I woke up feeling especially numb. My body shuddered, immediately recognizing what today way—today was the day. Today was the day that I have longed for most of my life, except now that it was today, I didn’t want it to be. I clutched onto Mike tightly, burying my head into the space under his chin, hoping that if I curled myself into the smallest ball I would simply disappear.

“Faye,” I heard Mike laugh, petting the back of my head.

“Shush,” I whispered, curling up against him and squeezing my arms around him.

“I see what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work,” he chuckled. “Relax, baby,” he cooed. I cursed my body for immediately relaxing at his words, but I just couldn’t help it. I was a bundle of emotions right now, and, somehow, Mike was able to control them. He chuckled again, and, as I unburied my head from the comfort of his neck, he kissed my forehead.

“You should probably start getting up, now, so you’re not late,” he said, running his fingers through my hair. I nodded slowly, not bothering to ask what time it was because really I already knew—it was time.

As I started to peel myself from Mike—who had crashed early last night, so I just decided to let him stay—I gasped, because he stood up faster and scooped me up into his arms. I gripped his shoulders and giggled. “Where are you taking me?” I squealed, kicking my legs just to be difficult. He chuckled.

“I’m not sure, actually. Where do you want to go?” I put on a thoughtful face, humming and tapping my chin.

“Hmm. I can’t eat anything because I’m not supposed to eat before the operation. But maybe I should take a shower. Do I have time for that?” I asked.

“Oh, right. And, yeah I think so. It’s seven thirty now, and we have to leave at eight fifteen. How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect,” I said. “Did Vic stay here with Phoebe last night?” I asked, stressing once I remembered her.

“Yes, he did. She’s fine, Faye. Worry about yourself today, for once,” Mike said, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I nodded with a light sigh, and he walked me to my bathroom. He set me down, my feet hitting the cool tile floor so I knew I was inside.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” he chuckled.

“I mean, for other things, too. Not for just carrying me around,” I laughed, poking his shoulder. “Thank you for being here,” I said softly. Mike rested his hand on my left cheek.

“You don’t have to thank me, Faye,” he said softly. “I want to be here.”

I smiled. “Well, thank you anyway,” I stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed a little, and I stood up on my toes, leaning into the kiss that I knew he was initiating. As usual, I felt almost relieved when our lips touched. I felt like everything was melting away. I kissed him back passionately, causing Mike to pull away a little and laugh.

“Someone’s a little eager today,” he teased, his lips still moving against mine. My stomach twisted and I grinned, kissing him firmly again. I hooked my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers into his thin, wispy hair. We kissed back and forth like that for several minutes, his hands tightening against my hips and then traveling around my back. I unhooked my hands from around his neck and pulled one down, flattening it against his chest. His heart was racing. So was mine, but I liked it.

I gasped a little when Mike’s lips slowly detached from mine, trailing down the side of my face and to my jaw. They traveled up and then down to my neck, and I tightened my grip on his hair. Even though I couldn’t see, I had a feeling that if I could my eyes would be closed, anyway. So I let it intensify—I wanted it to intensify. My timing was impeccable, but I couldn’t help myself.

But Mike seemed to be a little more rational than me. He placed a single, sweet kiss to my skin before he removed his lips completely, causing me to frown. “Faye,” he chuckled. “You’re letting your feelings get the best of you, angel,” he said softly, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. I pouted, but I was also beaming on the inside because of the respect he had for me and my boundaries that I seemed so willing to break.

“Sorry,” I giggled nervously, blushing. He just chuckled again and kissed my cheek.

“Go get ready, okay? I’ll make sure Vic and Phoebe are awake and getting ready too,” he said. I nodded, sliding both my hands down to his chest. I gripped his t-shirt in my fists and kissed him hard again. I was out of control.

He laughed and kissed me back, and then he pecked my lips a final time and pulled away. “Go on, Faye,” he said. I smiled and nodded, releasing his shirt and patting his chest briefly before he turned away. Once the door was shut, I made sure I had a towel and carefully undressed, starting the shower. My nerves were electrified again; I could hardly stand straight. When I stepped under the water though, I felt more calm, like it was drowning away all of the overbearing and unnecessary thoughts.

“Faye!” I heard someone sing outside of the bathroom.

“Yeah?” I called.

“You’ve been in there for over thirty minutes!” Phoebe said.

“Oh, really?” I laughed a little to myself. Time had slipped away from me easily, like sand drizzling mindlessly through the spaces in between my fingers. “Sorry,” I said. I quickly finished up and turned the water off, wrapping a towel around me. “I zoned out,” I said to Phoebe when I got into my room.

“That’s okay,” she said softly. “I set out leggings and a sweater for you,” she said. “All you have to do is get dressed and then we’ll go!” she said. I smiled and nodded, swallowing the pit in my throat. I blinked and turned from her, towards my bed where I knew she had set the clothes down.

“I’ll let you be,” she said gently. I nodded and then waited for my door to close before I changed quickly.

I flipped my hair and towel dried it before putting it into a pony tail. I slipped on some shoes and sighed, standing still for a minute. It was time to go and I knew I was ready, but I didn’t feel ready at the same time.

Someone knocked on my door but I didn’t answer. I heard it creak open and turned to whoever it was. “C’mon, Faye,” Mike said softly. I reached my hand out to grab his, and he gave it a squeeze before leading me out of the room.

“Hey, girly. You ready to go?” Phoebe asked, her voice high with excitement.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Faye, I’m going to go with Vic back home to change, but I’ll meet you there, okay?” Mike said.

I swallowed and nodded. “Okay. But you’ll be there before?” I asked nervously.

“Of course.”

I breathed in and nodded. “There’s no need to worry, sweetheart,” he said. He held the back of my head steady as he kissed my forehead. I smiled weakly and let go of his other hand. I rubbed my hands on my thighs because I could feel them clamming up.

Phoebe took my arm and I turned with her to the car.

“See ya later, Faye!” I heard Vic call once we got outside. I smiled and waved a little, getting into the car. I buckled up and gulped again.

“Are you okay?” Phoebe asked. I shook my head.

“Let’s just go.”

She sighed but started the car. I was glad that she knew me well; she didn’t say anything to me the entire ride to the hospital and I was grateful for that. I didn’t want to think, but I didn’t want to speak, either. I sat in a numb silence the entire way, my nerves tingling in the background.

“Come on Faye, you have to get out of the car,” Phoebe sighed, and my head shot to the right to where her voice was coming from. The sunny San Diego air skimmed the right side of my body. I didn’t even notice that we were parked and she was already on my side of the car, the door open and everything.

“Oh.” I undid my seatbelt and then turned, stepping out of the car. She hooked her arm through mine and walked me towards the entrance, locking the car behind her.

“Hi, I’m here to check in Faye Wilson,” Phoebe said when we got to what I assumed was the reception desk. She squeezed my arm reassuringly.

“Ah, yes. Fill these out and have a seat over there. We’ll bring her in shortly,” a woman said. Phoebe led me to a chair and I sat down, picking at my nails as I heard her scribbling on papers.

“Hey, knock that off,” she said, swatting at my hands. I pulled them apart and kept them at either side of my body, sitting tensely. Any minute now they were going to call me in. Mike wasn’t here and although I hated to be the clingy type, I needed him right now. “After they get you all set up, we’ll be able to go back there to see you before they put you under, okay?” Phoebe murmured, as usual as if she could read my mind. I nodded with another weak smile.

“Miss Wilson?” someone called. I took a deep breath and stood up. Phoebe held my arm and led me to the voice. “Come back here with me and we’ll get you all set up,” the nurse said. Her voice was warm, and I trusted it. I let go of Phoebe’s arm and the nurse took mine instead, leading me to wherever I had to go.

“Okay, here is a gown,” she placed a flimsy, light material in my hands. She helped me open it up and showed me where the arms and the opening in the back were. “Just change into this, you can leave your bra and underwear on, and you can put your clothes here,” she gently took my hand and touched it where I was supposed to put my clothes—it was a counter of some sort. “And then you can sit on the bed, here. Someone will be in here soon to set you up and your friends can talk to you before,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile.

“You’re welcome.” She patted my hand and then she disappeared, a door closing behind her. My hands were shaking. I pulled my sweater over my head and folded it neatly, placing it on the counter she had indicated. I kicked off my shoes and placed them next to my sweater, and then I slid my leggings off, stacking them on top of my sweater. I shivered a little, putting the hospital gown on. I tied it in the back and then sat down on the bed, my legs dangling off the side.

A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and then someone entered.

“Hi, Faye. How are you doing today?” my doctor—the one who I have met on several occasions the past few months—greeted me.

I smiled. “Hi Dr. Mills. I’m good. A little nervous, though,” I said.

“That’s understandable. But it’ll go by fast,” she said warmly. I nodded. “Okay! Let’s set you back, here,” she said. I pulled my legs up and laid back as she instructed. She patted my shoulder. “You’re friends can come in now, while we set up the anesthesia,” she said. I nodded silently.

Moments later, the door opened again. I sat up, making sure the hospital gown covered me completely. Without any words, I felt someone touch my face and I knew it was Phoebe. She kissed my eyes and I smiled gently, opening my arms to hug her.

“You’re going to do great,” Phoebe promised, ruffling my hair. My chest tightened, though, and I was beginning to panic.

“Do you know how hard it is to wake up in a hospital, not being able to see?” I cried. “I can’t have a repeat of that, Phoebe! I just can’t,” I cried harder, burying my face in her shoulder as she pulled me in for another hug.

“It’s different this time, baby, I promise. You’re going to wake up, and you’re going to see, again, okay? I just know it,” she sniffled.

“But what if it doesn’t work? What happens when I wake up to darkness again, Phoebes? I don’t know if I can handle that again. It’s all too familiar…” a heavy sob racked my body as I was reminded of my eleven year old self—waking up after a plane crash, scared and parentless and blind.

“It’s a risk that you have to take,” she whispered, and that was all that could be said about it. It was out of our control—we just had to trust the doctors, and hope that the projected-seventy-three percent accuracy rate would be enough for the experimental surgery I was about to undergo.

“What if I don’t wake up at all?” I whispered hoarsely. It was dramatic but there was always a risk, with any type of surgery. What if they made a mistake? Why was I putting so must trust in a team of doctors who could easily mess up while I was unconscious and helpless?

“Don’t say that, Faye Harlow Wilson,” Phoebe scolded gently. “You will. And, if not, then that just fucking sucks,” she laughed a throaty, bitter laugh. “But then you’ll get to see your family, okay? So don’t worry. If you wake up still blind, Mike and I are still going to be with you. If you wake up not blind, then fantastic. But, either way, we will be here for you. We will both be holding your hand when you wake up, okay?”

I nodded slowly. “Thank you Phoebe. I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you, too, Faye,” she said, kissing the side of my head.

“Um, is Mike here?” I asked shyly.

“Yes,” she said, giving my arm a squeeze before leaving. Moments later, the familiar smell of cologne and cigarettes filled my nostrils. I smiled and reached out for him, and I sighed in relief when his arms wrapped around my body.

“You don’t have to be scared, baby,” he cooed softly, petting the back of my hair.

I sniffled a little, squeezing his waist. “I can’t help it. I’m such a complainer,” I mumbled.

“No, you aren’t,” he said. He pulled away and kissed my forehead. “You don’t have to be scared, but you can be scared, if you want to. It’s okay,” he said.

I wanted to crack a joke about only being scared because I was afraid he was going to be ugly, but I couldn’t find it within me to even do that. I was just so damn terrified.

“Faye?” Mike said quietly—his voice cracked a little, like he was upset.

I wanted so much to look him in the eyes and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Maybe I would be able to soon.

“I know it’s probably too soon to say this…” he took a raspy breath. “But I just need to tell you. I think… I think I am falling in love with you,” he whispered. “Yes, I am falling in love with you,” he declared.

I smiled softly. My arms were shaking from anxiousness, but I managed to lift them up, anyway, placing my hands delicately on either side of his face. I traced his forehead, his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, and, lastly, his eyes, before I brought my lips up to his. Slowly, I brushed my lips over his lower face, finding his mouth effortlessly. I kissed him gently. “I-I think I am falling in love with you, too,” I murmured shyly. It all suddenly clicked in my head—the way his mere presence calmed me down, the way I always melted when he kissed me, the way he so effortlessly controlled my emotions. I was in love with him.

I felt him smile against my mouth, and my heart leaped. “I can’t wait to see that smile,” I said.

“Everything is going to work out,” he whispered, kissing me again. Unfortunately, it was time for me to be put under. He gently pushed me back onto the hospital bed. “And, Faye… if the operation itself doesn’t work… well… I would much rather your eyes not work than your eyes not blink. Do you understand?” he said lowly. I nodded, fighting tears that sprung out at his words.

“Sweet dreams, Faye. See you soon,” he said, his hand brushing the side of my face gently. All too soon, his hand parted from my cheek as the doctors carted me away to an operation room.

I laid back nervously, clenching my eyes shut. I heard them talking to me, but I just nodded, not really listening. I felt a pinch on the inside of my arm—opposite of my elbow—and bit my lip, feeling the IV connecting.

And then slowly, my brain folded into oblivion.

Black to grey, grey to white.

Notes

I accidentally forgot that I made the operation into 2 parts. My bad, don't hate me! *Hides face*
But I hope this was enough for now, haha ;)
I'll update again soon, we have a snow day today plus we are scheduled off monday and tuesday. 6 day weekend hollaaa!

See ya soon ;)

xoxo