“San Diego!” Vic called out to the small crowd of local fans. “Thanks so much for hanging out tonight with us on such short notice,” he began. The fifty or so fans that were able to show up went nuts. The guys had set up their instruments down the block next to a pier and announced the mini-concert via Twitter. They had no microphones or electronic equipment available due to the informality of the concert, but it didn’t matter because the crowd wasn’t huge. They decided to play a small acoustic set. “Since we have no microphones, we want to ask you guys to sing along really loudly with us, alright?” he grinned at the crowd that happily responded. “Thanks so much for the support you all have given us the past few months. We all really appreciate the thoughtful messages and the privacy you guys gave us. It means the world to us, and we are really excited to be playing again,” he smiled. I stood to the side of the stage, watching them. I admired how much they all loved the fans so much. The interaction between the small crowd and the band was amazing.


“This one is for all of you,” he pointed at the crowd, and then the guys went into playing “I Don’t Care If You’re Contagious”.


“…And they’ll never take us alive (Can you chase away the darkness?).
To live in love and die.
Last night she recited every reason she’s fine.
So if we’re heading there together at the same time, you sing while I drive…”


Despite everything, they never failed to impress me. I got the chills as they finished the song, moving immediately into “The New National Anthem”. I found that I was lost in their lyrics. I let the cool Ocean breeze fill my lungs and the melody swirl around in my ears.


“Drag my hand behind you like a chain behind a truck.
Sparks over your carpet while I chase you through the darkness.
Somebody’s supposed to fall in love, but nobody even calls.
Somebody’s supposed to…

Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You’ll be excited just to see me someday…
Everything’s okay!”


When they finished that song, Vic made an announcement. “We have a few new songs we want to try out, is that okay with you guys?” he asked. The crowd cheered, and I took that as a “yes”. They were so cute; the way they asked for permission before playing a new song. It was all for the fans, anyway.


“Alright, good,” he smiled.


“Self medicate
While they sleep, we let the night chase
Evil things away
And we're like animals homesick from shows
We gotta kill everything before the night gets wasted”


The guys smiled at the crowd as Vic sang “homesick from shows”. It was very obvious that they missed this. Although it wasn’t directly my fault, I felt a little guilty for them not playing shows for such a long time.


“Maybe it seems so strange
But we don't even stress at all
'Cause we've got poisons in our lungs...
(Poisons in our lungs)

Come at me with everything you've got.

Burst into flames, scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars tonight

Does it even make a difference?
When I'm sober, I feel pain
'Cause we run under the stars through cemetery backyards,
Celebrate the way the night hides scars.

So dance!
If it moves you
Jump in the fire
If it burns you
I'll throw my arms around you darling
And we'll turn to ashes drown me in the flames”


I shivered.


“Scream in the dark!
I'm gonna light up this place and die in beautiful stars!

But if these demons keep falling from the sky
It's alright
'Cause sometimes I love the way you swing the blade at everything in sight!”


I shivered again. Something about this song…


“Separate me from my own two hands, I've killed so many times,
But I can't save the world from the creatures that don't die.

I kinda like the way you tell me, ‘Baby, please come home,
I need you here right now,
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound.’

Burst into flames (What do you do when you're out of time?)
Scream in the dark (Where do you go when they're right outside?)
I'm gonna light up this place (And how do you scream when there's no one left around?)

And I will be the only light
I'll be the only light”


As the song ended, I realized that my eyes were welled up with tears. The song was amazing, but it was also so relatable. Every aspect of our time spent fighting the demons in our heads and the demon of Drew Sanders was in that song. Every single piece. I could see how carefully they constructed the lyrics… Vic, Jaime, Tony, Mike and even I were in that song, meshed and molded into, strangely, perfection.


Separate me from my own two hands, I’ve killed so many times, but I can’t save the world from the creatures that don’t die… That line must be for Tony. He killed a man… the feelings he must feel because of that were foreign to me, but everywhere in him. He doesn’t regret it, I don’t think, but he is definitely a different person on the inside. I wondered how many times he had to relive stabbing Drew Sanders in the chest in his nightmares… I shivered. Yes, Tony; you can’t save the world from the creatures that don’t die. Those creatures are in our minds. They are our own personal demons. There’s almost nothing you can do about them, until they drive you crazy…


Does it even make a difference? When I'm sober, I feel pain… The memories of what we went through together is enough to create physical pain. Vic… the memory of being beaten close to death. Tony… the memory of murder. Mike… the memory of almost losing his older brother. Jaime… the memories…


Burst into flames (What do you do when you're out of time?)! Scream in the dark (Where do you go when they're right outside?)! I'm gonna light up this place (And how do you scream when there's no one left around?)… The memory of the countless fires that I have almost perished in flashed before my eyes. There’s no where to go. The fire spreads quickly; there is no time. It’s dark, but it’s bright. The darkness is almost blinding as the flames rise and swallow you whole. Drew Sanders was everywhere. There was no escaping him until he died. You were helpless… where do you go when they’re right outside?... no where. You could go no where. In my darkest of times, before I even met my now best friends, I was alone. Screaming barely made a difference because who would hear me? No one left around… Everyone who was around died… there was no one. Nobody, until I met them. I was helpless, crying in the intensity of the flames, until I met them.


And I will be the only light… I’ll be the only light… This was the line Vic was humming when we left Starbucks. Vic was the only light. He saw the light even when it was dark. He brought out the best in us. He brought out the best in me. All of the guys—Vic, Mike, Tony, and even Jaime—were the light for my dark world. They saved me. This was the end of the story, the end of the song…


Every single line in that song held meaning. I didn’t know if it was the same meaning for them as it was for me, but that didn’t matter. I could just feel it.


The lyrics continued to dance around in my head.


“Spence, you alright?” I broke away from my trance to see Vic in front of me. I guess they had taken a short break. I nodded, smiling.


“That was a really amazing song,” I said.


“I’m glad you liked it,” he said, giving me a significant look. “We took a break for a minute because we got our hands on some better equipment,” his smile broadened. “The next song we will play is not going to be acoustic,” he said. I could tell he was really excited because of this. It would be just like a real show, now.


“Er, Jaime wrote a lot of this one. Especially the introduction. And I mostly did the chorus. I don’t know what you’ll think about it,” he said carefully. Why was he being so apprehensive towards their new song? “Gotta go!” he raced back to where the other guys were and tapped on the microphone a few times.


“That’s better, right?” he grinned sheepishly at the crowd. “Here’s another new one,” he said closing his eyes.


The introduction began, and already the song sounded heavier. I guess this is why they needed their equipment.


Vic screamed into the microphone. His voice was the perfect balance between an electrifying pitch and a precise roughness; it sent shivers down my spine.


“If you wanted to set me free, why the fuck wouldn’t you say something?
See, I was just over seventeen… May the poison set me free!
Oh no, please, don’t abandon me; Mother, father, I love you so.
But this is just me disguised as me.
I’m the killer who burned your home!”


My eyes widened in shock.


Holy shit.


This was me. I might as well be singing this…


The guys finished the introduction; the music was pounding in my chest. Vic’s eyes darted over to mine before he closed them and began to sing.


“I cannot spend another night in this home; I close my eyes and take a breath real slow.
The consequence is if I leave I’m alone, but what’s the difference when you beg for love?

I run through glass in the street… Kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me, and take the face of the wolf!

‘Cause this is a wasteland, my only retreat!
With heaven above you, there’s hell over me…

I met a girl who never looked so alone, like sugar water in your mouth luke warm.
She tied a cherry stem for me with her tongue… We fell in love and now we’re both alone”


Jaime wrote that. I was sure of it. I shivered in recognition.


“’Cause I don’t need any more friends
And another kiss like a fire on pavement!
We’ll burn it down to the end…

Oh, oh. This is a wasteland, my only retreat.
With heaven above you, there’s hell over me…

The water is rusted, the air is unclean.
And there for a second I feel free
‘Cause this is a wasteland, my only retreat…

I’ve waited all this night to honor you and say:
‘I know it’s hard, but who are you to fall apart on me, on me?’

This is a wasteland, my only retreat.
With heaven above you, there’s hell over me.

‘Cause this is a wasteland, my only retreat.
With heaven above you, there’s hell over me!

You said what about us, well, what about me?”

There was no ‘us’ anymore… it was only in the best interest of our personal selves and our sanity…

“Hang from the gallows, asleep in the rain
‘Cause this is a wasteland, my only retreat!
Paralyze me!
Don’t let me jump, don’t let me fall!”


I shivered violently. Just like the other song, intense emotions and thoughts swarmed through me. It was incredible. Vic’s voice has never sounded better, the small crowd was insanely loud, and the music shook the pier right along with my newly found soul. Their performance was electrifying.


The lyrics were shocking to me. I never expected them to get so personal with them, but I guess that was what made good music.


Before continuing with older songs, Vic ran to me and hugged me tightly.


“I loved it. You guys are absolutely fucking amazing,” I said truthfully. Everything about them was amazing. Vic’s singing. Mike’s drumming. Tony’s guitar playing. Jaime’s bass playing. The lyrics. The sounds of them all playing together. The passion. The love. The realness.


“Thanks, Spence,” he grinned, slipping a kiss on to my cheek before racing back to the guys. Jaime gave me a soft smile, which I returned. I was glad to see that he was doing better. I was happy that he could filter through his problems with writing and performing songs.


The chemistry on stage, despite everything that has happened, was amazing. They were breathtaking, and I was so happy for them.


Before I knew it, I was trapped in the middle of a giant, sweaty, group hug.


“Ew, guys, no!” I squealed, shrinking down away from their nasty selves.


They all laughed. “What did you think, Spence?” Tony asked.


“Amazing,” I said. “You guys are all amazing,” I smiled. I gave them each an individual hug before they packed up their stuff.


“Thanks for the song,” I whispered into Jaime’s ear as I hugged him. He smiled softly and kissed the top of my head before letting me go. Jaime still meant a lot to me, just not in the same way as before. And I think that feeling was reciprocated. Everything was finally falling into place.


The guys talked to all of the fans, packed up, and now we were walking back to the Fuentes’ house.


Time to have some fun.



~~

The amount of people in their house that I didn’t know was almost overwhelming.


Normally, I would grow anxious from this. I thought about the first day I met Jaime, and how claustrophobic, irritated, and scared I felt because there was a signing at my work. I laughed; that was the old me. I was so different now, and I loved being able to feel alive and happy.


“Spencer!” someone came up from behind me and sang in a high-pitched voice.


“What’s up, Mike?” I grinned, sipping my beer. I wasn’t interested in getting completely smashed tonight.


“Smoke?” he raised his eyebrows. I’ve only smoked a few times in my life, so I shrugged my shoulders. Why not?


He grabbed my hand and led me to his back yard. We sat in the grass as he lit a joint.


“You can go first,” I allowed. He smirked and brought the blunt to his lips, taking a sigh of relief as he exhaled the smoke. He passed it to me. I let the smoke linger in my lungs for a few extra moments before I exhaled the white cloud out of my nose and mouth. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I smirked.


We passed it between each other for a while, and now we were lying in the grass, looking at the stars.


“They’re so pretty,” I sighed, admiring the bright lights.


“I hope you like the stars I stole for you, one hundred million twinkle lights in neon blue,” someone sang next to me. I rolled over to find Vic lying on the ground, too.


“That’s very original of you,” I said. “Aren’t those lyrics?” I stuck my tongue out at him lazily.


“Yes. But they’re mine, so it is very original of me,” he winked.


“When did you get here?” I asked. My head felt cloudy, but I wasn’t completely gone, yet.


“A few minutes ago,” he said.


“Creepy,” I giggled.


“I was looking for you,” he rolled over so he was laying on his left side.


“Stalker,” I said, rolling over on my right side.


“Sorry,” he said, but something in his facial expression indicated that he was not, in fact, sorry at all.


I smirked. “We are stargazing,” I said, lying flat down on my back again.


“Yeah, go away, Vic!” Mike chimed in from the other side of me. I smacked his arm lightly, my arms beginning to feel like they weighed like nothing.


“Noo,” I pouted. “Be nice!”


I felt Vic scoot closer to me, and I snuggled my head into his shoulder.


“Look!” I screeched, pointing at the sky.


“OMG!” Mike exclaimed. I chuckled at his verbal use of text language.


“What is it?” Vic slurred next to me. I could feel the warm alcohol in his breath as he spoke close to my face.


“The stars are dancing,” I giggled with Mike.


“That’s an airplane,” Vic laughed.


“No! All of them are dancing!” I said seriously.


“You’re high,” he hiccuped.


“You're drunk,” I countered. I stared at the stars for a few more minutes until they seemed to get tired of dancing, and Mike rolled away somewhere. Then, I turned to face Vic again, and I stared into his big, brown eyes.


His face seemed to be getting closer and closer; I could hardly handle the tension. Just when our lips were about to touch for the second time today, someone called his name.


“Vic! You are wanted inside!” a voice—it sounded like Tony—called out into the backyard. He groaned, frowning.


He pecked me on the lips quickly and stood up. I felt myself blush.


“I’m a little more baked than I thought. I can’t get up,” I giggled. He rolled his eyes playfully and held out his arm, which I gladly grasped on to as he yanked me up. I wobbled for a minute, giggling, and then walked back to the house with him.


“Who needs me?” he asked when we walked inside. Tony didn’t say anything at first. He was staring at something. I followed his gaze down, noticing now that he was staring at my hand, which was intertwined with Vic’s.


“Oh,” I said, blushing. But I didn’t let go of his hand. I liked it there.


Tony wiggled his eyebrows, and then he spoke. “Some dude was asking for you,” he said.


“Well, where is he?”


Tony shrugged his shoulders and wobbled away. “What a little fucker,” I rolled my eyes.


“Spencer!” I turned around when somebody called my name excitedly.


“Carlos?” I tilted my head to the side. “Er, hi?” I said. Why was my boss here?


“I didn’t know you were friends with Vic Fuentes,” he nodded at my hand that was holding onto Vic’s. A weird expression crossed his face. What was that? Jealousy?


“Er, I didn’t know you were friends with him?” I furrowed my eyebrows, holding on to Vic’s hand tighter.


“I’m not,” he said. “I just know who he is,” he said.


“Hey, how’s it going,” Vic nodded to Carlos. He didn’t seem weirded out at all. It was an open house, anyway, and Carlos lived locally.


Before Carlos said anything, someone else called for Vic. “I’ll be right back,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze and walking away. I stood there awkwardly with Carlos for a minute.


“You’re very pretty when you aren’t in work clothes,” he said.


“Thanks,” I said lowly. I didn’t necessarily enjoy talking to Carlos casually. I was relieved when someone swung their arm around my shoulder, dragging me away. I waved bye to Carlos and turned to my kidnapper.


“Hey, Jaime,” I grinned. He made a goofy face at me.


“I have come to rescue you from awkwardness,” he giggled and hiccupped.


“Are you supposed to be drinking, Himes?” I rolled my eyes.


“Are you?” he challenged. I ‘hmphed’.


“I think you and Vic would be nice together,” he said randomly.


“Jaime, I—”


“I’m serious, Spence. Something about you guys just works. And I’m okay with that. I’m not jealous or anything,” he said. Even though he was drunk, I could sense that he was speaking honestly. Drunken mouths speak sober thoughts, I guess.


“Thanks, Himes,” I smiled, giving him a light hug. It was nice that we could be civil. Friends, even. I didn’t know what Vic and I were, but it was nice to have Jamie’s blessing. It made things less complicated.


With that, he stood up and wandered somewhere else, and I Vic suddenly appeared again. “Hey,” he said.


“Hi,” I said. With my recent conversation with Jaime fresh in my mind, I fearlessly crashed my lips to his.


He didn’t object, kissing me back. In the distance I could hear people cackling and yelling things like, “Get some, Vic!” and “Ow, ow!”, but I paid no attention to them. Somehow, we ended up in a mostly empty hallway, our lips still connected. His tongue lightly traced my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth a little to let him in. My fingers tangled in his hair and he pressed me up against a wall as our tongues fought, our lips colliding.


“No, no, no,” I heard a strong and angry sounding voice say, interrupting our make out session. Vic kept his head close to mine, his lips moving softly against my jaw, as I turned to see who was talking.


Carlos?

Notes

Hm...

~~~~~