Our Love Feels Like War
Chapter Siete
Demons. Demons everywhere. I could feel them around me, inside me. I can’t fight them anymore. I’m so fucking tired. Tired of everything. Darling you’ll be okay. Do you see me okay? It never gets okay. Sure maybe it does. But it’s always temporary. The emptiness inside of me always comes back and it haunts me. It tries to take over and sometimes, I let it take over. Somehow I know, that if I let these demons take over, I won’t be able to fight them off anymore. I won’t have the strength to.
April 21, 2003. I just turned thirteen. It was also the first time I gave up. I remember not being able to think. I remember my dad calling me a worthless whore. I remember my legs carrying me to the bridge. I remember standing on the railings. And I remember feeling so powerful. I finally felt in control with my own life again. I’m choosing to do this. No one can get me down. No one. This is the only way I can be myself. The only way I can get my life back.
My stomach churned as the feeling of déjà vu entered me. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to let all those sounds enter my head. The waves crashing against the bridge, the wind fighting all the obstacles blocking its way, the emptiness. There were no cars on this bridge. Empty; like me. The wind slowly stopped, tired of fighting; like me.
April 29, 2008. Eighteen. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I can’t fail this time. I just can’t. Maybe Vic will be happier without me. Maybe everyone would be happier without me.
I smiled as the memory fought its way into my head. This is a good thing. Me dying. People won’t have to worry about me anymore. Everyone will be happy now. Including me.
April 26, 2013. Twenty-three. Now. Funny how it’s always near the end of April huh. Hold On Till May, Vic had said one time. Tears started falling, hitting the water silently. All those years of being unable to cry. This is a sign right? Maybe I’ll succeed this time. Maybe this time, it'll finally work. Third times a charm, they said. Slowly, I took a step into the air and let myself go. I let the demons take me, all of them fighting over me. And this time, I didn’t fight it.
Goodbye Nicole.
April 21, 2003. I just turned thirteen. It was also the first time I gave up. I remember not being able to think. I remember my dad calling me a worthless whore. I remember my legs carrying me to the bridge. I remember standing on the railings. And I remember feeling so powerful. I finally felt in control with my own life again. I’m choosing to do this. No one can get me down. No one. This is the only way I can be myself. The only way I can get my life back.
My stomach churned as the feeling of déjà vu entered me. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to let all those sounds enter my head. The waves crashing against the bridge, the wind fighting all the obstacles blocking its way, the emptiness. There were no cars on this bridge. Empty; like me. The wind slowly stopped, tired of fighting; like me.
April 29, 2008. Eighteen. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I can’t fail this time. I just can’t. Maybe Vic will be happier without me. Maybe everyone would be happier without me.
I smiled as the memory fought its way into my head. This is a good thing. Me dying. People won’t have to worry about me anymore. Everyone will be happy now. Including me.
April 26, 2013. Twenty-three. Now. Funny how it’s always near the end of April huh. Hold On Till May, Vic had said one time. Tears started falling, hitting the water silently. All those years of being unable to cry. This is a sign right? Maybe I’ll succeed this time. Maybe this time, it'll finally work. Third times a charm, they said. Slowly, I took a step into the air and let myself go. I let the demons take me, all of them fighting over me. And this time, I didn’t fight it.
Goodbye Nicole.
Notes
The end.KIDDING. KIDDING. This chapter feels too sad to have a note at the end but I couldn't help myself.
Song: The Balcony Scene by Pierce the Veil
Quote: "Can we lose our minds, and call it love for the last time."
"Have you ever really danced on the edge."
Two quotes omfg. I couldn't choose.
xx (:
Oh okay. Yay!l!!
11/10/13