Playlist Love

***The story's finally updated! You can read it here or on my Tumblr, either/or. Anyway, enjoy!***

“Hold your breath and everything’s just fine.”

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I sat on a short brick ledge with Lynn and Savannah outside of the school. The doors to the building hadn’t opened yet so the students who arrived early had to wait outside. Today I was included in that group. Lynn worked in the office first period so she always showed up early. Sav just liked being outside as the sun rose so she would sit with Lynn in the spot we were currently sitting in and watch the day start.

“I don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about this,” I said. “It’s not like it’s out of the ordinary.”

I was referring to the reason I had arrived at school so early. I was hoping to talk to the choir director about getting a spot in an ensemble. I had choir in my schedule when I first moved but it was taken off because I didn’t audition. When I asked the director why he told me to talk to him before class to see what could be done. Of course I was more than happy to oblige. Choir was the one thing I had going for me. I sucked at sports but was more than comfortable with performing so choir and theatre were where I shined. Unfortunately for me my friends thought it was a bad idea.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” Lynn said.

“What, do you think they won’t accept me?” I asked, feeling nerves all of a sudden.

“That’s not what she meant,” Sav said in an all-too-recognizable tone that could only have one reason behind it.

I groaned. “Okay but I don’t give a fuck about him. He doesn’t control my life.”

“But look at the impact he’s made on you already,” Lynn said. “I know you wanna do this but he’s ruined some of those choir kids’ lives.”

“How? Why? What’d they do to him?” She just shrugged. “No real evidence, no real reason for me not to do it.”

“Kellin,” she warned.

“Oh shut up, Gunn,” Sav chimed in. “Jaime’s in band and you don’t see the little man making his life hell.”

“I guess not.”

“Who’s Jaime?” I asked.

“Little man’s best friend. He used to go to El Capitan but he transferred here last year. He and Vic have been friends ever since.”

“Have I seen him maybe?”

“Oh yeah,” Lynn answered. “He’s pretty hard to miss.” She didn’t get to finish explaining because she was cut off by two people walking toward us.

“Kellin! Buddy, ol’ pal! How’s it going?”

I cocked my head to the side in confusion.

“Um, good I guess,” I answered when the two of them were close enough.

“Excellent!”

Lynn looked at me, begging for an explanation. Savannah looked just plain amused.

“Sorry, where are our manners?”

“Ladies,” Tony said while taking his snapback off his head and bowing.

“Knock it off, Tone,” Mike said sternly, but with a smile on his face.

“Uh, what’s going on guys?” I asked.

“Just wondering if you were okay. You ran out pretty quick last night. Hope you didn’t get in any trouble or anything.”

I shook my head. “No, everything’s cool.”

“Cool because Vic wanted to know if you’d come back today after school.”

I made a face. “And he wanted you to ask me?” That didn’t sound like him.

“No,” Mike answered. “He didn’t tell me that but I know my brother and I know he was gonna ask you. He just wasn’t gonna do it in the most…acceptable way. I thought I’d get to you first before he screwed it up and scared you off.”

Savannah giggled. “How considerate.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well thanks,” I said to Mike. He gave a nod.

“Hey, don’t tell Vic I talked to you about this or anything, you know, for reasons.”

I nodded. “Yeah, no problem.”

“Cool. Well we’ll see you guy and gals later.” Tony bowed again and the two of them left. Sav started laughing as soon as they were out of earshot.

“Dude what the fuck was that?” she asked in a fit of giggles.

“I have no idea,” I chuckled. The interaction was pretty funny, even if it was awkward as hell.

“Since when were you cool with Mike and Tony?” Lynn asked.

“I’m not sure. Since last week?”

“But you’ve only been here a week.”

“Exactly,” I said with a wink. The girls rolled their eyes and hopped off the ledge. The assistant principals had finally opened the doors of the school so it was about time that we all got inside.

“Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the world of making copies for old people who can’t figure out the machines.”

“Later, Gunn,” Sav called out as Lynn went into the front office. “So are you off to do the singing thing?” she asked as we walked down the hall.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact I am.”

“Ooh Kellin, look at you being all confident,” she gushed. “I may have underestimated you.”

“Well watch out, I’m full of surprises,” I said with a wink.

“Well I’m gonna go before I ask you to take me here and now.” I laughed the comment off and waved goodbye as we headed our separate ways.

I had a good feeling about the rest of the day. It may have started out weird but I had a feeling that it would be one of the best days in a while.

***

“You know, I don’t like being ditched.” I looked up at the voice that had just spoken to me, even though I didn’t need to. I knew that voice and tone anywhere.

“Um, yeah. Sorry about that. I just really needed to get home.”

“You could’ve said something rather than run out.”

I nodded. He was right, but I didn’t exactly regret what I did. I had to get out of there. This time however I couldn’t run. I had escaped to my music appreciation class early. All throughout the day I felt Vic watching me. He actually showed up to our first period government class which was a rarity in and of itself. To top it off I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was watching me. Sure enough, that feeling didn’t go away during lunch so I made up an excuse to my friends and left the cafeteria with twenty minutes to spare. Vic must’ve noticed and followed me.

I was sitting on the floor in the back of the room writing lyrics in my notebook when he approached me. I had my headphones in listening to an instrumental demo that I had found online. It had just ended when he spoke to me, and although I could’ve pretended that it was still playing, I wasn’t exactly that kind of person.

“So why’d you leave?”

I took my headphones out and paused the track. I couldn’t answer that to his face so I stayed quiet.

“Okay, I get it.” I looked at him curiously expecting an explanation but instead he sat next to me but still a little bit away.

“Get what?” I finally asked.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” I shrugged. Although I was very confused I decided to let it be. For once Vic was civil with me in public, even if we were the only ones in the room. I wanted to savor the moment. Too bad it didn’t last long.

“Okay seriously, what happened yesterday? Why did you just leave?”

“I said I didn’t wanna talk about it.”

“Yeah but I gotta know. What did I do? It’s not like I hit you.”

“No, but-”

“Then what?” he asked, cutting me off. “What the hell could I have possibly done? Or do you just not want to work with me?”

“It’s not that,” I said rather calmly, despite the fact that he was getting worked up.

“Then what? What is about what I was gonna say?”

“And what was that?” I asked. “What were you gonna say?”

“When?”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me,” I said. He had brought up something I’d tried to get over and it was pissing me off. He tone didn’t help the matter either. Before I knew it I was standing over him.

“What were you going to say to me?” I asked again.

“Look, just back up.”

“No. You think you can intimidate me. You think you can just tell me or anyone else what to do and they’ll do it. You think you’re so tough, so frightening. Well you’re not. Sure you threatened me but I’m not afraid of you. You can say whatever the fuck you wanna say about me. Say I’m a loser or a punk or that I’m gay; I don’t care. You don’t scare me. You’re just a tiny little man who doesn’t mean shit to me.”

I took a step back in shock. I hadn’t intended to say those things but here they were, out in the open. He stood up at the end of my rant and stared me down. I wanted to take it back, especially with that look he gave me. His eyes were cutting deep into my soul, daring me to back down. I stood my ground though. Hell, I barely blinked. No matter how badly I wanted to apologize my ego wouldn’t let me.

“Is that how you feel?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He nodded. “Fine.” Without another word he pushed past me and out of the room.

I sat back in my original spot with my head in between my knees. Never in my life had I ever stood up to someone like that. I mean, in my defense I never had to. No one ever attacked me or threatened me in any way.

The door to the room opened making me stand up quickly. Students started filling the room, talking loudly about their previous classes and the assignment Ms. Pope had given us that they hadn’t even begun to think about. I collected my things in silence and went to my seat. Ms. Pope walked in a few seconds later and we started class.

I was tempted to leave. I wasn’t in the mood to sit and listen to a lecture about the Baroque era so I didn’t. I stayed in my notebook and continued to write about whatever crossed my mind. Unfortunately all that was there were thoughts of my interaction with Vic.

What would this mean for me? Surely I wasn’t safe anymore, not that I was all that safe before. Yes Mike and Tony talked to me but it wasn’t often. We weren’t friends so it wouldn’t be hard for them to drop me from their lives. How would Vic go about it though? How would he make my year here hell?

Class seemed to fly by but Ms. Pope’s voice seemed to drag on. My mind was confused and my head hurt, as if someone hit me with a hammer. Was that what guilt felt like? Was I supposed to feel so awful? I wanted so badly to tell myself to snap out of it, to tell myself that he needed to hear it, but I just couldn’t.

I jumped out of my seat as soon as the bell rang. It wasn’t that I was eager to get home; I just wanted to do something other than sit and think. So instead I headed to the choir room to talk to the director. He had told me to come after school to discuss what I’d need to do for an audition. Although I wished he’d told me that morning, I was more than happy to go through it now.

“Welcome back, Mr. Quinn,” the choir director, Mr. Urie, said when I opened the door to the hall. “You’re punctual too; I like that.” I nodded. “Right, step into my office.”

I followed him further into the room to his office that sat in the corner. He gestured for me to have a seat and went to a shelf.

“Like I told you this morning, I usually don’t allow students to audition so late in the semester. Right now my classes are preparing for the winter concert and competition. It’s more than a little unorthodox. However, I see potential in you. I respect the fact that you had the balls to show up and ask me for a spot when you knew there was a one percent chance you’d get one. That takes guts.”

I couldn’t help the small smile that creeped onto my face. “Thank you, sir.”

“Don’t thank me just yet.” He sat behind the large desk and placed a manila folder in front of me. “Those are the audition requirements for the chorale and information for the men’s chorus. Read over that and email me if you have any questions. Because I don’t want you to get further behind I’d like to have you audition this Friday. Is that alright?”

I nodded. “Yes, I can do that.”

“Excellent. Like I said, all the information is in that folder but feel free to ask me to clear things up. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for an after school rehearsal.”

We stood up and shook hands before he ushered me out of the room.

“I look forward to working with you, Mr. Quinn.”

“You too.”

With a nod and a smile he closed the door to the hall, leaving me standing there worried about how I was going to come up with audition material in three days.

Notes