Everything New Distracts The Old

Anger and hurt swelled inside of me, and Mike’s words rung in my ears. I didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, but I walked into it, and they didn’t notice me. “It’s not fair to Charlie or Spencer!” Who was this Spencer he spoke of? Jealously dripped like venom on the tip of my tongue. I never expected Vic to be like that… A liar. How many times did it take for me to understand that other people could not be trusted? They always had their secrets, and those secrets were always a game-changer. Either they are all like that, or I was just a moron and picked the ones that were like that. Except you didn’t exactly pickthis one, did you, Charlie? For once, I agreed with the voice in my head. Vic was forced into my life through tragedy.

I stormed out of the house, not really sure where to go. I probably should have stuck around and let him explain, but for once in my life I let my emotions get the best of me. Good job thinking this one through, Charlie. Except I couldn’t go back; I would look like a fool.

I walked aimlessly up the street, more angry at myself than anyone. How could I let this happen? Yet again, I misplaced my trust. Yet again, I became too emotionally involved. And I really thought things would be different with Vic; it was a shame.

I stumbled into a local diner, plopping on to a stool. It was pretty vacant, the only sounds being my shaky breathing, a server shuffling in the back, and the local news rambling in the background.

“How may I help you?” An old, adorable woman approached me.

I bit my lip. “Er, is it okay if I just sit here for a few minutes?” I asked lowly, not wanting anything and also not having any way of paying for anything.

She looked at me for a few moments, her soft green eyes melting into my soul. Her skin wrinkled into a smile. “Of course, dear. Rough day?” she asked sweetly, her voice a soft but high pitched tone.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Something like that,” I mumbled.

“If you need anything, just ask,” she said, giving me another soft smile with sympathy in her eyes. I smiled back and then she turned away.

“Fuck my life,” I muttered, sighing heavily as I dropped my forehead on to the counter. I know why I cared so much, though. How long have I known Vic? Four days? Five? Except the time didn’t really matter, though. He told me how he felt, fuck, he showed me how he felt, and I trusted him.

I should have known better.

I sighed, getting fed up with thinking. I lifted my head up, focusing on the news in the distance.

I only caught a few words, though—my attention limited. “…murdered upon exiting the court house via a bullet to the head. He was released from custody after being, to most of southern California’s surprise, innocent of the kidnapping and murder of Spencer Martin a little over two years ago…”

I shivered. Crazy shit happened in San Diego. A kidnapping, a murder, and then another murder? Not to mention I was brutally raped and left for dead here, too. Part of me was glad that I was getting out of here soon. I shivered again.

I was about to leave, but something else caught my attention. I shook my head. I didn’t hear that right… No, there it was again… “…Vic Fuentes…” That was all I heard, everything faded except his name that stood out. Vic Fuentes? Why was he on the news? I got up to pay closer attention and listen carefully about what they had said about him, but it had already gone to commercial.

“Horrific, isn’t it?” the waitress asked. I looked up.

“What happened?” I asked, slightly annoyed at my own ignorance.

“The poor kid, Vic. The man who was shot walking out of court today was the same man who killed this young man’s girl friend,” she said shaking her head. My stomach dropped ten stories as I could barely process this new information. “He witnessed her die, too, y’know that? Horrible. Horrible. I pray for that boy every night,” she added.

I stared at her incredulously, ever ounce of my previous anger subsiding. “W-what?” I choked out, unable to form any other coherent sentence.

“Oh? You didn’t hear about this? Oh, bless you, child. Nobody should ever have to go through that,” she said sadly, shaking her head and then leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I had no idea… Poor Vic…

Tears filled my eyes. Bile filled my throat.

“Don’t feel bad, sweetheart,” I felt a hand on my shoulder. I swiveled around to see the old lady, staring at me intently.

“Thanks for letting me sit here,” I mumbled thankfully before darting out of the restaurant. I sprinted back to Vic’s house, shame and guilt overwhelming me. Before knocking, I took a few breaths and choked back the sobs that were building in my chest.

Mike opened the door slowly, as if he was expecting me to come back.

“I saw the news,” I said lowly, avoiding eye contact. I felt terrible I had judged Vic. I had not given him a chance to explain himself. I assumed the worst of him, but really he was just… traumatized… broken… I didn’t even know. All I knew was that he was not a cheater, or a liar… he was hurt.

“I know,” he said kindly. “Here’s where he is,” he added, handing me a slip of paper with an address on it.

4300 Imperial Avenue.

I nodded, unsure as to where this address would leave me, but sure that it was necessary to go there.

“Here,” Mike handed me car keys.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice instable.

“Yes,” he said firmly. I nodded, turning away, but he grabbed my arm gently before I could go anywhere. “Charlie, please help him,” his voice broke and tears formed in his eyes. “Please help him, because I can’t anymore,” he said sadly. I pulled him into a tight, hopefully reassuring hug, my own tears falling.

“I’m so sorry, Mike,” I said. He squeezed his arms around me.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. Now, go,” he said softly. I squeezed him back, and then I turned away again.

I drove slowly to the address, giving myself time to think. Vic had hidden an entire past from me, but only to try and heal his pain. It broke my heart, not for me, but for him. I was sad, but for him. I had no idea…

I wondered what else about him that I really didn’t know, but I didn’t linger on the thought. We both still had a lot to learn, I guess. I still never told him what had happened to me the night before he saved me…

A cemetery. My stomach dropped and my heart ached when the address Mike gave me ended up being a cemetery.

It wasn’t hard to find him. I parked a little ways away and slowly walked in his direction. I waited, though, not wanting to disturb him. I couldn’t stop the tears flowing at a constant rate from my eyes. I hated to see him like this… he really was so broken, and I had no idea.

Crouched in front of a headstone, his knees tucked into his chest and his head buried in his hands, was Vic. I watched him as he took a hasty and shaky breath, looking up at the stone and running his hands up his face and smoothing back his hair. His hands stopped at the top of his head, and then he clenched his fists, pulling at his own hair. He cried out, and that was when I knew I had to stop him. I walked over to him and grabbed his hands, forcing them to relax in my own.

I didn’t say anything, though. I just sat down next to him and put an arm around him in comfort. He slouched into me, burying his face into his hands again and leaning completely against me, sobbing almost to the point of hysteria.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Spencer. I’m so sorry Charlie. I’m so sorry Mike. I’m so sorry,” he continued to cry. I squeezed him tighter, rubbing his back. I knew I had no real reason to cry, but seeing Vic like this—seeing anyone like this—was enough to send me into a crying fit of my own. I swallowed back my own sobs and instead let the tears silently fall as Vic continued to weep profusely into me.

I didn’t know what to do. I continued to hold him until his tears seemed to run out. He sniffled, and then he yanked at the hair on top of his head again. “God damn it!” he yelled, seeming frustrated.

“Vic, don’t hurt yourself like that,” I whispered, my words cracking. I reached up for his hands again and held them tightly, preventing him from pulling out his own hair.

He didn’t look at me. He clenched his eyes shut, as if doing so would make everything go away.

“It’s okay, Vic,” I said softly.

“It’s not,” he moaned, shaking his head. “She said it would get easier but it’s not! It’s easy for her because she doesn’t have to deal with Hell on Earth!” he yelled. “I hate you! I hate you for leaving me!” he screamed at the headstone, catching the attention of other people across the courtyard. “I hate you!” he yelled, his voice breaking before he submitted to another crying fit. He wiggled from my grasp and crawled closer to the headstone. “I hate you for lying to me. Nothing is going to be okay,” he whispered into the stone, and then he collapsed into the soil, right on top of the flowers, practically hugging the stone itself.

I hated that I had to witness this. I felt like I was intruding… Poor Vic… I didn’t know how to handle the situation… How do you comfort somebody like this?

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his cries finally dying down. I gazed at him, seeing his cheeks redden as he completely stopped crying. I could tell that he was embarrassed for his outburst, but I didn’t want him to feel that way. He was allowed to break down, and I would be here to pick him back up, if he wanted.

“Vic, look at me,” I whispered. He slowly opened his eyes, which were bloodshot and swollen. “It’s okay,” I said, referring to his tantrum. I knew I was in no position to tell him that “everything was going to be okay”; that was not a promise I could make. But I think he knew what I meant.

“Okay,” he said weakly, sitting up to sit next to me, now. He sighed, leaning his head on my shoulder. I took his hands into mine again and rubbed circles on the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry for that,” he whispered.

“No, Vic. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay, I told you already,” I said reassuringly. I felt him nod against my shoulder.

“I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?” he said.

“You don’t have to right now, Vic. It’s okay,” I said, repeating the last portion for the fourth time this afternoon.

“No, Charlie. I led you on. You deserve an explanation,” he said. “And S-Spencer,” his voice twisted as he said her name, “she deserves respect,” he finished. I waited for him to begin.

“My name is Vic Fuentes,” he said. “When I first met you, I didn’t tell you that I am the lead singer of Pierce the Veil, a post hardcore band. My brother, Mike, is our drummer, and my best friends Tony and Jaime play the guitar and the bass respectively. I wanted to start over when I met you. I was hoping that you wouldn’t look me up or anything and I also hoped you didn’t know who we were, because then I could get a fresh start and forget everything,” he said lowly. I barely had time to react to this new information before he spoke again. “It was a stupid idea, though, because we will be touring again soon and I would have had to face that barrier,” he sighed. “And I have to be honest with you,” he looked at me, pain evident in every inch of his face. He shook his head, as if he didn’t want to say what he was about to say.

I prepared myself for the words that were about to come out of his mouth. I knew what they were going to be…

“Charlie, I saved you because I genuinely wanted to save you. I think any normal human being would do that, right?” I nodded. “But then another part of me saw you, and then I saw S-Spencer. I thought to myself, since I couldn’t save Spence, I could save you. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to another girl ever again,” he said lowly. I nodded; that made sense, too. But he seemed like he had more to say… “I befriended you on purpose, too. I thought that you would… I figured that… You were really nice, but… I just…” he shook his head.

“But what?” I asked in a croak.

“But… I thought… I thought you would just be a good distraction,” he finally said. A small piece of my heart chiseled off, but I didn’t show it on my face. It hurt, but I couldn’t let myself show him that. I expected this. “I couldn’t imagine myself ever being with another girl again after what happened with Spencer… so I used you,” he said plainly. My eyes widened. That was blunt. “I fucking used you, Charlie. And I’m so sorry that I did that. It wasn’t fair to you. I should have told you what you were getting yourself into. You are so beautiful, and fun to be around, and you did ease the pain a lot,” he admitted. “I barely hurt around you, but at the end of the day I only felt pain and guilt. Guilt for using you as a distraction, pain for losing Spencer… pain for knowing I was going to eventually hurt you…” he shook his head. He was beginning to ramble, and I wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to just stop.

“Stop,” I said. He looked at me in confusion. I shook my head. “Just stop. I understand, Vic,” I said. A wave of relief flashed across his face, but I wasn’t done yet. “That stings. I wish you would have told me all of this before we… you know…” I shook my head, swallowing the bile in my throat. “I wish you could have told me all of this so I knew how you really felt inside. If I knew you were this tortured and hurt, I would have been there for you, just like you were there for me,” I said honestly. “This really hurts, but I don’t care, really,” I lied. I did care, but he was more emotionally damaged than me. This wasn’t about me. This was about him, and I wasn’t going to be selfish. “It sucks to hear that you kept this from me even though you had a good opportunities to come clean earlier, but I understand, Vic. I know how hard it must be for you. I couldn’t imagine losing someone you love like that. And I believe that you probably won’t ever fully move on from that, thanks to all of the trauma you endured from it,” I said, referring to how he had to witness the murder. I shivered. “I know you’ll never fully be okay. I’m sorry to say that, Vic, but I’m not going to be that person telling you that you’ll be okay one day, because I don’t believe it. I think your head is fucked, and I mean that in the nicest way possible,” I squeezed his hands, “But I mean that nonetheless. It’s not your fault. Your brain just won’t ever let it go, I don’t think. It sucks for me, because I really thought we had something going, but I’m not really concerned about myself right now,” I said.

“How are you so selfless?” he croaked, his eyes lined with tears again.

“I owe a lot to you, Vic Fuentes. You saved my life when I was abused, violated, and almost dead,” I said lowly. “And what you are going through is a thousand times worse, and I’m so sorry for your lose,” I added. I stood up. “I hope you find peace, one day,” I said in a whisper.

“I think you’re right. I don’t think I will ever be fully okay again. But I might find peace. And…” his voice trailed off as he stood up with me.

“And?”

“And maybe one day I will be sane enough to try again with you…” he said lowly, looking down and hiding his face behind his hair.

I sighed, not anticipating that that day would come any time soon. “It’s okay,” I said quietly. “Or, maybe…” his voice trailed off again. I waited again. “Or maybe you could be the one to make me sane…” he said quietly. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. “I felt somewhat peaceful with you, but I was guilty, too. And now that you know my past, maybe we could start fresh…” he suggested.

“I don’t know, Vic…” I said quietly. He looked up at me, his big, brown, fucking puppy-dog-like eyes staring at me sadly. I just didn’t want to further emotionally invest in him. I knew how it would end up. He loved his girlfriend, even though she was dead. I couldn’t ever see him get over her, and I didn’t think I could handle that. His heart belonged with someone else. His heart died right along with Spencer. I couldn’t give my heart to him, because he would take it and I would be left with a hollow space in my chest. Did this make me selfish? Maybe a little. But it also made me rational… It wouldn’t work; it couldn’t work. I would never be enough for him.

He nodded, as if he could read my thoughts perfectly.

“Before you go, can we see Tony and Jaime?” he asked randomly. I didn’t understand why he would request that, but I nodded.

“I guess so,” I answered.

“Specifically Jaime. I think we both need to talk to Jaime,” he said, more to himself than anything.

Something sparked in his eyes when he mentioned his friend Jaime, and, even though I couldn’t detect why, it looked a little bit like hope.

Notes

The cat is out of the bag! I don’t know why, but I kind of cried writing the scene of him breaking down in the cemetery. UGH. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!

Anyway, what do y’all think? Do you think there will ever be a good time for them to start a relationship, or will Vic settle with being alone forever?

Also, what do you think Vic wants to talk to Jaime about?

I know Jaime and Tony have been absent the past few chapters, but there’s a reason for that… there will be plenty of them to come very soon!