Tomorrow Mike came back. Tomorrow, I’d see him, and I’d hug him and I’d kiss him until I could no more. I would do all that, because after we talked I might never get the chance to do it again.
My heart still skipped a beat each time he texted me, even if we’d been going on like this for the past couple of weeks.
I currently stood barefoot in my room, dressed in a extremely oversized t-shirt, with a big paintbrush in my hand. I was changing the patterns on my bedroom walls. It used to be squiggly red lines, but now I’m adding bright electric blue circles and white stripes.
The walls were starting to look pretty cool, and I was satisfied with myself. Collide With The Sky was blasting my stereo, and it somehow made me ache for Mike even more.
Sophie burst in the room. “DUDE!” she exclaimed, a wild look on her face. “Can you just for once keep it down?!? I’m finishing up my paper for Rob and he’s taking it to the magazine to see if it’ll be published tomorrow morning! This is really important!”
She rarely ever asked me to keep my music down, so I complied. “Good luck Soph, it’ll make the cut don’t you worry.” I reassured her, but she just sighed, clearly stressed out.
I checked my cellphone and saw an old text from Mike, which I hadn’t responded to since I’d started getting in the zone.

“Getting ready for the last show, boarding the plane right afterwards!”

I smiled like a goof. I felt like a teenager all over again, waiting for him to come pick me up and take me for some ice cream, getting ready for prom and walking down to see him sitting in the couch with a tux next to my dad. But I wasn’t a teen. I was twenty-three, almost twenty-four.
After finishing up my walls, I went to get some food. I made myself a delicious bowl of cereal and gobbled it down. I lay down to watch some more Supernatural until midnight came. I shut my laptop and snuggled in the blankets, drifting off to sleep.




“Sophie, at what time was their plane supposed to arrive?” I asked eagerly.
She threw her hands up in the air. “About two hours ago! Why haven’t they called? What if something happened to them?” her eyes grew wide and she started to panic.
No. “Don’t say those things woman!” I practically spat and continued my nervous pace around the living room.
“Then what other explanation is there? Tony always texts me! I’m guessing Mike too.” While I paced, she bit her nails.
Mike did always text me. I was really worried, and anxious. “I don’t know Sophs, I don’t know.”
But thank the heavens, in that moment, the bell rang.
Sophie shot up from the couch and I stopped cold. We stared at each other and with lightning speed checked each other’s appearance, gussying each other up. We ran to the door, and Sophie flung it open.
And there were our men. Sophie crashed into Tony at full speed and backed him up against a wall, in their typical way. Mike instead, just stood there with a big bright smile on his face. I was paralyzed by his stare, and my toes were curling painfully. Oh, but I enjoyed that kind of pain.
He took a few steps towards me and leaned in to give me a peck on the cheek. But this wasn’t what I wanted, not after three almost four weeks. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his.
His response was immediate. He pulled me closer, tangling one hand in my hair while the other one rested on the small of my back. Our lips moved with passion, longing and feeling. I had missed him so much. This kiss was so different from all the others we’d ever had, this kiss felt real. I didn’t feel like the fairytale girl who got to kiss the drummer from her favorite band. I felt like a girl who was kissing a guy who made her feel like she could fly, and who actually cared for her.
This all made my heart ache, because I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want him to leave me, but chances were, this would be our last day together.
His hand cupped the back of my neck, his thumb stroking circles on my cheek. I felt my eyes flutter. Eventually we broke the lip lock and embraced each other.
“I missed you.” He said into my neck.
“I missed you too Mike.” My voice cracked, sadness filling my every nerve. I couldn’t put off the talk much longer.
He noticed this, and pulled away. He saw the expression on my face, and I swear, it was like he knew.
Taking my hand, he led me into my bedroom, as if it were his own house. I didn’t mind at all, but as I sat on the edge of the bed beside him, I felt the back of my eyes start to prickle.
“First of all, I want you to listen to me, and to let me finish before you go running off.” I said. I managed to control the tone of my voice.
He didn’t say anything, but his eyes said it all. Yes.
I took a deep breath. “There is a reason I pushed you away that night at Jaime’s house. It wasn’t because you were drunk, and I sure as hell wasn’t because I didn’t want you…………. because I did.” I felt my cheeks flush at the confession and a small trace of a smile appeared on his face. He took my hand and squeezed it, asking me to continue.
I steeled myself. “Mike…………….I’m a virgin.”
His eyes grew wide, his mouth gaped open. I looked down in shame, pulling my hand away from his. I knew what came next, and I realized suddenly, that it wasn’t going to be different with Mike.
My beautifully tattooed boy lifted up my chin with one hand, his face had composed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his eyes seemed sincere, but I could still see the shock behind them.
“Because I was embarrassed.” I whispered. But it wasn’t just that.
His face turned into a frown. “Why the fuck would you be embarrassed about that?” he asked fervently. “Why should you feel embarrassed about being smart and not letting any guy get in your pants? Me included.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, I just am. It’s not like I’ve never wanted to do it, I’ve just never felt secure enough.”
He took my hand back in his. “Is that is Sam? Is that what this is all about? Because I’m cool with that. We don’t have to rush into anything.”
Oh, how many times have I heard those words. “It’s not just that. I’m not stupid Mike, I know what happens when you don’t satisfy your man’s………….needs.” I sighed. “It’s happened to me before. All the other guys I’ve been with claim they’ll wait and that they respect my decision. But meanwhile I believed the crap out of them, they were off with some other girl getting what I couldn’t give them.” I felt my eyevision start to blur.
Mike looked at me with sad eyes. “How many times has this happened?”
“The first boyfriend who pressured me and cheated on my was when I was fourteen.” I said, my voice small.
Mike took my other hand, and kissed them. “I’m serious Sam, it’s not going to be like that with me. I don’t need sex to function, I want you.”
I wanted to believe him, so bad. But this wasn’t over, there was still the thing with Kevin.
I shook my head, a tear trickling down my cheek. “There’s something else Mike.”
“What is it baby?” he sounded so worried and sincerely caring.
I took a loud, shuddering breath and chocked the words out. “The last boyfriend I had was four years ago. His name was Kevin, and I thought I loved him.” My words were high pitched and my bottom lip trembled uncontrollably. “He didn’t cheat on me, but he got tired of waiting. One day, he came home drunk from a party, determined to get what he deserved.”
Realization started to dawn in Mike’s eyes. “Sam, what the fuck did he do to you?”
A sob chocked its way out of my throat, but I continued. “He claimed he’d waited long enough, and that he deserved something in exchange of the fact that he waited for me for a year. I think I would’ve done it with him, but something always held me back…………and his patience snapped.” I swallowed thickly, the words hard to speak. “He tried to force me to—to do it. He was much bigger than me and he was angry and he was drunk. I was so scared, and he was pity less. I screamed and I kicked and I ran and I threw things at him. It eventually became a game for him.”
Mike’s face was a mask of horror, but I had to keep going. I had to let it out. “He locked all the doors and made this sick, twisted game of hide and seek out of it. I don’t know how long it went on, but every time he got ahold of me once more, he pounded me or hurt me each time I struggled. I always managed to free myself, but he never stopped trying.” It was getting close, the part I dreaded the most to tell Mike. I felt bile building up in my mouth. “One of those times, I managed to run into the kitchen, and I was so desperate. I was scared and I was angry. I—I looked for something to defend myself, and he came from behind me.” Here it was, I was going to say it.
“I stabbed him Mike. I stabbed Kevin.” I sobbed, and Mike pulled me closer to him, rocking my body with his arms, soothing noises coming from his mouth.
I remembered Kevin’s face, his wide, startled eyes. I remembered the blood that started pooling through my fingers as I released the knife handle. I remembered the loud thump his body made when it hit the ground.
“I—I didn’t kill him. I called 911, but I…………I wanted him to die Mike. In that moment, I swear I really wanted him to die.” My voice was a horrible, hoarse sound coming from my throat.
Mike settled me on his lap, and he wiped the tears from my face. “Baby, don’t cry. You did the right thing, you defended yourself.” He tried soothing me, but that wasn’t enough.
“Mike, you don’t understand. I considered not calling 911. I considered letting him bleed to death on my kitchen floor. And I swear, I almost did!” I covered my face with my hands too ashamed and horrified at myself to look at him.
“Sam, listen to me.” He begged, but I wouldn’t. I sobbed and sobbed, until he pulled down my hands from my face with such force that I hiccupped my sob, swallowing it back. He held my face in his hands and he spoke in a steady, clear tone.
“Listen to me baby. What that fucker did to you was horrible. He tried to take a part from you that wasn’t his to take, and he harmed you physically too. He hit you Sam! He made a game out of your misery. Even I would’ve wanted him to die.” He said.
“But guess what?” he asked. I stared, not understanding. “You didn’t Sam. You didn’t let him die. You called 911. You did the right thing.”
I nodded, tears pooling out of my eyes once again.
He pulled me close, and kissed my hair over and over again.
“Thank you for telling me Sam, I really had no idea.” He stroked my hair, my shoulders, my back. “I won’t leave you, I swear. I know you think I will, because of that. But I won’t.”
And in between sobs and cries, I started to not really know why I was crying. I didn’t know whether it was because of the fact that I talked of the incident for the first time in four years, reliving the awful images in my head, of because of the fact that even if I’d said it all, Mike was still here, holding me and stroking. Even after I spoke the words I thought of back then, when I had Kevin’s blood on my hands, Mike still wanted me.
“I swear, I’m here for you baby.”

Notes

DID YOU SEE THAT ONE COMING?!!?!?!?!
I bet you didn't.

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