March 1st 2013

“Hey dad, it's Jacie… again.” I sighed as I paced back and forth back stage.

“Jace, two minutes.” Vic said to me. I gave him a thumbs up and then covered the ear that my phone wasn't again.

“I'm just calling again to see how you're feeling. I know last time we talked you weren't feeling that great so just uh… call me, when you get this. Love you, bye. I hung up and set my phone down then grabbed my camera and followed the boys on stage to get pictures.

Over the past six month things between Tony and I had somewhat gone back to normal. We still had our moments, mostly when we were drunk, where things would get awkward, but other than that things were fine. We just kind of pretended that night never happened.

Tonight the guys were playing their third show for Soundwave, so we were all pretty pumped and I was doing whatever I could to get the best pictures possible for them. I couldn't help but be a little distracted though. My dad had been sick a lot the past few months, and he wasn't doing well last time I talked to him. I tried to push that to back of my mind and do my job as best as I could.

I ran quickly across the stage, careful not to get in anyone way while I went to go snap a couple pictures of Jaime. They were just starting their last song of the set and they were absolutely killing it. As I got the pictures, I saw Casey waving me over to the side of the stage holding up my phone which was lit up as someone was calling me. I tried to brush it off but he insisted that I answer it so I ran off the stage. I grabbed my phone from Casey and answered it.

“Hello?” I asked, trying to talk over the music as I walked farther back stage.

“Jacie! Finally, mom and I have been calling you for like a half an hour, why haven't you answered?” Kate asked. She sounded really upset.

“The boy are doing a set right now and I was getting pictures so I didn't have my phone on me.” I explained. “What's going on?”

“It's dad.” She said, her voice breaking. “Jacie he's really sick and he's in the hospital. I don't know if there's any way you can get home but you should be here.”

My heart dropped to my feet. I knew he was sick but there was no way that he was sick enough to the hospital. He never went to the hospital for anything except work. What the hell was going on?

“Uh, okay. Yeah I'll book the next flight home.” I told her. The boys were now joining me back stage. “I'll send you my flight info as soon as it's booked so you or Matt can pick me up.”

“Alright, just hurry, okay?” I nodded and hung up the phone.

“What's going on?” Vic asked. I flipped through the pages on my phone until I found my Expedia app, then opened it and started looking for the earliest flight home.

“I have to go home. My dad's in the hospital.” I said as looked at the flights. Thankfully there was a direct flight from here to San Diego that was leaving in two and a half hours.

“Is he okay?” He asked. I shook my head as I put my card info in, buying my ticket.

“If he's in the hospital, probably not. You know my dad, he won't go to the hospital unless it's life or death, and even then he'll fight it.” I said. I locked my phone and shoved it in my pocket, then started packing up my camera gear.

“There's a flight that leaves in two and a half hours, so I have to go now if I want to make it on time.” I said as I closed my camera bag.

“You gonna get your stuff off the bus?” Tony asked. I shook my head and put my wallet in my back pockets.

“I don't have time, and I'm going home anyways, just drop it off at my place when you guys get back?” I asked. He nodded and said that he would.

I have them all a quick round of hugs and said goodbye, then ran out of the venue and caught a cab.

I got the to airport just in time to go through security and still make it to my flight on time. The next eighteen hours dragged on. I couldn't sleep on the plane no matter what I did, so I ended up editing some of the pictures I got from the show tonight to kill time. When I finally landed, Matt picked me up and brought me straight to the hospital.

When we got to my dad's room, Kate was sleeping in a chair, her head resting at the foot of my dad's bed, and my mom was passed out on the couch. My dad was awake though and he smiled weakly at me when he saw me.

“There's my little ray of sunshine.” He said. I walked into the room slowly, trying not to wake anyone, and sat down in the other chair next to his bed. “You know, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be in Australia right now.”

“Daddy, what's going on?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly.

“What's going on is that you just flew, god only knows how many hours, back from Australia. You should still be there. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. I was just having a bit of trouble breathing is all.” He said. I frowned at him.

“Trouble breathing?”

“Yeah,” Kate said as she lifted her head off the bed. “Because he has stage four lung cancer and he refused to tell anyone.” She said angrily.

“I'm sorry, cancer?” I asked, my eyes wide. “Did she just say that you have cancer?” He sighed and nodded.

“I didn't want you girls to worry.” He said. “And I knew that if I told you, you two would force me into doing treatment even though I don't want it.”

“Of course we would want you to do treatment!l Kate snapped. “You're our dad, we need you here!”

“Katie, I know you're mad, but when I found out, it was too far along already, the treatments would have just made me even sicker and stretched things out longer than necessary.” He sighed. “I wanted to still be myself when I went. I didn't want to be a skeleton with no hair that you guys are afraid to touch without hurting and hardly recognize. If you haven't forgotten, I work here. I'm a doctor. I know how harsh the treatments are.”

Kate sighed sighed and shook her head, then left the room. My dad looked at me with a sad smile.

“Please don't be mad at me baby girl. I just didn't want you to worry.” He said. “I knew if I told you that you wouldn't leave. And you need to be doing what you love with the people you love.”

“I'm not mad.” I promised him.

I spent the next four days at the hospital with him. I didn't leave once, not even to change. On the fourth day the guys got back from tour and came to visit. My dad had been sleeping more and more as the days went on, but he made sure to stay awake to see the guys, and to tell Vic to bring me home to shower and change, which he did. When I got back later that evening the guys stayed for a bit, and then they headed back to their houses to get some sleep.

That night I slept with my head on the end of the bed, like Kate had been when I first got there. Mom and Kate were sleeping in the waiting room where the nurses had brought them two pull out couches and some blankets and pillows. Around one in the morning, my dad woke up suddenly, grabbing my hand and scaring me awake. He couldn't breathe so I grabbed the oxygen mask that was above his bed and helped him put it on.

“Jacie.” He said, breathing slowly. “My little ray of sunshine, I'm not gonna be here much longer, and when I go, I have something for you.”

“No. No, daddy you can't talk like that.” I said, squeezing his hand tightly with both of mine.

“Honey, please, just listen to me.” He pleaded, trying desperately to breath normally. “In the attic at the house, there's a box. In the box, there's a bunch of old polaroids, and the camera. They're yours. Okay?” I nodded, tears running down my cheeks. “I was saving them for something special. Keep them at your house. Katie and Matt know what to do with them when the time comes. And I want you to use that camera. Like you did when you were little. But take good care of it.”

“I will, I promise.” I said, wiping the tears from my face.

“And Jacie. Follow your heart. I know you've had a rough going the past seven years, but don't let it turn you cold. You will find the right person. I'm actually fairly sure that you already have.” He paused for a minute, trying to catch his breath. “I love you, you will always be my little ray of sunshine.”

Everything happened in a blur after that. He stopped breathing and I called for a nurse, begging them to do something. No one did anything though. Kate and my mom came in the room, and immediately started crying. I kept yelling at the nurses to do something, anything, but they didn't. Legally they couldn't. My dad had signed a DNR. The doctor came in and called the time of death and I ran.

I ran out of the hospital, all the way to my apartment in the rain. I didn't go inside, I just went straight to my car, got in and started driving. I didn't know where I was going until I got there and hour and a half later. I got out of the car and stood there for a minute, ignoring the rain that was soaking through my clothes. All the lights in the house were off except in the living room. Tony was probably still up, having trouble getting used to the time change. I hesitated but walked up to the door and knocked lightly, I didn't want to wake up Jaxin and Natalie. A minute later the door opened and Tony stood in front of me, rubbing his eyes.

“Jacie? What are you doing here, it's three in the morning?” He asked. I just hugged him and started crying again.

“He's gone.” Was all I could manage to say. Tony brought me inside and got me dry clothes, then we went in his room and laid down.

I spent the next three days there, but I barely moved. On the third day when I woke up it was 3 in the afternoon. I finally decided to get up and I made my way to the kitchen to get some coffee.

“Hey, you're alive!” Jaxin said happily upon my appearance. I just nodded and poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table with him. I didn't see Tony anywhere but I could hear him talking.

“He's out back on the phone.” Jaxin told me, noticing that I was looking for him. “Your sister just called freaking out.” I nodded and took a sip of my coffee. “Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going? They've been freaking out for days.” I just shrugged.

“I just left. I wasn't thinking, I just needed to get out of there.” I said. My voice was raw from crying so much and not speaking for days. “Kate should know by now that I'm gonna go to one of the guys. She's overreacting.”

“Or you're underreacting.” He suggested. “You took off in the middle of the night, in the rain, completely hysterical, and no one has heard from you in days. She thought you wrecked your car or something.”

“Well I didn't, and I'm fine.” I said, taking another sip of my coffee. I could hear Tony's voice getting louder and he walked into the house.

“Kate, stop screaming. I've told you like five times that she's fine.” He paused for a minute and I could faintly hear Kate yelling. “Okay, we’ll head back down there tonight. Yeah I know. Okay. Okay. We’ll be there in a few hours. Yeah I'll see you tomorrow.” He sighed as he hung up the phone and sat down at the table with Jaxin and I.

“Your dad's service is tomorrow.” He said.

“I'm assuming Kate wants you to bring me home?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He said. “Either that or she said she would come get you and drag you home by your ear.”

“Alright. Let's go then.” I sighed.

Notes

Bit of a skip but I kind of wanted to get things going a bit, i hope you enjoyed, I'll update again soon :)