To live in love and die
Eight
A week had passed since Mike left for the European tour.
I hadn’t really had any contact with him other than the occasional like on a photo in instagram. It killed me to see him smiling, surrounded by his friends, alcohol in his hands. I didn’t mind the environment he was in, what hurt me was that I wanted to be there, next to him so badly.
I missed him more than I could’ve ever imagined. We’d barely known each other for two weeks, and yet I felt like we had a big connection. The mention of his name made my stomach flutter, seeing a photo of him made my toes tingle.
But even so, I knew that when he came back it’d probably wouldn’t last.
Sophie has been talking to me about his return, helping me as to what was I going to say to him. One of the options was make up a story about my past that was less severe than the real one.
The other, was telling him the truth.
I could imagine his face all too clearly…..a face I’d received from many other people, when I eventually said the truth. I remember the empty words they all gave me, promising comprehension, but never really living up to their promises.
I just wished Mike was different. I wanted him to understand.
And then there was the thing with Kevin…….such a long time ago. He’d been the last one to break my heart, and many other things as well. I’d never told anyone what happened with Kevin, because I’ve never let anyone come close enough for me to consider opening up.
Then there was Mike. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to kiss him and hug him and for him to tell me everything was going to be alright.
So I’d decided…….I was going to tell him. About my secret, and about what happened with Kevin.
If I told him, and he freaked out and left me, then I’d succeed in pushing him away to stay out of my troubles. That could actually be a good thing, for he deserved much more than an ex-selfharmer and traumatized girl. If he did look at me in disgust and leave…….I would feel horrible, but at least I’d know I’d never see him again. He was famous, after all.
But if I told him, and he stayed……………………..I don’t know what would happen. I couldn’t let myself get my hopes up, for there was a slight probability of that happening.
Either way, it’d be painful, but it had to be said. I couldn’t hide it from him any longer, and he deserved better.
I took out my cellphone, and texted him.
“Hey, Mike. How’s Europe?” I hit send.
His answer was almost immediate. “Sam! I’m so glad to hear from you. Europe’s great, but I miss San Diego already.”
“Of course you do, San Diego is your home.”
“I also miss you, Sam”
Oh God. “I miss you too Mike.”
We went on like that for a great amount of time, texting back and forth. I laughed at the stupid things he told me and at the funny pictures he sent. I could feel that we were back on good terms, but even so, I could feel that it wasn’t going to be easy. We were going to have to talk when he came back.
And this feeling of happiness was probably going to go away.
Eventually, it became too late for me to keep my eyes open. I bid Mike goodnight, and fell into the first peaceful slumber I’d had in weeks.
“SAMANTHA MARTINEZ WAKE UP!” Sophie Sanders screamed in my ear. I felt my blanket being pulled off from me and I groaned.
“Five more minutes.” I covered my face with the pillow.
I heard an exasperated sound. “Dude, we’re so late today! My alarm didn’t go off! It’s 9:15”.
That shot me awake. “What?” I shrieked. Class started in fifteen minutes.
“Yeah, you heard me!” Sophie’s eyes were wide, and her hair was a mess. “Now get your ass up and let’s go!”
I don’t know how we did it, but we got to class exactly at 9:28. Both of us were still practically in our pajamas and our hairs were a mess. We wore no make –up and we walked around with empty stomachs.
Easily, I could say I fell asleep around five times in my first three classes. Last night, I’d stayed up late face-timing with Mike. He still had a week left of touring, but we had come to talk almost every night.
We acted as if nothing had ever happened that night at Jaime’s house. I spoke as if Kevin never existed, and he responded as if I’d never blown him off.
All of our conversations were great, funny and interesting. I knew deep down, that after next week this would all vanish for me. He was going to come back, we were going to talk and I was going to lose him.
But still, I enjoyed it while it lasted.
The bell rang, startling me awake, announcing that class was over. I still had another one later on today, but I had a free period in between. I decided I’d go grab something to eat from the cafeteria and go to the school library and sketch a little.
I got a hot bowl of Maccaroni & Cheese. Yes, I ate that for breakfast. I loved the stuff, and I was pretty sure Mike would laugh at me if he saw me right now.
Finishing my food after a couple of minutes, I headed to the library, where I sat in an old armchair next to a never-used fireplace. I curled my legs underneath me and I propped my sketchbook on my legs, starting to doodle away.
I went on for about a half hour, letting my pencil fly across the page in a meaningless way…..experimenting with being bold. I could’ve gone like that forever, until Mary Anderson, a girl I’d seen in the hallways a couple of times but never talked to, came up to me.
“Hi.” She said timidly. Mary was a petite girl, with thin blond hair that had blue streaks, two nose earrings, and wore a lot of eyeliner. I thought she was a pretty girl.
“Hey Mary.” I answered, flashing her a smile.
Her hand went up to her hair, trying to keep it out of her face. I noticed a black rubber bracelet around her wrist that seemed all too familiar. It was a Hot Topic accessory, a Pierce The Veil bracelet.
“I—I’m pretty embarrassed to ask you this but….” She bit her lip, looking down nervously.
What was up with Mary? “Yeah?” I inquired.
She smiled timidly at me. “Are you dating Mike Fuentes?”
My stomach dropped. Was I? I didn’t think so. And if I was, it would all be over by next week. Still, the thought of being his girlfriend made my toes curl in delight. “I honestly have no idea. Why?” How would Mary know? For all I knew, the only people who were updated on our sentimental life were Sophie, Vic, Tony and Jaime.
But I was apparently wrong. Mary dug into her pocket and searched a bit, the bright screen illuminating her pretty face. “Because of this.” She held out her phone to me, and my jaw dropped.
It was a screenshot that Mike had taken when we were face-timing last night. I was asleep apparently, or with my eyes closed, his own face a big smile in a smaller window on the screen. It was a picture he’d uploaded on instagram, the caption reading:
Can’t wait to see this sleepy girl next Friday. @Samartnz you better not leave me talking to myself again!
I swear, my smile could not be bigger. My stomach felt heavy and warm, my cheeks ached from my grin. I handed the phone back to Mary.
“That is you right?” she asked, although my face said it all. “You are so lucky. I think you make a great couple.”
But we weren’t a couple. Still, the compliment felt good. “I guess I am. Thank you.”
Mary stood a little straighter, her face seemed timid again. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Sure, shoot.” I’d never talked to Mary before, but she seemed pretty nice. Also, she had great taste in music. I liked her.
“When you see him again…………….could you get an autograph for me?” her face flushed crimson, and she looked down.
She was so cute. “Of course, I’ll ask him on Friday.” That is, if he still speaks to me after I tell him.
Her face lit up into a big, bright smile. “Thank you Sam! You’re the best.” And with that, she left.
I sat on the armchair meditating after she was gone. Mike had officially introduced me to the world, in a way. Did that mean he was serious about me? I think it did. I hugged myself like a seven year-old and giggled. I knew this was probably going to go away, but in the moment, I felt so happy.
The bell rang, signaling that I had to go back to class. I groaned internally and scooped up my bag, placing my sketchbook inside.
One more class, and I could go back home, eat some real food and watch Supernatural all day long. Yes, that sounded good.
My plan for my Friday afternoon was ruined though, when Sophie called me from the living room while I was watching my 7th Supernatural episode of the evening. I sighed and pressed pause, getting up from bed and joining her in the living room.
“What do you want Sophie? I’m kinda on a one-way date with the Winchester brothers in there.” I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the bright light of the living room.
“Hey! You forgot about me that quickly?” A familiar voice came from the computer, and Sophie smirked.
“Of course she did dude! Look at you, who would want to kiss such an ugly face?” Jaime’s voice said, followed by a yelp of pain and laughter from other people.
I cocked my eyebrow, confused. “Jaime?”
“The one and only.” I was still confused, and Sophie motioned me to sit beside her on the couch. I did as she said, and realized what was going on.
We were on a Skype videochat, with none other than Pierce The Veil. Vic, Tony, Jaime and yes, Mike, where on Sophie’s laptop screen, smiling at us.
“Hey Sammy!” Mini Vic said, waving a hand at me.
I grinned. “Hey guys.”
“What time is it over there?” Tony asked.
Sophie looked down at her wristwatch. “It’s almost nine.”
They all groaned. “Ugh, you guys are so lucky. It’s seven a.m.over here and we have to get up and do stuff.” Jaime complained rolling his eyes.
“Don’t be lazy guys. Do it for your fans.” I teased, trying to make them feel a little remorse.
“We are doing it for our fans! I just don’t get why we have to start rehearsals so early in the morning! Tonight’s show is not until nine PM!” again, Jaime complained.
Sophie rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby.”
Jaime scowled at her through the screen and she laughed.
“What are you ladies going to do on your Friday night?” Vic asked us.
I don’t know about Sophie, but I wasn’t going anywhere. “Well, I’m going to a party. Sam here is probably going to stay up all night watching her boyfriends on Supernatural.” My friend poked me in the ribs and I shot her a dirty look.
“Hey!” Mike protested, and the rest of the guys laughed, including Sophie and yes, me.
“Someone’s jelly!” Tony said playfully, which earned him a smack in the head by Mike.
We chatted for around twenty minutes, until someone from the staff interrupted us and told the guys they had to go. They told us goodbye and we hung up.
“Well, that was fun.” Sophie said.
It actually was. “I know.” I said.
“Can you believe we’re hanging out with rock stars?” Sophie exclaimed, her face a mask of wonder. “Who would’ve thought.”
“Not me, that’s for sure.” I responded, matching her goofy grin with one of my own.
She shot up from her seat and pulled me up with her. “Well, I’m going to a party at Ashley’s. Do you wanna come?” she asked, giving it a shot but knowing what my answer would me.
“I’m sorry Sophs, my Winchester boys await for my return.” She rolled her eyes and shoved me away, scowling at me. I laughed and returned to my room, wishing her good luck.
I resumed my episode, and watched four more until my eyes started to fail me. I yawned audibly and texted Mike.
“Good luck on your show tonight.”
He responded a few seconds later. “Thank you Sam. Sleep well.”
“Goodnight Mike”.
I put my phone back on my nightstand and closed my eyes, drifting off into sleep.
I hadn’t really had any contact with him other than the occasional like on a photo in instagram. It killed me to see him smiling, surrounded by his friends, alcohol in his hands. I didn’t mind the environment he was in, what hurt me was that I wanted to be there, next to him so badly.
I missed him more than I could’ve ever imagined. We’d barely known each other for two weeks, and yet I felt like we had a big connection. The mention of his name made my stomach flutter, seeing a photo of him made my toes tingle.
But even so, I knew that when he came back it’d probably wouldn’t last.
Sophie has been talking to me about his return, helping me as to what was I going to say to him. One of the options was make up a story about my past that was less severe than the real one.
The other, was telling him the truth.
I could imagine his face all too clearly…..a face I’d received from many other people, when I eventually said the truth. I remember the empty words they all gave me, promising comprehension, but never really living up to their promises.
I just wished Mike was different. I wanted him to understand.
And then there was the thing with Kevin…….such a long time ago. He’d been the last one to break my heart, and many other things as well. I’d never told anyone what happened with Kevin, because I’ve never let anyone come close enough for me to consider opening up.
Then there was Mike. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to kiss him and hug him and for him to tell me everything was going to be alright.
So I’d decided…….I was going to tell him. About my secret, and about what happened with Kevin.
If I told him, and he freaked out and left me, then I’d succeed in pushing him away to stay out of my troubles. That could actually be a good thing, for he deserved much more than an ex-selfharmer and traumatized girl. If he did look at me in disgust and leave…….I would feel horrible, but at least I’d know I’d never see him again. He was famous, after all.
But if I told him, and he stayed……………………..I don’t know what would happen. I couldn’t let myself get my hopes up, for there was a slight probability of that happening.
Either way, it’d be painful, but it had to be said. I couldn’t hide it from him any longer, and he deserved better.
I took out my cellphone, and texted him.
“Hey, Mike. How’s Europe?” I hit send.
His answer was almost immediate. “Sam! I’m so glad to hear from you. Europe’s great, but I miss San Diego already.”
“Of course you do, San Diego is your home.”
“I also miss you, Sam”
Oh God. “I miss you too Mike.”
We went on like that for a great amount of time, texting back and forth. I laughed at the stupid things he told me and at the funny pictures he sent. I could feel that we were back on good terms, but even so, I could feel that it wasn’t going to be easy. We were going to have to talk when he came back.
And this feeling of happiness was probably going to go away.
Eventually, it became too late for me to keep my eyes open. I bid Mike goodnight, and fell into the first peaceful slumber I’d had in weeks.
“SAMANTHA MARTINEZ WAKE UP!” Sophie Sanders screamed in my ear. I felt my blanket being pulled off from me and I groaned.
“Five more minutes.” I covered my face with the pillow.
I heard an exasperated sound. “Dude, we’re so late today! My alarm didn’t go off! It’s 9:15”.
That shot me awake. “What?” I shrieked. Class started in fifteen minutes.
“Yeah, you heard me!” Sophie’s eyes were wide, and her hair was a mess. “Now get your ass up and let’s go!”
I don’t know how we did it, but we got to class exactly at 9:28. Both of us were still practically in our pajamas and our hairs were a mess. We wore no make –up and we walked around with empty stomachs.
Easily, I could say I fell asleep around five times in my first three classes. Last night, I’d stayed up late face-timing with Mike. He still had a week left of touring, but we had come to talk almost every night.
We acted as if nothing had ever happened that night at Jaime’s house. I spoke as if Kevin never existed, and he responded as if I’d never blown him off.
All of our conversations were great, funny and interesting. I knew deep down, that after next week this would all vanish for me. He was going to come back, we were going to talk and I was going to lose him.
But still, I enjoyed it while it lasted.
The bell rang, startling me awake, announcing that class was over. I still had another one later on today, but I had a free period in between. I decided I’d go grab something to eat from the cafeteria and go to the school library and sketch a little.
I got a hot bowl of Maccaroni & Cheese. Yes, I ate that for breakfast. I loved the stuff, and I was pretty sure Mike would laugh at me if he saw me right now.
Finishing my food after a couple of minutes, I headed to the library, where I sat in an old armchair next to a never-used fireplace. I curled my legs underneath me and I propped my sketchbook on my legs, starting to doodle away.
I went on for about a half hour, letting my pencil fly across the page in a meaningless way…..experimenting with being bold. I could’ve gone like that forever, until Mary Anderson, a girl I’d seen in the hallways a couple of times but never talked to, came up to me.
“Hi.” She said timidly. Mary was a petite girl, with thin blond hair that had blue streaks, two nose earrings, and wore a lot of eyeliner. I thought she was a pretty girl.
“Hey Mary.” I answered, flashing her a smile.
Her hand went up to her hair, trying to keep it out of her face. I noticed a black rubber bracelet around her wrist that seemed all too familiar. It was a Hot Topic accessory, a Pierce The Veil bracelet.
“I—I’m pretty embarrassed to ask you this but….” She bit her lip, looking down nervously.
What was up with Mary? “Yeah?” I inquired.
She smiled timidly at me. “Are you dating Mike Fuentes?”
My stomach dropped. Was I? I didn’t think so. And if I was, it would all be over by next week. Still, the thought of being his girlfriend made my toes curl in delight. “I honestly have no idea. Why?” How would Mary know? For all I knew, the only people who were updated on our sentimental life were Sophie, Vic, Tony and Jaime.
But I was apparently wrong. Mary dug into her pocket and searched a bit, the bright screen illuminating her pretty face. “Because of this.” She held out her phone to me, and my jaw dropped.
It was a screenshot that Mike had taken when we were face-timing last night. I was asleep apparently, or with my eyes closed, his own face a big smile in a smaller window on the screen. It was a picture he’d uploaded on instagram, the caption reading:
Can’t wait to see this sleepy girl next Friday. @Samartnz you better not leave me talking to myself again!
I swear, my smile could not be bigger. My stomach felt heavy and warm, my cheeks ached from my grin. I handed the phone back to Mary.
“That is you right?” she asked, although my face said it all. “You are so lucky. I think you make a great couple.”
But we weren’t a couple. Still, the compliment felt good. “I guess I am. Thank you.”
Mary stood a little straighter, her face seemed timid again. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Sure, shoot.” I’d never talked to Mary before, but she seemed pretty nice. Also, she had great taste in music. I liked her.
“When you see him again…………….could you get an autograph for me?” her face flushed crimson, and she looked down.
She was so cute. “Of course, I’ll ask him on Friday.” That is, if he still speaks to me after I tell him.
Her face lit up into a big, bright smile. “Thank you Sam! You’re the best.” And with that, she left.
I sat on the armchair meditating after she was gone. Mike had officially introduced me to the world, in a way. Did that mean he was serious about me? I think it did. I hugged myself like a seven year-old and giggled. I knew this was probably going to go away, but in the moment, I felt so happy.
The bell rang, signaling that I had to go back to class. I groaned internally and scooped up my bag, placing my sketchbook inside.
One more class, and I could go back home, eat some real food and watch Supernatural all day long. Yes, that sounded good.
My plan for my Friday afternoon was ruined though, when Sophie called me from the living room while I was watching my 7th Supernatural episode of the evening. I sighed and pressed pause, getting up from bed and joining her in the living room.
“What do you want Sophie? I’m kinda on a one-way date with the Winchester brothers in there.” I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the bright light of the living room.
“Hey! You forgot about me that quickly?” A familiar voice came from the computer, and Sophie smirked.
“Of course she did dude! Look at you, who would want to kiss such an ugly face?” Jaime’s voice said, followed by a yelp of pain and laughter from other people.
I cocked my eyebrow, confused. “Jaime?”
“The one and only.” I was still confused, and Sophie motioned me to sit beside her on the couch. I did as she said, and realized what was going on.
We were on a Skype videochat, with none other than Pierce The Veil. Vic, Tony, Jaime and yes, Mike, where on Sophie’s laptop screen, smiling at us.
“Hey Sammy!” Mini Vic said, waving a hand at me.
I grinned. “Hey guys.”
“What time is it over there?” Tony asked.
Sophie looked down at her wristwatch. “It’s almost nine.”
They all groaned. “Ugh, you guys are so lucky. It’s seven a.m.over here and we have to get up and do stuff.” Jaime complained rolling his eyes.
“Don’t be lazy guys. Do it for your fans.” I teased, trying to make them feel a little remorse.
“We are doing it for our fans! I just don’t get why we have to start rehearsals so early in the morning! Tonight’s show is not until nine PM!” again, Jaime complained.
Sophie rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby.”
Jaime scowled at her through the screen and she laughed.
“What are you ladies going to do on your Friday night?” Vic asked us.
I don’t know about Sophie, but I wasn’t going anywhere. “Well, I’m going to a party. Sam here is probably going to stay up all night watching her boyfriends on Supernatural.” My friend poked me in the ribs and I shot her a dirty look.
“Hey!” Mike protested, and the rest of the guys laughed, including Sophie and yes, me.
“Someone’s jelly!” Tony said playfully, which earned him a smack in the head by Mike.
We chatted for around twenty minutes, until someone from the staff interrupted us and told the guys they had to go. They told us goodbye and we hung up.
“Well, that was fun.” Sophie said.
It actually was. “I know.” I said.
“Can you believe we’re hanging out with rock stars?” Sophie exclaimed, her face a mask of wonder. “Who would’ve thought.”
“Not me, that’s for sure.” I responded, matching her goofy grin with one of my own.
She shot up from her seat and pulled me up with her. “Well, I’m going to a party at Ashley’s. Do you wanna come?” she asked, giving it a shot but knowing what my answer would me.
“I’m sorry Sophs, my Winchester boys await for my return.” She rolled her eyes and shoved me away, scowling at me. I laughed and returned to my room, wishing her good luck.
I resumed my episode, and watched four more until my eyes started to fail me. I yawned audibly and texted Mike.
“Good luck on your show tonight.”
He responded a few seconds later. “Thank you Sam. Sleep well.”
“Goodnight Mike”.
I put my phone back on my nightstand and closed my eyes, drifting off into sleep.
Notes
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY. Hi guys. IT'S FFOUR IN THE MORNING. I had to write this.I hope you like it! Next chapter is going to be INTENSEEEEEEEEEEEE.
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Updateeee
4/9/14