Black to grey, grey to white.

“Hello?” my voice echoed.

“Oh no,” I assumed the worst, staring at the white empty room around me. The walls were infinite, and so were my words. They echoed and echoed and echoed, never really fading away. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

“Faye?” I jerked my head around, my heart in my throat.

“Mommy,” I whispered, tears immediately springing in my eyes. I sprinted to her, collapsing into her arms. “I missed you,” I cried.

“I never left you, sweetheart,” she said, wiping away my tears.

“I know,” I croaked. She had always been there for me—she was my strength even in the darkest of my days. “It’s so good to see you,” I said softly.

“I love you,” she said.

“It’s so good to see,” I added, furrowing my eyebrows. “And I love you, too, mama,” I said, nearly blinded by my own tears.

She smiled at me for a few minutes, and I smiled back, just taking in her appearance.

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Am I… Mommy, did I die?” I asked carefully.

She smiled and chuckled. “No, baby girl. You’re going to be just fine, I think,” she said, brushing the back of her fingers over my cheek affectionately. “I just couldn’t resist dropping in and saying hello,” she said with a little wink.

“I don’t want to leave you again,” I frowned, feeling conflicted.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You have Phoebe down there. And Mike,” she reminded me, and I nodded; of course I knew that.

“You can’t stay here,” she said, and I understood. “I like him, by the way,” she said warmly. My cheeks heated.

“So do I,” I said quietly.

“I’m glad you let him in, darling,” she said. I smiled—glad, too.

“Did it work?” I whispered.

But she didn’t answer. She just kept smiling at me.

As she smiled, her image started to blur. She slowly began to disappear, and I tried to reach out to her, but she was already gone.

“Don’t leave me…” I cried softly.

My tears became more and more blinding by the second. I stopped crying, trying to control them—I needed to see!

But the water continued to build up in my eyes. My eyes burned, and the space around me was no longer white, but grey. And then it wasn’t grey, but black.

“No,” I cried. It didn’t work. I felt like somebody had taken my heart and chucked it straight into a black hole. It twisted and pulled and shrunk and throbbed at the realization that the surgery was a failure.

“Faye!” I heard Phoebe and Mike’s voice. I felt each of their hands in mine—soft, feminine ones holding my left; rough, strong ones holding my right.

I sobbed quietly. My eyes hurt. Everything hurt. “Ow,” I whispered hoarsely, the pain in my head almost unbearable.

“Oh, God, Phoebe, it’s just like—it’s just like when—the plane crash, I can’t see,” I choked on my words, going into a panic. I held their hands tightly. It hurt so bad, and the darkness was suffocating.

“Shh, Faye, everything’s alright,” Mike said softly, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand.

“I’ll get a doctor,” Phoebe said, and, as I felt her hand disconnect from mine, I squeezed it—hard.

“Please don’t leave me,” I cried softly.

“Only for a moment, baby,” she said gently. I felt her move my left hand across my body, and I relaxed when Mike took a hold of it with his.

“Are you in pain?” Mike whispered, his voice low and a little shaky if I wasn’t mistaken. I couldn’t imagine what I looked like right now. Disgusting.

I nodded and whimpered a little.

“Hello, Miss Wilson!” my doctor came in, her voice happy and positive. I frowned.

“Hi,” I said curtly. She had failed. I couldn’t see; this was all a waste of time.

“Why so down, honey? I’m sorry, I’m sure you are in pain. But do you want me to take the bandages off of your eyes?” she asked, and my heart stopped. I ripped a hand out of Mike’s grip, carefully touching my face. Sure enough, there was gauze over both of my eyes and around my head—how could I forget that the operation would require bandages? I heard Mike chuckle softly from next to me at my actions.

I laughed. “Yes, please,” I said, my voice jumpy.

“Oh, this is so exciting,” she said happily. She slowly began to peel the tape off of the bandages, pulling back the patches over my eyes. I gulped, afraid to open them for real. I felt like they were glued together; I was afraid they wouldn’t open when I tried. “It’s going to be weird, honey. And I know it hurts a lot. It’s not going to be perfect yet, either; there’s a lot of healing to be done. But go on,” she encouraged. I nodded.

“Phoebe?” I asked before I opened them.

“Yes?”

“Come here,” I said, gesturing my left hand out for her to take. She grabbed it gently, giving it a squeeze. “I want to see you first,” I breathed. “Sorry, Mike,” I giggled softly. He gave my hand a squeeze and chuckled softly, telling me that it was okay, that he understood.

“You can do it,” Phoebe whispered encouragingly. I nodded, taking a breath.

I carefully peeled my eyes open, hoping that for the first time in sixteen years, I could see.

I opened my eyes and I was blinded—not by darkness, though. This time, I was brightened by light. I winced as my eyes started to hurt. My ears rang and I felt a little dizzy.

“Are you okay?” they asked worriedly. I took a shaky breath and nodded.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “It just… it’s a lot. It hurts,” I said with my eyes still closed.

“Take your time, dear,” Dr. Mills said sweetly. I gulped and nodded, going to try again.

I opened my eyes even slower this time, letting the light ease through. Soon, the brightness faded into color. I tried not to cry, not wanting to blur my vision.

“So beautiful,” I whispered, reaching out to touch Phoebe’s face, to make sure that it was real. And it was. Her real blonde hair, pulled back into a messy ponytail, a few stray strands framing her face. Her soft, blue eyes, sitting strikingly on her perfectly fair toned skin. She had the perfect amount of color, and her smile was so innocent and sweet—this was exactly how I imagined her. I blinked and she was still there.

“Oh, my God, Phoebe, I love you,” I cried.

“I love you, too,” she chuckled softly, and I beamed at the sight. “Now go look at your boyfriend,” she ordered with a smirk.

I turned my head carefully while taking in a deep breath. “Holy fuck, Phoebes, you weren’t kidding about the tattoos,” I grinned. Mike chuckled, and my heart strained when I saw how much sparkle existed in his beautiful brown irises. I raised my arms out to him, tracing his neck tattoo—“Heart and Soul”—and bringing my hands up to the side of his face. His face was a little stubbly, but not shaggy. It tickled my palms and I smiled. I curled one of my hands around his neck, tangling my fingers into his hair. Even though I could see him, I was still taking in every part of him with my sense of touch. The texture of his hair—which I could now see was a dark, thin brown; the warmth of his skin—which I could now see was a fair tan color; the softness of his lips; which I could now see were plump and a little dry. As my thumb traced over them, he licked his lips subconsciously. I pulled his face down closer to mine and he smiled. I could feel my heart flipping in my chest—we could hear it on the heart monitor. I was a little embarrassed now, but I didn’t care because his smile was so wonderful.

He leaned down and kissed me gently. Something dropped on my face and with a shaky hand I dabbed my cheek, finding moisture on the tip of my finger. “I love you,” I whispered quietly, testing out the words. I was sure of it, now that I had his tear drop on my cheek I was so sure of it.

“Oh, you needed to see what I looked like before you made up your mind?” he teased. I laughed, weakling pushing his shoulder. “I’m just kidding, sweetheart,” he said gently, stroking his thumb across my cheek. I smiled and he sat back, letting the doctor talk to me.

My eyes scanned the room. I didn’t know where to look first. They kept going back to Phoebe and Mike, and then they darted around. There was so much to see.

Dr. Mills chuckled, seeing how overwhelmed I was. “How do you feel?” she asked.

“Excited,” I said. But I knew that wasn’t what she was looking for. “It hurts a lot, though,” I admitted. It was like I had a million eyelashes in both of my eyes, needles stuck into my skin. But my head also felt heavy, probably from the anesthesia. I could tell that everything wasn’t as clear as it should be, like there was a blurry haze over my sight. But it was obviously good enough for me. I couldn’t believe it.

“Okay,” she said with a smile. “I just have to look at everything, make sure the stitches in your head are healing properly and all of that jazz. I know you probably never want to shut your eyes again, but I would advise keeping your eyes closed for a little while. It’s a lot to get used to and they need time to heal. I’ll be giving you special sunglasses to wear outside in the sunlight, but I would just stay indoors during the first few weeks of recovering,” she explained. I nodded. She continued to explain the recovery process, me nodding along but I couldn’t stop looking. I gazed at Phoebe who was listening intently to the doctor. Her eyes were slightly furrowed and her cheeks were damp with tears. I could see her collarbones raise a little as she took in breaths. She was skinny but damn she was beautiful.

My eyes next settled on Mike. He was concentrating on what Dr. Mills was saying, too. I couldn’t look at him enough; he was beyond gorgeous.

“So that’s about it,” Dr. Mills concluded. “We have to keep you here overnight and then most of tomorrow, just to make sure everything is okay, and then you can come home. We’ll have follow up appointments, too,” she said.

I nodded. My eyes were wide as I looked around. I was terrified to close them. I probably looked insane—and then I realized. What did I look like? I gulped. Dr. Mills smiled and exited, giving me time with Phoebe and Mike.

“Do you mind if Vic comes in?” Phoebe asked.

“Of course not,” I said happily. She smiled and stood up, probably to go get him. I turned my head to Mike. “Hi,” I said breathlessly. He grinned and brushed my hair with his outstretched hand. I could really see him, although my vision was sort of static-y, like a bad television reception. I could already feel it sharpen up though, the longer I was awake. “This is weird,” I murmured.

“Are you happy?” he asked. I nodded, smiling.

“I’m so happy. I’m a little afraid, though. But I’m mostly happy.”

“What are you afraid of?”

I touched my hand to the scar that went down the right side of my face. “Seeing certain things,” I whispered. My stomach twisted. Everything was about to change. It was terrifying.

“I know,” he said. “But you’ll get used to it. It’ll be okay,” he said, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I smiled. “Um, Mike?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I… Could I maybe see myself? Is that bad to ask?” I asked shyly, blushing.

“Of course that’s not bad to ask! You’re so beautiful, now you will be able to see it,” he smiled widely, a glint in his eyes.

“But my face, right now… it probably isn’t pretty,” I said quietly.

“You just looked really tired, angel. Your eyes are a little bloodshot and swollen but that’s about it. The stitches are on both sides of your head; they only had to shave back a little bit of your hair. It’ll grow back quickly, though,” he explained. I nodded, still afraid to see myself. I didn’t want to be conceited, though. I was just so curious. I think he understood.

“Here,” he said softly, handing me his phone. He had flipped the camera so it was facing me. I held it up to see my face. I stared at it blankly. I blinked several times. I didn’t know what to say or think. He was right about my eyes being swollen and bloodshot and tired, but it really wasn’t that bad. The shaved back hair wasn’t even that noticeable, either, just two small patches on either side of the top of my head. My hair was so thick it could easily be hidden.

But my eyes started to tear up a little. I could see myself in the face on the screen of Mike’s phone. It was me, I could see my ten year old self, my old chubby cheeks had slimmed out but my eyes were the same. My nose was the same. It was still me. I was looking at me—an older version of me that I never thought I would be able to see.

I handed Mike his phone back without saying anything. He just smiled and kissed my temple. I held his hand, my body was tired but I didn’t want to fall asleep. A few minutes later Phoebe returned with Vic. They had balloons in their hands plus a few stuffed animals.

Vic standing next to Phoebe made me smile. He grinned at me but his eyes flickered to hers. He was short, but not as short as Phoebe. His hair was curly but it was contained by a backwards hat, similar to what Mike was wearing except Mike’s was tilted. I could see the resemblance between Mike and Vic, though. I saw that Phoebe and him were holding hands and I smiled. She looked so happy. There was so much love in the room I could hardly handle it.

“Hey, Faye,” Vic said with a smile.

“Nice to see you, Vic,” I said. “You’re short,” I snickered.

“Damn it!” he laughed. They set the balloons down on the table and handed me the stuffed animals. One was a monkey, one was a cow, and one was a giraffe.

“Aw, these are cute, guys. Thank you,” I said, beaming. They reminded me of the stuffed animals I had at home, especially the cow one. I had a special cow stuffed animal, but it had burned in the plane crash. I shuddered.

“The monkey is from Vic, the cow’s from me, and the giraffe is from Mike,” Phoebe said. I giggled and held them close to my heart.

“They’re precious, guys. Thank you.”

“We also have a card from everyone,” Vic said, handing it to me.

“Everyone?” I opened it up and the words ‘get well soon’ popped out in bold letters. Words of congratulations were sprawled in pen all over, too. It was signed by Vic and Mike, who both wrote longer blurbs, and their other band mates, Tony and Jaime. It was also signed by people whose names I didn’t recognize—Casey, Matt, and others.

“It’s from the band and crew of PTV,” Mike said. “I guess you don’t really know them, but they know all about you,” he chuckled nervously. I looked over at him and saw his cheeks were pinking. I reached out and touched his face with a grateful smile.

“This is so sweet,” I smiled with a sniff. “Thank you,” I said. Mike squeezed my hand. I set the card next to the mixed get well soon and congratulation balloons, the adorable stuffed animals in my lap. Vic sat down next to Phoebe and everyone just smiled at me. I didn’t really know what to do with everyone. “I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I’m just really overwhelmed right now.”

“That’s understandable, Faye,” Phoebe said warmly. But I didn’t think they really understood. My head was spinning.

“You guys are just all so beautiful to look at,” I admitted, causing them to laugh. Mike’s face softened as he gazed at me. His hand was casually resting by the side of my face, his arm on my shoulder. I tilted my head into his hand so he was touching my face. It was nice to look at him, but I loved feeling him, too.

“You should rest,” he suggested. The others hummed in agreement.

“I don’t want to miss anything,” I said quietly. My eyes started to droop, though; I tried to fight them from falling, but it was painful.

“You won’t, I promise,” he said. I gulped and looked around the room. Phoebe’s eyes were encouraging and Vic smiled warmly. I looked back at Mike.

“So if I close my eyes, they’ll still work again when I wake up?” I asked quietly. It was a juvenile question, I felt like a toddler, but I had to ask anyway. Mike smiled softly but his mouth twitched a little.

“Yes, baby,” he said gently, brushing his thumb across my cheek. I blinked a few times and felt my eyelids droop even more. Before I could say anything else, tiredness clouded over me and they closed, my head tilting to the side weakly almost instantly. I smiled as I let myself fall asleep, because Mike’s smile was everywhere in my mind and that was all I needed to see.

Notes

Yayayayay! :D
You guys are so sweet/cute. Thanks for the comments and stuff :')
I love the enthusiasm! xoxo