Crimson Blood and Colorful Tears
Stand in the Rain
~*POV Vic*~
The last couple of days have been hard, to say the least. I'm trying really hard to let Kellin in, but I can't help but hesitate. I'd like to think he understands, but I'm not so sure. He still doesn't know how bad my cutting got between Christmas and now, he does know that I go to him when I feel like I have to do it. And he does his best to talk me down, by telling me how perfect and beautiful I am. He also tells me that he loves me, I haven't been able to say it back yet, I think I feel it. But whenever I try to say it, my lounges feel like they're about to collapse.
Tonight we're playing Huston, it's our last show in Texas. It's sad to say, but I'm a bit glad, the guys are giving me trouble for only wearing long sleeves in this heat. But I couldn't take the stares I'd get if I wore anything else. The fans would disappointed, again.
Vic. Stop. You know what Kellin said, the fans have never been disappointed at you, but they would be if you destroyed yourself. I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into the arm of the couch. As soon as we got to Huston I needed to get some air.
"Hey Casey," I said to our driver and drum tech, "How much longer?"
"About an hour or so," Casey responded, not talking his eyes off of the road. Great.
I sighed and went back towards the bathroom. Once I got there, I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a tired, broken, ugly boy staring back at me. I lightly punched the counter-top; Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so fucked up?
I felt my eyes welling with tears, I reached my for my phone, only to discover that I had left it on the couch. I couldn't go back their, not like this. The guys would ask questions, they can't ask questions. I sat down on the floor and laid my head on against the door.
Deep breaths Vic, you can do this. Think of Kellin, he'd be so disappointed in you. I exhaled shallowing, leting out a small cry. I can't do this. Why did I come back here?
The bus stopped and I heard someone say, "Ok guys! Ten minutes!"
I heard foot steps leaving the bus, but I couldn't move. I was paralised on the bathroom floor, trying my hardest not to give in and cut again. I sat their for what felt like a centuary before I heard someone come back on the bus.
After about 30 seconds their was a small knock on the door, followed by Kellin saying, "Vic? Are you ok? Do you need me to come in?"
"Are you alone?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level. No one else can know.
"Yeah," he responded, "It's just me."
"You can come in..." I said, my voice beginning to quiver.
The door opened and in rushed Kellin, he was at my side before I could blink. He took me into his arms and rested my head on his shoulder. I let a few tears escape my eyes, and soon they wouldn't stop coming. I cried and I cried. And Kellin stayed, with his strong arms around me, keeping me safe. And I felt safe with him.
"You're amazing," he whispered, "I'm so proud of you Vic, you have know idea. You're so strong and brave."
His words helped, at first they made me feel worse. But now, I'm starting to believe him a little bit. Not all the time, only when he told me.
I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. He smiled and looked into my eyes. His were filled with a mixture of saddness and joy. I wish I knew what he was thinking, it would be nice to see how he can be both happy and sad at the same time.
He broke our gaze to kiss my forehead. "I love you," he said, "Always know that."
"Kellin," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, "I love you too..."
His entire face lit up and a new look filled his eyes. He looked so happy, all of the saddness vanished. He leaned in and kissed me, leaving me breathless.
Maybe trusting him wasn't such a bad idea...
The last couple of days have been hard, to say the least. I'm trying really hard to let Kellin in, but I can't help but hesitate. I'd like to think he understands, but I'm not so sure. He still doesn't know how bad my cutting got between Christmas and now, he does know that I go to him when I feel like I have to do it. And he does his best to talk me down, by telling me how perfect and beautiful I am. He also tells me that he loves me, I haven't been able to say it back yet, I think I feel it. But whenever I try to say it, my lounges feel like they're about to collapse.
Tonight we're playing Huston, it's our last show in Texas. It's sad to say, but I'm a bit glad, the guys are giving me trouble for only wearing long sleeves in this heat. But I couldn't take the stares I'd get if I wore anything else. The fans would disappointed, again.
Vic. Stop. You know what Kellin said, the fans have never been disappointed at you, but they would be if you destroyed yourself. I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into the arm of the couch. As soon as we got to Huston I needed to get some air.
"Hey Casey," I said to our driver and drum tech, "How much longer?"
"About an hour or so," Casey responded, not talking his eyes off of the road. Great.
I sighed and went back towards the bathroom. Once I got there, I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a tired, broken, ugly boy staring back at me. I lightly punched the counter-top; Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so fucked up?
I felt my eyes welling with tears, I reached my for my phone, only to discover that I had left it on the couch. I couldn't go back their, not like this. The guys would ask questions, they can't ask questions. I sat down on the floor and laid my head on against the door.
Deep breaths Vic, you can do this. Think of Kellin, he'd be so disappointed in you. I exhaled shallowing, leting out a small cry. I can't do this. Why did I come back here?
The bus stopped and I heard someone say, "Ok guys! Ten minutes!"
I heard foot steps leaving the bus, but I couldn't move. I was paralised on the bathroom floor, trying my hardest not to give in and cut again. I sat their for what felt like a centuary before I heard someone come back on the bus.
After about 30 seconds their was a small knock on the door, followed by Kellin saying, "Vic? Are you ok? Do you need me to come in?"
"Are you alone?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level. No one else can know.
"Yeah," he responded, "It's just me."
"You can come in..." I said, my voice beginning to quiver.
The door opened and in rushed Kellin, he was at my side before I could blink. He took me into his arms and rested my head on his shoulder. I let a few tears escape my eyes, and soon they wouldn't stop coming. I cried and I cried. And Kellin stayed, with his strong arms around me, keeping me safe. And I felt safe with him.
"You're amazing," he whispered, "I'm so proud of you Vic, you have know idea. You're so strong and brave."
His words helped, at first they made me feel worse. But now, I'm starting to believe him a little bit. Not all the time, only when he told me.
I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. He smiled and looked into my eyes. His were filled with a mixture of saddness and joy. I wish I knew what he was thinking, it would be nice to see how he can be both happy and sad at the same time.
He broke our gaze to kiss my forehead. "I love you," he said, "Always know that."
"Kellin," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, "I love you too..."
His entire face lit up and a new look filled his eyes. He looked so happy, all of the saddness vanished. He leaned in and kissed me, leaving me breathless.
Maybe trusting him wasn't such a bad idea...
Notes
OMG THINGS ARE FINALLY LOOKING UP FOR VIC AND KELLIN!I need to stop and go to bed already. Over the past 3 days I've gotten aproximently 6 hours of sleep... I hate life... The world around me if becoming a daze... If I don't update in the next 2 days send help because I've probably slipped into a coma of some sort... ;_:
Title Cred: Superchick (Fun fact: I sang this song with my best friend as a duet for our high school talent show 2 years ago. We were middle schoolers and we got 4th place out of like 15 acts.)
@Diana Frobisher
It astounds me that people still read this.
5/12/14