We Found Each Other In The Dark

I slammed my hand down onto the marble countertop that was before me. The headache that I became so used to by this point was becoming more and more intense. I groaned out aggressively earning a questioning look from my best friend.

“What happened?” She asked, turning her attention from Rolling Stone magazine to me.

“Why is this shit so complicated?” I sighed, resting my hands on my head, taking a deep breath. “He can’t take Jonah because he has some bullshit meetings with labels this weekend.”

“Are the meetings going to last eight fucking hours or something?”

“That’s what I’m saying! And, he’s asking if he can take him for the week instead?” I could feel my emotions about to slip right out of my grip.

I never intended on getting married at 19, I never intended on getting pregnant at 22 and I sure as hell never intended on getting divorced 5 years later. My life had spun out of control right before my eyes in the matter of ten years. I rubbed my temples and took three deep breaths.

“Are you gonna let him?” She asked playing with her fingers.

“I mean, that’s his dad. I’m not gonna not let him see him. His parents miss Jonah, also. I mean, I guess so?” I’ve only done this once, letting his father take him for a week. I was scared, and I knew that I would be so heartbroken being away from my son for five days, but I can only imagine how his dad feels.

My best friend nodded in agreement, “I think you should let him, Olivia.”

I chewed on my bottom lip while staring at her in thought. I grabbed my keys and my phone, “I’m gonna go pick up Jonah from school, I’ll be back, Alex.”

She waved me off looking back into her magazine, reading up on the latest in music news. I walked to my car and unlocked it and got in. Starting it up, I found music that needed to be played and put my phone on the Bluetooth so I could talk while driving.

“Hey, Liv. What’s up?” The deep voice of my ex came across the speakers in my car.

“Um, I thought about what you had asked and I decided that it was a good idea for Jo to spend some time with you.”

“Really? Liv, thank you so much that means a lot to me! I miss the little guy. Are you okay with it?”

I sighed, “I mean, I’m sad because it’s a whole week without him but you deserve to see him too, Vic.”

I could almost see him smiling at this point, “I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. Should I just text you the details? Actually, can we meet up right now? It’s 2, so I’m assuming you’re on your way to get Jo?”

“Sure. Where at?”

“Preferably somewhere with food because he’s probably hungry and I am fucking starving. How about that burger joint on 6th?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you there in like 20 minutes.” I was turning into the school parking lot and parked.

“Okay, later Liv.”

“Bye, Vic.” I hung up the phone and went into the school. The kindergartners were supposed to be picked up in the cafeteria for safety reasons. I looked around the elementary cafeteria at all the art work they put up that students had made. I smiled softly to myself because it was so cute.

“Mommy!” I heard a little voice behind me. I grinned and waited for him to run up to me and give me a hug. His wavy hair had been growing, Vic was gonna love it. Jonah inherited my mom’s hazel eyes, and he had my fair skin, but he had looked just like Vic; with his hair, his facial structure, and even his dad’s personality. I was happy that he had my nose, though. For some reason, I had always loved my nose. That was the one part of my body that I didn’t mind.

I hugged him really tight and his teacher gave me a nod of approval and walked back to the other students. “We’re gonna go have some food with daddy right now, okay?”

His face lit up and he almost screamed, clapping, “Yay! I love daddy, I wanna see daddy!”

I laughed holding his hand after he adjusted his backpack, “Alright alright, let’s go see him!”

We skipped out of the cafeteria and out of the doors, laughing along the way. Once I got him seated in the backseat, I got in the driver’s seat and picked an old Blink 182 song to listen to. Once it started, Jonah began to head bang to the song and he kept laughing. I looked at him through my rearview mirror and smiled. He made me so happy. I wish he never had to be separated from Vic. But, that’s just how it happened. Life happened and I hated it.

I never resented Vic for anything that happened between us. It was just really hard since we had had a baby and he was gone touring most of the time. I was alone and it was really tough. My parents helped and so did his, but the road had torn us apart, I’d like to believe. I wish I could’ve been there for him more. I think back now on it and I was kind of selfish about some things. I remember an argument we had one night about being selfish. I kept blaming him for shit, but deep down knew he was doing all of this for us. He was providing for us. We were in love with each other. We really were, but it just was never the right time for us. We got married way too early, way too young, and over a course of ten years, we had worn one another thin.

I pulled up to the restaurant and shook the thoughts out of my head. Jonah took off his seatbelt in excitement and waited for me to get out of the car. I looked in the mirror and fixed my makeup and hair quickly before getting out of the car. “C’mon Jo, let’s go see your dad.” He unbuckled the belt from his booster seat and I carried him out of the car. Adjusting my bag and the sunglasses sitting on the rim of my nose, I grabbed Jonah’s hand and we made our way into the burger joint.

I saw him sitting in the corner looking at his phone. Jonah yelled as soon as he saw him, “Daddy! Daddy, daddy!” Vic’s face lit up and he squatted down and Jonah leaped into his arms, earning a kiss on the head from Vic. He had the biggest smile I had ever seen. That made me so happy.

They hugged and then Vic looked up at me with a silly grin. He brought me into a hug, “Hey Livvy.”

I softly smiled, “Hey Vic.” I took in his musk. He always smelled so good and fresh. I could tell he was still wearing the same cologne I had bought him years ago.

I sat down and the waitress had brought a child’s size apple juice, and a sweet tea.

“I took the opportunity of ordering y’alls drinks since you order the same things anyway.” Vic smiled at me and then at Jonah, who was sitting right next to him.

“Thank you.” I sipped my tea and silently sighed.

“How are you?” He asked, looking at the menu.

“I’m good. I’ve just been working and taking care of that nut sitting next to you.” I giggled and Jonah laughed too. “How are you? How’s the band?”

“I’m good! We’re all good. We’re getting ready to release the new album; it should be out this summer. We’ve been back and forth from LA and New Jersey recording. We’re headlining Warped this summer, actually.”

My eyes widened, “No way! Vic, that’s so great! Congratulations! That’s amazing!” I truly was happy for him and the guys. They’ve worked so hard for all of this to happen. I saw them go through a lot to get here.

“Thank you! Yeah, main stage all summer. We’re all super excited!” The smile that grew on his face made me happy inside. I remember how much sleep he would lose trying to perfect a demo, and after every demo he made he would always say, “This is gonna be the one, Livvy.”

I flashed back at simpler times that Vic Fuentes and I shared. I wish I could go back.

“How’s Amy?” I asked, having chosen a burger to my satisfaction and helping Jonah choose his.

“She’s okay.” Was all he said and I quickly looked up at him.

“Okay? That’s it?”

He stifled a nervous laugh, “Amy’s good. She’s just, I don’t know. She won’t leave me alone to do what I have to do. She came to Jersey with us, Olivia. She came with us! Like, don’t you have work?” If his annoyance was alive, I could’ve seen it and touched it. He hated that, didn’t she know? He hated to be bothered during this time. It was his time for the band to perfect the one thing that meant the world to them, and she had to be there and irritate him.

I bit my lip, “Ooh, I’m sorry. You always hated that!”

He agreed, “I know, I don’t know why she doesn’t understand that this is my time. I’ll see you when I get home, just let me be.”

The waitress came at that time and took our orders. He and I discussed that Jonah would spend Monday through Saturday with him and on Sunday morning, I would pick him up. Now that he’s doing Warped Tour, I wanted Jonah to spend time with Vic and his uncles Mike, Jaime, and Tony, and, Mama and Papa Fuentes. I was willing to give him that because after all he was such a great dad to Jonah and he never gave me any problems especially during the divorce process. He was still so important to me and I wouldn’t dare to not be as great to him as he is to me.

“Okay, well I’ll call you this weekend and we can talk about what time is good for you so I can drop him off.” I opened my car door and let Jonah in.

Vic nodded, “That sounds good. Thanks for coming out, Liv. It was nice seeing you.” His smile was contagious. He brought me into a tight hug.

“It was nice seeing you too, Victor.” I gave him a small smile.

He leaned into the backseat and gave Jonah a kiss, “I’ll see you later, homie.”

“Bye, daddy! Tell uncle Mike I said hi!” He waved at him.

“I will, Jo!” Vic chuckled.

“Bye Livvy.” He said and slowly began to walk away. I got into the car and my eyes were stinging. I felt myself about to break down, but I didn’t for Jonah’s sake.

I hadn’t even cried about all of this. I couldn’t let myself do that. Not having a mourning period because of the divorce and everything that came with it was starting to sound like a terrible idea. I can’t believe I had bottled every emotion I had for this long. Two years was too long for me to keep quiet.

I walked into my house and Alex was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“I mean, hi, where did you go?”

I chuckled as Jonah ran up to her and jumped on her while hugging her. He was such a hugger, I loved it.

“Vic and I met up so we could talk about him having Jo for the week.”

“How’d that go?” She asked.

“Jonah, put your shoes in your room, you know not to leave them there.” I told Jonah, whom had taken off his shoes and thrown them on the ground. “It went fine. We were catching up and stuff. I mean, I never get to talk to him about his life or vice versa. It’s usually a wave from my car or talk about who has Jonah for what weekend.” I shrugged sitting down on the couch and relaxing.

“Is he still with that Amy girl?” She made a stink face at the sound of her name.

“Yeah, he’s annoyed with her, though. She apparently went with them to Jersey while they were there recording for their new album and was being extremely irritating.”

“He told you that?” She laughed. “Looks like somebody is finally tired of little miss princess.”

My face stayed straight as I was playing with one of Jonah’s small toy trucks in my hand. I didn’t want to think about Vic and Amy’s relationship. It only made me sad. They got together almost right after him and I had broken up and it killed me. I went through this whole little phase that maybe he cheated on me, but Mike swore on his soul that Vic could never do that, especially to Jonah and me.

And I knew somehow that he couldn’t have done that because what Vic and I had was something else. It was something so special, and I knew that neither of us would have given up so easily without a fight.

But now I’m beginning to wonder if we fought hard enough.

Notes