Where Do We Go From Here?

I had received the incredible opportunity to shoot all of Warped Tour. Kevin Lyman had emailed me saying he loved my work and wanted me out here on the front line for the full duration of the tour. I was incredibly grateful. I was getting to see the country, be around something I was very passionate about and see things from a different perspective for two months.

It had been a wild first day, the orientation day of warped tour; the day before it all started out in Utah. It was a huge barbeque where everyone got to meet each other and I found it fascinating. I hadn't planned on going to any Warped date this year because I had many plans for the summer as far as photography went but my boss was more than happy to send someone else on my missions and let me go do what I truly wanted.

I was staying with on a smaller bands bus, they were really nice people and I was thankful that they weren't creeps. I had found out that day who would be on the tour and when AA was said as a headliner I felt giddy and nervous.

What if I was just another girl he had fucked? What if it was awkward now? I know we had talked many times over the past year but I felt like a girl who had a crush on a guy who was nearly unobtainable even though I had obtained him already.

That night, after settling in on the bus, I went out to enjoy the first night's barbeque. I had know a handful of bands from working shows for the local venues back home but never in my life would I have imagined being around them in such a casual setting. I guess I would just have to get used to it from now on. The inner fangirl still screeched with excitement with every band member I had looked to for comfort that passed me by.

As I stood by the huge drink table making myself a drink, I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders.

"It's good to see you again miss Becca." The familiar voice said and I turned with a bright smile to face him.

"As well as you, Ben." I chuckled. We began walking to the pop up tent where a bunch of people sat.

"Look who I've found." Ben announced to the large group. I recognized most faces though they didn't recognize me.

"Ahh, Becca! ready to lose in beer pong again?" James laughed and I shook my head.

"I've stepped up my game, lots of practice. Denis and I are gonna whoop your asses this time." I smiled and was given a seat to sit in. Most of the people around except the AA boys looked a bit confused.

"Guys, this is Becca. She that photographer we been talking about." Ben said as he sat down next to me. I got many variations of hello's from the group and they carried on with their conversations.

"So, how've you been?" Cameron asked.

"Good, it's been a good year since I last saw you guys. How you been?"

"Good, lots of touring and writing going on, excited to be back on warped again, always a grand time out here for the summer." He smiled and I nodded in a agreement.


The whole night was filled with laughter and people catching up along with great food.

Definitely an enjoyable start to the summer.



It took a few days to get into a good routine of waking up, figuring out a schedule and doing what had to be done before just relaxing. Everyone was very accepting of me as the newbie on the block, even got to shoot and talk with my idol, Adam Elmakias. He was a super cool dude, funny when he was drunk too.

Other than geeking out over all of the people I had idolized for years, my first week had gone smoothly; I got some amazing shots during the day and, let me tell you, night time was a mad house. I remember my days of warped when the last set of the day I would muster up all the energy I had until I was completely spent and too see that from a different perspective was incredible. I loved seeing all of the emotions throughout the day from kids seeing their favorite bands or them just ready to crash from all the energy they've put out during the day.

About a month into the tour, we were in my home state. It felt good to be back on familiar turf.
It was a warm early morning for me, up a the peak of dawn, the sun just starting to break over the horizon.

I had gotten a coffee from the gas station down the street and as I walked back I could see a few people out on their usual runs or off to get catering, I knew better. I wanted some home cooked food today and since it was mid-point, we would be here for two days and finally getting to stay in a hotel for the night.

I got back into the venue and was walking towards my bus when my name was shouted behind me.

"Becca, What're you doing up so early?" I flipped around with a smile on my face. The person I had slowly began falling for during the summer stood a few feet from me.

"I could ask you the same, I never see you before noon." I chuckled and walked towards Ben with a smile on my face and grabbed a cigarette from his pack that he held in his hand.

"Didn't know you smoked." He said fairly surprised and I shrugged.

"You don't know a lot about me." I smiled and took a drag, savoring the scorch it left in my throat.

"So, feel good being back home?" He asked and I smiled while looking at the venue I knew so well.

"It does. I get to go home today, wash some clothes, eat homecooked for the first time in a month. I'm so excited." I chuckled and he smiled.

"Wish I could do laundry, my clothes are nasty." He scowled just thinking about it. I now understood what he meant, what all musicians meant when they say getting laundry done was such a hassle. It was either wash them in a sink or buy some fresh ones when you can.

"If you want, you can come to my place and do a quick load." I swear the smile on his face was enough to burn a hole through my face.

"I could do a quick load with you too." He said with a smirk and a wink and I slapped his arm.

He seemed to do this a lot to me, make insane innuendos and get me all flustered. "But seriously, I'd be so happy to actually not reek all day." he chuckled.

"Yeah, as soon as you're done with what you gotta do, text me. I'm just chilling today, taking a day off." I had a lot of work to get done for the next two days so today was just a relax day.

"Yeah, I'll let you know for sure." He smiled. "Well, I'll let you go back. I'm sure you want to relax for a bit." He said a bit syly, very unlike him.

"It's not like I have anything to do." I chuckled and he looked over to me.

"Wanna hang for a bit?" and I nodded... a bit too eagerly. I watched as he opened the door, stomp out the butt of his cigarette and step on, I followed.

It was quiet, like the last time I was here. Everyone was still fast asleep.

We sat in the front, quietly watching TV until people started waking up. I will never understand why guy like sleeping naked while on a bus with at least six other dudes but I am sure glad I was warned ahead of time.

"Oh shit" I heard as my eyes were covered for a few seconds before hearing "Guys, you gotta put clothes on, Becca's here and I doubt she want's to see anyones dick but mine." I could feel the heat radiating off my cheeks as chuckles could be heard in the back. The hand lifted off my face and I glared at Ben.

"What? You know it's true." He smirked.

"What if I wanted to see their dicks." I sassed back, regretting it almost immediately.

"Love, all you have to do is ask." James said as his hands started to pull down his basketball shorts.

"NO! I was just kidding, jesus." I yelled and they laughed.

We sat around chatting, seeing what was going on for the next two days, casual talking until Ben decided to spout out that he was coming to my house to do laundry.

"Can we do ours as well or is 'doing laundry' code for fucking?" Cam chuckled and I rolled my eyes, seemed like this would be an ongoing joke.

"I said I wanted to sleep in an actual bed and eat a homecooked meal, Ben wanted to do laundry. If you guys want to do yours too, I don't have a problem with it." I said and they nodded.

"It's settled then, party at Beck's house." Ben smiled devilishly while they all cheered. I guess relaxing tonight would be a bit out of the question.

We all had parted ways since they had to get ready for their set and I had to pack a few things and figure out how five grown men would fit in the car I had rented. By the time their day was over, we had all gotten our things together and packed into the car that was dropped off earlier. I checked and double checked the things I needed to bring home and then after telling Kevin and our bus mates, we were off. Luckily, afternoon traffic hadn't kicked up yet and we made it back to my house in no time.

"Nice place Becca." Ben said and I thanked him. It wasn't much but it was home.

"I guess just make yourselves at home. Washing machine is down stairs, guest bedrooms are the first two rooms up the stairs, bathroom and all that are there too." I said as I dropped my duffel bag of dirty clothes next to the door and walked into the kitchen.

"So what are you gonna cook?" I was asked as I looked at my fairly cleared out fridge.

"I'm probably just gonna order out. I forgot that I cleared almost everything out before leaving." I sighed

"Where the fuck are the lights?!" A yell from downstairs rang through my quiet house. I chuckled and walked over to my cellar door and flick the small light switch on.

"Thank you."

I grabbed my takeout menus and looked at three of the five boys.

"What are you guys feeling? I've got chinese, italian and mexican." I splayed the menus out and they picked up the chinese menu.

"Are they any good?" James asked and I nodded.

"Best around." I said and they nodded and soon Ben came up from the basement.

"We're ordering chinese food, take a look at the menu and write down what you want, you guys can call or I can. I'm gonna go change." I said and dashed up the stairs and I could hear another set of footsteps behind me.

"Excuse me sir but you need an invitation." I said with a chuckle.

"The hell I do, I just want to see what your room looks like." Ben said and I chuckled and opened the door.

My room was fairly plain. I had my desk in the corner by the window, pictures and posters scattered all around the walls. Thank god I cleaned before I left.

"Nice, not what I expected at all." I looked at him a bit confused and he shrugged.

I grabbed my sweats from my closet and threw them on with added cat calling from the peanut gallery that was sitting on my bed before leaving my room.

"Not fucking? I'm surprised." James snickered.

"Listen, The joke has run it's course, I get it. Ben and I fucked but geez I didn't think you'd want to hear us again so badly." I chuckled.

"I don't want to.." He mumbled, a little baffled that I called him out. This was my house, I'm more comfortable here.

"Then stop bringing it up." I laughed and glanced at their orders.

"For some skinny bitches you sure eat a lot." I chuckled and grabbed my phone to order.

"Already ordered, only thing we need is booze." Denis said and I nodded and went to see what I had. I pulled a half bottle of Jack and a nearly full bottle of Captain.

"No Coldcock but I got this." I plopped them down on the counter and they rushed to get a drink.

We all made drinks and bullshitted until the food arrived, it was the regular guy, Chan. I went to school with him, he was a cool dude and I was a regular. He had been working at the same place since he was at least sixteen.

"Hey Becca, already done with Warped?" He said as he set our food down.

"Nah, just decided to pop home for the night to reup on clothes, my friends had to do some laundry too. Figured I should treat them to the best Chinese food in the state." I chuckled and he glanced inside back at me then back inside.

"You're just gonna chill with five dudes all by yourself?" Chandler said skeptically.

"Calm down, they're good people for the most part." I chuckled.

"Don't bad mouth us to the food guy!" One of them yelled and I laughed.

"Well, have a good one Beck, see you when you come home. My sister wants to have her pregnancy photos done as soon as you get back." He chuckled and I handed him the money.

"Alright, Tell her I'll call her as soon as I'm back. Have a good one Chan." I smiled and shut the door.

Like angry wolves they savagely dug through the bags of food to find their food. I quickly grabbed mine and some utensils and plates. We ate in silence... well mostly silence, the sounds of a good dinner was all that you would hear.

"Can I have one of those?" Ben asked and I nodded. I had gotten steamed pork dumplings, it was all I would ever order from that place. They were delicious.

"I think I'm gonna steal the rest of these." He smirked

"Go ahead, I'm full." I chuckled so he took the plastic bowl from me and I couldn't help but laugh.

They all finished their food, looking fuller than ever.

"I honestly didn't think you guys would eat all of that." I said a little baffled

"We probably shouldn't have." Cam said and I laughed.


We all were getting pretty tired so I washed up the dishes, cleaned up my kitchen and was getting ready to head upstairs. I stopped just before heading up.

"Like I said, make yourselves at home, guest rooms are upstairs, there's some blankets in that closet over there if you need them, the xbox is hooked up if you want to play just you know, not too loud, I do have neighbors." I said with a yawn.

"Alright, sleep well." Denis said nicely and I watched Ben slowly get up, grab his bag and get ready to follow me. I shrugged and walked up into my room, plopping onto the bed. I felt so exhausted and just being on my bed felt so incredible compared to my tiny bunk.

"The first night is always the best night, you'll get used to bunks eventually." Ben chuckled and started stripping down to his boxers.

"I doubt it. How do you even sleep on those things, my back is killing me." I whined, shoving my face into my soft pillow.

"Do you want a massage?" Ben asked and I looked back at him. "Don't worry, no happy ending unless you want it." he chuckled and I nodded slowly. He straddled my back and lifted my shirt and began rubbing my back.

"You good?" He asked and I nodded.

"If you weren't a musician, I'd believe you were a massage therapist." I chuckled.

"I'd probably pick up a lot more chicks." He laughed.

"I'd think it would be the other way around."

"No, most of our fans are underaged, we aren't that type of band. Our only luck is going to bars where we know we're safe but that doesn't happen all too often."

"Yeah, that's fair. It's just you that is looking though since the others all have girlfriends." I chuckled and he sighed.

"Yeah, when the band had first started we didn't really care if we had girlfriends, our girlfriends didn't even really care, we just hooked up with whoever came round." He laughed.

"Typical rockstar. Drugs, women, rock and roll."

"Yeah, it was a good time but we're all older now and hooking up with randoms aren't really our thing." When he said that, I started to question why he even hooked up with me. Was it just because he had been drinking? If it was just that, then why did he want me to stay that morning? Why did we keep talking afterwards?


I had been quiet for some time now and he had gotten off my back and was just laying next to me, staring up at the ceiling.

"Why did you have me stay that morning if hooking up with strangers isn't your thing?" I asked, looking up at the ceiling as well but I could feel him now looking at me.

"Oh well, you were just cool. It wasn't really anything special." He said and I felt my chest tighten a bit. I figured I wasn't anything special to him but I never thought he would actually say it, not like that at least.

"Oh. Well, I'm gonna go to sleep now. Goodnight." I rolled over but didn't sleep. I stayed up staring at my wall thinking about why he's even here if I was just nothing special. Why even bother to be so... so friendly. Why even bother with some chick if she was just another drop in the bucket?

Eventually, after he had fallen asleep, I got out of bed and went down stairs. All these odd and mixed feelings were enough to keep me awake all night, dozing off only for a half hour on my couch as I did their laundry.

**

Around six, someone came out of a room and went into the bathroom. I heard them at the top of the stairs, the squeak had always irritated me. I looked to the stairs as they walked down.

"Becca, what are you doing up?" Denis asked drowsily.

"I just couldn't sleep. You should go back to bed though, it's early." I said quietly.

"Oh come on, something's definitely wrong. I can see you've been up all night." He said as he came and sat on the couch next to me. I just shrugged.

"Well, you don't have to tell me but whatever it is, don't let it bother you too much, you'll end up doing more laundry and nobody likes doing laundry." He said and I laughed.

"At least it all got done." I smiled looking at all the clothes around me. I had done each boys laundry, separated and folded all of it.

"But seriously, don't let whatever it is get you down." He said and patted my knee.

"Denis, what would you do if you thought someone liked you but they pretty much tell you they don't?" I asked.

"Do you like this person?"

"Well, yeah. I think there's feelings there but I don't know if there should be anymore. I'm just confused now. He told me basically that I didn't really mean much to him." I sighed.

"Well, do you think it's true?"

"I really don't know that's why I asked what you would do." I looked at him, concern for me was written all over his face.

"I think that if that if Ben didn't come out and say he doesn't like you then it's probably safe to say that you still have a shot." He smiled slightly.

"That obvious?" I said and he nodded.

"We aren't stupid. We can all tell you two have got something going on that's not just sex." I was a bit surprised by that but I really shouldn't be.

"I don't know, Denis. He just doesn't seem like he want's anything serious. This is the reason why I haven't been in a relationship in years." I leaned back, rubbing my face with a sigh.

"Listen, you can't just give up because you don't know what would happen. Life is about taking risks and playing things out. Ask him straight up and you'll get a straight up answer." He stated plainly.

"You honestly think it'll be that easy?" My pessimism was really showing.

"Oh please, don't give me that." He scoffed. "Ben may not be the most... um emotional but just go for it." He said and while my heart said 'listen to him, he's right!' my head, well, my head knew better.

I just got up and started my coffee pot. While talking about it made me feel better, I don't think I'll be acting upon it anytime soon.

I felt so irrational. I had only spent time with Ben twice and while we talked quite a bit, I really shouldn't be falling for him, not the way that I have at least. Maybe it's still just my lust controlling me; the fantasy of being with a band member from years ago still tugging at my heart.


Everyone was starting to wake and I set out cups for each of them. Once Ben came down, I went back upstairs to shower and pack. The next coming weeks would hopefully go by quick and I would enjoy it

Notes

I was gonna cut this chapter into two parts but I figured fuck it! I wanted Ben's POV to go up next anyways.

Hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what ya think in the comments! :)

Love you, have a great day/day <3
~Becca xx