Well fuck me. This past week couldn't have gone by faster; school literally starts in 3 hours and I have never been so nervous in my life. So many people and so much work; what if I can't do it? What if I accidentally say something incredibly stupid? What if they bully me because of my hair? Or my skin colour? Or my background? Oh shit I can't do this.

My breathing got heavy and I was starting to shake. Shit, I need to calm myself down before mom notices or I fucking pass out —which ever comes first.

Deep breath in, 1-2-3-4, deep breath out, 1-2-3-4, and I continued in that mannor. I always had support from Julia when these things happen, like when I had a full on anxiety attack in the middle of class and almost passed out. She was there. She always has been and now that I'm gone I can't return the favour. I'm a grade A piece of shit. I knew that I was leaving and I didn't tell her. Jeez, I'm such a fucking asshole. I rolled over and checked the time. 6:12 AM. Meh, I'll start getting ready now I guess.

I got up took a quick shower, towel dried my beautiful purple hair and did my makeup as flawlessly as I could with my hands still shaking a bit from earlier. I decided to wear a dark grey Foo Fighters tank top and a pair of black denim short-shorts with lace leggings and my black Doc Martins then put my hair into two little buns. Its a bit too much for school, yea I know, but first impressions right?

Mom decided to drive me to school this fine morning as she wanted to make sure I would get there on time (and not try to run away). " Bye momma, love ya" I said whilst giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Oh! By the way, baby you have to find your way home after school I won't be able to pick you up". Great.
" thanks mom" I said while getting out of the car and rolling my eyes.

Damn, this place is busy, why are there so many people? Why couldn't every school have only like 20 students? Wouldn't that be easier for them? I mean sure its not as effic-

Dammit!

Next thing I know, I'm on the floor with an amazingly cute guy on me. Fuck. My. Life

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry! fuck, fuck, fuck, are you OK? dammit I'm such an idiot"

Wow Andrea, haven't even been here 10 minutes and you've already managed to embarrass yourself in front of a large group of people, good for you.

"I'm fine don't worry about it it was my fault, well actually his fault" he pointed to this other guy who had ridiculously tall hair with a blonde streak in the front who was laughing at us. Asshat. "Yeah, he pushed me and I fell on you" he got up helped me collect my things then helped me up.

"Thanks" I mumbled trying not to look him in the eye.

"No problem, my name's Vic, that asshole over there is my friend Jaime and we're new here. Mind showing us around?"

I looked at him—Vic. He was wearing a Nirvana shirt with black skinny jeans and snap-back. He had gorgeous brown eyes with matching long brown hair. Damn.

"Actually, I'm new here too-"

Before I could barely finish my sentence he bounced with excitement, cutting me off.

"Great! We could find our class together! as soon as you put your stuff in your locker that is"

I gave him a weird look.

"how-?" "Oh, I saw your schedule when i was helping you pick up your things"

He blushed a little when he said that which only made me blush too.

"Alright then, Vic. If you let me put me things away, we'll go together" I walked to my locker with Vic and Jaime following me. So far, so good I guess.

---

It was now lunch and Vic, Jaime and I were already friends-
Wait what? Friends? Andrea, we spoke about this, remember last time you said you had "friends"? The only one who didn't screw you over was Julia. And what did Jaime say? They're were two more? Nuh- uh. Girl you better get your ass out of there or I swear you'll never her the end of me.

With that thought I stopped dead in my tracks. Vic and Jaime stopped laughing and stared at me. " Andrea, are you alright?"
i suddenly felt really shy and insecure. "Oh, uh, yea but I-um, I- it was nice meeting you guys but I have to go" I turned and ran down a random hallway, not knowing where it led.

I stopped running after turning the corner into an empty broom closet. I closed the door to make sure no one will see me hiding. Fuck I'm such an idiot. And I probably made Vic and Jaime feel bad, seeing how I just ran off when they were about to introduce me to their friends. I'm such an asshole, oh my goodness how can I live with myself? Short answer: I can't. I mean I've been trying to but let's face it–i'm broken. So broken that I can't even allow myself to make friends because I'm scared that in the end they'll end up screwing me over just like everyone else. No Andrea, you're being smart. You're doing the right thing, because if I'm not mistaken, Vic was flirting a bit. And he seems like a really great guy –easy on the eyes too, but that only makes everything worse because not only will I be screwed over but I'll have a broken heart too.

Remember babe, stay strong.

My eyes began to water as I remembered who said that to me last. I miss him, I fucking miss him so much, and I know he misses me too. God, why am I such an awful person?

I sighed as I made my way out of the closet and to the nearest bathroom to clean up. I only have one period left, which was it again? Oh, that's right, P.E. seeing how I have not one athletic bone in my body let's see how this goes.

Because its the first day, the gym teacher, Mrs. Sing, made us do cooperative games, to which I'm absolutely greatful. This day has been bad enough, the last thing I need is being shamed and picked on for not being able to run for 10 minutes straight without dieing. Next thing I know, I'm once again at my locker trying to get my things before I run into Vic or Jaime, which to my misfortune, Vic comes and gets his stuff from his locker which just so happens to be three down from mine.

"Hey Andrea what happened today at lunch? Are you alright? I'm here if you wanna talk" Dammit Vic, stop being so caring.
"Right, sorry about that. I uh um had to be somewhere, speaking of which i actaully need to leave now" that being said I closed my locker and ran to the exit of the school.

Dammit, mom said I have to find my way home, what a caring mother eh? I rolled my eyes while taking out my new phone, earbuds and my opaque water bottle filled with Jack Daniels that I may or may not have taken from my mom. Well this is gonna be fun.

I put my music on shuffle while taking a swig from my bottle, then googled my house to find directions. As soon as I start feeling good, Vic grabbed my arm and started walking with me. Great, I'm frustrated and slightly buzzed now he's following me, is this guy's trying to ruin my day completely?

"Andrea are you alright? You don't seem to be walking completely straight". I looked at him and laughed while putting my song on pause "why hello there to you to Vic" taking yet another swig from my bottle. He took my bottle and looked in it. "Andrea what the hell?!" I made a grumpy face and took my bottle back. "Oh, don't get your panties in a knot Vic!" I said with a little giggle taking a small sip. I'm not drunk, not even tipsy, just a bit buzzed which is what I was going for. "look Vic I'm fine eh?" I waved the bottle in his face. "And I'm not drunk in case you were wondering, just a bit buzzed, see?" I said before doing a cartwheel that I immediately regretted. "Andrea, come on" he helped me up and started walking some where "woah Vic, where are you taking me?" "Just a park over there" I nodded and kept walking, occasionally tripping over myself with Vic catching me.

We stopped at a bench and sat down

"Andrea please tell me what wrong"

I looked at his face then down to my shoes. "Vic why are you here? I only met you this morning, for two periods"

"and in that time I found out that you're a great person that I'd like to get to know better"

My cheecks instantly blushed a deep shade of red.

"Vic please, jus-"

He grabbed me at my forearms which caught me off guard making me flinch. I guess he noticed because a look of concern washed over his face. "Andrea show me your arms." That sentence instantly sobered me up. Dammit he saw, oh fuck he saw. He knows. I Got up and began running home.

I can't deal with this, not right now. For fucks sake it's only the first day! This just goes to show how shitty my life is.

Notes

Hey guys! Happy new year! Kicking off 2016 with a new chapter! I tried to make this one longer because I feel like the other ones were again too short, I think this is a good length yeah?

Bye babes! ;*