I Am Not Alright, and I Would Rather
The Past, The Love, The Memory
I almost fell backwards down the stairs after tripping over one of them reading the invitation. I don't even know what to think, first of all, how are they still together? Like, what? Secondly, how did they find me? I specifically said not to look, that I didn't want to be found. God dammit, if they took the time to stalk me and find my address, who's to say they won't show up here?
After I made it safely to my apartment, I collapsed on the couch and examined the invitation more. It is really amazing that they are getting married... And the more I look at the picture of them together, the happier I get for them. Maybe, going wouldn't be such a bad idea... I mean, it's been so fucking long, and I was just thinking about how much I missed them... And, I'd really like to go back to San Diego, it's so goddamn cold all the time here, I miss the sun...
I turn the invitation over, deciding that if I don't have anything to do, and if I can afford it, going wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. Looking at the back of the invitation, the first thing I notice is a handwritten note;
Mike,
First of all, I'm sorry if this isn't who I think it is, if you don't know who we are, please disregard. If it is you reading this Mike, wow, you have no idea how much internet stalking I had to do to find you. Holy fuck, you really didn't want to be found. Besides the point, as you can probably already tell, Vic and I are finally getting married. And, it would be amazing if you would agree to come and surprise Vic, he really misses you man, we all do. And if you want to come but can't, get in touch and maybe we can set something up with Skype for the big day? If you want to remain in hiding from all of us, I'll respect that. You won't hear from me again unless you respond to this. It really would mean so much if you came, or at least got in contact.
Jaime
Underneath his name, Jaime left a phone number, his I'm assuming. I smiled at the note, knowing that Jaime wants to surprise Vic makes me want to go even more. It really has been too long, I'm fine now. Why did I wait so long anyways? I got over my shit a couple of years ago, and I've spent the time ever since completely discontent with my life. Why is it taking me so long to realize that the people back home still do care about me?
I pulled out my phone and check the time, 6:24, that means it's 3:24 in San Diego, probably an ok time to call. I dialed the number hastily, my fingers shaking. I'm excited, yet also extremely nervous. What should I say? It's been six years since I talked to the guy. I doubt a casual, 'How's it going?' will suffice...I took a deep breath as I hit the call button, here goes nothing. It rang once, twice, three times. I was starting to think this was a bad idea, maybe I should just hang up...
"Hello?" I heard a very familiar voice say from the other end of the phone. Holy shit, it really is Jaime
"I- Um... Jaime?" I ask, effectively to stunned to speak.
"Yes," he responds, "Who is this and how did you get this number?"
"It's... Errr... It's Mike," I say, rather quiet, "I got your invitation..."
"Holy shit!" he yells, "Hang on, give me like two minutes!"
I chuckled to myself as I heard a loud array of noises in the background. I wonder what he was doing that resulted in such loud noises... Knowing Hime, it could be anything really...
"Ok, ok I'm back sorry," he said hastily, "Is it really you man? Oh my god, sending that invitation was like a shot in a million for me. I never thought you'd actually contact me!"
"Well," I responded, "Here I am. Congratulations by the way! I can't believe you guys are actually getting married!"
"Yeah," he said, "I can't believe it either really. Our relationship hasn't really been perfect, but after every fight, no matter how big, we came out stronger than before. It's amazing really, I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else."
"Ok, you're killing me with adorableness, stop it," I said with a chuckle, "But really that's great, I'm happy for the both of you."
"Thanks," he beams back, I can practically hear the smile on his face, "So what have you been up to for the past oh I don't know, six years?"
"Well, I spent a lot of time not really doing anything," I said, "I took almost 2 years off from life to get my shit together. After that, I bounced from job to job for a while, pretty much doing anything to pay the bills. But recently, for like a little over a year, I've been rapping."
"Ok," Jaime said, "Like, rapping rapping, or wrapping stuff for a store or something?
""Rapping rapping," I respond, starting to feel a little bit embarrassed, "I go by the alias Mikey Whiskyhands. Don't even ask how I got that name, I don't even know."
"The thought of that sounds terrifying," he said, laughing lightly, "So what? You're some badass rapper that gets hammered every night and has tons of meaningless sex? Because that's the impression I get from that name..."
"If that's what you get from the name, I'm scared to see your impression from the actual music... But no, that's not me at all," I answer, "I'm the opposite really. I don't really like drinking. And relationship wise, I just got out of a very long, and boring relationship..."
"I'm even more scared for the actual music, I'm so googling it later," he chuckles, "What do you mean by boring relationship?"
"There was no spark," I respond, truthfully, "There never was one in the first place. It's like, I needed someone who understood what I was dealing with and she wanted a relationship... So I sacrificed a good deal of time lying to myself about loving her. Until she left completely out of the blue..."
I don't know why I'm telling him everything. I guess that even though it's been so long, I still trust him somehow. Like, I haven't really met anyone else that I really trust, so all my old trust never faded...
"Oh, that's interesting," Jaime said, "I don't know what to tell you Mike, other than at least you don't have to lie anymore..."
"Yeah," I said, "I think the reason I spent so long faking it is because I never found someone else that really takes my breath away. It's like I don't see that in anyone anymore, I keep hoping that when I find my whoever, I'll know."
"I think I get it," Jaime responded, with a chuckle, "I've had a conversation like this with someone else recently, like everyone I know is just falling apart! I really have to go now though, I have band practice, we're getting ready to release our third album... But I have to ask, since you called, does that mean you're interested in coming?"
"Yeah Hime," I said, "I really want to come. I miss you guys, and I just haven't been happy here."
"That's amazing!" he exclaims, "I'll call you soon with details!"
"Talk you soon then!"
"Laters!"
And with that, my conversation with Jaime was over. I smiled as I put my phone down, it was nice to talk to him again. I didn't realize just how much I missed San Diego until I thought about going there again. I'm really getting excited for this...
After I made it safely to my apartment, I collapsed on the couch and examined the invitation more. It is really amazing that they are getting married... And the more I look at the picture of them together, the happier I get for them. Maybe, going wouldn't be such a bad idea... I mean, it's been so fucking long, and I was just thinking about how much I missed them... And, I'd really like to go back to San Diego, it's so goddamn cold all the time here, I miss the sun...
I turn the invitation over, deciding that if I don't have anything to do, and if I can afford it, going wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. Looking at the back of the invitation, the first thing I notice is a handwritten note;
Mike,
First of all, I'm sorry if this isn't who I think it is, if you don't know who we are, please disregard. If it is you reading this Mike, wow, you have no idea how much internet stalking I had to do to find you. Holy fuck, you really didn't want to be found. Besides the point, as you can probably already tell, Vic and I are finally getting married. And, it would be amazing if you would agree to come and surprise Vic, he really misses you man, we all do. And if you want to come but can't, get in touch and maybe we can set something up with Skype for the big day? If you want to remain in hiding from all of us, I'll respect that. You won't hear from me again unless you respond to this. It really would mean so much if you came, or at least got in contact.
Jaime
Underneath his name, Jaime left a phone number, his I'm assuming. I smiled at the note, knowing that Jaime wants to surprise Vic makes me want to go even more. It really has been too long, I'm fine now. Why did I wait so long anyways? I got over my shit a couple of years ago, and I've spent the time ever since completely discontent with my life. Why is it taking me so long to realize that the people back home still do care about me?
I pulled out my phone and check the time, 6:24, that means it's 3:24 in San Diego, probably an ok time to call. I dialed the number hastily, my fingers shaking. I'm excited, yet also extremely nervous. What should I say? It's been six years since I talked to the guy. I doubt a casual, 'How's it going?' will suffice...I took a deep breath as I hit the call button, here goes nothing. It rang once, twice, three times. I was starting to think this was a bad idea, maybe I should just hang up...
"Hello?" I heard a very familiar voice say from the other end of the phone. Holy shit, it really is Jaime
"I- Um... Jaime?" I ask, effectively to stunned to speak.
"Yes," he responds, "Who is this and how did you get this number?"
"It's... Errr... It's Mike," I say, rather quiet, "I got your invitation..."
"Holy shit!" he yells, "Hang on, give me like two minutes!"
I chuckled to myself as I heard a loud array of noises in the background. I wonder what he was doing that resulted in such loud noises... Knowing Hime, it could be anything really...
"Ok, ok I'm back sorry," he said hastily, "Is it really you man? Oh my god, sending that invitation was like a shot in a million for me. I never thought you'd actually contact me!"
"Well," I responded, "Here I am. Congratulations by the way! I can't believe you guys are actually getting married!"
"Yeah," he said, "I can't believe it either really. Our relationship hasn't really been perfect, but after every fight, no matter how big, we came out stronger than before. It's amazing really, I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else."
"Ok, you're killing me with adorableness, stop it," I said with a chuckle, "But really that's great, I'm happy for the both of you."
"Thanks," he beams back, I can practically hear the smile on his face, "So what have you been up to for the past oh I don't know, six years?"
"Well, I spent a lot of time not really doing anything," I said, "I took almost 2 years off from life to get my shit together. After that, I bounced from job to job for a while, pretty much doing anything to pay the bills. But recently, for like a little over a year, I've been rapping."
"Ok," Jaime said, "Like, rapping rapping, or wrapping stuff for a store or something?
""Rapping rapping," I respond, starting to feel a little bit embarrassed, "I go by the alias Mikey Whiskyhands. Don't even ask how I got that name, I don't even know."
"The thought of that sounds terrifying," he said, laughing lightly, "So what? You're some badass rapper that gets hammered every night and has tons of meaningless sex? Because that's the impression I get from that name..."
"If that's what you get from the name, I'm scared to see your impression from the actual music... But no, that's not me at all," I answer, "I'm the opposite really. I don't really like drinking. And relationship wise, I just got out of a very long, and boring relationship..."
"I'm even more scared for the actual music, I'm so googling it later," he chuckles, "What do you mean by boring relationship?"
"There was no spark," I respond, truthfully, "There never was one in the first place. It's like, I needed someone who understood what I was dealing with and she wanted a relationship... So I sacrificed a good deal of time lying to myself about loving her. Until she left completely out of the blue..."
I don't know why I'm telling him everything. I guess that even though it's been so long, I still trust him somehow. Like, I haven't really met anyone else that I really trust, so all my old trust never faded...
"Oh, that's interesting," Jaime said, "I don't know what to tell you Mike, other than at least you don't have to lie anymore..."
"Yeah," I said, "I think the reason I spent so long faking it is because I never found someone else that really takes my breath away. It's like I don't see that in anyone anymore, I keep hoping that when I find my whoever, I'll know."
"I think I get it," Jaime responded, with a chuckle, "I've had a conversation like this with someone else recently, like everyone I know is just falling apart! I really have to go now though, I have band practice, we're getting ready to release our third album... But I have to ask, since you called, does that mean you're interested in coming?"
"Yeah Hime," I said, "I really want to come. I miss you guys, and I just haven't been happy here."
"That's amazing!" he exclaims, "I'll call you soon with details!"
"Talk you soon then!"
"Laters!"
And with that, my conversation with Jaime was over. I smiled as I put my phone down, it was nice to talk to him again. I didn't realize just how much I missed San Diego until I thought about going there again. I'm really getting excited for this...
Notes
Guys, I dislocated my hip yesterday... Guess what? Getting a dislocated hip put back in place hurts like a bitch. Guess what else? I've been benched from all physical activity for 48 hours. Fuck. So, I might be updating a lot, I don't know. Can you guys like recommend some good tv shows or movies I can watch on Netflix?Title Cred: A Skylit Drive (I'm so obsessed with them right now, you don't even know)
I fucking loved this story you are a natural talent!!!! :)
2/18/14