Love Bites

In no time we were back at the apartment, a two bedroom thing above the failing voodoo shop my sister owned. People came for commercial voodoo and got pissed off when Valerie said she refused to sell mass produced dolls that had no meaning. She was in the kitchen, fixing us some po-boys when Nikki and I arrived with our esteemed guest.

“Who is this?” Valerie questioned. “And where’s the body?”

“I am the body”, Oliver shrugged, walking to our fridge. He was quick to make himself at home. “Oi, do you have any raw beef?”

Valerie folded her arms and glared at me and Nikki. “Guys, this isn’t funny. Who the Hell is this man?” she whispered.

“Fucking Thorne picked him up, ask her”, Nikki grunted.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious! This is the body!” I exclaimed. “He’s a vampire or a demon or something.”

“Well…” Valerie trailed off and gave Oliver a sideways glance. “Let’s test it.” She reached for a crucifix around her neck and took it off, slowly approaching Oliver like she was going to hit him with it. I waited for the sound of searing flesh that you always hear in movies from where it would burn the creature. Valerie slammed her hand into Oliver’s neck, making him yelp.

“What the bloody Hell are you doing you cow?!” he wailed. Oliver fell to the ground, grabbing his neck where she had basically karate chopped him.

“Did it burn?” Valerie asked hopefully.

“No it hurt! You tried disconnecting my neck and my shoulder!”

“I meant did this burn?” She dangled the necklace from her hand. Oliver shook his head and put his face in his hands.

“You mortals are all so daft”, he grumbled. He looked up at us with tired brown eyes, like he had already explained this countless times over. “My kind is older than that thing in your hand”, he stated. “How can a god who doesn’t exist burn me?”

That was kind of a thought provoking question. That means all of the Christian wars fought were fought over nothing? Christianity based things were nothing. Society was years behind in advancement due to fake churches criminalizing thinkers like Da Vinci. Of course, Nikki and Valerie weren’t concerned with how wrong history textbooks were. They were concerned with how to prove Oliver was who he said he was. “Oi, I know. Easiest test there is. Go get me a mirror”, Oliver demanded. “This way I don’t have to turn or do anything painful.”

My older siblings exchanged looks before Nikki trotted off to the bathroom. “So why are you here?” Valerie asked.

Oliver shrugged from his spot on the floor. “Well, I figured since I kept your sister here from becoming a late night snack for a friend of mine, you all could let me stay the night here before I go home.”

“Where is home?”

Oliver made a gesture over his shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal. “The plantation house out in the bayou. Parish Estate.”

“You mean the haunted house where all the human remains were found?” Valerie
asked.

Our vampire acquaintance shrugged. “Yeah. My farmhand was concerned when he found a small graveyard in the back and didn’t believe me when I guessed it was started by my great great great grandfather.” He grinned and for the first time all night I saw the large white canines sitting proudly on either side of his mouth. I guess he noticed me looking because he winked at me. “Do you like them?” he asked. “They’re all natural, no filing, no caps, nothing.”

Before I could answer, Nikki came in with a hand mirror. “I got it!” he announced. Valerie and I got together behind Nikki who held it up so we would presumably see all four of us but we didn’t see Oliver.

“I told you!” Oliver said. “You can’t see me! I’m a vampire!”

“So why is this Ballsack guy after you then?” I questioned.

“I might’ve turned him”, Oliver shrugged. “You know, some people just don’t enjoy the idea of living forever.”

“Why did you turn him?” Nikki asked.

Oliver’s lips tried to twitch into a sneer. “He killed a friend of mine, so I took his humanity, in a sense, killing him. Andrew was a vampire hunter in the 1800s, before the Civil war though. Oh that was a good time. And it was really easy to get bodies. I could trick people into thinking my home was a safe haven-“

“If we let you stay here do you swear you’re not going to drink our blood or eat us or anything?” Valerie demanded. She was pretty hesitant about being near him now.

“Well, if you tell me where your raw meat is I will. I’m kind of hungry now.”

Valerie shook her head. “Then let’s go to the store. C’mon everyone-“

“Wait, wait. Thorne and I can’t leave”, Oliver informed. “Andy’s going to be spending the rest of the night looking for us. He caught her scent in the cemetery. We have to wait until at least morning for him to give up.”

“Won’t you die in the sunlight?” Nikki asked.

“No! No, I won’t. Maybe if I change forms I will but no, I will not die. That’s another fallacy.” Oliver was quiet for a moment before he smirked. “And no, I don’t fucking sparkle either.” Both of the guys laughed.

“Then I guess we’ll be back”, Valerie said quietly. “I swear to God, if you touch a single hair on Thorne’s head, you’ll get a wooden stake.”

Oliver winced. “Okay, let’s not go to such extreme measures. Get me a steak or two and I promise I won’t.” My siblings exchanged glances again before leaving. “So where’s your television?” Oliver asked. “I don’t want to miss tonight’s episode of Family Guy.”

“It’s um, over here”, I answered, pointing to a box by the front door. We had more of a great room, where the kitchen and living room were in the same room. Oliver looked at our ancient TV (complete with dials instead of a remote!) and frowned.

“How am I supposed to watch anything on this piece of history?” Oliver demanded.

“Hey! You’re claiming to be over 600 years old which means you probably had one of these!” I snapped. “Don’t knock on it. It’s all we have!”

“Clearly”, Oliver grunted. He stood up and walked to couch. “Thoooorrrrne, can you put it on Adult Swiiiim?” he called. I shrugged and switched the knobs on and to the appropriate channel. “Can you sit with meee?” was the next request. “I haven’t felt warm flesh in sooo long.”

“You’re not going to do anything?” I asked. Oliver was incredibly attractive so it was easy to do what he wanted you to do but I also didn’t want to be taken advantage of.

“Pinky promise! And where I’m from, that means I’d have to cut off my pinky if I break my promise.” Oliver grinned cheekily and patted the space next to him. “Join me love! The show’s about to start!”

I crept over and sat down on the couch awkwardly. Oliver snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me down so I was lying with him. He kept his word. The worst thing that happened was every now and again he’d snort loudly at something on TV. Valerie and Nikki arrived with the raw meat Oliver had been begging for which he gulped down quickly and frankly, it was a strange sight. Eventually, he pushed me away from him on the couch.

“I’m tired”, Oliver said. “After a night of trying to save myself, I’d like to sleep. I expect one of you to be up early to drive me home. I’ll reward you for your services.”

“Alright then”, Valerie nodded. Oliver closed his eyes as she brought Nikki and I into one of the bedrooms. “Thorne, you brought him here, you have to drive him home.”

“But-“

“And you also didn’t fill our order”, Nikki added. “Which means I have to go back out and by this guy’s logic, I’ll have to find a new dig spot.”

“So you’re up kiddo. Do us good.”

“Oh and if Oliver asks you to do an extra something for that reward…”

“Nikki, that’s not going to happen.”

“He made us buy him raw meat!”

“Yeah because he was hungry!” Valerie rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Thorne, he’s your problem. When he wants a ride, you take him home.” She pushed me and Nikki out of the room so she could put on her pajamas. Nikki grabbed the crowbar by the door and left the apartment. I ended my night by making coffee and slumping up against a wall, watching Oliver as he slept so I’d be ready when he wanted to leave.

I guess in normal cases it would be almost terrifying thinking there was a sleeping vampire in front of me but in New Orleans, spirits, demons, witches, and everything else wasn’t unheard of. Especially vampires. We were a city built on superstition and tradition. Plus it didn’t hurt that Oliver was so attractive. I focused hard enough on his rhythmic breathing that I actually started imitating it myself. When I got comfortable, I’d shift positions so I wouldn’t fall asleep. With a hand wrapped tightly around the coffee cup, I hunkered down underneath a blanket and watched Oliver until the sun came up.

Notes

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