I didn’t wake up peacefully. That was impossible to do when you were jolted awake by being aggressively ripped off of the bed and then thrown to the floor with a rough thump.

I screamed in shock and then groaned in pain, rubbing my head where I had landed. “Shit, what the—”

As I spoke, I looked up to find the source of my fall, only to be met by a very painful punch in the face.

I fell back, hitting the back of my head on the base of the bed. I gasped, and then I rolled to the side to protect my face before the next blow came. This time, I received a kick in the stomach, causing me to groan again and cough ferociously .

“Tony! Stop!” I heard someone scream, but all I was focusing on was the horrible pain in my ribs. I curled into myself and stayed on the ground to the point of numbness, my breathing ragged and sharp, even though the brutal attack seemed to be over with.

“What the fuck, man?” a voice—it sounded like Tony, but I refused to believe that—growled at me, yanking me up roughly by my collar. I closed my eyes and flinched as painful high school memories shot through my head all at once.

“Tony!” I heard a slap. “Put him down right now!” she scolded. I frowned, my suspicions being confirmed: this was Tony. And he was treating me like I was the piece of scum I used to be back in high school. Tony shook my shoulders violently again—as if he was giving me his final piece of mind—and pushed me back as he released me. I fell backwards and stumbled back into the bed.

“What… the… fuck!” I yelled in between gasps. I held my rib cage tenderly and looked at Tony in horror, feeling a million times betrayed. Betrayed by everyone.

“I come in here to be a good friend and wake you up to take your medication because you were sleeping in late, and I see you… I see you with my fucking sister! What the fuck?” he yelled angrily. My insides froze at his reasonings for nearly beating me to a pulp. I guess I kind of deserved that.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Alyssa beats me to it. “That’s your reasoning? Fuck you, Tony. You don’t beat him up just because I happen to be in here. What the fuck is the matter with you?” she yelled madly. I looked down at my feet, hating that I was the reason the Perry siblings were fighting.

“Oh, you just happened to be in here? It didn’t look like you just happened to be here,” Tony mocked, and I flinched when I heard the sound of skin smacking skin—Lissy slapping some sense into her brother again.

“Don’t slap me, Lis. I’m just trying to protect—”

“Protect me? Protectme? Where were you two months ago when I actually needed you? Oh, wait, I know. A fucking hospital because you tried to fucking kill yourself! You tried to leave me; how is that protection? And don’t slap you? How about you stop beating the fucking shit out of Vic, first! And I don’t know what you’re trying to protect me from, Tony. He’s done nothing wrong,” she defended angrily.

Tony was quiet for a few moments, her words hitting him hard. “I said I was sorry, Lissy,” he said softly.

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Tone,” she said angrily.

“Well, fuck you Alyssa! I-I-I… you’re my sister, and I’m just trying to protect you from him!” he said, his yells unconfident, yet loud and boasting. I furrowed my eyebrows at his choice of words, keeping my gaze down at my feet.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alyssa asked angrily. I felt her gently hold on to my arm, which made me smile softly.

“Vic’s unstable, Alyssa. You’re just going to get hurt.”

“High school all over again. Just a bunch of air-headed ass holes talking about me like I don’t even fucking exist, talking about me like they actually know me,” I said lowly.

“Vic, I—”

“Save it, Tony,” I said harshly, still not looking him in the eyes. I was afraid of what they would hold—anger, sympathy, emptiness?

“How am I going to get hurt, Tony?” Alyssa asked. There were obvious answers to that question, but Alyssa and I have already talked about them a little. I would never hurt Lissy intentionally.

But, Tony’s answer was something that I never considered before, something that shocked me.

“He’s schizophrenic, Lis. He’s not safe to be around. Just look at what happened with—er, uh, oh, shit,” he stammered, sounding just as surprised at his words as I was.

My head shot up at his words, and I stared at him blankly. Tears filled in my eyes, but not from the pain in my ribs or head or stomach.

“Vic I didn’t mean that,” he said desperately.

“Right, whatever,” I mumbled. I shrugged Alyssa off of me—which was easy, considering that she was still frozen in shock at her brother’s sudden change in attitude—and walke solemly to my pills.

Suddenly, every little bad thing about my life or the lives around me crawled into my brain, like the Devil lurking for his prey.

And, suddenly, I hated everything. Everything. I hated everything about me, I hated the scars on my arm, I hated my tangly hair, I hated the way I had a disorder that could never be fixed. Tony was right. All I did was hurt everything and everyone I touched. I was just a schizophrenic freak, unstable and unsafe to be around. Just like Logan.

Well, if I was just like Logan, why not be just like Logan?

“What are you doing?” Tony asked quietly as I walked.

“I’m taking my medication, you jackass. I can’t forget. I don’t want to make you all feel unsafe,” I hissed. I felt Alyssa’s hand touched my lower back, but I shrugged it off again. I felt slightly guilty, but then again guilt was one of the primary emotions I felt these days. Bree left me, but that didn’t make me any more innocent for hooking up and considering real feelings with Alyssa. But poor Alyssa, having to become intertwined with all of my shit.

All of it was shit. Fucking shit.

I unscrewed the cap of my pill bottle and winced in pain as I moved. Without thinking about the consequences or about anything in general, I tipped the bottle back, allowing several—if not, all—of the pills to pour into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat sadly.

I heard Alyssa scream, and, suddenly, I felt even more guilty than before. My own selfish pain had blinded me from the reality that she needed me, that I couldn’t just simply walk away like that.

My body fell to the ground as someone tackled me, causing several of the pills to spill out of my mouth. I felt a pair of arms flip me over, and I stared up at the ceiling, my eyes stuck on the light fixture above until Alyssa’s face got in the way. She was straddled on top of me, her hands on my face. I didn’t even realize that she was yanking me up and forcing the pills out until I gagged a little.

I noticed that Alyssa was the only person around me. Tony was in the distance, staring at me with wide eyes. He was right; I really was fucking unstable. I was so fucked up.

Alyssa dragged me into the bathroom. I spotted my face in the mirror before she pulled me to the shower: I was already paler and sicker. I looked tired and absolutely miserable, but I wouldn’t forget seeing her face. It was full of desperation and panic, and there was a hint of hurt in there, too.

Great; I really fucked up this time, didn’t I? I was hurting Alyssa, moments after thinking that I would never hurt her.

“I’m sorry,” I slurred quietly. My words strung together sloppily. “I don’t know what came over me,” I tried to say, and I think she understood. She nodded, and then I felt a rush of freezing water splash my face. I gasped a little, but I did feel a little more awake. Alyssa tugged on my shoulders again, and I felt her stick her hands down my throat. I gagged again, but as the bile rose in my throat I also felt better, more pills going up with it. My eyes burned with tears of embarrassment, but she probably couldn’t tell thanks to the shower running over both of us. It was cold, shocking me into awareness. I was sure I was letting out loud sobs, too, but I was crying underwater so she couldn’t hear the sound.

Alyssa’s face was hard with determination as she held me underneath the cold water. I focused on my breathing, my eyes blinking rapidly as I stared up at the nozzle that the ice water was coming from. Lissy was sitting with her legs crossed, and I was draped face up over her lap. Her hands held my face and occasionally gave my cheeks a gentle pat to keep me conscious.

“I’m so sorry Lissy,” I whispered, my voice stronger than before. As I spoke, water bounced off of my lips. I closed my eyes as the line of cold liquid was beginning to hurt my eyes.

“Please open your eyes, Vic,” she said sadly. Her voice was otherwise calm, as if she wasn’t sitting in the icy shower, her clothes and hair soaked and the guy she impossibly liked resting in her lap after almost over dosing right in front of her.


I nodded and opened them, feeling the cold water on my face a lot more than before. Alyssa carefully pushed me up and stood up, and then she helped me out of the shower. I shivered violently from the cold.

“I’m sorry, but it was necessary,” she said gently, moving a piece of my wet, wild hair that had stuck on my face. I nodded, leaning into her for support.

“Come on, let’s get warm,” she said gently. “Do you feel okay?” she asked worriedly. “Do we need to go to the hospital and get your stomach pumped?” she asked.

I shook my head. “It’s all out,” I muttered, referring not only to the pills, but also to the feelings I had raging inside of me.

She nodded, snaking her arm around my waist and pulling me close. Even though we were both shivering from the cold, I felt warmer when we were together. She led me back into the room, where Tony was still standing, still in shock.

“Vic, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it,” he rushed. I shrugged my shoulders, not feeling like talking to him in this moment.

“Come here,” Lissy said gently, taking me to the closet. She pulled out two pairs of sweat pants and two sweatshirts that all belonged to me for the both of us. I numbly allowed her to peel my t-shirt off. I shivered slightly, but not because of the cold—rather, because of the way her hands brushed against my skin when she helped me put on a warm sweatshirt.

“Do you need help?” Tony asked quietly, and Alyssa stared at him incredulously.

“Get out, Tony,” Alyssa snapped. “But do something stupid, and I might kill you myself,” she growled.

Tony nodded, looking slightly afraid of his sister. I knew, deep down, that he wasn’t going to try anything. He had Drew now, after all. As if Alyssa and I weren’t enough.

He left without an argument, knowing that he was to blame. I knew Tony was strong enough now to not act on it, though, so I wasn’t worried. I, on the other hand, was clearly as weak as they came.

Lissy and I turned around to change into dry clothes, both of us respecting each other’s privacy.

When we were done, Alyssa immediately wrapped her arms around me. I carefully hugged her back, resting my forehead on the top of her head.

“Don’t ever do that again, do you understand?” she said shakily. I nodded, so many different kinds of guilt panging through me. “Come here,” she said, pulling me back towards the bed. I laid down carefully with her, and she ran her shaking fingers through my dripping hair.

“I’m so sorry, Lissy. I wasn’t thinking,” I mumbled. After a moment’s reflection, I added: “No, I was thinking. I was thinking too much. Tony’s right, I am just—”

“Tony is not right, damnit. You are not dangerous, nor are you worthless or whatever else is running through your head,” she said fiercely. “I’m not mad at you,” she added softly, touching my face gently.

“I can’t believe I did that, though,” I whispered hoarsely.

“Neither can I,” I thought I heard her say.

“But, shh, Vic. Okay? Just shh. It’s okay now, you’re okay,” she cooed softly. She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry I got you beat up,” she frowned.

“It’s not your fault,” I said. Lissy shivered in my arms. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, rubbing her back to try and keep her warm. She nodded.

“Your lips are purple, Lissy,” I whispered, touching them gently with my fingertip.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Yours are too,” she said. At this, I carefully pressed our numb lips together. It felt right, especially in the midst of our situation. I needed to feel a little, and she felt real.

“Do you feel okay?” she checked in. I nodded, not feeling off in the slightest, in relation to the several pills I almost swallowed. “Good,” she said gently.

“I almost hurt you,” I whispered.

“Please stop thinking, Vic. You didn’t hurt me,” she reassured. I nodded slowly, closing my eyes.

“Is it okay if I close my eyes?” I asked, not knowing if that was a good idea.

“Go ahead,” she said softly, nuzzling her head against mine. I smiled warmly at her next statement, proving my previous assumptions that Alyssa would be the one who would always stay, no matter what stupid shit I did. “I’ll be here.”

Notes

Omg can you say DRAMA

Why is Tony being a dick :( He didn't mean to be, but it just made poor Vic snap :(
And yay for Alyssa saving the day! She rocks, doesn't she?
And when are we going to hear from Bree, again? Does anyone miss her??