I woke up to sound of Vic banging on my bedroom door. If I ignored him maybe he'd go away. Oh hell I was wrong, he continued banging. I picked up the lamp from beside the bed, throwing it at the door. It smashed, landing on the floor. Tony shot up at the noise. "What's going on?" he yawned.

"Claire Felicia-Regina Fuentes, if you do not get your ass out here you'll be sorry." I pointed to the door as he shouted that from the other side. He laughed a little, earning a glare from me. "You have 5 seconds, otherwise I'm breaking the door down." I shook my head, laying back down.

"Shouldn't yo--" Tony was cut off by my door flying open, the lock on it flying across the room. I sat there wide eyed. Did he really just break into my room? He told Tony to get out, which left me & him in my room. He was glaring at me, if looks could kill.

"What is wrong with you Fuentes?" I shouted, getting out of bed. He didn't reply, he starting searching through my closet. Panic struck me, if he found the box he'd know I had cut again. Sure as hell, he found it. Fuck, he stood up. Looking at me with a look I couldn't quite figure out. How the hell did he even know to look in there? I always got it out & put it away when they weren't around to know about it. The only person who had recently seen me put something in there was Tony & he wouldn't of said anything would he?

"Show me your arms & legs." he sighed, putting the box on my bed. I stood back. "Claire, I'm not asking you twice." I took another step back as he took one towards me. He stepped forward grabbing my arm, I flinched with the pain. He rolled up my sleeves, looking at them. They were slightly infected. I hadn't had chance to get anything for them to make sure infection didn't occur. "Sit." he demanded. I gave in & sat down on the edge of the bed. He rolled up my pant legs. He told me not to move & he left the room. Oh gosh, he was going to send me away for sure now. I had gone too far now.

It was obvious he was sending me away, the look in his face. They had, had enough of me. I knew it, they hated me. He came back with the first aid supplies, he sat up on the bed, patting the empty space in front of him. I shuffled over, he straightened my legs out & pulled out the anti-septic wipes & cream. "Claire honey, why?"

"I don't know." I mumbled, wincing at the pain as he cleaned them.

"You know you can always talk to me. Out of everyone I understand the most." I nodded, he was right. He understood. He'd been through this, he was recovered/recovering after me & Mike found him practically dead one day. I was such a selfish bitch. Tony came back in the room, heartbreak flooded him when he saw the damaged I had been doing to himself. He sat beside me, holding my hand.

"Tony, can you like vanish?" Vic said, annoyance clear.

"No, Vic please let him stay?" I smiled at my older brother.

"We nee--"

"Vic, please?!" I shouted a little. He gave in, nothing was said after that. It was tense to say the least.

"When do you have band practice?" I finally spoke up. The tension was killing me.

"Today in fact. Papa has someone coming to watch us." he grinned.

"Oh good, you just remember your little sister when that cash starts rolling in." I joked.

"That's what you have him for." I knew he was instantly reffering to Tony. I heard a small sigh escape Tony's lips. He was really trying to prove to my brothers that what happened was a mistake & that it'd never happen again. "All done. Now, do you wanna come band practice with us or not?" I shook my head. I was going to head into town, I had no idea what for but I could do with getting away.

***

"Fuentes!" called the staff member in Starbucks. I got up & collected my drink. I smiled & thanked them before heading out. I ended up sat in the park, looking out at the fields. Why did I have to be such a pathetic excuse of a human being? I was a disgrace.

You're pathetic spat the voice in my head.

Yes I know that.

You deserved everything Tony gave you. .

I know I did.

You should just end it all I sighed deeply, yes I knew I should just end it all.

The voice was right. What was honestly stopping me from ending it all? Why would I still breathing? I didn't deserve the oxygen in my lungs. I didn't deserve the heart beating in my chest. I was just Claire Felicia-Regina Fuentes, a sad, pathetic stupid girl that no-one loves. I looked at the children running round, happy smiles, laughing, joking. "Don't ever grow up kids life isn't a fairytale" I whispered. I wish life was so simple again. I wish I could be properly happy again. I looked to my left, Natalie was sat there. Vodka in her hands. "Here, this will help."

"Thanks honey." I smiled a little, I unscrewed it & drank it. It burned as it slid down my throat but it felt so damn good. "Why are we living in a fucked up world?"

"I honestly don't have the answer for that baby." I took another big drink of the vodka that was in my hands. Look at me, I was pathetic. It was even midday & I was sat in the park getting wasted. Before long I was beginning to feel tipsy. Me & Natalie were talking about the old times.

"Remember? It was the day I shoved Mike into the locker!" I laughed, practically rolling around in the grass.

"Yeah, you went mental. You well showed him." Our laughter got louder.

"Mike, stop. It's not funny anymore." I screamed at him, trying to dry my clothes.

"It was a joke." he shouted back at me. Yes he had followed me into the girls toilets. He had just dumped his lunch on me along with a big glass of water.

"A joke? Fuck you Michael." I spat. "You're the fucking joke. God I hate you." I ran out the toilets, I reached my locker. Opening it, Mike stood in front of me. "Move it or lose it."

"I said I was sorry." he sighed.

"I'm done talking to you Mike. Now move." the tears were brimming in my eyes.

"You're pathetic, grow up." That was it. I slapped before I pushed him into the locker. It was a small locker so he got stuck. The tears spilled from my eyes as I ran out of school & home.

I stopped laughing as I remembered that last bit. Mike was right that day, I really was pathetic. "I'll call you later, Mike wants me." she smiled, I nodded & watched her walk away. I stayed laid on the grass. My phone buzzed in my pocket, Tony's name flashed up on the screen. I rejected the call. I stared at the sky. Go on, kill yourself. "I will." I whispered.

It was beginning to get cold but I didn't care, people had left the park. Only a few dog walkers were around. I didn't want to go home, maybe if I stayed out I'd freeze to death. "Are you coming home?"
I opened my eyes to see Vic stood there, looking down at me. I sat up. "I don...I can't anymore Vic. I don't want to live anymore."

"Oh Claire, sweetie. Please don't say that." he sat beside me, pulling into a hug. "Remember when I said that? What did you tell me?"

"You have everything to live for, you have me & Mike. I told you to wait it out, things would get better & I was right."

"Exactly, now I'm reversing it & telling you. Claire you have everything to live for, you have me, Mike & Tony. Things will get better, I promise." He kissed the side of my head. The tears came flowing out. I hated causing them so much pain, what a great sister I was. It won't get better, it'll get worse. I closed my eyes in an attempt to block the voice out. I didn't want to listen to it, I wanted to maybe try & see if things did work out. I hadn't even realised Vic had stood me up & we were now walking home. "I've decided to give Tony a chance. Your happiness is what matters to me, so yeah I'll try to be nice."

"Thanks bro, you know I really do love him. You, Mike & him mean eve---" I was cut short. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Jaime & Tony were down the alley way. Tony had Jaime pinned against the wall. Jaime had a cut on his face. So much for changing right? It's all bullshit lies. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He let go of him, turning to face me. I raised my eyebrow waiting for an answer.

"N-nothing." he stammered.

"Really? So you pin my best friend up for nothing?" I shouted, Vic had a tight grip on my hand. I could feel myself getting really angry. I didn't want to, I hated getting angry at him but it just flowed through me, controlling me.

"He pushed me to it." he spat. I flinched as he spoke. Yes, I was scared.

"I did no such thing Perry." Jaime shouted. "I told you the truth, you're a shit boyfriend. She deserves someone better than you."

"Jaime! Shut up." I said, lowering my voice. "Apologise to him now Tone." He did as I asked, I nodded in approval. I stood there a little while longer. After a few minutes of looking at him I continued my way home. Damn it, I was still pissed at him. I was going to make sure he knew the next time I saw him.

So much for things getting better.