On Monday at school Tegan and Amelia were in a world of their own, like they usually were and at lunch time they shared a bit of gossip.

“So did anything happen with you and Ryan?” Amelia asked with suggestive eyebrows.

“No Amelia. I told you that’s not happening. I’m not that sort of girl besides I love Vic and I’m not going to ruin what I have with him” She said with a pissed off tone. She was pissed off that Amelia would even think of her as a cheater.

“Sorry, I know you wouldn’t do anything like that. It was just a joke” Amelia apologised.

“It’s okay, I should be asking that question about you and Cameron though. He was all over you on Saturday and again at the movies last night” Tegan said observently.

“Oh… erm… yeah we kind of did it” Amelia sounded a little ashamed of herself.

“Shit, I didn’t think you would actually do it. You’ve only met him twice” Tegan was shocked.

“I know, but he’s so pretty and he kisses like a fucking… I don’t even know it was just magical” Amelia sounded like someone from a rom-com and Tegan just laughed at her.

“Are you going to go out with him on a date or anything?” Tegan questioned.

“I don’t know, I mean I still kind of like Mike but I doubt anything will happen there but I want to at least see if anything will before I completely throw the idea of it away and go out with
Cameron” Amelia sighed.

“Fair enough. Why don’t you just call Mike while he’s away and figure it out so you don’t have to wait so long” Tegan suggested. She wasn’t doing this for Mike, she was doing this for Amelia. She hated the idea of them two being together but if it makes her friend happy then who is she to stand in the way?

“Yeah, I might call him later. Look you won’t mention anything that happened this weekend to anyone will you? Especially Vic or Simon.” Amelia begged.

“Of course I won’t say anything. But you have to promise to not say anything either” Tegan needed the promise of secrecy more than Amelia did.

Amelia was a little worried because she thinks Tegan might have a problem, since she doesn’t know the full extent of Tegan’s past she was still contemplating talking to Vic about what she had heard but then she felt bad about maybe double crossing her friend so promised anyway “Cross my heart” She said and gave a weak smile. She thinks she’ll probably break that promise but she’ll try and bite her tongue.

The girls finished their lunch and headed for Science, today they had a test and Tegan had done a fair bit of work towards this so she was hoping she would get a good grade for it. She was also hoping that her weekend antics didn’t lose anything she had revised the week before.

--

“Hey so Tegan, I hear you’re going to drug parties now too” Mike said as he answered Vic’s phone, since he was in the shower.

“And I hear you’re nothing but a cunt who doesn’t know what he’s talking about” Tegan said into the phone.

“I have rather reliable sources” Mike said back.

“Just fuck off and put Vic on the phone” Tegan demanded.

“He’s in the shower, I’ll tell him you called though.” Mike said.

“You better do” She huffed and hung up bluntly.

About an hour later Tegan’s phone rang and as soon as she saw that it was Vic calling, she answered immediately.

“Hello buttercup” Tegan greeted.

“Tegan please tell me Mike is lying” Was the first thing Vic said.

“What are you on about?” Tegan prayed that Mke hadn’t mentioned the drugs.

“Tegan are you using again? Two people have told me you are and I really hope they’re lying” He said with a sad tone.

“Of course they’re lying. Why would I start that again” Tegan replied, her voice cracking a little at the lie.

“I can’t believe you” Was Vic’s response.

“What?” Tegan questioned.

“I’ve known you since you were 6, I can tell when you’re lying” Vic muttered.

“I’m not lying. I haven’t used since I was in the hospital. Trust me.” Tegan hated lying, more importantly she hated lying to Vic.

“Then how come I have two people telling me you are? Two people whose testimonies against you seem pretty believeable.” Vic said a little harshly.

“I’m your girlfriend, your bestfriend you should trust me over whoever is saying this.” Tegan spat.

“I’m worried about you Tegan. You need help, I thought you were strong enough to get over it the first time round but you’re just back on the bandwaggon aren’t you?” Vic said.

“Fine, okay yes. I am using again. It’s not something I can just throw away Vic. It’s something I need. Would you rather me be the way I was two years ago?” She huffed.

“I wish you would just stop finding something destructive to help you. I would rather you just talk to me when shit gets too much for you. It hurts me so much when you don’t Tegan. It makes me feel like I failed as a best friend and a boyfriend. We’re supposed to help each other” Vic sighed.

“I am helping you, by not burdening you with my problems and letting you live your dream. I’m finding a way to deal with it on my own. You weren’t supposed to find out and when I get my hands on Mike I will slap him”

“He’s looking out for you, like you were for him that time.” Vic said firmly.

“No he’s not. He just wants me to look like the bad guy. He wants me to look like the one with all the problems. It’s not a problem, I know what I’m doing and I know I can stop when I want but right now I don’t want to stop.”

“Well then I don’t think I can carry on with this Tegan. I’m constantly trying to help you but you just won’t let me.”

“Vic what are you saying?” Tegan sounded worried.

“I don’t know Tegan. I just want you to stop pretending to be happy if you’re not. If you’re not happy with me and that’s why you use then tell me. I’d be okay with it” Vic sounded sad.

“Ohmygod, you are not the reason I do this. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s just difficult for me. Those thoughts and feelings I told you about when I came home from the hospital haven’t left and that’s not because of you. It’s just my mind, my fucked up mind. I love you Vic and I don’t ever want to lose you” Tegan was crying now.

“I love you too but what if you think I’m what’s good for you but in fact I’m not helping” Vic questioned.

“Don’t do this, don’t end this. Without you I have nothing, nothing worth fighting for. Vic don’t leave me. You promised me you wouldn’t leave me” Tegan was begging him.

“I’m not going to leave you, I just need you to get better but nothing I do helps you anymore” Vic was crying now too.

“I’ll get help, I will. I can’t lose you”

“You have to promise me that between now and me getting home you won’t use again. Then when I do get home we’re going to find you some proper help and then hopefully you’ll be better properly” Vic commanded.

“I promise” Tegan said weakly.

“I need you to mean it Tegan, please. You’ll only get better if you want to get better, you need to want to get better” Vic said.

“I do, I do promise. I mean it” Tegan broke down.

“Thank you. I love you okay. I don’t want to but I need to go. I’ll call you tomorrow” Vic said barely above a whisper, the tears had made him lose his voice somewhat.

“I love you too” Tegan cried back.
They ended their phone call and both of them broke down in tears. They were in different parts of the country but were acting out the same emotions.

Vivian was walking past Tegan’s room at this time and heard her crying and got worried so she entered and hoped she would be able to console her.

“Tegan hunny what’s the matter?” She asked softly as she sat next to her on the floor.
Tegan collapsed into Vivian and cried a little harder. Vivian rubbed her back and told her everything was going to be okay, despite her not knowing what the situation was.

“Tegan what’s going on?” She tried again.

“I can’t tell you but I need to get help.” Tegan said through sobs.
Vivian immediately got more worried than before, the first thing that she thought was Mike and how Mike needs help. She was hoping that wasn’t the case.

“What do you need help with sweetie?” Vivian needed to press the information out of Tegan otherwise she wouldn’t be able to help.

“I can’t say.” Tegan pulled herself together. Got up, wiped away her tears and walked into the bathroom to wash the ruined mascara from her face.

“I’ll be okay mama, I promise. I just want to go to sleep” Tegan said as she came back into her room.

“Okay sweetie, just come and talk to me if you need me alright? I’m worried about you. I just want to make sure you doing okay” Vivian kissed Tegan on the forehead and walked over to the bedroom door.

“Thank you” Tegan blew Vivian a kiss and got into bed.

Vivian left her room and Tegan was just going to fall asleep and forget about everything until the morning but she remembered that Vic said two people had told him about her using again. The first one was obviously Mike and the second had to be Amelia. Ryan wouldn’t do that, besides he doesn’t even know Vic or have any way of contacting him, so it had to be Amelia.

Because of this sudden realisation Tegan sent her a text message and then went to sleep. It read:

I can’t fucking believe you! What happened to the promise? Doesn’t a promise mean anything to you? How would you like it if I suddenly told all of your secrets? I thought you were my friend and you go and tell Vic that I’m using again. Fuck youAmelia, I can’t believe you would do that!!

She didn’t want to face the world the next morning so decided already that she would pull a sicky. With that thought in mind, and everything else that was running around in her head, she drifted off to sleep.

Notes

This was hard to write, I don't know why.
I hope you like it though, please let me know what you think