“I’m going to get ready,” Phoebe said, standing up. I nodded. “They’ll be here really soon, I bet,” she said excitedly. I smiled.

“Are you okay?” she asked, touching her hand gently to my cheek. I nodded again. “You’re nervous,” she observed. I nodded. “Why are you nervous?”

“Why do you think, Phoebe?” I laughed a little too bitterly.

“Relax, Faye. We’re all here for you, you don’t have to be so worried. Mike’ll be here soon and you’ll feel a lot better,” she said.

My stomach twisted. I couldn’t just simply relax on command, no matter who was with me. My mind was like the debris of a hurricane, messy and hopeless to clean up at least for now. But on top of that, I felt guilty; I didn’t want everyone to be there for me because I was being a baby, while Phoebe was the one who really needed us.

“It’s not a competition, Faye,” she said, her voice sharp and almost annoyed, as if she could read my thoughts. My cheeks heated and I blinked.

“I’m going to get cleaned up, too,” I mumbled, turning away from her. She only sighed lightly and I heard her dart away, probably to her own room.

I stepped inside and closed my door, sitting on my bed, my head spinning. I buried my head into my hands, breathing heavily. Mike was going to be here any minute and I wasn’t ready for him at all. I wanted to be able to smile and greet him with open arms. I wanted to feel happy that he was almost back, but all I felt right now was the threat of tears. I wanted to see him, but why did I feel so stressed about him coming home?

I sat on my bed, holding my head in my hands. I was still so confused—my entire life I have valued not judging books by their covers. With Phoebe’s situation—and I didn’t blame her at all—I felt like the words on the paper that I couldn't even read myself were all lies. And now, with Mike’s impending arrival, I’ve never felt so self-conscious about how I looked. I wanted to be beautiful for him, he deserved something beautiful. How could I match up to all of the girls he probably saw on tour?

I sighed roughly, fighting the tears that were soon to flood out of my eyes. I ran my fingers through my hair over and over and over. Of course, it was knotty. I growled and continued to claw at my hair, even when the knots were out and my hair was smooth. With everything going on with Phoebe, the pressure in my head was intensifying. I worried about her but I was stressed about myself, too; it made me want to rip my hair out.

“Hey, hey, hey,” I heard someone say softly. As I heard his voice, his hands gently grabbed mine, stopping me from ripping my hair out. I didn’t even realize he was here, yet. “What’s wrong, Faye?” Mike asked gently, placing a kiss on both of my hands.

“I can’t fucking see, that’s what’s wrong,” I said angrily. More angry with myself, though. Mike was finally home, this wasn’t how I wanted to greet him, drowning in self-pity and tears.

“Hey, you know that doesn’t matter. And it’s all going to change soon, remember? You’re okay,” he said gently. Despite his gentle tone, I pushed him away.

“No, Mike. You don’t get it,” I said.

“I know I don’t,” he said quietly. “What’s going through that little head of yours? Help me understand,” he said calmly.

I sighed a ragged breath. “Mike… I-I don’t want to do this,” I said, turning away from him. I didn’t even know what I was saying.

“Faye…” he said sadly. “I know you don’t mean that.”

“I-I do! I do m-mean it,” I tried to make my voice confident, but it shook.

“Faye…” he repeated. “Why? Just tell me why and then I’ll leave you alone with your thoughts,” he said gently.

I sighed, ran my fingers through my hair again angrily, and then brought my fist down to my side. “Because, Mike,” I said. “You are… well, you are you. I know how guys are, Mike. I don’t know what I look like… but I do know there are gorgeous girls out there. And, for fuck’s sake, I’m blind. Do you know how easy it would be for a guy to get to know me and then go behind my back? It’s very easy. I just know I’m not beautiful, Mike. It’s impossible for me to be beautiful. Other girls are, but not me. You could—”

“Stop that right now, Faye,” Mike said firmly. I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off. “No, Faye. I won’t be hearing crap like that. I think you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met,” he declared.

“You probably say that to every—”

“That’s what you think of me?” he interrupted sadly.

“Mike,” I sighed. “You’re in a band. You have the resources,” I said weakly. “I’m not stupid. I’m not about to play naïve.”

“That means shit,” he said, almost angrily. “Are you worried that I went away and got with other girls?” I bit my lip—Mike had never made me feel like he was unfaithful, but here I was, not trusting him again. I didn’t want to feel this way, so insecure, but I couldn’t help the thoughts from infecting my mind. “Faye, I swear to you, I didn’t. I thought you trusted me. Why are you thinking this?” he asked, his voice hurt.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “It just occurred to me that you have so many options. Why would you waste your time on me?”

Mike sighed loudly. “Damn it, you are beautiful. I wish you could see it, Faye. You literally take my breath away,” he said. “But that doesn’t even matter. You’re beautiful on the inside, too. Can’t you see that?”

“Stop swooning me with your words, Fuentes,” I muttered.

“You’re scared, Faye. I get it. I can’t make you see, but I sure as hell will make you feel,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned.

He gently grabbed my chin and lifted my head up. “Right now, you are looking into a mirror. Tell me what you see,” he said.

“Fucking nothing, Mike. I'm blind,” I spat. I knew I was being ridiculous, though—in not even a day, all of this could change. Yet all of my worries and insecurities associated with my blindness were escalating, right before it all was about to potentially go away.

“Right. Now tell me what you feel,” he said.

“Confused and irritated,” I muttered.

“That’s interesting, Faye. Because when I look at you, I feel like there’s a million butterflies in my stomach, like my arms get all tingly and my legs wobble, and my heart hurts because you’re so beautiful and you can’t even feel it yourself. But let me tell you, when I look at you, I feel it. Do you understand?” his voice was shaky as he spoke. I reached out and gently touched his features, finding his cheek wet. Mike was crying.

I nodded, and then I traced my finger around his head, bringing my whole hand and then arm with it so I could wrap my arm around his neck. I pulled myself into him and buried my head into his shoulder on the opposite side of where my arm was. “I’m sorry,” I breathed into his skin, trying hard not to cry but failing miserably.

“Shh, it’s okay, Faye,” he rocked me gently.

“This isn’t how I envisioned welcoming you home,” I muttered. I was an emotional wreck.

“It’s alright,” he said.

“You’re probably exhausted,” I said. I felt him nod and sigh lightly. “I’m glad you’re here,” I said.

“I’m glad to be back,” he said, kissing the side of my head.

“Sorry for the dramatics, the last thing you need right when you get back from tour,” I sighed. But I felt a lot calmer, now that I was with him.

“Shh,” he hushed. He pulled me back and laid down with me, nuzzling his head against mine. His arms were wrapped secularly around my middle. “There’s just a lot going on, I don’t blame you.” He kissed the side of my head repeatedly.

“Yeah, your timing’s pretty bad,” I smiled, poking his side.

I felt his mouth turn into a smile against my cheek. I think he did that on purpose, so I could know that he was smiling. I turned my head so his lips were at mine, kissing him gently. “I guess I should go back to Australia, then? Since I’ve seemed to come in at the wrong time,” he teased. I shook my head and tightened my arms around him.

“No, you’re not going anywhere, sorry,” I said, clutching onto him, despite my insecure cries about “not wanting to do this anymore” only minutes before. He knew I wasn’t serious about that, though; I didn’t even know what I was saying before, I was just having a mini-breakdown that he unfortunately had to walk in on.

“I missed those starry eyes,” he said quietly. I bit my lip, forcing myself to stop thinking.

“Your face is stubbly,” I approved, rubbing my cheek against his. He laughed.

“What time is the thing tomorrow?” he asked after a few quiet moments.

“Nine. In the morning,” I said quietly.

“Am I allowed to go with you?” he asked.

“Of course you are!” I said, squeezing him. “I want you to be there,” I whispered. “Unless it’s too early for you,” I teased.

“Then I’ll be there,” he said, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes and snuggled up against him, sighing happily. “Don’t be nervous, Faye. It’s going to be great,” he said, petting my hair on the back of my head. I nodded.

“I can’t help it. Lately I’ve been really emotional, and I’m really sorry,” I regretted.

“It’s understandable. Don’t worry about it. I promise it’s okay. I can’t imagine what is going through your head,” he said with a small sigh.

“A lot,” I murmured.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. I shook my head and lifted it up, so his breath was on my face. He leaned over and kissed me; that itself was enough to ease my head for the rest of the day. But that fact almost bothered me—when did I become like this? So dependent on him, my emotions easily swayed by a simple kiss or his palm on my cheek, or his words spoken softly in my ear?

I had never felt so many emotions at once before. The combination of Phoebe and Mike was making my insides unravel slowly and then suddenly. I clenched my eyes shut tighter as he held me—I barely recognized the way my heart thumped against his chest. It was a foreign feeling—the feeling of being so close with someone like this.

“Faye,” Mike said slowly, as if he could feel me getting worked up again. I detached myself from him and ran my fingers through my hair. “What’s wrong?” I felt the mattress shift as he sat up, too. I felt his hand touch my elbow carefully but I jerked it away, afraid of the electricity that would run up my arm from his touch. “Hey…” he said softly, his voice sad.

With that, I burst into tears again. I buried my head in my hands and cried. He tried to touch me gently again but I continued to move away.

"Look at what you're doing to me!" I whimpered, trying to be angry although I didn’t know why I wanted to be angry with him—he did nothing wrong. I kept my eyes clenched shut as I broke down—yet again—in heavy sobs.

"What have I done?"

"I am never like this! I don't cry! I don't feel like this! What is happening to me?" I cried.

"I know exactly what is happening to you," Mike whispered. I felt a cool hand touch my cheek, but, strangely, it made me feel warm. I waited for him to continue. "You're opening up, Faye. You're letting out all of the emotions you've bottled up for so long," he said softly. I shook my head and kept my eyes closed, more tears slipping through the cracks of my eyelids.

"Faye," he breathed. I shook my head again.

"Stop being stubborn Faye. Just let it out," he said gently. "I know how strong you are. I can see it in your eyes. You don't have to prove anything to me," he said firmly.

I took a few ragged breaths, letting his words sink in. "Faye," he repeated again. "Open your eyes Faye."

"What good does that do?" I cried softly, ducking my head. As soon as I did so, I felt his fingers lightly touch the bottom of my chin, and I allowed him to tilt my head up.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I imagined that he had a glimmer in his eyes; I wished that I could see it. That thought alone made me break down in tears again. I would most likely never be able to look in to his—or anyone's—eyes. The chances of the operation actually working were slim—I had to face that fact.

I leaned forward, proving my trust in him. I trusted that he was there. I trusted that he would already be there, ready to hold me. I had never trusted an outside person so much before.

And he was there. The second I leaned towards him, his arms were wrapped around me. I balled up my fists and gripped his shirt, crying into his chest. He rocked me back and forth as I let out emotions that I didn't even know I had.

"It's going to be okay, Faye," he said softly. I shook my head. "Yes, it is. I promise.”

Notes

I had a lot of this prewritten so hopefully I'll be updating a lot soon :)

So many emotions woowwww

But enjoy!

Who's excited for the next chapter though? hahah