

I nearly moaned before I backed away.

Is he trying to seduce me or something?

Tony rolled his eyes, “It’s obvious you still like me.”

I threw my hands up, “I really can’t deal with this right now.”

Tony stepped forward and grabbed both my hands with his, “You still like me Nix, I can see it in your eyes.”

I reluctantly pulled away again, “Stop, Tone.”

“Admit it,” he adamantly demanded in a whisper and took a step forward, pushing a few loose strand of hair behind my ear.

His kissed me again and I felt my will-power slipping away with every passing moment.
I groaned and pushed him away. I faintly heard the familiar squeak of the door and then it gentlly closing upstairs; I felt panic, guilt, shock and confusion swell in my heart and snatched up my small bag, heading towards the door.

“Phoenix- Phoenix wait,” Tony called with an apologetic tone. I shook my head without turning back to face him and allowed the chilling, heavy breeze to close the door behind me.

Notes

Guys, this shit is almost six pages....I lost almost two hours for homework because of this chapter ...tell me how much you love me T_T But a lot of junk went down xD I like being able to make my readers sort of grin or get really nervous just by imagining the scenes I describe! I absolutly love it, so I put a bit of "squirm worthy" material with the whole Tony kissin up on Nix scene(; Sorry for any errors, didn't edit :P I NEVER EDIT, TO BE HONEST. meeeeh...later. Comment, Rate, Subscribe, Vote and all that jazz~~

Topic of the Day: Tinsley's true intentions; did you already know? Nix's justification for the slap? Nix struggling with denying Tony's advances? Tony's advances? The door upstairs?! Comment!!