“Shit, Tony!” Alyssa gasped when we heard a door open and close down stairs, ending our heated make out session. I sat up straight and fixed my hair, as did she. I rubbed my face with my hands in stress and worry, now finally being brought back to reality. When we were kissing, we weren’t really thinking. Nothing really mattered, but, the second we parted, everything came flooding back.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said quietly.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, knitting my eyebrows.

“You have a girl—”

“No, Alyssa,” I mumbled. “Let’s not think about that,” I muttered. A wave of guilt and bitterness and confliction crashed into me.

I loved Bree. I loved Bree so much, but here I was, kissing another girl.

Bree left me. Bree left me even though I still needed her.

I always knew I liked Alyssa, but it never occurred to me that it was in this way.

“You can’t just not think about it,” she said lowly, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. Little did she know, I was thinking about it. I was thinking a lot. I reached out and grabbed her hands. It felt right, even though I was so unbelievably confused.

“She…” it felt weird to say the words out loud, like it was real. “She left me,” I said simply. No matter how many justifications I could come up with in my head, it was true; Bree left me, even after promising that she wouldn’t. Even if it was for a good reason, it hurt, and it hurt a lot.

Alyssa slowly nodded. “This is why I feel guilty, though,” she whispered.

“No, Lissy,” I said. I held her arms carefully. “You can’t hurt yourself over me, please,” I begged.

“It’s not over you, exactly… it’s over me being in lo—it’s over me liking you even when you had a girl friend,” she said quickly.

“Sh,” I hushed her. “It’s okay, okay?” I reassured. “It’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault,” I said. In contrast, everything was my fault. My mind began to buzz with the confliction I felt.

What have I done? Only hours after being left, I was already giving in to the way I didn’t realize I felt for Alyssa. But what was more horrible was that she probably thought that she was just a rebound. A temporary heart to hold while my other one was gone. I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew this was wrong, but it also was right. I knew Alyssa wasn’t just a rebound, but it looked that way. It was bad, but it was good.

“Guys?” my eyes opened and my head shot up when we heard Tony’s voice. We separated ourselves to a more respectable distance as soon as her door swung open, revealing a very star struck Tony.

“You okay, dude?” I chuckled, temporarily relieving the tension that existed between Alyssa and I.

“Yeah,” he smiled dreamily. He walked further into the room and collapsed face first onto Lissy’s bed, right between us. We raised our eyebrows at each other, eyeing Tony.

“I’m guessing the date went well?” I assumed with another light laugh. Tony sighed and rolled over, crushing his sister in the process.

His sister. My stomach twisted and my throat dried as I realized just how impossible being with Alyssa could be. If I was even considering being with her…

I still had Bree, right? Bree’s absence was only temporary, right?

Except I couldn’t be for sure. And her sudden departure ripped a whole in my chest that, even though I didn’t want to admit it, needed to be filled.

I have dealt with too much loss in my life—my brother, my family, Logan, and now Bree. I needed someone to stay. I needed someone who would never leave. I needed someone who would always keep their promises. Whether that person was a best friend or a girlfriend, I needed someone.

I stared at Alyssa, smiling softly at her. She blushed a little and smiled back, looking down. I had this feeling that she could be the one who would never leave me alone. I wasn’t about to leave her, either.

“Earth to Vic,” my thoughts were interrupted when a tan hand waved in front of my face. My eyes focused on them, blurring out Alyssa. I blinked and then shook my head.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

“I said that it did go well. Drew loved it. She said yes,” he grinned happily. For a moment, I forgot about my confusion and focused on Tony. I was thrilled for him, really thrilled. There was a light in his eyes that I had never truly seen before, which, in turn, made me happy.

“Good job, buddy,” I patted his shoulder supportively.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“Aw, Tony’s got a girlfriend!” Alyssa giggled, poking her brother in his rib cage.

“Shut up, Lissy,” he rolled his eyes.

“Did you guys kiss?” she poked him again.

“Lis! Go away,” he covered his face with his hands.

“You’re in my room, you doofus,” she laughed.

“Oh,” he said, sitting up a little to take in his surroundings, as if he didn’t even realize it before. “Wait a second. Dude,” he looked at me. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Bree?” he asked.

The light, happy feeling inside of me immediately burned out. The smile on my face immediately reversed into a frown. Alyssa looked down at her lap again, fiddling with her thumbs.

“Vic? Did something happen?” Tony sat up, a new kind of worry plastering on his face.

“She left me,” I mumbled. His eyes widened. “Not in the way you think,” I added. His face relaxed a little, but it still looked shocked.

“Well, where did she go?” he asked. I noticed Alyssa shift uncomfortably in her spot on the bed.

“I dunno,” I muttered.

“Did she leave a note or anything?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah. She said she had to go somewhere to deal with things. It makes sense, but it still hurts,” I admitted lowly. I saw from the corner of my eyes Alyssa, staring at me sadly. Her eyes flickered away when mine made contact with hers.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said quietly. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head. I sighed, my breath ragged.

“I, uh, it’s late. I’m going to sleep,” I mumbled, standing up. Alyssa grimaced sadly and Tony gave me a weak, reassuring smile.

I knew it was bad to ignore my plethero of problems by going to sleep, but maybe laying in bed for a few hours would help me clear my mind. I had a lot to think about, afterall.

“Night, Vic. Feel better, dude,” Tony said.

I nodded. “Thanks, night guys,” I muttered, staring at Alyssa a little too long before I left.

I sighed, sinking into my bed. I knew that Tony and I were still going to go and live at the apartment—being in this house was becoming suffocating, and we needed to start our lives away from home—and, since Bree never made her mark at the apartment, I knew I would be able to handle staying there. But, tonight, I wanted to stay here.

Why? Well, there was a tiny part inside of me that was simply waiting for the knock on my door that was soon to come. I didn’t want to leave Lissy here alone, not now, not yet.

I laid for what felt like hours. I wasn’t tired, not in the slightest, my mind running with confliction and every possible pro and con of the situation at hand.

I loved Bree, yes. Bree was the reason for everything—she was the reason for my newfound sanity. Bree had been so central to my recovery, she would always have a place in my heart.

But then why did I feel so drawn to Alyssa? Was it just an instinct, me wanting to protect her in every way possible? Well, there was nothing wrong with that. I knew, deep down, that my motives for liking Alyssa were honest and true.

I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands, shaking out all of my contemplations. I didn’t have to make any rash decisions right now, right? Bree was gone, for now, and Alyssa was here. Alyssa was not a replacement—I knew that for sure. She was something new, something refreshing, even. And I had this intense desire to fix her.

I jolted out of my thoughts when I finally heard the long awaited knock on my door, followed by a streak of light sneaking in as the door creaked open and then closed. “Vic?” she asked softly.

“Hey,” I said, sitting up a little.

“Did I wake you?” she asked timidly. I shook my head.

“No, I’ve been awake,” I said.

“Thinking?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You too?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Um, do you mind if I come in?” she asked quietly.

“Of course,” I smiled softly even though it was too dark for her to see. She slowly made her way over to me, and I sat up more and moved to the side, giving her room to climb in. she slid in next to me under the covers, snuggling into my side. I smiled, holding her close and feeling her warmth.

“What were you thinking about?” she asked.

“Everything,” I sighed.

“Me too,” she said.

“I don’t want to think, though,” I said.

“You have to, Vic,” she said.

“I know. But I tend to over think,” I added.

“I know what you mean,” she sighed.

“I don’t know what to do, Lissy,” I murmured, squeezing her gently. I rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” she whispered.

“Lis, I do like you,” I admitted.

“But Bree—”

“I can’t help it, Lissy. I care a lot about you,” I said.

“Are you sure you aren’t mistaking your feelings? Are you sure you aren’t just—”

“I’m not. I know that I’m not,” I said strongly. “I care about you, but it goes more than that. You’re special,” I said softly.

She was quiet for a moment, the only sound in the room being our breathing. “I don’t want you to be with me just because I’m fragile. I can handle rejection, Vic,” she said.

“I’m confused, Lissy. I’m really fucking confused. I hurt inside, but I’m not broken. Just a little bent,” I nodded, realizing that the pain I felt wasn’t nearly as severe as I initially thought—my heart wasn’t ripped out completely, it was just beaten up a little. “But forgetting about all of that… Lis, I know that you’re in pain. I’m worried about you, but that has nothing to do with… with this,” I gestured between us, grabbing her hand. “I don’t want you to get the impression that you are just a rebound. That thought sickens me, and I hope you know that I would never use you like that,” I said, every word dripping with truth.

She nodded, taking in my words. “I… I honestly did think that…” she said. “But I believe you,” she said, and I could see in her eyes that she really did believe my words. I only hoped that she could see in my eyes that I really was telling her the truth. Even if it didn’t make any sense, something about this was right.

“What happens when Bree comes back, though?” she asked. It was a blunt question, but it was also necessary to consider.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Listen, Alyssa, I don’t know. I have trouble thinking about the future sometimes,” I admitted. “She still left, she still broke a promise. I can’t forget that,” I noted. I felt her nod against my head. “I promise I won’t leave you, no matter what happens, though, okay?” I said. I realized that it was weird to promise something after just commenting on a broken promise, but I needed to say it. “I’m here for you no matter what,” I added.

“Thank you, Vic,” she said. “I’m here for you, too,” she said. I smiled softly, not being able to resist the urge to kiss the side of her head. She snuggled deeper into my side, and I didn’t mind at all.

“Let’s… let’s just go to sleep. Forget the world and commotion and conflictions for a few hours,” I suggested.

“I like that idea,” she whispered. I adjusted our position, so I was now lying down facing Alyssa.

“I just realized that Tony might kill me,” I laughed lightly.

She giggled, and then she leaned forward and bit me playfully in the shoulder. “Not if I don’t kill you first!” she whispered. I laughed.

“You’re a spunky little girl,” I tickled her rib cage a little, causing her to squeal. We laughed quietly for a few moments and just smiled at each other, happy to forget the complications of life for a brief period of time. She sighed and then reburied her face into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her securely and rested my head right by hers.

“Goodnight, Alyssa,” I said, planting a kiss somewhere on her head.

I felt her hands clutch my t-shirt a little tighter, and I found myself smiling at this. Her next words came out slightly muffled because her face was pressed up against me. “Goodnight, Vic.”

Notes

Kind of a filler, I guess. A shit one, too. Sorryy

No decisions have been made regarding who Vic ends up with :)
Make sure you tell me who you want him with and why!
Except, it's all a little biased right now because Lissy and Vic are being all cute while Bree is MIA. But *when/if* she comes back, I wonder how your onions will change.

Omg gUYS. I just typed "onions" instead of "opinions" and I honestly just died. I left it there because Just look at it. I wonder how your onions will change. Like what the hell!>!!?!?! I cannot breathe. This is not the first time I have done that, either (ask @fuentits).

Ookay I'll stop being annoying now. Over and out.

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Oh wait no guys I have said this already I think but hey who cares will y'all check out my other story the concrete night? I can't stop writing for it, which is why updates for this are a tad delayed (2 whole days, *gasps*). So uuumm that'd be super awesome if you could check it out, it'd mean a lot :)

Okay I'll stop being annoying now. This is claire, signing off. peace & pierce (the veil)

om g make me stop