Nicole’s POV

God dammit. I kicked the door shut and headed straight towards the bathroom. I couldn’t keep this up anymore. This dumb act. I was tired of this. So fucking tired of trying to pretend that I was okay, that it didn’t fucking hurt.

Scaring the thought of kissing razors, Vic had once said in a song.

As much as I didn’t want to listen to him, the razors stared at me, taunting me. My skin gazed achingly at the blades, wanting to feel the sharpness sink into my skin, breaking them. I wanted to be able to feel so badly. I didn’t want to be numb. I want to hurt, I deserve to be hurt.

This blood evacuation is telling me to cave in.

That song. That one fucking song that related to me, and to Vic. Looking down at my hands, I realized that I was unconsciously reaching for the razors. And I couldn’t stop them. And I didn’t stop them.

I leaned against the wall, throwing my head back as blood flooded down my arms, along with my emotions that had been hidden for so long. It felt good; the pain, the blood, the warmth that spread through me. It was sad though. I had to rely on the razor to make me feel.

Just stay away, away, from my friends.

Vic, I thought. Vic probably wanted me to stay away. That’s what he told me anyways. I would probably end up killing them too. Somehow, it was always my fault. I didn’t want a repetition of what happened thirteen years ago.

Crackle, crackle.

What is that sound? The soft crackling that spread through the air. Maybe I wasn’t imagining the warmness because it was awfully hot in here. Why was it so hot? Flinging the door opened, I gasped and choked violently. Smoke, smoke everywhere; filling my nostrils, contaminating my lungs.

My head laughed at me. You’re finally getting what you deserve Nicole. You’ll die just like Jake died. Now you get to feel his pain. The pain that he went through when tried to save you.

Oh my god. Fire. Fire everywhere. I shut my eyes and fell to the ground, crawling my way out. My bloody arms reached up when I was at the door, searching. My hand gripped the doorknob and I tried to open the door, but for some reason, it was jammed. There was no way out.

With my back against the door, I sighed. This was the end of me I guess. The loss of blood was getting to me, making my head all fuzzy. Or was it the smoke that was getting to my brain? Probably both. I couldn’t think anymore. I couldn’t. This is how I’m going to die. I’m going to die like Jake did. I cracked a small smile. I’m coming for you Jake. I’m going to come and make it up to you. But as the black dots started taking up my vision, only one thought was clear to me.

I’m in love with Vic, but he doesn’t love me back.

Notes

Omfg for some reason, I always unintentionally put Nicole in a life threatening position hahaha. Can you believe that I already have three different tests on Monday when we've only had four damn days of school? Gah.

Song: Stay Away From My Friends by Pierce the Veil
Quote: "I don't know how you got into me, down my throat and made a home in my veins."

xx (: