Lyla's P.O.V:


"You sure you're okay?" I asked over the phone.


"Lyla. I'm fine. I promise," Austin responded.


"And you took your medicine?" I questioned.


"Yes! Lyla I'm fine! I appreciate your concern, but everything's okay!" I slightly shook my head as I unlocked the door to my apartment and walked in. "I'll call you later, alright?"


"Ugh, okay. If you need anything-" he cut me off.


"Yes I will call you. Love you, Lyle," he said and I smiled a little.


"Love you too." I hung up the phone and plopped down on the couch. I grabbed the pile of mail sitting on my coffee table and began to slowly look through it.


Cable bill, phone bill, electric bill, water bill, credit card bill, credit card bill, insurance payment. I tossed the envelopes back on the table and rubbed my face with my hands. I hadn't booked a photo gig since I had been home from Warped, and I was really struggling money wise. My phone started buzzing and I reached for it with a big sigh.


"Hello?"


"Hi Lyla, it's Frank." Frank was my manager from back in my modeling days.


"Yeah. I have this thing called Caller ID Frank." He laughed on the other line.


"Right. Well, I'll get down to business then. I have a few modeling gigs for you coming up this week if you're interested. I know it's been a while since you've done any, but I figured I should offer since they were asking for you specifically."


"They did? What are they for?" I asked him. He hesitated before speaking; that was never a good sign.


"Well.....they are all lingere or semi-nudes. I know you have a rule against them, but they asked for you, and that means there is big money involved, Lyla." I sighed deeply; when I started modeling I had promised myself that I would never take my clothes off. I glanced over at the mountain of bills on my table, bills that I didn't have the money to pay, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the couch.


"Okay. I'll do it," I muttered. I needed the money so bad. I hated that I was going against my original plan, but I needed to make some money, and I refuse to ask to borrow money. Austin would do it in a heartbeat, but I couldn't bring myself to stoop that low.


"Great! Tomorrow's shoot is a lingere and tattoo pictorial set for GQ. 8 am call time. I'll meet you there." He gave me the address for the shoot and I scribbled all of the details down so I wouldn't forget. I hung up the call and made my way to my room; it was pretty early, but I was tired and not in the mood to do anything else. I changed into my pajamas and crawled in my bed. I contemplated calling Vic, but I decided against it and sat my phone on the nightstand.


Our relationship had been a little strained lately, and we hadn't been talking very much. It had been 3 weeks since Austin's surgery which meant the tour was almost over. Things were okay for a while after I left, but lately he had been all over me trying to get me to come back, accusing me of things that were not true, and we pretty much fought everyday. We were having more bad days than good days. With all the tension between us at the moment I figured I shouldn't tell him about my almost-naked photoshoot.....he would not be happy, and I wasn't in the mood to argue anymore.


I couldn't help but wonder if this is how it's always going to be.


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"Morning sunshine!" Frank greeted me in the parking lot of the studio, handing me a coffee as we turned to walk into the building.


"Thanks," I said as I took a big drink, my sunglasses hiding my tired eyes from the bright morning sun. We made our way in and I was glad to see I wasn't the only model involved in the shoot. After Frank introduced me to the editor and everyone else from the magazine I was shipped off to my dressing room where I spent the next few hours getting my hair and makeup done.


They really went all out for this one: they clipped in some extensions making my naturally long hair even longer, fake eyelashes, glitter; you name it, they put it on me. I didn't get really nervous until they handed me my wardrobe for the shoot: a lacy, black bra, and matching underwear. That was it.....nothing else. Everyone left the wardrobe room and I just stood there staring at the underwear feeling like I was going to throw up. I was really self conscious believe it or not, and being almost nude in front of strangers was making me nervous.


"First time without an actual wardrobe?" I looked up and saw one of the other models standing in front of me, a robe drapped around her.


"Is it obvious?" I cringed and laughed a little. "I've never done prints wearing this little before. It's freaking me out." She smiled and chuckled.


"I've been doing this for a while and I still get that way so no worries. I'm Amy by the way," she said smiling.


"Lyla. Nice to meet you," I responded. I heard my manager give me my 5 minute call from outside of the door.


"Well, I'll leave you to get ready. You'll do fine. Just try to have fun with it, it makes it easier that way." We smiled at each other. "Hey, I know we just met and all, but me and some of the other models are gonna go out tonight if you want to join us?" she shrugged her shoulders. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything tonight; I missed Vic and I just wasn't feeling it.


"Thanks for the offer, but I can't," I replied. "Maybe next time though?" I added. She grabbed my phone out of my hand and began to type her number into it.


"Sounds great. I'll get a hold of you next time. Nice to meet you, Lyla," she handed me my phone before walking out of the room. I tossed my phone into my purse and put on the lingere, pulling a robe over me before I opened the door, taking a deep breath to calm myself as I walked to the backdrop.


"Hi, Lyla, I'm Derrik, the photographer. You ready?" He smirked at me and I felt even more nervous than before; he was attractive.....no, that was an understatement. He was young, which surprised me because most of the photographers I've come across had been old and creepy; he was neither of those things. I just smiled back before hesitantly dropping the robe to the floor.


The shoot took about 2 hours, and it was the most awkward 2 hours of my entire life. I couldn't make myself feel comfortable when I was posing and laying around in my underwear with about 20 sets of eyes on me. Towards the end I tried to take Amy's advice and 'have fun', and I let my guard down a little and let loose.


"There we go, Lyla! Just like that. Perfect!" Derrik shouted from behind the camera. "Alright, I think that does it. Great job. Alright everyone let's take a break before the next one. Be back here in an hour," he flashed me a big smile, making me feel uncomfortable again, and I rushed over to my manager holding my robe and slipped it back on. We said our goodbyes as he turned to leave, and I made my way back to the dressing room and took a seat at the counter in front of a big computer monitor that was already flashing my unedited pictures. I watched as all of the pictures moved across the screen, criticizing every single one like I always did. I heard a quiet knock at the door before it opened.


"Your manager ran off before I could give him your check so I guess it's going straight to you now," Derrik said as he walked into the room. He handed it to me and I thanked him quietly. "What do you think?" He asked motioning to my pictures still on the screen. He moved closer to me from behind as we both looked at the screen; he was so close at this point I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. "I for one think you look really sexy," he whispered in my ear. My eyes went wide. If I thought I was uncomfortable earlier.......


"Um...." was all I managed to get out as I cleared my throat trying to get him to take a hint. He didn't.


"I was getting hard just watching you," he ran his fingers down the back of my neck and I jumped out of the chair and moved away from him.


"What are you doing?" I tried to holler, but my voice cracked as he walked towards me and I backed up as far as I could before my back hit the wall; I was trapped. He was now directly in front of me and his hands moved to the tie on the front of my robe, undoing it swiftly as he pushed his lips against my neck. "Get off of me! Stop!" I yelled loudly this time trying my hardest to push him away.


"Don't fight it, baby. I saw how you were looking at me; oh, you have no idea how much you turn me on," his lips reattached to my neck.


"Stop! Leave me alone! I don't know what you're talking about, just please!!" I started to cry out of fear and panic; I was pushing him with all of my force, but he wasn't even budging an inch. He moved his mouth to mine and shoved his tongue in my mouth. The tears were falling faster from my eyes as I hit at him, trying anything out of desperation. I bit down on his tongue hard and shoved him with all of my strength. He yelped in pain which gave me a chance to try to get away. I almost made it to the door when he grabbed me from behind and shoved me to the ground. He sat on top of me and straddled me, using one hand to hold my arms above my head and the other moved over my mouth as I screamed.


"Some of you just never learn," he said and I started to cry again. He reached down and ripped the underwear off of me. He leaned down to my ear. "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth now, sweetheart. If you so much as make one little noise I swear to God I will kill you right here. Got it?" I was so scared I could hardly take it. He pulled his hand slowly from my mouth and I wanted to scream, but the look in his eyes told me I shouldn't; I believed him when he said he would kill me.


He pulled his own pants and boxers down; I tried to fight but he was much stronger than me. I closed my eyes as I cried trying to block it all out. I tried to think that I was somewhere else. I thought about Vic and how much I loved him. I tried to think about anything but the pain until it was over. He finished and kissed me hard on the lips.


"Thanks for that. Tell anyone about this and you're dead." He got up off of me and straightened himself up before leaving the room; I began to bawl loudly as I curled into a ball on the ground. After a long time I pulled myself up and slowly got dressed. I grabbed my things and sulked out of the room as I saw him talking to a few people as if nothing happened. I got in my car and drove home in silence as the tears continued to fall from my eyes.


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I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and stared at myself, disgusted at what I saw. I was ashamed at myself, and my heart ached like it never had before. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor blade. I sunk down onto the cool tile floor and put it to my thigh where the marks would be hidden. I pulled it across my skin over and over, trying desperately to feel something else so I could forget. It wasn't working anymore and I gave up. I cleaned my leg up and walked off to the kitchen for some asprin. I pulled out my phone and dialed Vic's number as I cried......I needed someone to tell me that it was going to be okay. After two rings it went to voicemail: Vic had ignored the call. The tears fell faster and I dialed Austin's number next.


"Hey, Lyle, can I call you back later? I'm kind of on a date right now," Austin said, his voice happy. He was quietly laughing and I could hear someone laughing in the background.


"Yeah," I muttered before I hung up.


I had no one. Vic wouldn't talk to me......Austin had some new girl. It was just me, and I was pretty shitty company. Out of desperation I got an idea and typed a quick text message.


Me: If the offer still stands......I could use a distraction.


The response was almost instantaneous.


Amy: That a girl. We'll come get you.


I gave her my address and went to my room to get as presentable as possible. I put on a dress and a pair of heels and pulled my hair up. As I waited for them to arrive I downed a couple quick shots of vodka, letting the alcohol slowly numb me. It wasn't long before I heard a knock on my door. I walked quickly and opened it to see Amy standing there.


"Hey! So glad you changed your mind! Let's go!" she hugged me quickly before taking my hand and pulling me to a waiting limo that had 2 other girls and 3 guys piled in it. She introduced me to everyone as we sped off to downtown. We all passed a bottle of Jack around between the 7 of us, and I gladly accepted the alcohol. As I began to get a good buzz going I started to let loose and forget about earlier. I pulled out a cigarette and puffed on it the entire way to the club. We pulled up and we all got out, Amy and I clinging to each others hands as we waltzed into the club not having to wait in line. She started to pull me up a flight of stairs, the others following behind us.


"Where are we going?" I asked and she turned and smiled at me.


"VIP room. That's where the real party takes place." she winked as we reached a smoky room with plush couches, dim lighting, and loud music. There weren't that many people in there, but everyone who was in the room Amy knew. I wandered over to the bar alone to grab a drink, leaving Amy behind to talk to her friends. I downed two shots of whiskey before taking some kind of mixed drink back over to where they were sitting. Amy was bent over a small table in front of the couch and I plopped down next to her. She sat up and looked at me and glanced down at the table to see what she was doing. My eyes went wide.


"What're you doing?" I slurred and she just smiled at me.


"Want some?" She asked and I shook my head. "C'mon, Lyla, don't be a pussy. Trust me, you'll love it. Whatever it is that you're needing a distraction from....this will do the trick, trust me." I bit at my lip and took a big drink of the tepid liquor in my hand. Everyone was eyeing me waiting for my decision. "I'll do it first," she leaned over and momentarily set back up. "Ahhhh. See? Not so bad. You're turn, honey." I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but my mind wouldn't leave me alone about earlier; I hated myself, and I needed it to stop.


I bent over the table and closed one nostril with my finger, lining the other up with the white power neatly piled on the glass table. I took in a deep breath. I quickly sucked it up my nose, and rubbed at my nose trying to get the uncomfortable feeling to subside.It eventually did and I slumped back into the couch.


Amy was right.......this was doing the trick. Pretty soon I didn't feel a damn thing.....and I liked it.