No Idea

It was the day of the funeral. It has been a hard couple of days. I will go to sleep and wake up expecting to see her next to me, smiling at me when I woke up. I miss her voice and the way she reminded me that she loved me.

Ruby keeps getting up in the morning and running into the room, expecting to find Stella there but she isn’t and then she stops and walks over to me with a sad look on her face. It was about time that she was going to run in this morning.

Ruby didn’t run into the room this morning. She walked every so slowly into the room and when she reached the bed, crawled up the side and crawled into my chest. She sighed and hugged me tightly.

‘I miss mummy.’ She said.

‘I know sweetie. I miss her too.’ I replied, wrapping my arms around her.

I heard the clock chime 7 before I looked to Ruby.

‘We have to get ready. We have to say goodbye to mummy.’ I said. She looked up to me and nodded her head.

We moved off the bed and I followed her to her room, where she grabbed out a bright pink dress, Stella had brought her when she got out of hospital the second time. Stella knew what would happen, she most probably felt it. She wanted Ruby to wear a bright dress.

I dressed Ruby before we picked out her pink shoes and placed them onto her feet. She smiled to me before running off downstairs.

I walked into the room and decided that I needed a shower and walked into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and let it warm up while I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked so tired and they stung from crying.

I jumped into the shower after removing my clothes and stood there, allowing the water to run down my body, keep my hair dry. The tears flowed down my face as I stared off into space.

‘Jaime… you need to get out now… we need to leave very soon.’ A knock on a door and Sarah’s voice said.

I shook my head before turning off the water off. I got out and dried myself off, wrapping the towel around my waist after. I walked out of the bathroom to find my suit laid across my bed.
I sighed before dressing myself and staring at myself in the mirror as I put on my tie. It was a green tie. Stella wanted everyone to wear at least one item of clothing that was green. I styled my hair before looking at my appearance once more before leaving.

I met Sarah, Vic and Ruby down at the bottom of the stairs. Sarah and Vic both smiled a short sad smile and nodded to me before we walked to the door. Vic also wore a green tie and Sarah wore a green dress in honour of Stella.

We arrange ourself comfortably in the car before Vic started to drive. I was starting to get nervous. I didn’t ever want to see this day until we were old and sitting on a porch watching the sun go down.

The car was quiet. Ruby was tired, I guess we all were. I couldn’t imagine what everyone was feeling at this moment in time. It’s a hard time for anyone.

The car came to a stop and Vic turned his head to me and nodded his head, saying we were here. I sighed and unbuckled my seatbelt before I got out and walked around the car to get Ruby out. She smiled to me as she gladly went into my arms. She snuggled into my chest as I closed the door.

I walked us up the path to the room that will be our goodbye spot. I opened the doors to see that Oliver and Jenna, Austin, Winter and Hannah were all talking at the back of the room.

‘Oh, Jaime. Ruby.’ Jenna said when she saw us walk in. she walked over to me and grabbed Ruby from me. She held onto her tightly and hugged her. Kissing her on the head, she looked past me and smiled as she saw Sarah and Vic walk in also.

Jenna passed Ruby onto Oliver before coming up to me and hugging me so tightly. I could hear her holding her tears back, sniffling as she hid in my shoulder. My arms went around her slowly as I stuck all my emotions in, being strong for everyone here.

The room moved around, everyone embracing each other, in silence. Sniffles and slight cries was all you could hear.

Eventually, the room filled up with people, some who I haven’t seen in such a long time. Pete and Patrick for example, in a band and all that. Kellin arrived with Tony and Brendon, I think I even see Jack, Alex, Rian and Zack. They stood near the back.

As I was looking, I was Jack make eye contact with me and he showed a small smile as he walked over to me.

‘I’m so sorry Jaime. She was really an amazing woman.’ He said when we arrived.

‘Thanks Jack. I am glad you made it. She would be so happy that you are all here.’ I replied.

It became an awkward silence before Jack said her will talk to me later. I smiled and nodded before I took my seat as the person taking the service stepped upon the podium.

He talked about this and that, mentioning a brief story of Stella’s life before he invited Jenna to speak on behalf of her and Oliver.

‘You never think that you will see your own child die before yourself and that it an awful thought to begin with. For it to happen, is devastating. I wasn’t here when Stella passed but I am so grateful that she had so many great people around her when she did. I heard that when she passed, the last thing she heard was all those people, singing together. She requested that they sing ‘hold on till may’ and boy did they deliver. She passed with a smile on her face, because she listened to her favourite song, with her favourite people.
I remember the day Stella come into my life. I was only young, her father and I thinking we were ready. I don’t regret it at all, we both created a beautiful and kind-hearted soul.
She grew up into a tall, sporty girl who just wanted to be a part of the boys.
Then one day, she grew out of it, fell in love with music and started playing instruments. She had the blood of a musician. Her father was in a band for a while before I started a band.
The hardest thing in Stella’s life was when her father and I broke up and got a divorce. She, um, didn’t cope very well and we were worried that this was going to affect the way she saw relationships but she didn’t.
She was in love the first day of her new school. I remember the phone call as if it was yesterday. She was bragging about a boy, who, back then, didn’t exactly know who she was. They got together in the end and as stupid as they were, they broke up. But they got back together like I knew they would. Their souls are one and will be forever.
Stella, I know you are watching all of us right now. I love you so much, we all do. Please keep us safe. I miss you dearly, darling.
With love, Mum and Dad.’

Jenna walked away and she sat down before all her tears started to flow. I wiped away one tear before she had finished. Sarah was sat next to me, crying also. I grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She looked up to me and smiled through her tears, as much as it pained her to do.

The service leader spoke some more before Sarah was going to speak. I wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say. I know this is what was going to break me.

‘Hi, um, where do I even begin.
Stella and I have known each other for like 14 years maybe. I think it is even longer but the point is, when we were in pre-school together, we didn’t even like each other. We would fight and bicker over toys, like what sisters would do.
Stella and I became friends in year 8, when she started at my school. She never was one to make a scene but when we hit year 10, it was just different. So many big things happened. Stella, never found a flaw in anyone she came across that year. She had her heart set on helping people.
Stella was on her own this one time, because I thought it would be a good idea to sit with the ‘cool kids’, was I wrong. Stella accepted me back with open arms. She also made some new friends within this year. She found me the love of my life.
Stella made friends with Pete and Patrick and one day they brought over Tony and Vic. She was the person who I talked to about my crush and she walked her undercover magic and made Vic ask me out.
Although Stella got bullied, she never failed to smile. She would take a bullet for you but this one time, I took a bullet for her. She ended up saving my life though and I wish I could have done the same to her. I like to think that she is out of pain and out of misery.
Stella became my step-sister in 2009 and I have never been happier to have a friend and sister all in one.
One of the first things Stella noticed when she woke up was that I was engaged and pregnant. Vic and I didn’t know the gender of the baby until a couple of days a go and we are glad to announce that we are having a girl and in honour of my adoring sister, Autumn Stella Fuentes will be born in November.
Stella, I know you can hear me. Look out for my baby girl. Please. I love you so much. Vic loves you so much. Tony, Brendon, Kellin, Pete, Patrick, love you so much.
I will see you soon Stella.’

Sarah spoke. She looked at me before walked off, tears moving down her face at a mile’s rate. She sat down and hugged Vic from the side and cried. I was the last one to speak and my time was coming up. I was sweating and so nervous.

I was called up to the podium as I was thinkingg about my speech. I wrote one but I don’t think I will be using it. I don’t know what I will say. I stood up and fixed my suit, before walked up. I turned to the crowd and coughed a little, looking down to the sheet of paper, scrunched up and torn. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

‘Stella was the love of my life.’ I said, opening my eyes to the hundered of people sitting and standing in the hall.

‘She really was. I have had my girlfriend’s in the past but she just was the best. I had talked to her once before we really had a conversation and I told her that she should go away. We were in year 9 though. So, I had no idea she was going to be a big picture of my life.
Year 10 was the year that really took an impact on my life. My parents died in a plane crash and I let all my emotins flow out of me when I was in English, sitting next to her. She noticed and asked how I was. I was so rude to her, why was I ever so rude. She took me out of class and she sat with me and listened to me talk. She cared about my feeling and me in general.
Being the ‘cool guy’ was never fun in my books but when you get a title like that, you kind of just take it. Stella never saw me like that. She saw beyond that. She saw beyond everyone’s bullshit.
Stella and I dated for a couple of months before we broke up, and a stupid mistake it was. She was going on tour and I didn’t want her to leave. I was being selfish and stubborn. She wanted to see the world. We ended things and she was so broken. It hurt to see. I messed up big time. When on tour, she met a guy, who didn’t treat her well at all, hurt her and took advance of her. She did though, decide that this creation of disaster will be a new beginning. It was. Ruby was born 9 months after and we all couldn’t be happier.
We raised a baby together and I am so grateful she allowed me to experience that with her. She was a great mother, always looking at the brighter side of things. If something didn’t work, she made it work. Ruby was never a difficult baby so, Stella just played with her and made her the best life she could possibly have.
We eventually got a house and moved in, having a little home. Stella and I were to get married the day she passed and the thought of her not being here with me make me so sad.’

And that was all I could get out. I broke, everything I have been bottling up has finally broken through and here I am, standing here, crying like a mess. Vic jumped up and grabbed my arm and started to pull me off stage. I resisted and stood there, regaining my breath.

‘Everyone was lucky enough to know Stella and I am so disappointed that the whole world didn’t know her. I love you so much Stella. I love you so much.’ I finished.

Vic walked to me my seat and I sat there with my hands over my face, crying and crying. Stella asked to be cremated, so the coffin was taken away for that. Everyone was leaving to attend the wake. I sat staring at the spot the coffin once was.

‘Daddy.’ Ruby said as she walked in front of me.

‘Hey sweetie.’ I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

‘We need to go celebrate mummy’s life now. Remember everything good that happened to her and you were one of them.’ She said. I looked at her strangely and looked behind me to see Sarah standing there with a sad smile.

‘Okay sweetie.’ I said. I stood up and picked Ruby up after. We walked out and to the car where we attended the wake.

The wake was at our house and was dying down at 8 and everyone had left by 9. Ruby was in bed and Vic and Sarah had just gone to bed. I walked into my room and closed the door behind me. I stared at the room and sighed. I didn’t want to get rid of Stella’s stuff just yet.

I walked over to her side of the bed and opened the top draw. I saw a letter sitting in the empty draw, it was written for me. I grabbed it out and looked at it. I closed the draw and made myself comfortable on the bed. I opened the letter and sighed. It was going to be the last thing I read from her.

‘Jaime,
You were the best thing in my life. Maybe second to Ruby, maybe third to Pierce the Veil. You made me who I am today and I am so grateful for that. I know this is going to sound horrible but I guess, I have passed and you are going through things. I thought maybe this is where you would look last. But my luck says you will find it first.
So, everyone in this whole planet knows that I had a massive crush on you, the first day I saw you. The way your hair was styled, your clothes, your gorgeous smile. I melted. I went to talk to you and you shut me down, just because I wasn’t cool. Ha, shame on you for loving a loser.
Getting placed next to you in class was one of the best things I have ever encountered. I was so nervous to be sitting next to you. You made me so anxious, in a good way obviously. You still wouldn’t budge.
Until the day your parents died. You opened like a book, letting me read you for the first time. I knew that it wasn’t going to be the last time too. I was so impressed that you told Jack to fuck off. He was a prick to you, he was a bad influence, but he’s home life was bad, but he actions weren’t called for.
It is crazy to think that all this stuff that happened from when I met you till now makes me think about how lucky we are and how we were meant to be together. From the break-up to Ruby, we have encountered such a rough life and I couldn’t wish for a better person to go through it with.
I am going to marry you soon, and that excites me a lot. I can’t wait to live my life with you. But, if things don’t work out like that, know that you were the best part of my life and I enjoyed every second of it. You should too.
Jaime, will you please look after Ruby for me if the worst comes about. I want you to be her father, make sure she eats her vegetables and make sure that if she ever gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, that you be the scary type of dad, who knows not to hurt her. You make sure she is safe also.
If she ever wants to know what happened and how she got conceived, I have written a letter to her also, explaining it all. If she wants to meet her actual dad, let her, but go with her. If she kicks his butt, help her. I mean, stop her… just make sure she doesn’t get hurt like that.
Jaime, I love you so much and I wish you the best future possible. Please, if you find someone who is just as amazing as me, don’t hold back. Don’t be alone forever. You won’t be able to handle it. we both know it. you deserve the best in life and I really hope you find it.
Always think of me when you play Hold on Till May.
With love,
Stella'

Notes

And that is all she wrote.
Thank you to everyone who has read this and has dealt with my shitty updates.
I don't know if I will be writing anymore. I am afraid no one will read it.
But, let me know if you want me to write something little.
Thank you so much!
- fallforthe-veil