maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
baby, this is paradise
It's been a while Mike and I are together, and I'm happy because of it. I didn't fucked things up after all. We've been dating, and we have an amazing time together. He didn't asked me anything about what happened to me that sunday, and even though I wanted to trust him and wanted him to know me fully, I didn't said a word either, and felt okay with silence. It was a very sunny sunday morning when I got a text from Mikey, telling me that he wanted to take me somewhere, and he was gonna be at my house at 12.30. I smiled and as I was already fully awake, I just got in the shower. I felt like I had to look nice for Mike, so I did my makeup carefully, straightened my hair and put a black bow in it. I decided to wear some black high-waisted shorts, my red vans and a Hannibal shirt that said ''Eat the rude''. The shirt had short sleeves, so I grabbed a black and white plaid shirt to cover my arms. I didn't grabbed my purse, I was only taking with me my phone and my keys. Mike arrived, and when he saw me, he just said ''wow, you're so cool'' as he smiled, checking me out from bottom to top. After a few ups and downs, he stopped looking me right into the eyes, and whispered ''you're beautiful'' as he leaned to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and when we broke the kiss I just hugged him as tight as my arms let me. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how beautiful I thought he was, everything, but I couldn't, my mind kept telling me that it was stupid, and by doing that I would be putting pressure on him, I still don't understand why, and that made me a little too mad at myself, so I just hugged him with all my strength, hoping he would understand what I wanted to express with that hug. He slowly pulled out and he gave me a huge smile. He grabbed my hand, ''let's go'' as he winked at me, God, he drove me insane. ''Can I ask where are we going? I said. ''You'll see. But I think you're gonna like it.'' He smirked at me. I was impatient. I asked a few times more, without response. I was being very persistent, so Mike groaned and said ''well, our shirts are perfect for this place'' poiting his Harry Potter shirt ''hmm, you're gonna freak out, and remember we are in SAN DIEGO'' he said a little louder, trying to make those two words an obvious clue. I frowned and shook my head as a sign of confusion. He sighed, looking at me like it was obvious, and said in a sarcastic tone ''San Diego Comic Con, maybe?'' He smiled when he noticed my smile was growing. I told him before I was the biggest geek, but I wasn't expecting he remembered it. But he did. I felt a sense of happiness growing in my heart, he actually remembered a stupic fact about myself. When we arrived to the place, we both freaked out. I was part of a lot of fandoms, so for me, that place was paradise. Mike turned into a 5 year old boy with the Harry Potter stuff. We had an amazing time, we laughed and fangirled like we never did. I loved that guy, even though I didn't tell him everything (yet), I felt comfortable with him, I felt like I could be myself around him, and that impressed me that day because I'm probably the most annoying thing in the galaxy when I fangirl, but he found it cute. Night fell, and we decided to have dinner at a pretty little 50's themed bar. I told him I wasn't hungry, which was impossible due the amount of exercise I did that afternoon, jumping, running and screaming at the comic com, you know, fangirling is a tough job. He insisted a lot, so I gave up, and ordered a salad with diet coke. He gave me a very weird look, but didn't object. We spent more that an hour there, talking about fandoms, what we loved about it, and the amazing time we had that day. After a lot of talking, he wanted to share a milkshake. Are you fucking kidding me? A milkshake? that's hundreds of calories, oh shit. But I couldn't say no, it'd be too obvious. So I agreed. I tried to drink as slowly as I could, wishing Mike drank faster and finish it, but he did the same thing I did. He wanted me to drank it. Everytime I tried to stop drinking, he gave me strange looks. Anyway, sharing a milkshake was very cute. When we finished it we just stood there in silence. He was staring at my arm. After a few minutes of pure awkwardness, he slowly lifted his arm and reached to grab mine. He grabbed my left wrist with one hand, while slowly started to lift my sleeve with the other. I panicked. I trusted him, but all I could think about was 'NOT YET'. We had such an amazing time that afternoon, and I didn't wanted to it to get ruined. I started slow and unobtrusively as possible to raise my arm to my body trying to get out of his grip, while smiling. I tried to act natural, gave him a strange look and said with my best sarcastic tone ''whaaaaat are you doing?'' ''Let me, I wanna check out something'', he said, very convinced. ''Why? What?'' I mumbled between a little laugh, acting like I didn't know what he was doing and why. But I kinda knew it, and very well. ''Why are you worrying so much?'' he looked at me, dead in the eyes, stopping what he was doing, or trying to do. He killed me with that question, I didn't know what to say, I couldn't respond with the true, but I couldn't think of a logical response, because there wasn't. ''I don't like it, I like sleeves, I feel uncomfortable otherwise''. Alright. That was the stupidest answer I could give, shit, Gina. He just stared at my eyes, with a 'I can imagine what's going on' look. I could feel my raised heart beat, as he backed off his arm from me. He started looking at the table, with the look lost in some random point of the space, like trying to figure out something. I looked down, feeling embarassed for some reason, and feeling like I've disappointed him, but I had to started getting used to that feeling, because he didn't knew anything yet and soon or later he'll find out. I looked at him, he still staring at nothing, so I just wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. He turned his look so he was looking at me, and planted a kiss on my forehead. I smiled as he envolved me with his long arms. He drove me back to my house. We shared a long goodbye kiss and got into the house. Threw shoes on the floor, changed into some piyama shorts and an old shirt and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror for a while. Shit, the milkshake. I felt heavy and disgusting. I looked at the toilet. I didn't wanted to do it, first, for Mike, it was the milkshake we romantically shared, I didn't do it with the chocolate he gave me in our first date for the same reason; and secondly, because chocolate tasted horrible the second time. But this time was different. If I kept eating this much with Mike, soon I'll look like a whale. So I just leaned to the toilet and did it. All the contents in my stomach went out pretty fast, basically because I was used to it, so my muscles in charge of that process, whatever they're called, were pretty trained. After I was done, I brushed my teeth and just went to sleep. I felt guilty and terrible, Mike was the only thing in my head, I had tears on the corner of my eyes but I was unable to cry because of the numbness, until I finally fell asleep.
8/13/13